2011 How I've been keeping myself from actual Learning and Understanding as a standing.

how i ve been keeping myself from actual learning and understanding as a standing.

i ve always, since the beginning of this process, assumed that i dont really need to read all of the articles on the desteni website, i dont really need to read other peoples blogs and articles, i dont need to do all that research and effort because 'i know what it s all about' and so i dont really need to make an effort, 'i know what reality is all about, what reality is'. this is nothing but an ego statement that the mind as ego uses to protect itself, to keep me from actually changing. because the ego believes itself to be unable to change, and its justification for that belief is that apparently i as ego already know all there is to know, i already know what needs to be done, who i am, whats going on in reality etc.
i havent actually read anything, i havent actually done any research because apparently that isnt necessary, i already know what i m going to read anyway.

i as the ego keep myself from APPLYING myself, this is the most important point within change, within process, is application. and application would be to in fact read the material and to in fact do the research because the reality of the situation is that if i dont do research because i believe that i know already all there is to know anyway, i remain stupid, and deep down i actually know this about myself, i will see other beings move forward within their written application, within their expression, expressing their actual insight and understanding in and of reality, because they ve actually done their research in spite of what their ego told them. this is practical application, and without it, change is impossible.

because without actually physically doing things in this reality i just sit still and the mind becomes stuck and stagnant, never actually learning anything because i m not giving myself the opportunity to in fact learn and experience by protecting myself as the ego as my knowledge, that i already know and experience and that i trust in, within not actually moving myself physically in reality.