a thing that motivates me to be dishonest in this reality, to lie, to manipulate, to cheat, just so that i would 'get' something in this world, be it money or friends and companions or to be accepted by some group, is fear of death and dying.
the belief that 'i must stay alive at whatever costs' and this 'whatever costs' can be for instance pretty severe lying to and manipulating of other people, because apparently i 'have to' do that otherwise some 'bad' things might happen to me in the future.
i exist to ensure my future, to ensure that i will still be alive in the future because 'still being alive in the future', is what fear of dying is all about.
so why do i fear dying? i fear dying because of things that i ve heard about dying, .. and they were all negative. i ve for instance heard from someone that 'you are so screwed if you allow yourself to die' or that you can go to hell when you die. or that when you die, the body is still aware, so you will feel the maggots underground gnawing at your feet, etc. there exist a general fear of dying within reality, a fear that i ve encountered within my parents and family. when somebody dies, people get weird, they dont know what to say, they feel awkward, they behave as though something so absolutely awful and terrible has just happened that we cannot even talk about it in a normal way. and i ve noticed that, when someone dies, actually secretly we're all thinking 'thank got that it wasn't me' and 'thank god that that didn't happen to my family', which is why we have such a hard time talking about it when someone has died, because there is so much secret selfish backchat going on, that all has to do with each beings personal fear of dying and being faced and confronted with death.
so, when it comes to death, i ve learned not to talk about it, to just not mention it, because talking about death is somehow 'inappropriate' because people don't like to think about death, they don't like to be confronted with the fact that one day they will die, one day we will all die, it's a natural thing.
this only shows that clearly we are living our lives within and as the deliberate denial of death, as a natural inevitable thing that will happen to all of us sooner or later.
people want to feel good, and when you bring up death in a conversation, it makes them feel 'not so good', it makes us feel uneasy. so this means that feeling good is actually denying what is REAL, because we can only feel good when we don't talk about what is real, which is death for instance, or other things that are real and that we best not mention too much in 'feel good'-conversations are war, starving children in Africa, animal/child abuse, people that have been marginalized by the system forcing them to live on the streets and that don't have a future, etc...
i mean, this is the actual real physical reality, things that are happening in this world as we speak, and that is the only thing that we cannot really speak about. we can make 'chitchat' but talking about what is actually going on in reality, forget it.
because reality and the real situation of this world reminds us too much of death.
so, what do i fear about dying? what could be so 'bad' about dying. for some reason i seem to think and believe that dying is a 'bad' thing, as in 'i'm not allowed/supposed to die', i HAVE TO stay alive. which is actually strange, because i will die eventually.
and what does dying actually mean? dying means being alone with myself, returning to 'the source', losing everything, being in the great void... so what i am afraid of is ME, my experience when i'm dead, which is HELL. my own self created hell as the experience that exist and that could exist within myself. i mean, aside from what people have told me about dying, in the end, when i die, i will just be with me, alone, and it wont matter what anyone has told me about dying, that it is bad or that i will end up in hell or be eternally screwed or whatever. no matter how long i ve been postponing death in my lifetime, death will be a reality, so 'hell' will be a reality, when i ve died, hell or heaven, it all depends on me. death will show me who i truly am, the experience of myself 'dead', will reveal to me who i am inside, as that which has always been there, underneath the sur'face' of the physical reality, underneath all of those 'good feelings'.
it is not acceptable in any way to fear dying, to live in fear of death, because clearly, death is me, i will be with me when i ve died, only with me. so, it is unacceptable to be afraid of me. because, consider this: i will live maybe up to 90 years on this earth, within the human physical body, seemingly 'with other people', and then i will spend an ETERNITY in death, alone with me, and that's a hell of a lot longer than the time that i spent here in the physical, pretending that i am not alone, which is what every human being actually believes: that we are not alone.
no, we are apparent identities and personalities that are in constant relation to other people like family and friends. 'we' are a 'group', a society/family/friends/country/etc... if you look at people, all they do is form groups and then express themselves AS that group. for instance a religion, the people 'in' the religious group will express themselves within and as the beliefs and opinions of the group. they will not express themselves as a being that stand alone, no they have in fact 'become' the group, believing that they are not alone. but then, inevitably, death comes, and will come as a surprise and a shock for people, because it will show us that we ARE alone and we've actually always been alone.
i mean, i m not saying that groups aren't real, i m saying that it is cool to be in a group and to participate in a group of people, as beings that simply come together, but only from the perspective of standing within and as the absolute realization that in essence you are alone, this is where you came from and where you will return to in death: yourself. standing as this realization you wont easily define yourself to or 'give up your life' for a group, for 'other people', as something that is apparently 'outside of yourself', you wont easily be led into acts where you compromise yourself for the sake of 'what the group wants' because you would realise that, when you die and thus return to self, you'll have to live with the decisions that you made, so if you've compromised yourself for something that was never actually real from the perspective that it just 'vanishes' at death, then you'll be faced with your disrespect towards yourself and you'll have to find a way to forgive yourself and live with yourself alone again.
so from this perspective: death will be hell if you have in fact been dishonest towards yourself within your physical life, if you have allowed yourself to participate within the illusion that you are apparently 'not alone' and when you have, within that, 'given yourself away' to a group so you could 'belong to the group' and get support from the group because you feared death as being alone with you. this is the real hell: when you then have to face yourself before yourself when you've died (which, again, is inevitable).
i mean, in my life, my worst fear has been to be alone with myself, and i found that normal, because the beings around me like my parents and friends, my apparent reality supported this fear and they supported the idea that 'i am not really alone', they made it seem as though mommy and daddy will always be here to take care of me, to comfort me, to protect me,...
this is why it would hurt so much to lose a parent or a family member, because i ve allowed myself to actually believe that they would be with me 'forever', never realizing and accepting the reality of death... because nobody ever told me about what reality really is. my parents would just sort of brainwash me into believing that i am 'their little girl', that 'they created me' and that i am completely linked to them and dependent on them and so they are apparently a 'part of who i am', a belief system that is actually responsible for so much suffering in this world because we believe that we actually lose a part of ourselves when we lose a parent or someone that we've created a 'link'/relationship with.
it's interesting that this fear of dying is our biggest fear and the thing that we're trying to ignore and escape from the most in our world, but it is also the only real reality, it is the only thing that is a fact, a certainty, an inevitability.
it seems so crazy that i've ever feared death and that i have accepted this as my experience of life and living, because what is more absurd then to fear something that is going to happen anyways, it's just nature. just goes to show how disconnected i was from nature and reality. and if i am not (connected to) nature/reality, then what the hell am i?
this is really fucked up, people!!! it is about time that we start to understand this, that we start to actually look at where our fears come from, because for instance our biggest fear, fear of dying, is the greatest illusion/joke of all times, because why the hell should we fear death? give me one reason! fearing death is like not accepting life/existence, because this is what exist: we live, we die, and that's it. who are we to say or think that this isn't good or ok? who are we to say that death and dying is 'bad'? who are we to judge existence? because that would imply that we are 'above' life, when we are clearly not, because we are very much subjected to the rules of life which is 'you live', 'you die'.
for some reason, we ve created this idea/belief that 'life' is better than 'death', that when you are 'alive', you are 'better' or 'more' than if you were dead, which is the basis for our fear of dying. not realizing obviously that such a belief system can only exist when you are 'alive' within the physical reality, because then you have a mind, you can think and feel, you can react to what your eyes see, so you can believe in shit. but when you're dead all this would not even exist, you would not be 'less' then when you were alive, you'd just be dead. you'd probably just realize that all those things that you believed in when 'alive', weren't even real in the first place.
so, people, let's be real specific within asking ourselves where this fear of dying comes from, that makes us do the most idiotic and self-compromising things. lets research the real reality that is here under our very noses and that tells us how and what things really are and how and what life really is in spite of what our parents/family/religion/... have told us. let us dare to face life that is here as that which we've always disregarded and ignored and let us dare to question ourselves and our accepted reality as belief systems and fears.
If you are ready to face yourself as the mind and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsability for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.
Thank you.
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