woensdag 20 augustus 2014

2014 How I Stopped an Emotional Possession

2014 How I Stopped an Emotional Possession
Stepping Out of an Emotional Possession in One Moment

The following is my 'testimonial' of how listening to an Eqafe Interview assisted and supported me to in one moment step out of an emotional experience that I was dealing with within myself. This specific emotional experience was one that had started building up within myself the day before, where I had interpreted a situation and how someone behaved in a way that triggered specific thoughts and emotional reactions within my mind.

When I then noticed that I was experiencing myself in an emotional reaction and that there were thoughts spinning around in my mind that were activating, generating and fueling this emotional reaction and experience - and that this experience was starting to interfere with my daily activities, where for instance I found myself having trouble focusing on specific tasks that required my focus and awareness because I was allowing all my focus, awareness and energy to be completely absorbed by and channeled into the thoughts going through my mind about this particular individual and the emotional reactions to those thoughts in my body -- that's where I decided to apply some spoken self-forgiveness just to get myself out of the experience.

Then after a little while, I found that I had still not been able to effectively release the emotional reactions because, when I faced the specific individual in my reality again, every time there would be thoughts and emotions coming up that had now started to transform itself into an experience of anger, where, in my physical behavior and interaction with my environment, I was starting to act out the anger within my movements, which became noticeably more forceful and brutish.

I mean, at this point I was faced with the fact that my internal emotional experiences and what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate in within my mind, was having consequential outflows that were seeping through into my actual physical reality and would eventually start compromising my relationships with the people around me. Meaning that, I realized that if I accept and allow this anger to become a physical expression that comes out, not only in relation to this one person, but in relation to other people and situations as well - then I will create reactions within those people and those reactions will create ripple effects that will influence the relationships that I had built with them in my life.

I decided to go for a walk to stabilize myself a bit, because I could sense that this emotional experience had taken me over so completely that it was like I could go into an emotional breakdown over the slightest things - small things that other people said or did could trigger thoughts and interpretations in my mind that immediately triggered and activated an emotional storm within myself that lead to me just wanting to isolate myself and cry my eyes out. So on my walk I again applied spoken Self-Forgiveness and self-corrective statements - which brought me to a point of stability within myself  where I stood within the point of taking responsibility for my emotional reactions.

But then, as quickly as I saw the specific person in my environment again - there I felt the anger creeping up again and taking me over, where I felt like my head was taken over by this really dark cloud, which was that one energy of just anger. So at this point I was kind of at my whit's end because I had been writing all morning, applying self-forgiveness, going out for a walk, applying self-forgiveness - trying all sorts of things to get myself out of this emotional state that I had been experiencing myself in for the last few days, which is already way too long, but it was like nothing of my application was sufficient to really release the energy.

I then listened to an Eqafe Interview in the Reptilians series, about how we forget to walk our process because process is not preprogrammed, so it becomes easy to at a certain point just slip back into the mind if we don't in every moment find ways to remind ourselves to actually keep applying ourselves diligently, disciplined and dedicated. And, as I was sitting there, listening to Anu speaking those words,  I could see the point that he was sharing as in fact the point that I had been accepting and allowing to exist within myself - which is that I had at some point very subtly and almost unnoticed shifted back into the mind.

Meaning that instead of in every moment ensuring that I do not accept or allow myself to be guided and directed by energy, I had been here and there giving my power away to feelings, in that I had for instance at times made the choice to do specific things or not do specific things because of the positive feeling involved, where I had slowly but surely been accepting and allowing myself to more and more trust in energy as my feelings to tell me what to do and how to move myself in physical reality than trusting in myself as my decision to walk my process out of the mind and become the self-directive principle.

So, as he was speaking and I was seeing this point very clearly for myself - the energy started to release within myself, just because of that one realization in one moment. And when the interview was done, the energy was gone, more or less completely. I was Here again, clear within myself. And when I saw the person again whom I had been so reactive towards, there were small reactions coming up, but I was able to within the moment direct the reactions and make a decision to, instead of allowing myself to fall into emotional reactions and an eventual emotional breakdown, rather remain stable within myself  and go over into expressing myself in a way that solved the situation and 'evened out' my relationship with this individual.  Where then I for instance saw and realized that because I was in an emotional reaction, I was triggering reactions within this individual as well and I was perpetuating a sort of ego-dance of continuous reactions - whereas, with me moving out of the reaction and in a way 'renouncing' my ego, I also saw him becoming more relaxed in his expression towards me -- where eventually we started communicating again as we did before, in a relaxed, comfortable and open manner. And all this basically in just one moment -- where I went from absolute emotional possession, to self-direction and self-expression.

So, the point that I would like to show and share here is how listening to the interviews on Eqafe can truly be of significant assistance within our process of walking out of the mind. I mean, throughout my process I had created this idea that I am supposed to be able to walk myself out of my mind all by myself, without any help -- which was basically this rigid idea and belief that I had formed in my mind about what it means to walk process - where I had for instance not seen or realized that there have been many instances where the support of another individual had made the difference in my process, in relation to seeing a specific point or having a specific realization that in one moment quantified my process. And so it is with the Eqafe interviews, they can be so extremely specific in relation to a point that you are dealing with that by just listening to the words being spoken, you can simultaneously as you are seeing the point of realization opening up within yourself, release the energy and stabilize yourself.

I am sharing this specific instance because the difference between before and after within myself was so noticeable and significant - however there have been many instances before this one where just by listening to an Eqafe interview, I started to feel more grounded and clear within myself - because the words and the way that the words were spoken was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment to snap me out of whatever energetic experience I was finding myself in.

1 opmerking:

Sandy zei

Cool self-investigation and realizations Kim. Good point to -if one can- go for a walk and stabilize when in a reaction.