2014 How I Stopped the War on People

 2014 How I Stopped the War on People

Changing Conflict and argument into Care and Consideration

I remember when I first started vlogging and blogging in the beginning stages of walking my process of investigating the mind, investigating reality and finding solutions for the problems that I as an individual face within myself in terms of my emotional and mental experiences and the problems that we as a collective face in this world, such as poverty, starvation, rape, murder, etcetera - whenever someone would comment on a vlog that I had made or a blog that I had written that from my perspective didn't immediately give off the 'vibe' that they agree with what I had to say, I went into heavy reactions of anger, which I experienced within myself as this stance of 'righteousness', wherein I felt like I was this crusader out to defend the truth against all who opposed it. 'The truth' being that which I at the time believed about reality.

Then from the starting point of that internal reaction to the comment of the specific person, I would start activating thoughts in my mind at a very fast pace of all the things that I could say to this person to disprove their stance and to prove that my point which I was conveying and sharing was 'right' and that they are 'wrong'. In my mind I would have these entire speeches at the ready that were the product of my desire to just find a way to get this person to see and realize and understand that their view and understanding of reality has all along been 'wrong' and that what I am showing and telling them is 'right' -- wherein I was basically almost expecting some kind of 'revelation' to take place within this person, and for them to go 'Oh My God! You are absolutely right! I cannot believe how lost I was in my own beliefs and thoughts! Thank you so much for showing me the light, Oh Great Master!'.

This reaction within myself of anger and frustration when someone didn't immediately agree with me, which I would within my mind always interpret and experience as a blatant attack of my words, my opinions and my person, wouldn't only take place in online discussions and conversations, but also occurred in my home environment with the people close to me. I would get into many heated discussions with my mother and her partner, whom I lived with at the time, and with my friends and family members, wherein the starting point of the discussion that always turned into arguing was that I was trying to defend myself against a perceived enemy based on the idea and belief in my mind that they are against me as what I am expressing in my words, which was mostly some statement that I had made about 'how things are', like about how politics and the economy should be changing and how people should change because the world is going to hell, etcetera -- just because they didn't immediately say 'wow Kim, yes I see now! You are so absolutely right! Thank you for sharing this insight with me and please help me to change!'.

This tendency of being so reactive towards people in relation to discussing matters of the world didn't only come up at that specific time in my life when I started walking my process of Self-Change, even though it may have appeared that way, because I was getting into arguments with people in my immediate environment as well as online almost on a daily bases -- within my quest to 'defend and spread the truth', which was in other words my quest to push and force my personal agenda onto everyone else from the starting point of believing that I am 'right' and that everyone who doesn't agree with me is 'wrong' and so now I must 'fight' for what is 'right' and wherein I wasn't aware that, from an observers perspective, I was kind of turning into a little dictator on a small scale in my relationships with the people in my small world of influence.

That reactive and self-righteous nature was actually already existent within myself ever since I became a teenager and had acquired some reasoning and logical thinking skills and so from the age that I was able to form 'thought-constructs' in my own head through connecting information that I had learned and picked up in my world and environment -- that had now become 'my information', 'my opinions' and 'my perspectives' which I believed contained my 'identity' as a being, a belief that explains why I felt like I had to defend those opinions and perspectives against all those who might question or criticize them. It was however only once I started exploring information and ways of looking at reality that was different from what I had learned and come in contact with in my life so far, that this little self-righteousness demon in the mind became visible and was lured out of its lair - because what I found is that as long as the information that I identify myself with is the same or similar to that of the people in my environment, then we will agree on pretty much everything, because we think alike  - but from the moment that there is a shift in that information, when for instance one person comes in contact with a specific group in 'the world out there' who present different information in the form of opinions, ideas, perceptions and beliefs, then conflict arises because now there are differences of opinions coming up.

It’s the same phenomenon that plays out between people from different cultures, families, religions, ages and other types of backgrounds. There is essentially just a difference in information contained in the mind of these individuals - depending on the environment that they grew up in - and so a difference in values, norms and beliefs in relation to reality, which often then makes way for conflict to arise between people from different backgrounds as each individual is in defence mode in relation to the information they believe represents and defines 'who they are' within and as their mind.

So basically in those beginning stages of walking my process of Self-Change and Self-Realization, I felt like my relationships with the people around me was like a war-zone and like I had to fight people - because I was fighting for the information that I had at that time come in contact with and that I had now come to identify myself with, which was information in relation to why one should walk a process of Self-Change, why the world needs Change, why people need to Change, etcetera --- and so basically I was fighting for my existence and survival as an 'Identity' - this 'Identity' being a system/construct of information in the Mind.

How I over time as I furthered into walking my actual process of Self-Change and Self-Realization changed this inner nature of reactive self-righteousness in relation to other people and specifically in relation to myself as who I believe I am and what information of and within myself as my Mind I believe must be defended - is through having first of all realized and taken my responsibility for my own mind, meaning that I not only became aware of how my experience that other people were 'attacking me' when they  were 'not agreeing with me', was in fact more my own perception of the situation that was coming from and existed within the Ego within my mind wherein I had defined myself within specific 'opinions' and information about 'reality', but I also changed this attackative relationship with other people in my internal and external reality.

In other words, a very valuable gift that I have learned in this process is to be humble in my expression towards other people and to, when I see that reaction coming up within myself where I want to go into a fighting mode towards another person, which is a specific conflictual experience within myself - rather than expressing myself from that experience and actually going into conflict with another person, I stop myself and apply the realization and understanding that this perceived 'conflict' in relation to this other person and their words is nothing personal but is actually rather a consequence of the fact that we both come from different backgrounds and we use different vocabulary and words to describe and define different things.

This means that I have to now become firstly honest with myself about the words that this person is using that I am reacting to within myself because somewhere along the line I have accepted and allowed myself to define those words as 'bad' and 'negative', because it is those internal definitions of words that I am actually reacting to with resistance and not so much to the person themselves. And then from that starting point of clearing my own prejudices and judgments of words, I can start seeing beyond the words and start investigating who this person really is as a being within the words that they speak - considering that they may use different words to describe the exact same thing as what I am describing and speaking about, just because those are the words that they have learned throughout their life to form part of their vocabulary and so that is what they will use to describe who they are within themselves and to express themselves within. So it Is up to me now to find that starting point of firstly what this being is really expressing and secondly where the vocabulary and the words that they use actually come from.

Because, we human beings are in a way systems of information and the information that we will express is the information that we have throughout our lives come in contact with and aligned ourselves with. So if I go and just react to someone because I don't personally like the words that they are expressing and how they are expressing themselves within and as the words they speak, then I am in fact reacting from the most superficial layer of my own mind wherein I do not see this process that I have walked myself in my life in relation to learning specific words and aligning myself with specific words that I have throughout my life come in contact with - and so I will also not see that process within another.

What I found for myself is that to start seeing that process within another, meaning the process that they have walked to become who they are and how they express themselves in the words that they speak - is where you make a shift within yourself from being and existing as an Ego within the superficial layers of the system of information that is the Mind, to existing within a genuine Care and Consideration for other beings. And that is where real communication with others can start forming - as communication will now not  be from the starting point of internal reactions but from the starting point of really getting to know a person and finding ways to start understanding a person and to start speaking to and with who they are as a being within themselves and so not the system of information that they have become throughout their lifetime here on earth. And that is a gift that can only start unfolding once you allow yourself to be open when communicating with another being, where you look past your own internal reactions and you stand within the realization that this other being's expression is one and equal with your own expression - they are just using a different vocabulary to express who they are. So, the words may be different and the 'system of information' that is being expressed may be different, but the being at the core of it is one and equal with ourselves.

There is a Free Online Course - DIP Lite - that will assist and support you to start walking the first steps in the process of investigating and understanding who you are within and as the System of Information as the mind -- and so to start understanding why and how it is that we sometimes go into conflict and arguments with other people based on and because of the words that are being spoken, as a consequence of us not actually understanding who we are within the words that we speak.