In the beginning of the year 2008 I discovered Desteni and the Process of self-forgiveness. I initially felt attracted to their website because of the portal video's that I watched on Youtube, which I felt were very peculiar and intriguing.
Quickly I learned about this 'self-forgiveness' process as what Desteni was in fact all about. All their video's of Sunette channeling various different beings and manifestations were cool and interesting, but if one watch the video's, one would realize that the message of every being communicating through the portal always comes down to pretty much the same thing - which is the process of self-forgiveness and that the human must stop the mind and become aware of itself as life. And this was actually quite cool, that the dimensions from Hitler to a fly on the wall to Kurt Cobain spoke as one, with one message - which differs substantially from what I am used to in this world of millions of different human beings, all with their own personal message about what is apparently 'real' and 'the truth' -- it tends to get confusing.
And that was pretty much the mind-set that I was experiencing myself in/as when and before I found Desteni, one of confusion as it seemed clear to me that according to humanity there is no one answer to life, to what is going on in this world - though it is clear that something is going on, something really fishy is going on. Yet, each being in my environment and throughout the world would have their own personal answer about what the problems are and what the solutions are - and each one would talk about them as though what they are saying is the one true answer.
The fascinating and intriguing thing about Desteni that appealed to me very much was that they would share what they realized about what is going on in reality, but they would urge all to come to those realizations for themselves through applying the process of self-forgiveness, as they had done themselves. And that is why I decided to give self-forgiveness a try - because I realized and knew instantly that this is probably the closest thing I will ever get to finding out what is real for myself, which is by doing it for myself, finding out for myself.
There did come a point where I was faced with these paranoid thoughts and fears within myself of Desteni possibly being a cult as what I had heard many beings in my direct and indirect environment say about Desteni - but I quickly realized that the 'cult-point' basically has to do with a desire to belong with a group and to give my power away to a group that existed within myself, which I had actually been doing my entire life and I realized that the only way to make absolutely sure that I am not part of a cult is to stop these desires within myself by forgiving them and to stand alone within and as myself, within full awareness of who I am here.
Self-forgiveness is a tool to be used alone, in the alone-ness of myself, and really doesn't have anything to do with Desteni. In applying self-forgiveness is where I take the time to look within myself at who I am as what exist within myself of thoughts, feelings and emotions. It is fascinating to realize now how unaware I was back then of myself - by for instance never even noticing these thoughts, feelings and emotions within myself, never even considering to look at them and ask myself 'Where does all this stuff come from?' and 'Is this really me?', as I had always accepted this 'inner hidden reality' as 'normal' and 'who I am' while at the same time not even knowing anything about myself as to how I got the way I was and why I was experiencing myself the way I was.
The one point that makes the application of self-forgiveness stick out from and kick but of all other 'self-help' methods or spiritual guidance, messages and practices with regards to changing oneself, is the point of self-responsibility. As this is the one point that I found to be crucial in my process of self-change. There are many things about myself that I have throughout my life always accepted as 'who I am', for instance certain emotional experiences towards my family and friends, most of which I experienced unconsciously (so I wasn't even directly aware of actually experiencing myself as such) - that I have been able to simply stop only by realizing my self-responsibility through applying self-forgiveness. And this is something that I never considered even possible as I had already believed myself to be 'unchangeable' and thus in a way a victim of myself as my inner experiences.
So, how does that work? When one applies self-forgiveness, one actually says "I realize and place myself as the point of God/creator of myself and thus responsible for how I experience myself and I forgive myself for what I have done unto myself through thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus set myself free from the belief that I am 'but a victim of God/Creator/Creation' and give myself a chance to stand up as a new being". This is a direct 'self-communication' - 'indirect self-communication' would then be like thoughts that simply run rampantly through ones mind dictating ones every move without self even being remotely aware of where these thoughts come from.
With self-forgiveness as direct self-communication, one takes responsibility for what one allows to exist within oneself and what not. This is why the point of 'writing out the thought patterns, feelings and emotional experiences' in self-honesty is so important, as one firstly needs to become aware of what it is that actually exist within self - because as long as these thoughts and experiences remain hidden, they are not seen and thus not considered and realized as what is in fact driving and directing self within the existence of self here in reality.
And the only way to actually 'reach' this point of realizing self-responsibility is through applying self-forgiveness as the direct self-communication of making it clear to self that 'I see what exist within myself and I take responsibility for it here and now', which we start to do with all our conscious thoughts and work our way 'down' from there, peeling off layer by layer of the entire mind-construct.
Initially, in the beginning of my process - I would just write self-forgiveness lists about everything and anything, and I actually really enjoyed it. I enjoyed the fact that for once in my life I could be honest with myself as to what actually exist within myself, I enjoyed being able to write down the thoughts, memories and experiences that I had always kept hidden within the belief that they are 'bad' and should thus not be spoken or written, that in fact I should hide them within myself from the rest of the world and exist forever more in fear of human beings finding out what actually exist inside of myself as all those hidden thoughts. I knew in my gut that this is the real deal, this is how it should have always been, which is brutal self-honesty, not being afraid to look myself in the eyes and being able to stand in the face of all that exist within myself without shame, guilt or regret.
A major point for me wherein I have changed substantially within the process of self-forgiveness, is self-trust - I have calmed down a lot since the beginning of my process (which is really visible in my vlog-timeline) as I learned to trust myself more and more in taking responsibility for my inner experiences through getting to know myself and becoming aware of how I created myself into who I became as the mind.
Humanity and the Process of Self-Forgiveness
There are no excuses for our unawareness, because at the moment we are literally robots taking orders from our own thoughts that come from 'God-knows-where', trying to find a way to 'manage' and 'control' ourselves and this world, trying to find an escape from our fears, stress and frustrations - and all the while claiming that we apparently have 'free-choice', when really how can that be when we're not even aware of who we are and how we got the way we are. How can freedom exist without self-awareness?!
And the ones who are suffering the most of our unawareness is nature, animals and children - which then backfires on all of us again as we don't even realize that we need nature and animals to survive and we need our children to become responsible human beings that manage earth in a respectful, dignified and responsible way - which is at this point not the case as we who teach them are definitely not the living example of what is best for life here.
So, I would definitely suggest the process of self-forgiveness to all who read this - old or young, male or female, because we are all here on this one planet, therefore we must all become aware of our presence here, of who we are as one and equal to life so that we may direct this reality to become a heaven on earth for all living beings one and equal with ourselves!