2008 mother matrix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNhfkz7Aa0Q&feature=related

applying me in every moment of breath

i still have fear of my mother, of my employers of my costumers:
people who have appearant 'power over me', who 'dominate' me, who have 'authority'
-->because they have the 'final say' over things i dont want to lose, s a my home with my mother, the security of home and job. so: security, that simple

Mother oh mother--where are you?

I need I want and I cannot get

The future is uncertain--the future is unclear--I need some-one to guide me and tell me what to do


These statements are all related to the mother matrix specifically

-bernard

so mother and future. i need my mommy to keep me safe, in her womb, that is now a house.
i wouldn t really have a problem with being alone on my own if per exsample i were to lose my job, for me not so much of a problem. but the thing that i feel fear about is telling my mom.
i fear her reaction, i fear falling because of her reaction. i fear allowing myself to be influenced by what she has to say over me 'i must work better', 'i should care more', 'what am i going to do now, thought about that?!', ' its always the same with me, i m too careless, i will never survive in this world on my own if i dont straighten up', she will be disappointed in me, or more accurate i will feel disappointed in me thru her eyes as separation of me as who i ve allowed myself to become.


By seeing something inside yourself you are creating it to exist

i have to see me as safety, me as security, me as my own mother, me as my own womb. thus becoming independent from a house or a mother or any other thing or being. being here, in and as the mere here, and not in and as fear. take every step within and as self certainty, self stability, life as who i am. no fear of death or loss or pain, within clarity of who i am, equal and one with death and life, i am life. I AM

i forgive myself for allowing myself to feel fear towards my mom
i forgive myself for accepting andallowingmsyelf to fear my mom
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowingmsyelf to fear being myself within self honesty around my mom because i might say something that she wont like and then she might not like me anymore and wont see me as her daughter anymore (her sweet little child that she wants to take care of)
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmyself to want to be mommy s little girl
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting andallowingmsyelf to want my mom to love me and want to care for me
i forgi vemyself for having accepted and allowed myself to attach myself to my mother by thinking that she birthed me so i am dependent on her for my survival
i forgive myself for accepting and allowigmsyelf to feel guilty for not answering to the perfect daughter image that my mother has of me
i forgiv emyself fo r not allowing myself to realise that i am the only one having the perfect daughter picture in my mind
i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to want to keep my mother happy with me at all times to not feel guilty anymore
i forgi vemyself for accepting andallowing myself to think i owe my mother my life
i forgiv emyself foraccepting and allowingmyself to believe that i owe my mother something
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from facing the guilt by trying not to fuck up
i forgiv e myself for accepting and allwoingmyself to try not to fuck up in my mothers eyes so that she will approve of me
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting andallowing myself to fear fucking up in my mothers eyes and not realising i can only fuck up in my own eyes as being one and equal to my mom
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting and allowingmyself to separate myself from my mom by thinking that she has power over me
i forgive myself for accepting andallowing myself to keep myself enslaved by defining myself according to the life i have always lived with my mom here in her house, where she takes care of me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowngmyself to not realise myself as one and equal to my mother
i forgvi emyself for accepting and allwoingmyself to project my self hate onto my mother in order to deny me actually hating myself for not taking self responsability out of fear of being without the support of my mother
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowingmsyelf to separate support from me by projecting this onto my mother and by thinking i need the consent and approval of my mother over me in order for me to be supported and secure
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowing myself to think i must respect my mom because she s taken care of me all my life
i forgive myself foraccepting andallowingmyself to think i must feel guilty like i should pay her for having 'given up her life for me' by raising me
i forgi vemyself for accepting and allowingmsyelf toconfine and enslave myself as self expression by fearing not being approved in my expression by my mom
i forgiv emyself for accepting and allowingmsyelf to always check with my parents before i make a decision
i forgiv emyself fo raccepting and allowingmsyelf to always listen to fear of my parents disapproval before i make a decisionor before i do something
i forgive myself for accepting and allwoingmyself to believe that my self expression can be decided for me by anyone
i forgive myself for not accepting and allwoingmsyelf to realise that i am life fear is not me fear does not determine me there is no need to fear fear is an illusion
i forgive myself for accepting and allowingmsyelf to believe in the illusion of the necessity of fear that i have been told my whole life by my parents, teachers, etc
i forgiv emyself foraccepting andallowingmsyelf to believe i must continu the cycle of fear, continue the dna, the genes of enslavement as those that have gone before me, like my mom and my dad
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallowing myself to feel guilty about being free as me
i forgiv emyself for accepting andallwoingmsyelf to think i dont have the right being free because my parents were never free
i forgiv emyself for allowingmyself to place myself under my mom and dad, always looking up at them as their child, always afraid of their judgement
i forgiv emyself for allowing myself to fear being alone in this world and not realising that I AM ALONE AS THIS WORLD all one as life as who i am here
i forgive myself for accepting andallwoingmsyelf to place my self responsability in the hands of my parents as i have always done

till here
and no further:
i stop the mother matrix, i stop the denial of me as life by fear of loss
i realise that i do not need my mother to keep me safe or to experience safety and security
i realise myself as safety and security and strength and nurturing as life within myself as one and equal to my mother and my father
i do not fear being alone and independant because this is simply who i am
i stand alone
here
without fear
as breath