2012 I Fear being a bad mother

"bad mother" is obviously a judgment that only exist 'in the eyes of others', that is built upon comparison with specific stories that we've read in the news papers or heard somewhere about apparently 'bad mothers' that apparently 'don't raise their child in the right way' - according to all sorts of theories and books that apparently 'have the answer to good motherhood' to which we all simply adapt in our combined fear of being judged by each other as a 'bad mother'.

The fear of being a bad mother actually has got nothing to do with the baby/child - in experiencing this fear, we don't actually consider the baby/child at all, as we are only thinking about our ego within thoughts such as 'what will the other mothers think of me', 'I don't want to be rejected', 'I want them to respect and accept me', 'what if they think I am a bad mother and talk badly about me in the news papers like they do about all the other 'bad mothers' ', 'I don't want to lose face - I want them to like me and support me in my idea that I am a good mother', etc.

So this fear symbolizes the fear of 'going to hell' through being judged. And the fact that this fear of being judged as 'bad' and then going to hell, wherein I will for ever exist in guilt and shame, exist within myself implies that I actually already judge myself as 'bad' because otherwise I would simply trust myself and not even fear going to hell (=feeling guilty and ashamed), as I would realize that there is no reason why I should have to go to hell, because I am 'OK' as who I naturally am.

So, there exist the idea within myself that I am not OK as who I 'naturally am', that I am 'inherently bad/evil' and thus I must 'stick to the rules' within for instance taking care of a baby, and copy other people to make sure that I will always 'do the right thing' in the eyes of others.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a bad mother

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the judgment 'bad mother'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words 'bad mother' with fear and thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot trust myself when taking care of a baby by believing that i am 'inherently bad' and that I thus have to 'follow the rules' and 'copy other people' to make sure that i am 'good', in the eyes of other people

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel terrified and petrified of being judged as 'bad' by other people

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect petrification to the word 'bad' and thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear petrification

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the emotional experience of petrification by fearing it

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgments

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in judgments by judging other people as being for instance a 'bad mother' by copying the opinions and judgments of what I read in the news papers and hear from other people as they tell stories about apparent 'bad mothers' who apparently don't raise their child in the 'right way' - and to therefore also fear being judged as how I judge others within my mind

i forgive myself that i have allowed and accepted myself to participate in judgments and allow judgments to exist within myself - instead of realizing that all judgments that exist within myself is what i had heard from my environment at one point or another, and that i simply copied from other people, tacitly accepting these judgments about reality as 'other people' as 'the truth', never investigating reality for myself and literally 'never looking further than my nose is long' and realizing that life as who i am as oneness and equality is neither good nor bad, it is no judgment, it is life and me as life am always what is best for life because I am life - to judge myself or to believe that i am judgments is to already state that i separate myself from life, no matter if i judge myself as 'good' or 'bad'


i realize that i am not judgments - and i realize that the judgment of 'bad mother' is in fact a 'scare tactics' as a 'fear label' that the system of humanity uses to keep every human being enslaved to and within judgments as separation, continuously overlooking reality as what is truly best for all - as we get lost within our desire to 'do good' in the eyes of 'God', wherein we don't ever take responsibility for our actions and consequently create a fuck up.

when and as I see judgments such as 'bad mother' coming up within myself when I am with a baby - i stop within myself and i breathe and i stand and remain constant and stable within myself within and as the realization that who i am as the natural, simplistic expression of myself here, is life itself as oneness and equality - I am one and equal with this child as me and I stand within myself within and as the realization that i do not need rules, regulations or judgments to get me to 'do the right thing' as i realize that within what is best for all, there is no 'right or wrong', there is only 'best for all as me' within and as oneness and equality which is who i naturally am here. Thus, i do not allow myself to go into fear of 'not doing it right' or fear of 'being wrong' - as i realize that that is a selfish fear wherein i don't consider the child that is here with me or any other being besides myself and my personal desires of feeling accepted and noticed by other people as the desire to feel good about myself.

thus i breathe through this fear of being judged as 'bad' - within and as the realization that this fear is not really me as i am not a judgment - I am life as the living expression of myself and i do not allow myself to be any less than who i really am as life. I do not allow myself to be scared into diminishing myself through fear of judgments.