we got our mazout today, to heat up our house. they filled up the tank. and it was very expensive and it is like 3 times what it cost 4 years ago, and it will not stay that way. prizes will go up. and i felt really sad for my mom, because she has to save up a lot of money and it keeps getting more difficult. i dont want my mom to suffer or my dad or my family. i feel fear: we have to be able to find some other recourse to keep us warm, because we cant continue like this.
i forgiv emysefl fo ra ccepting and allowing myself to fear bad thing sto happen to us
i forgive myself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to fear us running out of money
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowingmyself to fear my mom suffering
i forgiv emyself fo racceptinga dnallowing msyelf to fear my mom dying
i forg ive myself fora ccepting and allowijgmyself to feel sad when i see my mom worrying about money
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allwoingmsyelf to feel frustrated and useless and powerless for not finding anything alternate so we dont have to depend so much on money
i forgiv emyself for acceptinga nda llowing msyelf to create scenarios in my mind based on fear of death, fear of losing our house
i forgiv emyself for acceptinag dnallwoingmsyelf to fear losing our house
i forgi vemyself fo r acceptinga dnallwoingmsyelf tofeel sad thinking about the possibility that my mom might lose her house
i forgi vemyself fo racceptingand allowingmsyelf to not want anything troublesome to happen to my mom
i forgi vmeyself fo racceptingand allowingmsyelf to feel guilty for living here with her and using her money while she pays for the house etc
i forgi vmeyself for accpeting andallowing myself to want someone to pity me and feel sorry and sad for me
i forgiv meyself for acceptingand allowing myself to feel connected with my mom
i forgive myself for acceptingand allowingmyself to think it is a bad thing if we would die
or suffer
i forgiv emyself for acceptingand allowingmsyelf to want everything to be or seem fine no worries
i forgi vemyself for acceptinganda llowingmyself to fear my mom being sad or becoming angy at a possible worrysome situation
i forgi vemyself for acceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to find my mom very weak
i forgive myself for accepting andallowingmsyelf to think my mom would not survive without money she isnt strong enough
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmsyelf to find me weak
i forgiv emyself for acceptingand allwoingmsyelf to think i would not survive withou money in this world
i forgiv emyself for acceptingand allwoingmsyelf to want to keep my family safe
i forgiv meyself for accepting andallowingmsyelf to want my family to be and stay happy
i forgi vmeyself for accepting and allowingmyself to want me to remain happy
i forgi vemyself for acceptinga ndallowingmsyelf to feel like i must find a way to keep everyone safe and alive
i forgiv emyself for acceptingand allowingmsyelf to think i am not smart enough to find ways to survive or stay alive etc
i forgiv emyself for not acceptingand allowingmsyelf to realise that i dont have to search for things or find them it is already here in and as breath as me
i forgiv emyself for acceptingand allowingmsyefl to think i have to worry about the future
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowingmsyelf to think i need to fear the future to remain safe
i forgiv emyself for acceptingand allowingmyself to want others to help us or me
i forgive myself for acceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to look desperately to others trying to find a way to stay safe
i forgi vmeyself fo racceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to think i am safe, we are safe
i forgi meyself fo raccepting and allowingmsyelf to see me and my brother and my mom as we
i forgiv emyself for acceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to separate myself from my mom and my brother by fearing for their lives and not realising that i am actualy fear ing for my life as in relationship with them as system as dependant as who i ve allowed myself to become
i forgiv meyself for acceptinga ndallowingmyself to think it is impossible to live a fearless life in every moment not worrying about the next
i forgi vemyself for not allowingmsyelf to realise that there is no next moment there is only here
i forgiv emyself for acceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to think that if my mom fears and worries that it will affect and influence me
i forgive myself for having allowed myself to be in relationship with my mother based on fear of survival
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that i need her as she needs me
i forgive myself for having accepted andallowed myself to believe that my mother is an essential part of me
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my mothers job to take care of me and worry about me
i forgiv myself for having accepted andallowed myself to be angry at my mother for having me believe that i need her to survive that i depend on her
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowing myself to be angry at myself fo r having believed that i need my mother to survive and that i depend on her
i forgiv emyself fo r accepting and allowingmsyelf to fear being without her in my life because i might not know what to do
i forgi vemyself for accepting andallowingmyself to feel ashamed for needing my mother
i forgiv emyself fo racceptingandallowingmsyelf to feel ashamed for feeling so desparate and lost
i forgiv emyselffor acceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to separate warmth and safety and nurrishing from me by projecting it onto my mother and then thinking i need her to experience warmth safety and nurrishing
i forgive myself fo racceptinga nd allowingmsyelf to imagine a future without her and feel lost and unsertain
i forgiv emyself for acceptingandalloiwngmyself to think that i will experience cold and lonlyness without her
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allwoingmsyelf to fear cold and lonlyness
i forgiv emyself for acceptingandallowingmsyelf to fear having nothing or noone to lean on
i forgi vemyself for acceptinga nda llowingmyself to fear myself and to not want to be with myself
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowisngmsyelf to fear facing the cold and the lonlyness within myself as manifested outside of me
i forgive myself for allowingmyself to believe that the cold and lonlyness outside of me can influence me as who i am
i forgiv meyself fo r not allowingmsyelf to realise that i am one and equal to cold aswell as warmth and to lonlyness as i am alone, all one
i forgi vmyself for allowingmyself to want my mother to feel the same way about me
i forgive myself for allowingmyself to fear getting my mother upset by something i say to her because i might lose her
i forgive myself for allowingmsyelf to believe that i cant do anything without my mothers approval
i forgiv emyself for allowingmyself to believe that i cant make decisions on my own because they might be wrong according to my mother
i forgiv meyself for acceptinga ndallowingmsyelf to think that my mother is always right
i forgive myself for acceptingand allowingmsyelf to hat emy mother for always being right
i forigive msyelf fo raccepting and allowingmsyelf to hate myself fo rnot allowing myself to trust myself instead of always wanting confirmation from my mother
i forgi vemyself for acceptinga ndallowingmyself to think it is my mothers fault for me being so insecure and doubtful about everything i do
i forgiv emyself for not allowingmsyelf to realise that i am the one who allowed myself to separate myself from my trust by projecting it onto my mother instead of realising myself as wo i am as all as one as equal
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowingmyself to fear being without my mother because i ve never been without her
i forgive myself for allowingmyself to fear change
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowingmyself to associate change with danger and fear and despair and uncertainty
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that the relationships i ve created with the humans around me within separation as who ive allowed myself to become is who i am
i forgi vemyself for allowingmyself for having actually believed that if i were to lose the relationships i would lose myself
i forgive myself for having allowed myself to define myself completely according to this system which needs my mother for support to sustain itself
i forgiv emsyelf for acceptinga nd allwoingmsyelf to think that i owe her my humbleness and my depending on her for having given me life
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmsyelf to think that it was her having given me life
i forgiv emyself for not allowingmyself to realise myself as infinite moment as life within my self as who i am as the directive principle of life as life within myself
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowingmsyelf to think that it is impossible to not be defined according to my mother because she is the only thing i ve ever known as a constant support within my world
i forgi vmeyself for not accepting andallowing myself to realise that all my life as my past as all i ve ever know has been a lie, an illusion i ve allowed myself to believe, so is my mother
i forgive myself for not allowingmsyelf to realise that my mother as i know her is but a picture in my mind, a separated picture from myself as a picture as who ive allowed myself to become
i forgive myself for not allowingmsyelf to realise that only pictures need other pictures to survive but i as who i am as life am no picture and neither is my mother
i am one and equal with my mother
i am my own mother as security as safety as warmth as nurrishing as confirmation as life within myself
till here and no further:
i realise that i am my own
i live for me as me by me thru me as all as one as equal
i do not fear cold
i do not fear lonlyness
i do not fear running out of money
i do not fear change
i realise that change is an illusion because i as who i am am constant and stable yet i am the birth of life as life in and as every moment here
i do not fear losing our house
i realise that i am not defined by the place i am at
i am my own home
where ever i am
i am not a place
i do not feel bad for my mother because i do not feel bad for me
i am no feeling thought or emotion
i realise that i am not dependant on my mother because my mother doesn t exist, i ve only allowed myself to create an image in my mind as separation onto which i projected separated parts of myself i ve never accepted within myself
i accept myself as warmth
i accept myself as security
i accept myself as nurrishing
i accept myself as certainty
i accept myself as directness
i accept myself as the directive principle of life as life within myself
i realise that i create my world as who i am
i am self control and self direction as life within myself as within my world as one and equal to me
i am breath, i am not dependant on anything outside myself because i am here as all as one as equal as breath
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