donderdag 26 december 2013

2013 Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time - Part 3

 2013 Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real Time - Part 3



This is a Continuation of "2013 Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time - Part 2" and of the process that I am currently walking to Change a Fear Reaction towards a person in my environment, through taking specific steps wherein I specifically use the tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction. These steps is what I am laying out within my writing  where I walk through how specifically I have applied the tools in practically and effectively changing a fear reaction towards a person in my environment in real time.

The steps that I have taken so far, that lead me up to part/step 3, is in part 1 where I shared the initial process of identifying the experience and the thoughts that I had built up within myself towards this person over time, through using the tool of writing -- where I then took the information within my writing to a practical real-time application of self-forgiveness (which you can read more about in the blog about part 1). Where, within this first step, I uncovered and realized how the initial experience/reaction of fear towards this individual was hiding specific personal judgments that I had created within my mind towards them - and so, by diffusing those judgments within myself, the experience of fear within myself also diffused for a great part.

In Part/Step 2 I firstly checked how I was experiencing myself in relation to this person so that I could see where and how I had already changed my reactions through applying the tools - and secondly, I investigated the reactions that I could identify within myself, through specifically looking at the thoughts that would come up after I had been around them physically and then incorporate those findings within the application of written self-forgiveness (the specifics of which you can read in the blog about Part 2). After this step - where I uncovered a Personality-system within myself that constituted a separation within myself between myself and this person in the form of an experience of fear, and where I walked through this personality-system within the written application of self-forgiveness and self-commitment/self-corrective statements - again I could see how my reaction to this person when I was in her presence had changed from an experience of tension and anxiety to a more comfortable experience of myself. And this because, I had corrected myself within how I had defined her within my mind, through the eyes of the personality-system - where how I saw her now was more based on the actual reality of who she is as a being, where I saw that there really is nothing to fear in fact and that the emotional experience of fear, tension and anxiety around her was all self-created.

Now, here within this Third phase/step within this process of Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time - what I did after the second step was again check myself within how I am experiencing myself in the presence of this individual, to see if and how I have changed and if essentially the self-forgiveness and self-corrective process within my writing has been effective. And what I found was that the point that was there previously at the starting point of the experience of fear, was clear within myself now, because I had opened it up sufficiently within my writing to the point where I could see how it exist within myself and stand in a position within myself in relation to it where it does not direct and decide who I am in moments where I am in the presence of this person anymore.

However within investigating myself in relation to this person in self-honesty, I could see how there was no 'absolute' clarity, meaning that there was still 'something' there --- as a layer underneath the two first layers that I had uncovered and walked through. This new layer, I investigated specifically through looking into what memories exist within my mind that I have subconsciously associated with this person --- where thus, every time that I see her, I will react to her based on how I reacted and experienced myself within the memories that I have associated with her in my mind - which thus basically means that I am not even seeing her as who she actually really is, I am seeing my own mind as subconscious memories.

I will not be sharing the entirety of my writing here, only the information that I used within my self-forgiveness process - which is the specific memories and the experience of myself within them, that would automatically, subconsciously come up within my mind every time that I saw person X and which are the key points that were necessary to address within the application of self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective action because they are the points within myself wherein I can change who I am in my relationships to/with the people in my immediate environment.

So, within the memories that I had accepted and allowed to direct and determine my experience to and towards person X - I was experiencing myself as inferior towards specific girls in school, where I desired to be friends with them because I saw that they would get more attention from males than I did --- where I then completely compromised  my entire expression to exist solely for the purpose of 'becoming their friend' and 'being part of their circle of friends', essentially thus manipulating them to be able to get what I want from them.

In a nutshell, this is the specific information from my writing that I incorporated within my Self-Forgiveness process - from the starting point of 'deactivating'/'deprogramming'/'diffusing' this experience within myself of inferiority towards person X, through investigating who I was within the memories, and correcting myself within the memories, and so correcting myself within and as who I am HERE, in relation to person X and other people in my environment that I would also subconsciously associate with those memories in my mind.

This process of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction that I have walked in writing - I will share Here at the bottom of this blog. So, within this phase/step, I have peeled of a third layer of information that constituted a specific experience of Fear towards a person in my environment and have again cleared up and stabilized the experience of and within myself towards this person in my environment on a deeper level. Were now, in the next blog, I will continue walking this process of reporting and sharing how I am practically changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time and how I have been able to correct who I am within and as the experience of myself towards a specific individual in my environment and thus within this relationship, have stood up within and as myself as the directive principle of myself



Self-Forgiveness Dimension


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see and am around X, to connect the image of X and how I see her expression, with memories within my mind of how I saw and experienced myself towards the image of popular girls in school – because I am seeing a resemblance in their expression and behavior – and that I have therein accepted and allowed myself to step into the exact same experience of myself towards X, and therein thus repeat and regurgitate the past as personality constructs within and as myself --- instead of standing HERE, stable, as a living expression and statement of who I really am, as undefined by preprogrammed images and experiences as memories in my mind, and therein allow myself to get to know X as who she actually is, independent from personal preprogrammed references, interpretations and perceptions as images and experiences in my mind

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself within and as the memories of how I experienced myself towards and in relation to the popular girls in school – by allowing those experiences of the past to dictate and direct who I am here in my immediate reality, in my interaction with the physical beings in my reality --- and to therein trap myself in an endless timeloop of the past --- instead of allowing myself to investigate myself within and as the memories in my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions within and as personality constructs and therein allow myself to release myself from the preprogrammed energetic constructs within and as the mind that I have allowed to have power over me from when I came here into this world and reality – and thus therein give myself the opportunity to actually correct and change the past, present and future, from an endless timeloop of energetic experiences to a self-directed self-awareness of who I am in relation to the events, beings and experiences within my memories and in my current reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact with X based on how I have allowed myself to interact with the popular girls in school, from a preprogrammed experience/starting point as a desire to stand in their shoes and be like them and have what they have, as what I perceived to be power and control over other people because of their ‘popularity’ – and thus therein, just as how I experienced myself in relation to and towards the popular girls in school, allow myself to be defined and directed by thoughts of manipulation where I think about how I could manipulate X into liking me and accepting me as ‘one of her own’ --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that how I experienced myself in the social infrastructure of school in relation to the other girls in my school, was entirely directed by a preprogrammed structure/pattern of competition within and as survival that I had allowed to be programmed within myself by my parents, family and the schooling system

And so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the past as preprogrammed patterns of competition within and as survival to repeat themselves in my current interactions and relationships with human beings such as X – by having allowed myself to define myself within and as the structure/machine of and as the mind  that exist in a constant cycling and timelooping of past experiences as energy within and as myself  --- instead of taking directive power within myself and my life and existence, and thus my relationships with the beings in my environment, and take it upon myself to investigate how I am living and existing in relationships with the humans around me, and then change and correct and direct these relationships to in every way stand as a living expression of who I really am, as that which stands in absolute certainty, as a self-created design/structure/expression of life 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X and from my own memories, by projecting memories of girls from my past that X reminds me of in her expression – and then react to X in the same way as how I reacted back then to those girls – instead of taking responsibility for my memories inside of my mind and for myself in relation to the experience within myself towards those girls --- and thus therein take responsibility for who I am in relation to X, to stand stable and clear within myself without preconceived judgments toward her based on my own preprogrammed experiences, perceptions and interpretations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to X with an experience within myself of inferiority, and thoughts that ‘she is better than me’ – by projecting memories onto her, of moments in the past where I experienced myself as inferior towards specific girls in my school --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience of inferiority as a tension and anxiety within myself, actually in fact hides specific self-interested desires within myself towards those girls, where those girls represent a specific desire that I have allowed to exist within myself --- and that thus, I am using the experience of inferiority as a means to hide my true nature within and as myself which is absolute self-interest

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself about the experience of inferiority within myself towards  specific girls in my school – by defining myself within and as the experience of inferiority, rather than seeing and realizing that this experience actually hides a desire within myself to feel superior --- where, I experienced myself as ‘inferior’ towards those girls, because they represented a specific image and idea in my world and reality that I had connected with an experience of power and superiority, that I secretly desired to experience and ‘have’ within myself

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the desire to experience and have power and control over other human beings in my world and reality – and to therefore desire being and standing in the shoes of those girls in my school because I could observe how they received the most attention from others

I forgive myself that i have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how it was in fact me giving my attention away to them and thus giving my power and control away to them, by defining myself within and as the experience of desire towards them --- and that thus, my desire to stand in their shoes and have power and control over others, was in fact a desire to have power and control over myself as ‘others’, and that I was in fact desiring to get/have the control and power back that I had allowed myself to give away to them --- where thus, within this, I have allowed myself to manifest this experience of ‘superiority’ vs ‘inferiority’ within myself in relation to other people, which I then saw projected within those other people – instead of standing one and equal with those girls within and as the realization that they are Here, just as I am here, and that there is no ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ within that relationship – where in fact the entire polarity experience of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ was what I had created within my own mind, by having accepted and allowed the desire for power and control over other humans to exist within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my true nature as the secret desire for power and control over others, behind a personality construct/system of being ‘everyone’s best friend’ and being an agreeable, likeable person, within and through the manipulation character --- and that I have then accepted and allowed myself to be self-dishonest by completely defining myself within my conscious mind within and as this positive image that I had created of myself and was portraying towards the other girls to the extent that I started believing that that is ‘who I really am’ – where I would then experience fear and inferiority towards the other girls as the experience that the mind uses to create a veil between my conscious image-presentation as the Ego and my actual beingness-nature as the desire for power and control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the experience of fear and inferiority within myself in relation to the girls that I saw on the playground who I defined as ‘popular’ and ‘special’ and ‘important’ and ‘powerful’ – and that I have therein allowed myself to deliberately give away my power  to my own judgments and perceptions and projections of them within my mind – instead of standing within myself within and as self-integrity and self-honesty and own up to what I had allowed to exist within myself as secret desires for power and control, and within that, actually investigate myself by asking myself the question of ‘why is it that I desire power and control over other humans in the first place?’ and ‘who am I in relation to this specific desire within myself and in relation to my perceptions and experiences of those girls that I am seeing?’ --- so as to empower myself to actually live and exist as power and control as an unconditional self-expression, and therein be able to direct myself to express myself in ways that is best for myself and for others one and equal with myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to investigate the experience of desire for power and control that I had defined myself within and where I had allowed myself to go to the extent of manipulating other human beings to accept me within their ‘inner circle’ of friendship wherein I had projected that ‘power and control’ – and so that I have thus never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire to experience power and control implies that there exist a lack/loss of power and control within myself as an experience that I had created, manifested and accumulated within myself throughout my past experiences in this world and reality --- and that, if I allow myself to define myself within and be moved by a desire for power and control as an idea in my mind, that I am in fact furthering and intensifying the total abdication of real power and control within and as myself, and thus only intensifying the experience of lacking power and control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define power and control within and as an idea and image in my mind of the girls that I saw on the playground having apparent ‘power and control’ over the other children on the playground in terms of being able to physically influence and move the behavior of the others --- and to therein have allowed myself to separate myself from ‘power and control’ by creating a desire to ‘have’ and ‘obtain’ this idea/image in my mind of ‘being able to physically influence and move the behavior of other humans’ into which I have projected an energetic experience of superiority --- instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this form of ‘power and control’ as an experience connected with an idea/image as a ‘condition’, cannot actually be real, as even If I were to find myself within such a position as depicted within the idea/image in my mind, the experience of ‘having power and control over others’ would only last as long as I am able to present/hold this image/idea/depiction of myself as ‘popular’ or ‘pretty’ --- where then thus, this conditional experience of power and control is in fact based on a powerlessness and a lack of control in relation to the conditions that I require to meet in order to ‘have’ power and control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘if I don’t belong to that group of friends as the ‘popular girls’, I will be inferior’ – and to react to that thought with the emotional experience of fear of survival, connected with all sorts of unconscious preprogrammed idea’s about what my purpose is here on this planet – where, unconsciously, I will think that ‘if I am inferior, then my chances of having a relationship with a male and reproducing and thus the continuation/survival of my genes in this world will be less’ --- and to then react to that experience of fear of survival and idea/belief that I will not be able to exist here on this earth anymore if I do not belong with the group of popular girls, with  the experience of desire to be accepted and seen by them as ‘one of them’ and ‘their friend’

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire within myself to be part of and belong to and be accepted within the group of popular girls at school – was based on unconscious preprogrammed systems of survival that I had accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as  --- wherein I believe that my purpose here on earth as a human being is to reproduce my genes and within that, ‘survive’ as a mind consciousness system forever and that thus, if I cannot fulfill that purpose, I cannot exist --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not actually even really existing as ‘me’ as who I really am as life within and as myself here, when I believe that ‘who I am’ exist within and as ‘survival’ as an idea in my mind that ‘I’ will ‘live on’ into ‘the future’ and that I will simply ‘not exist’ when I cannot experience/have that idea in my mind of ‘I will live on/survive in the future’ – which thus implies that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become but an idea in the mind rather than an actual real physical, living being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being part of the group of popular girls to secure my survival in this world as a mind consciousness system – as an idea within my mind that my chances of my genes/program living on in this world are high because if/when I am part of the group of popular girls then I will receive more attention from males and thus be more likely to have a relationship with a male and eventually have children --- and to therein have accepted myself within and as the definition of a mind consciousness system that doesn’t really exist HERE, as a real living expression of life – but that exist as an energy experience, connected with an idea of ‘surviving/living on in the future’, with ‘the future’ in itself not even existing

I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the experience of desire to satisfy an idea within my mind of the survival of my genes/program within this world, by belonging, being part of and accepted by the group of popular girls, and therein have allowed myself to make the statement within and as myself that I am nothing but an idea within my mind --- an idea that will inevitably ‘die’ when/as the energy of/within the human physical body runs out/dies --- instead of standing within and as the physical body as that which is HERE, as ETERNITY, and therein stand/exist as an expression of life within and as the physical within and as oneness and equality in each and every moment of breath, within and as the realization that the physical existence is real, manifested eternity that is tangible and that thus, if and when I stand and exist as an expression of the physical, I AM eternity manifest within and as myself and thus do not need to have or experience an idea or belief within my mind that I will ‘survive’ or ‘live on’ in order to exist and thus also do not need to be part of some group to be able to ‘survive’/exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the thought that ‘if I am not accepted by, belong with and am part of the group of popular girls, I will not be able to survive/exist’, and the emotional experience of fear  - and that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually go and find ways to manipulate the ‘popular girls’ to see, recognize and accept me as ‘one of them’, by for instance copying their behavior and mimicking them --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within that, I was limiting, suppressing and compromising myself as who I really am as life within and as myself even more – trading in what is real as life within and as myself for an idea within the mind of survival that is not in fact real – and that obviously, the more I suppress, limit and compromise my existence as life within and as myself, the more I will experience the desire to ‘exist’ by/within being part of, belong with and accepted by the group of popular girls, not realizing that I have within this accepted and allowed a vicious circle to exist within and as myself wherein I have trapped myself in separation of myself in a constant and continuous search/desire/longing for myself as life as that which I have suppressed within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am with and around X, to participate within thoughts in my mind about how I can manipulate X and find ‘entry points’ to get her to accept me and feel a kinship/friendship/companionship towards me and within that, allow me into her ‘inner circle’ that I believe is there so that I can experience a sense of ‘belonging’ and a sense of power and superiority as what I have allowed myself to project within her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as an ‘inner circle’ within and around specific people like X, that I must ‘belong to’ in order to experience and ‘obtain’/’have’ a specific special ‘experience’/energy of belonging, power and superiority – and to therefore experience a ‘desire’ towards X where I think and believe that I need and must have something from/of her --- and that I have therein accepted and allowed myself to compromise my expression towards X

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to exist within and as me within how I express myself towards X, by having accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as manipulative thoughts wherein I try to observe X and calculate how I must behave and how I must express myself  in order to get and have something from her that I have allowed myself to attach a specific value to within my mind --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I have attached value to within my mind and projected within the image of X, is in fact an aspect of myself that I have separated from myself that I am now wanting to ‘experience’ and that thus, I will not actually find that part of myself within X or within a relationship with her, as I can only manifest, establish and realize myself within and as myself, by standing as those parts of myself that I had allowed myself to separate from myself

So, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand and realize myself as one and equal with those aspects that I see within X and that I desire experiencing within myself, such as belonging, power, control and superiority – within and as the realization that I had allowed myself to separate myself from belonging, power, control and superiority as living expressions of myself within and as myself and that I have projected these qualities/aspects of myself within other people such as X – who then stand as representations/images of parts of myself --- and that thus, if and when I allow myself to experience a desire towards those aspects/qualities that I see within others, I am in fact making a statement to myself that these aspects/qualities/parts do not in fact exist within myself and thus in fact manifesting the experience of separation within myself --- where then thus, the experience of desire becomes a vicious cycle unto itself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself and to stand within and as absolute self-honesty when I am with and around X – within and as the realization that X is a part of myself, where, within and as self-honesty, I embrace and accept X as myself, in oneness and equality, by embracing and accepting myself as who I really am as how I stand and exist HERE in this moment of breath, as oneness and equality as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself as life within and as myself and see, realize and understand that when and if I desire being part of and accepted into X’s ‘inner circle’ – I have in fact rejected myself from my own ‘inner circle’ within and as myself as life and that what I see and desire within X is in fact what I have allowed myself to separate from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate X from myself by projecting that part of myself that I have separated from myself as my ‘inner circle’ of acceptance and belonging of/as life within and as myself – and to therein have accepted and allowed myself to abuse X by expressing myself towards her from within and as the manipulation character within and as my mind --- rather than being honest with myself and accept myself within and as the aspect of myself that X represents in my world and reality --- as the ‘inner circle’ of life as acceptance and belonging within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I had been looking/longing/desiring for the experience of ‘being accepted’ and ‘belonging’, within my longing/desire to be part of the ‘inner circle’ of friendship within and of the popular girls on the playground – because I had accepted and allowed myself to reject myself within and as myself and so not accept myself within and as who I really am HERE

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’ from myself by projecting it within the image and concept of ‘friendship’ and ‘best friends’ and ‘inner circle’ and ‘Companionship’/’Kinship’, such as the image of the popular girls forming a closed group of ‘best friends’ – and to therein have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must have this ‘friendship’-experience, that I must have ‘best friends’ and be part of and accepted into a closed group of special people, in order to be able to experience ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’ --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this, I have in fact sabotaged myself extensively within ever experiencing real acceptance and belonging by not having realized acceptance and belonging as one and equal with myself, within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that, no matter which social group I would ‘belong’ to or how many ‘best friends’ I had – despite of the idea and belief that ‘I belong’ in that group within my mind, I would still always feel very alone and separate within myself --- because I had never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that real acceptance and belonging cannot exist if and when it does not exist within myself as a living expression of who I am as life

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by having accepted and allowed the desire to experience ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’, within and as the image/idea of ‘friendship’ and ‘companionship’/’kinship’ – I had accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a polarity within myself, where I would see the experience of ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’ as a positive experience outside of myself within the image of ‘friends’/’friendship’/’groups’, and then see the experience of rejection as a negative experience inside of myself within the ‘aloneness’/’darkness’ of myself --- instead of standing one and equal with acceptance and belonging and therein see, realize and understand that ‘aloneness’ is one and equal with ‘togetherness’, and rejection is one and equal with acceptance and belonging --- and I am All as One as Equal as life within and as myself



Self-Correction Dimension
When and as I am around X, and I find myself looking at her and comparing her with girls from my memories where I experienced specific thought patterns of ‘they are so much better than me’ and ‘everyone likes them so much more than me’ and an emotional experience of inferiority towards – I stop and breathe – and I see, realize and understand that this is a preprogrammed pattern/system of thoughts and energy that is based on survival --- where I have learned from my parents and the generations before me to automatically compare myself with all girls/women that I see around me within the desire to be the best and to ‘win’, where I will accordingly feel inferior towards women/girls whom I perceive to ‘have’ more than me of what I believe I need and require in order to survive – such as power and control in my environment through relationships/friendships with other women
Where, I see, realize and understand that I am not in fact inferior towards X – I am only perceiving it that way through the preprogrammed value-systems of/within the mind as the preprogrammed system of survival and competition that I have allowed to exist within myself and that I have allowed myself to define myself within – wherein I had accepted and allowed myself to assign a specific value to concepts such as friendship, power and control as preprogrammed, predesigned images/ideas in my mind such as the image of girls/women talking and laughing together
I see, realize and understand that who I really am as a being, as life, is one and equal with X, as a being, as life and that the ‘competition’ exist within the mind as the preprogrammed system of knowledge and information within and as survival that I have accepted and allowed to be programmed within myself – wherein, I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word/concept of ‘friendship’ within and as self-interest as personal survival, as something that I ‘must have/possess’ to ensure my place and survival in my environment, where I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationships with human beings in my environment by defining ‘friendship’ within and as manipulation and deception as I am constantly trying to play into people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions to get what I want as their support in the form of ‘frienship’ and ‘companionship’
Where, I commit myself to stand as the directive principle of myself within and as my world and reality and to redefine, reprogram and live the word/concept of ‘friendship’ as the act of real support of another as myself – where, this support is not based on conditional actions of apparent ‘friendships’, where the starting point is that of self-interest, but where the support is rather based  on unconditional actions towards the beings in my environment where I unconditionally stand as a platform of support for them as what I would want for myself --- because, I see, realize and understand that I cannot receive or experience this platform of support in/from my environment if and when I am not standing within and as this platform of support as a living example of what ‘friendship’ and ‘relationships’ really is
When and as I see myself going into the comparison character within myself when I see X, where I think that ‘X is more popular than me’ or ‘people like X better than me’ -  where I would then activate the inferiority character within myself --- I stop and breathe, and I see, realize and understand how within this I have in fact accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to a desire for power and control over other people in my environment through creating relationships/friendships --- wherein thus I have allowed preprogrammed fears, anxiety and insecurity in relation to other people to direct me whenever I am around people --- rather than me standing as power within and as who I am HERE within and as self-movement and self-expression in oneness and equality with all beings in my environment – and therein stand as the self-directive principle of who I really am as life, wherein I decide and determine my relationships and interaction with the beings around me, based on self-realized common sense within and as what is best for all as me
I commit myself to, within my interaction with X, investigate for myself what it means to stand as a point of power and control within and as myself – wherein I stand in oneness and equality with X, where I accept and embrace her as who she really is within and as herself as a being – without having a personal agenda towards her such as a desire for friendship and acceptance --- and to therein accept myself as who I really am within and as myself – and to therein stand as a living example of what is best for all as true unconditional acceptance and support and as a living example and statement of what ‘friendship’ really is, as me standing as a point of unconditional support within and as unconditional acceptance of another as who they are within and as their expression and an equal and one acceptance of myself as who I really am
When and as I see the thought come up within myself that If I do not belong with, am part of or accepted by a specific group of people, I cannot exist, together with the emotional experience of fear – I stop and breathe – and I see, realize and understand that this thought is based on and is coming from unconscious preprogrammed beliefsystems with regards to my ‘purpose’ in life in this world being ‘survival’ within and as the mind consciousness system, wherein I ‘need’ the best chances at finding/getting/having a partner, by for instance belonging to a group of beings that receive the most attention  from and are the most noticed by everyone else

Where, I see, realize and understand that if and when I allow myself to be influenced, defined and directed by this preprogrammed thought and energetic experience of fear and desire, connected with the thought that I cannot exist if and when I cannot reproduce within and through relationships with other humans – I am in fact suppressing and compromising the actual real existence of myself which is life within and as myself as who I really am – and therein in fact creating the experience of desire to ‘exist’, and am therein creating a vicious cycle where the more I chase specific relationships in search for ‘my existence’, based on an idea that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind, the more I suppress and compromise who I really am within and as myself as existence, and the more I thus create the desire to ‘exist’                                                 
Where, I commit myself to break this vicious circle of energy and to stand up as life within and as the physical by being aware of when I, within my mind, am looking at other people, and experience a desire of ‘being part of them/their group’ – to in that moment, bring my attention back to myself, towards myself and see, realize and understand that within that moment, the mind is creating the illusion of projecting my ‘existence’ outside of myself within ‘other people’ within and as the idea that ‘who I am’ exist within and as ‘survival’ and that I need relationships with other people in order to obtain that ‘survival’ – which is in fact the opposite of who I really am as life within and as myself, which is HERE in each and every moment, as an unconditional expression within and as the physical, wherein who I am stands and exist within and as the point of ‘eternity’, in oneness and equality with the eternity within/of the physical 
Where thus, within this, I see, realize and understand that the point of ‘survival’ is a word/concept that the mind has made up to create a separation within myself, from myself as life as eternity --- through defining the word ‘survival’ within and as the concept/idea of ‘past, present and future’,  as something separate from the manifested eternity within/of physical reality  that is here in every moment of breath --- which is in fact designed to deliberately generate the emotional experience of FEAR within and as the mind as within and as the idea of ‘survival’ I believe that I am not really present/existing HERE, but I have to ‘obtain’ or ‘have’ or ‘get’ my existence somewhere else, in the ‘future’, which will create/cause an experience of insecurity and uncertainty as fear within myself
And so herein I commit myself to walk the journey to discover, see and realize who I really am as HERE, as eternity manifested within and as physical substance and expression within and as each moment of breath – and to therein discover who I am in relation to the people in my environment if and when I do not allow myself to be directed or influenced by preprogrammed survival patterns of thoughts and emotional reactions and if/when I rather stand as the living expression of me as physical substance as life within and as the physical --- as the living statement that I need, require or desire nothing to be and exist and that I am HERE as all that exist within and as me
I commit myself to stand as a point of support and stability for myself in the moments where the emotional experience of fear comes up, connected with thoughts that ‘if I am not part of, belong with and am accepted by this individual/individuals, I will not be able to live/exist/survive’ --- where it feels as though if I do not react to and act on this fear by stepping into the chameleon character where I will observe the individual/individuals and change/adapt my expression to be like theirs or to fit into theirs, I will die or something really awful will happen to me --- by using breath in that moment to remind myself that ‘I am HERE’, ‘I am the physical body as life eternal manifested within and as myself’, where ‘I AM that which I seek and want and desire from this individual/individuals’ – and, if needed, I speak a self forgiveness statement and a self corrective statement in that moment in silence within myself to stabilize myself within myself in relation to this individual/individuals and in relation to the memories in my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect with them --- and thus therein give myself the chance and the opportunity to discover and explore who I actually really am as life here within and as the physical




1 opmerking:

bella zei

really cool self-support here Kim, thanks for sharing this process!