2008 song self forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95wgKdSJGDo&feature=related

i started acting as if i was on the stage and anton saw me and he saw that i was so cool singing that song and he fell in love with me, watching me like that. like the song is kinda mean and i might make him 'jealous' or make him see that i am strong and completely transformed...

i forgiv emyself foraccepting and allowing myself to react to this song with exitement and tension and arousal
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to find this song cool because a lot of people find it cool
i forgiv emyself fo racceptin gand allowign myself to think the text is very cool and i would be cool if i would sing it
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to think the text of the song is cool because it s very mean and directed at a boy 'he tastes like you only sweeter' and it might make the boy find me a strong and attractive and direct woman because he doesnt know me that way and he might be interested in me again if he would see me this way
i forgive myself for acceptinga dnallowingmsyefl to step into my imagination where i am loaded with positive attention so that i at this moment will feel good about myself
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to need positive attention and confirmation from this boy and because he s not around, i imagine being in a situation where i would get it, so i can generate those thoughts feelings and emotions of being a good attractive great wonderful person
i forgiv emyself fo r not allowing mysefl to realise that it doesn t matter if he s around or not, i m always in my imagination as the mind as pictures as separation as who i ve allowed myself to become
i forgi vemyself fo racceptin gand allowingmyself to separate myself from anton by wanting him to approve of me and to tell me that i m doing great by giving me attention
i forgiv emyself for not allowing myself to realise that he or anyone cant give my attention, it is me giving me attention in my imagination as separation as pictures as who i ve allowed myself to become: a picture that must be compared to other pictures and must be seen to exist
i forgive myself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to define myself according to a picture a definition and therefore need attention and approval of other pictures otherwise i cant exist
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to define others as pictures and definitions associated with thoughts feelings and emotions as separation as who i ve allowed myself to become
i forgiv meyself for not allowingmyself to realise that i ve created all of these pictures, to support and sustain the picture that i ve allowed myself to become
i forgiv meyself for accepting anda llowingmyself to define me as every little thing i do, add it to the picture and then go search for confirmation and approval for it from other humans as pictures in my mind as who i ve allowed myself to become
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to have built me up of the things i do thru comparison with the things that others do and by judging the things i do and the things others do so i can separate myself from them by needing them to see me as the judgement over the things that i do compared to the judgement over the things that they do
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for comparing what i do to what others do in order to feel right as opposed to wrong
i forgive myself fo racceptin gand allowingmsyelf to shift my self responsability towards others by looking at what they do and thinking i must be able to do what they do to get positive attention so i will feel good so i will feel like i m on the right track
i forgi vemyself for acceptin gand allowingmyself to fear taking complete self responsability as being completely responsible for all that i do and then out of fear following what others do or looking at what others do or comparing what i do to what others do so i wont feel like i can be held accountable for the things that i do because 'it s according to the rules'
i forgi vmyself fo racceptin gand allowingmsyelf to see what others do as rules of living as exsamples for me to live the right life
i forgi vmyself for accepting and allowingmyself to like looking up to someone and try to follow in their footsteps so i can feel like i m on the right track
i forgiv emyself for not allowingmyself to realise that following in others footsteps is trying to attain something
i forgi vemyself for acceptin gand allowingmyself to try to attain something, something that others have and believe that i must follow others to get it
i forgi vmyself for accepting and allowingmyself to on the other hand want people to look up to me that way so i can do what i think these people will like so i ll have constant confirmation
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to deny myself as self expression completely just so i can have positive attention from people without realising that the system i ve allowed myself to become sustains itself that way and if i would just stop trying to attain or get something from people i would be free
i forgive myself fo rallowingmyself to fear following myself by being myself without the confirmation from others without looking at others because i ve never done that
i forgi vemyself fo racceptin gand allowingmyself to fear doing something i ve never done before because i might fail
i forgiv emyself for not allowingmyself to realise that i can only fail if i compare myself to others thus following others but me as my own directive principle as life in myself cannot fail because there is nothing to attain
i forgiv emsyelf for accepting and allowingmyself to think i dont know how to be just me here as the directive principle as life within myself without someone showing or telling me what to do without checking with others
without checking with the pictures in my mind as who i ve allowed myself to become as separation
i forgi ve myself fo rallowingmyself to want to hold onto comparison and to the pictures with the thoughts feelings and emotions because i fear losing the good feeling when thinking i m doing allright as seen by others
i forgi vemyself for acceptinga nd allowingmyself to fear not having anything or anyone to turn to to generate positive feelings and emotions
i forgi vmyself for allowing myself to fear confrontation with myself as who i ve allowed myself to become and prefer staying in the comfort zone of my mind as separation as who i ve allowed myself to become as thoughts feelings and emotions
i forgi vmyself for accepting and allowingmyself to think i am fearful i am scary and dangerous
i forgi vmyself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to fear what i dont know or cant predict or describe or define
i forgi vmyself for accpetin and allowingmyself to believe that i am scary or that i have to be afraid of myself and not realising that that is just me separating me from myself
i forgi vemyslef for not allowingmyself to realise that it is my mind that has an unpredictable nature as fear and thoughts feelings and emotions it is my mind fearing itself as who i ve allowed myself to become

till here and no further
i am not my mind
i am not fear
i do not fear me because i realise that fear is of the mind and not who i really am
i am here i am stability
i am certainty
i am the directive principle of life as life within myself
undefinable, unconfirmable, unapprovable, unpredictable
yet stable and infinite
here
as breath
i realise that it is my mind as thoughts feelings and emotions as who i ve allowed myself to become that is unstable and futile and dependant on confirmations and approvals and comparisons within it s separated nature
which is not who i am i am not separation
i realise that i am here as all as one as equal
alone
always alone
not depandant on anything or anyone outside of myself
because there is no outside there is only myself as life

i forgi ve myself fo r having accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the image and picture of a strong and direct woman
i forgiv emyself fo r having accepted and allowed to suppress and deny feelings of insecurity of weakness and feeling lost and compensate them with portraying myself as a strong and confident woman so i can get people to think i am that when they look at me so i can feel like i am
i forgi vmeyself fo rhaving allowed myself to think i am what i look like, to think i am the judgement i place over my appearance like i think other humans are the judgement i place over their appearance
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge feelings like insecurity and lostness as bad and think i mustnt let others see that i feel that because they will judge me as weak and maybe bully me
i forgi vmyself fo r having allowed myself to think that if i appear to be strong and confident i will be more protected
i forgi vemyself fo r having accepted and allowed myself to not realise that what i resist persists
so under the surface i ll just end up feeling even more insecure
because i depend on others to see me as strong, if they dont then i dont feel strong at all
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that there is anything to protect me from
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowing myself to think i can lose myself if i am bullied or laughed at or not appreciated or approved of
i forgi vmyself fo rnot allowing myself to realise that if i am unconditionally me as all as one as equal not defined, i cannot lose anything because i am infinitely stable as me

till here no further:
i will no longer deny or supress thoughts feelings and emotions to feel better about myself
i realise that i must realise myself fully and entirely, i must face all of me as who i ve allowed myself to become
here
i am not positive feelings thoughts and emotions and i am not negative thoughts feelings and emotions
i realise that there exist no positive or negative
i am here i am breath i am that i am
no appearance
i do not fear being attacked or bullied or laughed at or disapproved because i within self honesty as life cannot be influenced by what others think, by systems