2008 judging self forgiveness

i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel embarassed when i talk about desteni, stopping the mind , thoughts feelings and emotions and mind consciousness systems to people
i forgive myself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to see desteni stopping the mind 'consciousness systems as weird and strange because it s not to do with anything other people believe in
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting and allowingmsyelf to not realise that i am process as life within myself, i am stopping the mind as thoughts feelings and emotions as consciousness system as separation within myself, it is not something separate from me
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting and allowing myself to feel tension and anxiety when i talk about it or when i m about to talk about it, or when someone asks me about it, like what areu doing lately
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to think desteni is weird and others might see it as a religion or acult and they might find me ridiculous or stupid or naieve fo r following a cult
i forgive myself fo raccepting and allowingmsyelf to believe that a cult is dangerous and weird and abnormal
i forgi vemyself for acceptinga ndallowingmsyelf to judge people that are in a religion or a 'cult' as shortsighted, abnormal, dumb and naieve
i forgiv emyself for accepting andlalowingmsyelf to not want to be judged as dumb, shortsighted, naieve and abnormal
i forgiv emyself for acceptinga nda llwoingmsyelf to see judgements like dumb shortsighted, naieve and abnormal as bad and negative qualities
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to see desteni as a religion , of which there are many in the world and separating it from me
i forgi vemyself fo r accepting and allwoingmsyelf to when speaking about the process, speak about something separate from me, about desteni knowledge, instead of self honestly speaking as me as process as who i am, not about something i do
i am one and equal to what i do
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ridiculous when i speak about process because i believe that most people that i know like friends and family wont take it seriously
i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to want to be taken seriously by my family and friends
i forgiv emyself for not accepting anda llowingmyself to realise that a system will not recognise life, so it cannot take me seriously
seriousness doesnt exist, not as opposed to sillyness or ridiculousness
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowingmyself to believe that if people dont take me serious or take the things i do not seriously that that makes me a lesser person
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i depend on how others see me
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to all my life being afraid of what my family might think of me or my friends
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowing myself to want and think i need my family and friends to respect me and approve of me and think i am normal
i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to want my family and friends to find me normal
i forgi vemyself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to see my family and friends as the norm of living and life
i forgive myself fo r having accepted and allowed myself to believe that there exists a norm to life and living
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to fear my grandfather to get angry at me for not being normal in his eyes
i forgive myself fo racceptinga nd allowing myself to fear my grand mother laughing at me and finding me ridiculous for not being normal in her eyes
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my dad getting upset with me for not being normal in his eyes
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowingmyself to realise that i am the only one that can see me as abnormal, by creating normalcy, thus supporting the polarity and allowing myself to life in and as that polarity as system as who iv eallowed myself to become
i forgive myself for accepting andallowingmyself to fear facing my grandparents and speaking to them about process
i forgive myself fo raccepting andallowingmsyelf tofear disappointing them
i forgive myself fo raccepting anda llowingmyself to want to live up to their expectations of a good granddaughter so i can have their approval
i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to not realise that i am the only one making expectations of me out of fear of not being liked out of fear of being alone
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to think that family is sacred i mustnt let them down they brought me up
i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to think that i need to be forever grateful and respectful towards my family for having supported me during my system life
as who ive allowed myself to become
i forgiv emyself for acceptinga nda llowingmyself todefine myself according to the relationship i have created with my family during the course of my system life i ve allowed myself to live, a relationship that is based on separating security,safety, support love and trust from me and projecting it onto these humans that have been around me since the day i was born therefore needing these people to experience security safety support love and trust
i forgiv emyself for acceptinga nd allowingmyself to believe that if my family were to reject me or not accept me anymore i could then no longer experience security safety support love and trust
i forgive myself for having accepted andallowed myself to believe that the fear i had for not being accepted or found normal by my family was actually who i really am
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to the fear i experienced towards my family
i forgiv emyself for not accepting and allowingmyself to realise myself as trust security safety love and support as life within myself as one and equal to my family, not dependant on them
i forgi vemyself for not allowingmyself to realise that it was al along me who was afraid of me for not accepting myself over things that i do and judged as abnormal or not good enough

till here and no further:
i am not dependant or defined or definable by family or bloodline or shared past with people
i realise that i am not my past as system as who i ve allowed myself to become
i am not fear
i realise that relation ship is based on fear of death fear of being alone and alone is who i am all one, so i am not fear i am not relationship i am not separate from beings
i realise that i can only accept and approve of myself
another cannot do this for me, not within separation of myself as system as who ive allowed myself to become
i realise that i cannot be good or bad because i am not polarity
polarity is illusion, relationship is illusion, fear is illusion
i am not dumb
i amnot smart
i am not shortsighted
i amnot openminded
i am not naieve
i am not clever
i am not abnormal
i am not normal
i am not judgement
judgement is illusion
i am life
i am here i am breath