2008 self forgiveness

i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to think i have to be interesting for others
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to believe that others are having more fun than i am
in this process
i forgive myself fo rallowing myself to believe that others are doing this with ease
i forgive myself for allowing myself to compare myself to others
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to believe i have to do this a sertain way
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to fear trusting myself
i forgiv emyself fo r allowing myself to believe that i am too bad to realise myself
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to think i have to stick to certain rules around people
i forgvi emyself for having allowe dmyself to trade in myself for rules
i forgiv myself for allowing myself to do everything so that others can approve of it
i forgiv emyself for having allowed myself to turn myself completely inside out
and now want my outsides to notice me so my insides will feel good and whole
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to notice only myself but actually not at all because i notice others and then want them to notice me so i put myself out there so that others can notice me
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to see others as mere ideas placements in my world that i apparantly want attention from
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to not notice myself unconditionally as others unconditionally
without separation
within realisation: this is me
all of me
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to see others as having more fun in process and doing this process more effectively than me
i forgiv emyself for allowing myselfto look at others being self honest and then compare me with that but dont actually take the step of being completely unconditionally self honest myself
i forgive myself for allowing myself to constantly worry that i might hurt someone with what i do or say
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to appreciate others more than myself and then expect them to appreciate me
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to keep comparing myself to what others do because i want to know what is appreciated , what is common, and what isnt
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that whatever i will do out of myself, is uncommon and will not be appreciated
i forgive myself for allowing myself to fear doing something abnormal
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to think i can t just go around doing whatever i please
i forgive myself for allowing myself to hold myself back in saying and doing things because i dont want to upset people with me
i forgive myeslf fo rallowing myself to define myself according to nice and good and funny
i forgiv emyself for allowin gmyself to be nice and friendly because i want everyone to like me
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to , when i was younger, want everyone to like me and then go from group to group gossiping and being the middleperson, so i could keep everyone liking and trusting me
i forgiv emyself fo rallowin gmyself to want people to trust me
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to fear being direct because i might lose people around me
i forgive myself for allowing myself to build relationships with the people around me to build my ego and to make me secure and locked and then try to keep those relationships by acting friendly
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to make a net of people around me that i try to get to like me so i can feel secure and safe
i forgivemyself for allowing myself for not simply deciding for me what i like and who etc
i forgiv emyelf for allowing myself to adapt to the group so i can fit in so i can take a place in the group so i can feel really safe
i forgive myself fo rallowing myself to define myself according to a group of people as being my support
i forgiv emyself forallowing myself to think i depend on what this group thinks of me
i forgiv emyself for allowing msyelf to adapt to the judgements of the group and not trust myself
i forgiv emyself fo rallowin gmsyelf to trust how others vieuw things and not trust myself
i forgive myself for allowing myself to take over the judgements of others so we can be friends because we share the same judgements and opinions
i forgi vemyself for allowing myself to want to be friends with everyone
i forgiv myself forallowing myself to believe my family when they tell me i should have more friends and go out more
i forgiv meyself fo rallowing myself to not want to be left alone
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to separate everyone from myself by looking up to them and want them to copy me as i copy them
i forgiv emyself fo rallowing myself to be a copycat
i forgiv meyself fo rallowing myself