zaterdag 28 september 2019

Tormod Colors

 Beingness Color:

 Color expression:

Straightforward movement, seeing the simplicity of things and moving/expressing self within and as that simplicity. Seeing/cutting straight through to the heart of things - bypassing any and all of what the mind conjects and conjures up which tends to over-complicate things and makes things seem more complex than they really are. Not hearing, listening to or paying any heed to the mind's attempts to create 'more' out of what is simply here as reality.

A firm standing within oneself, feet planted firmly onto and within the ground. Very down-to-earth and grounded. Not easily swayed or influenced by the mind's tendency to create illusions, distortions and additions to reality. A clear grasp of what's real and a very 'no-nonsense' expression, movement and standing of oneself.

Mind polar opposite:

The point would then be to essentially get lost into all sorts of mind programmings - like doubt, uncertainty, lingering, then judgment, blame, etcetera - to get sidetracked from the actual 'heart of things' , from what's real and what matters which is for instance to just physically move yourself and do the garden work - from the simplicity of reality as physical movement

sS essentially it looks like your mind polar opposite is to go into 'complexity' of and as the mind, as your beingness expression is in fact the reverse of that as simplicity.

I mean with you having schizophrenia as having multiple 'minds' it's like you are living the epitome of complexity in and as the mind.

External support:  living room cupboard (how I direct the things inside me)

 Support Color:

 Color Expression:

The depth of the ocean where everything is silent and still within and as the eternal stillness of self. The awareness and understanding that life is birthed from that stillness and that self must first return to that stillness. Realizing that self-expression exists within and as the stillness of self and that stillness is cultivated and developed through physical labor - being more in the body than in the mind.

External support: Dining room table (my self-stability)

Color you're living now:

New Expression Color:

Kurt Colors

Color you're living now:

 Color expression:
Alertness, aliveness, sharp, fresh, awake. Very in tune with and knowing your way around the money system. savvy and knowing. Very business-sharp. Good at seeing the things that's needed to survive and working the system in order to do it.

 Moving, pushing forward, running, force of life, to go through challenges, to pick up the responsibility, to take on my shoulders. Being the point of support, "I have to take care of ...(my family)" and having the ability to do so.

Rushing, being in energy, "yes lets go!". Considering everything and then rushing into it and then finally hitting my head as consequence.

Pull of energy as rushing to something new as part of an ideal, wanting certain things and pushing certain things and not considering things and then getting stuck.

Rush of energy as a sense of power  within having an overview of and insight into the system and being able to see what needs to be done to move the system in the right way for you to get from it what you want/need and having the ability to attract money to myself. Having the right skills, assertiveness to be successful in the system.

Even though you have the ability to see how things work and see clearly what needs to be done, because of the energy, you actually end up compromising things.

So this skill/ability of seeing and having oversight of how the system works and what is needed to move the parts you need to move to create a specific result is very cool. The issue is the starting point of energy from which you motivate and move yourself, where you then end up creating consequences as you were 'blinded by the energy'.

'Chasing highs' and losing yourself within chasing the 'highs' of power/money/success. Consequences of chasing the highs of energy within moving yourself in the system is to eventually go into depression, feeling defeated, feeling inferior and not good enough.

 Support color:

This color will support you with how to direct and change the energy starting point within your ability of seeing/moving the system.

Color expression:
The world is your oyster. Everything is on my feet and i just need to step in and do the actions.

  Moving with more consideration. Gratefulness within addressing and directing what is here. Being more assertive. Considering more what is in physical reality. Having more the big picture without the energy to put all the pieces together to align reality to push, move, address and do the movements.

To spread my ability within more areas. Not taking so many risks. Removing the danger. Moving more within a smarter point as being more secure in what I'm doing. Doing my actions based on physical cross-checking several times. Having my actions verified and validated. Trusting my self, my decisions, of what I am doing much more. Self-trust, self-movement, self-expression, self-forgiving, clearing myself in my past and in my ways.

Correcting the starting point from moving from the mind as energy as chasing highs to being ok with self, embracing and accepting and forgiving self. Realizing that I am enough as I am here.

External support: business shirt(who I am in relation to the system) , scarf/sjawl(how I express myself in relation to this world), umbrella (how I shelter/protect/care for myself)

 Beingness color:

zaterdag 21 september 2019

Anton Colors

Beingness colors:


Beingness expression: Very grounded, stable, unmistakably, undeniably here, like the earth, the dirt and the ground is here. No positives, no desires, no 'frills'. Very 'in touch with' the simplicity, groundedness, stability, uncomplicatedness of life. Not going into highs of energy/excitedness or wants/needs/desires but being at peace with the simplicity of and as earth/ground.
Unconditionally supportive as the earth/ground. The embodiment of support and simplicity as earth. An acceptance of self as the fabric of the universe, the dirt and ground of and as earth as life, as that which makes up life itself, that which is the very ground from which life emerges.

External Support: Living room table (that which stands as the center point of 'support' within the living room)

Mind polar opposite: feeling dependent on other people. creating that experience/perception of 'lack' of having foundation/support as represented within the mind by 'family' and 'relationships'. So the belief/perception of 'I have no family/relationships so therefore I have no support/foundation in this world or in myself', 'and therefore I cannot feel stable/at ease/comfortable'.

By accepting all those mind systems as beliefs, perceptions, reactions, you allow yourself to 'undermine' your self-foundation - as you allow yourself to 'fall' into the emotional experiences of loneliness, lostness, lack of support, giving up, depression, sadness, despair.

From mind polar opposite to beingness expression: you'll basically have to, in moments when you see yourself going into that point of desire and want for relationships/family within and as the belief that "to have relationships/family = support" and the emotional experiences of loneliness, lostness, lack of support, sadness, depression, giving up, despair - live the word support within and as you as a living word, as a point of not accepting yourself to 'fall' into the emotions and undermine your stability/foundation but remaining stable in the face of what the mind brings up - where, the point of self-support is the point of 'holding yourself up'/'holding yourself together' rather than allowing yourself to fall apart when it comes to emotions.


Beingness expression: An excitedness about expression. An appreciation for expression. Celebrating expression. Making space, making room for expression to take place and form. A nurturing, supporting and gentle guidance of expression. A joy within watching expression form and take place. "I am OK with simply being a point of support for life's expression to grow and take shape." "I am the soil from which expression may grow and I will nurture and nourish like the earth nourishes that which grows upon it."

 Nothing is left out. A warmness that is unconditional and unlimited.

External Support: T-shirt(what I stand for and show of me to the world), Jacket(what I represent as my living statement), backpack/briefcase (how I carry myself)

 Mind polar opposite: 
non-involvement, non-participation as a suppression of self due to a fear of getting hurt.
Participating in self-judgment wherein you create the point of 'hurt' within yourself.

Support color: 

Deep red

Supportive expression: Recognizing, embracing and being in touch with the depth of self. Developing/having a strong relationship with self. Being very intimate with oneself on a deep level. Having ones self-relationship as ones primary focus. Being very passionate about developing, nurturing, exploring and strengthening ones self-relationship. Not allowing anything or anyone else come before or in between ones self-relationship. "Being in a deep embrace with oneself."

From mind polar opposite to beingness expression: So with this color being a 'support color' for you, specifically in relation to that experience of 'hurt' within yourself from which you suppress yourself, essentially it's about being more authoritive about what you accept and allow to exist within you.

 To nurture and strengthen your self-relationship is to look inward at how you are treating yourself and to let go of all the experiences, thoughts and basically everything inside of yourself where you see that you are being hurtful, neglectful and abusive with yourself.

so it's essentially still about living the word support. to be more supportive with yourself, rather than allowing yourself to fall into emotional experiences wherein you 'hurt' yourself.

External support: socks (how I walk in this world)
so wearing socks in this color would be like making a statement and decision that 'how I walk in this world' is within placing my self-relationship first.

New Expression Color

Rosy pink

Carol colors

Beingness colors:

earthy orange:

 Beingness expression: all-embracing, unconditionally and absolutely embracing all as me, not seeing or finding fault in anything or anyone, not having any 'sharp edges' towards anything or anyone. Like the sun, unconditionally giving warmth equally without expecting anything in return. Like the sun, standing as the center around which all of life revolves - knowing that "I am the center of all things, I need not move for anything as I am all there is".

Gentle, flow, playful, fun

External support: sweaters(how you embrace yourself), eyeshadow(how you see yourself)

Mind polar opposite: 
Believing that "I need to do things to be complete". Survival mind. Belief that 'i must move. I must do things". Belief that who I am here is not whole. Seeing holes in yourself instead as points wherein you are 'not good enough' and 'not yet how you should be'. Wanting to be a good mother/wife/friend/person as ideas in the mind. The hole is 'i am a bad mother/wife/friend/person and therefore i need to do something to be a good mother/wife/friend/person'  or 'i am fat so i need to do things in order to feel good about myself'.

separating the 'sun' as you as a being by creating ideas in the mind representing 'wholeness'
fear of being punished for enjoying/expressing self here, as fear of facing emotions of shame, embarrassment, guilt.

Being very harsh/hard on yourself, not accepting self, seeing 'holes' in self, judging self, being very 'sharp-edged' towards yourself.

From mind polar opposite to beingness expression: In moments when you see yourself going into and participating in the ideas in the mind about 'who/how I should be and what I need to do as a good wife/mother/friend/person' accompanied by an experience of stress/urgency/worry, bring your focus to how you are not living that 'wholeness' as represented by the ideas within yourself internally in your relationship with self. Are there emotional experiences within yourself that you are reacting to instead of embracing and accepting as parts of self - such as shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger?

Then move yourself to live the word wholeness by making the decision to unconditionally embrace those parts of you which you are judging, suppressing and reacting to - becoming and making yourself 'whole' by embracing all of what exists within you as parts of you.

sunny yellow:

Beingness expression: sunshine = warm, pleasant, enjoyable, you feel like you want to get out and about and live and express. Easygoing, relaxed, without any complications. Easy, breezy, lazy, sunny day. Everything I need is here. I am standing with my roots firmly into the earth, I can just relax, settle into and enjoy what's here because I don't need anything else. Everything is warm and embracing. There's no reason to do anything or move because all of life is here. There's no guilt, no judgment, no right or wrong, there's only this unconditional embracing warmth that is unconditionally accepting, embracing and nurturing, like the sun.
Very accommodating, like you would be in a very warm blanket. Very soft movement. Like a gentle caress like a wind that gently moves across your skin. Very light and airy. There is like a knowing that "I am OK". Like a mother embracing a child and the mother going, "you're OK".

External support: Pants(how you walk in this world), shawl/scarf(how you warm yourself), jacket(your living statement)

 Mind polar opposite:

Always feeling like i have to do things. And when i am doing things, like i am watching a movie, I will feel guilty and ashamed about it because i judge my starting point within it. so there is like a constant movement within me and i don't allow myself to enjoy the things that I enjoy without feeling guilty cause i'll think that "This is not important, there are other things I should be doing that are more important. Out there, for other people."

I don't ever experience a moment of being "OK", of not being rushed. Most of the times I am rushed to fill the holes within myself. I have this sinking feeling, like a part of myself i need to fulfill all the time. As though I am never enough. How can I be enough for myself? How can I be here and be whole without going crazy over all the things I am not doing? Like i need to do certain things in order to feel good about myself. Like there is no way I will every feel whole unless I do things 'out there'. I have never looked at it from this starting point of asking myself "am I whole?" and placing myself as the starting point.

I feel so scattered and so all over the place that oftentimes I don't know where to start. And when I do set a goal for myself of what I want to create, like i want to learn to play guitar, then I go into guilt and shame and regret and embarrassment because I feel like it's taking time away from what I should rather be doing, like spending time with Kurt and the kids.

 From mind Polar opposite to Beingness Expression:

In the moments when you catch yourself in the rushed experience where you are thinking about what you should do with yourself in order to feel better about yourself - realize, see and understand that there are emotions within yourself, the regret, guilt, shame, embarrassment, that you are trying to escape from.

So in that moment, you stop and embrace yourself, embrace the emotions. Where, you'll still continue doing what you were doing or about to do, but you'll simultaneously be practicing embracing you and so correcting your starting point from perceiving yourself as 'not good enough' to unconditional self-acceptance. 

Support color: 

Carrot orange:

Supportive expression:  intensity, emergency. Moving yourself with intensity and emergency. Gotta get moving! Now, not later! Moving self with focus, intent and purpose. Standing as centered yet also moving as center. Where, movement is not driven or motivated by reactions and emotions but is a self-expression within the realization and understanding that things need to get done on an existential level.

External Support: Underwear, socks, T-shirts

New Expression color:

zaterdag 26 januari 2019

What does your face have to say about you?

Today I repeated an experiment I did a long time ago. In this post back in 2011 I took a photo of my face, cut it in half and mirrored both halves to create two entirely different faces. I did this because I noticed that when it came to the right and left side of my face, they looked different and I thought that doing this mirroring experiment would give me some insight into different parts of myself expressed within and through the different sides of my face. And boy did it ever!

Here's what the two mirrored images looked like (unfortunately I don't have the original photo that I took of my face anymore):

And here is what my face cut in half and mirrored on both sides looks like today:

What my face actually looks like:

The first obvious and interesting difference between these two sets of photo's is that the physical structure of the ones from 2011 doesn't actually look all that different, while those from today look shockingly different. Not to mention the difference in how I look overall between now and then!

The purpose of this experiment is that it's an exercise in reading yourself, getting to know yourself from a different perspective. I have found it to be a fun and supportive way to get deeper into your process of self-awareness, literally using what's 'in your face' to learn more about yourself.

Specifically what this exercise will show you is the two stories your face tells about you, of the way in which you on the one hand tend to sabotage yourself and how you on the other hand simultaneously can be your own solution.The structure of your face will tell you which traits you need to start nurturing in order to become who you really are on a beingness level.

If you'd like some support with reading yourself in your face and with seeing what your face has to say about you, email me at I do Body Connection sessions to assist individuals with tuning into themselves and learning more about who they are.