2012 The Spiritual Path of "you'll understand when you're older"

"You will see/know/understand when you get older", is a line that parents tend to throw at their children from time to time to get them to passively accept what the parent preaches/teaches without ever questioning the message. They speak these words when a child would start to ask questions about something that the parent said, that for the parent seem 'annoying' as the parent simply wants the child to listen and do what it is told from the notion that 'mother/father knows best - so then why question them?'

Maybe initially they'll attempt to explain why the child needs to do this or that when it starts asking questions - but eventually when it still doesn't 'just do what it is supposed to (according to the parent)' and continues to ask questions, it seems easier for parents to say to the child that 'they will see/know/understand it all as they get older', so for now they should just trust that the parent knows best and not ask so many questions.

So many parents use this phrase 'you'll understand when you're older', without fully looking into what this actually implies, the intention that really lies behind it and the consequences on the child's further development in the way they experience themselves and reality.

Essentially what is being conveyed within this statement of 'understanding what is going on in the world and why we must do certain things only when we've grown up', is that 'life', 'reality' and 'the world is apparently so much bigger and greater than the child and the child is thus placed in an inferior position towards life/reality/the world, eager to grow up as fast as possible to apparently be able to step out of the experience of inferiority and into an experience of 'being a worthy and complete part of reality' just like mom and dad.

Within these words, the child believes that it needs lots and lots of knowledge and information about the world, just like mom and dad, to be a complete and worthy being in this reality - thus believing that 'I will only become complete when I have gathered information and knowledge through growing older in this world'.

This not only creates the experience within the child that they are 'not good enough' as who they are because apparently 'who they have to be' exist somewhere in the distant future - but it is also a self-destroying prophecy because it is in asking questions that children learn about reality, thus they are being kept from expanding themselves and their understanding of reality by being blocked from asking questions through statements like this.

I will now share my experience of living within and as this statement that I had learned from my parents to show that this statement is in fact false and does not serve anyone or anything but the ego of the parents.

Based on the belief that I am 'dumb' and 'stupid' because 'I don't know enough' as what I had learned throughout my childhood in the way that grown ups like my parents and teachers interacted with me, often using these types of statements like 'you'll understand when you're older' to basically shut me up and stop me from asking questions, I existed in this belief and feeling within myself that I have to accumulate as much information and knowledge as I possibly can in as little time as possible to 'become full' and 'whole' as a being.

this started when I was around 10 years old. I just wanted to feel powerful, I just wanted to feel smart so that no one would ever again have 'intellectual superiority' over me and I would never again feel inferior as what I experienced towards my parents. So I would make it a sport of using vocabulary as these big and expensive words and being creative in finding ways of explaining a point so as to convince the other person that I am right and they are wrong and thus I would experience myself to be 'intellectually superior'.

Later in my life, around 18 years of age, this desire of 'being really smart' transformed into a 'spiritual quest' - as the fear of 'not being smart enough' and 'not understanding reality' and thus feeling inferior, had fully integrated itself within me as a part of the personality that I believed myself to be. I believed that knowledge is 'life'/'reality' and therefore I believed that I must get to know all that exist in reality, I must learn about everything, every theory, every conspiracy, every structure, every teaching in this world to make sure that I become a full being - just like buddha. I wanted to make sure that I become 'enlightened' in this lifetime through gathering knowledge and information about 'the universe' and 'reality' in the form of spiritual teachings as fast as possible so that I could eventually stand in that position of being able to say to other beings that 'they will understand when they grow up' or that 'they aren't ready to understand/grasp this or that yet' as what my parents told me, wherein I would draw from my vast amount of knowledge and experiences about reality to prove that 'I am superior in my understanding of life' and that everyone should just listen to me and trust me.

This is also the way many 'spiritual leaders/guru's/teachers' have set themselves up - to stand as that point of ultimate superior 'understanding' within having accumulated 'life-experiences' and 'spiritual wisdom/knowledge' from where they will apparently 'know' who people are and how/what reality is and are able to brush off people that dare question them by stating that 'they are not yet aware' or 'they will see/understand in another life-time' or 'they are not yet mature'. The same goes for beings that have gone to college and earned a college-degree, who have thus gathered more information about reality than others and apparently now stand as 'intellectually superior' and apparently having the 'right' to make claims and statements about 'what reality is' and 'who other beings are' - with their degree as the 'official recognition' that 'they have something to say'.

Now, to come back to my initial point of creating this belief within children that 'they will only understand reality when they've grown up' and that they apparently thus have nothing valid to say in this world - only reveals to us how we have missed the point of what life actually is completely. A child is here, it is alive, so is an animal, a rock, plant, car, and anything that exists here, just like any of us - no matter how old you are, whether or not you know a lot of stuff, read a lot of books, earned lots of degree's, experienced a lot of things, etc.

In fact, the reason why we 'grown ups' have never been able to effectively direct this world into a world that is actually nice, enjoyable and fun to exist in, is because we've completely 'skipped the basics', as we have suppressed ourselves as life completely - only to get lost in knowledge and information within these 'spiritual quests', eternally looking for ourselves within some kind of 'evolutionary process' - instead of realizing that we have in fact always been here and the answer to life, the answer to creating a heaven on earth, has always been here within the simplicity of a child as who we really are.

Now that we're older - would we say that we really do 'understand' what it is all about? Or have we only gotten more lost and confused within the maze of knowledge and information inside our minds? - having forgotten completely that the reason why we became so 'wise' and 'intelligent' is because we just wanted to feel better about ourselves, because we believed that we weren't already complete and ok just the way we are, and not because we necessarily needed all of that knowledge and information.

I got so 'wise' and apparently 'intellectually superior' that I got stuck in questions such as 'Who am I?' and 'What is real?' - because there existed so many concepts about reality within myself as this 'spiritual wisdom' that it leaves one to wonder if all of it is necessary in fact or even real in the first place.

It took a process of self-forgiveness, which I am still walking (since 2008), to completely walk backwards through all of what I had allowed myself to construct within myself as belief-systems about 'what is real' and 'who I am' - as I had eventually realized that while I believed that I was 'evolving' through becoming 'wiser' within and as the mind by accumulating wisdom and knowledge about myself and reality, I was actually 'devolving' because I had been suppressing myself as who I really am as the simplicity of life by defining myself within the belief that 'I will only become a full/complete being when I am older through having accumulated knowledge and experiences that apparently tell me 'what life is all about''.

So, in essence, all that I have understood when and as I got older, is that I've been duped and mislead by human beings that have equally been duped and mislead into believing that I as 'life' require knowledge and information to be able to exist, never realizing that I had only been suppressing life within myself through growing up as a 'knowledge-processing system'.

Investigate Desteni and give yourself the chance and opportunity of getting to know who you are as life and to stop the lie of the mind as knowledge and information.

Jet Blue Pilot gone Wild

Only two weeks after a flight attendant on a US commercial airplane 'lost it', on march 27th it is a pilot that scared the passengers on his plane when he started to show 'unusual behavior' like pushing random buttons in the cockpit, screaming that they were all going to die, adding in some other stuff about the Israel, Iraq and Iran and twitching and jerking his head muscles.

People were, needless to say, baffled and startled, as they didn't know what was going on and because no one ever expects this kind of behavior from pilots and/or flight attendants, as the ones who are known for their almost 'perfect' exterior presentation that seems to always convey that you can trust them, which is obviously necessary when you're on a plane - that you trust the ones who are in charge of the thing to not get you killed.

So, both cases left all by-standers and their own family and friends in a state of confusion as they had no clue why or how they all of a sudden went 'crazy' like that - according to this CBS News article, the landlady of the Pilot was absolutely shocked to hear of his apparent 'meltdown' because she knew him as a happy-go-lucky guy who was always friendly, never seemed to suffer from depression or stress and was always in a good mood.

These are events that basically shake up the foundational values and belief systems that people have about reality, leaving them behind in a state of confusion and an eery sense of not knowing what the hell is going on in this world - for instance in these cases, the belief that humans had about 'flight attendants and pilots being trustworthy and stable beings' got completely shattered as they were faced with these 'mental breakdowns' that seemed to come out of nowhere, that clearly showed that pilots and flight attendants are not as 'perfect' and 'stable' as they look and as they always present themselves to be.

Many structures, institutions and manifestations in this world are in fact based on such belief systems, wherein we trust certain people and institutions, such as politicians, teachers, parents, 'the government', 'hospitals', doctors, nurses, police officers, etc. because of how they are being presented and how they tend to present themselves - which is as if they are more trustworthy than the rest of us and that it is therefore safe to place our lives in their hands as that is what we do every single day.

What situations like this with the flight attendant and the pilot apparently 'losing it' are showing us is that basically our entire experience and perception of reality is based on lies and illusions - as we exist within gullibility, nativity and ignorance wherein we would much rather trust, have faith in and believe in a pretty and nice illusion such as 'I can trust a pilot/politician/nurse/my mother/my teacher/...' that makes us automatically want to follow and believe in what they tell us so that we can feel safe and secure within ourselves, than to look at reality as the FACT that all of these beings that have labeled themselves according to the position that they play in this world of money, are just people just like us - they are not more benevolent or trustworthy. In fact they are just as crazy, deceitful, manipulative and self-dishonest as the rest of us, and they themselves are also just looking for someone to trust and follow just like so many beings trust them.

It is fascinating to watch how human beings seem to exist in such denial of who they really are and of what is really going on in reality, as they allow themselves to be so easily influenced and duped by all the pretty presentations in this world, the pretty pictures wherein most people (especially the ones with money) seem to be 'good' - not realizing that if you have money, then obviously you have a wide range of possibilities to create a certain 'style' in which you will present yourself to 'society' to basically manipulate people into trusting you because you 'look the part' and obviously because people are so very easily misguided because of their own mind and the way they as the mind were programmed to always believe and trust in anyone with money and power as they will (apparently) show the way to survival/safety/security.

Which clearly explains why and how people tend to be mesmerized by the glitter and glamor of 'Hollywood Celeb-society' - almost automatically/instinctively trusting them, only because they look like they have a lot of money, as that 'natural tendency' of the human to only think about it's own survival and thus 'instinctively' turn towards and feel attracted to those that are most able to provide and support that survival like those with the most money in this world, not realizing that the very way the human mind was set up and programmed was to sabotage itself by for instance not being aware of itself and of how reality works and operates - thus often ending up making decisions that were definitely not what was best for life on earth as it was simply driven by a one-dimensional personal emotional experience.


So, what will now happen in this case of the Pilot 'gone mental' and in the case of the flight attendant 'losing her marbles', just like in all cases where these type of 'unexplainable' and unpredictable events occur, is that the 'rationalization-process' begins - and in this 'rationalization-process', various doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and other apparently 'qualified' human beings will bring forth their 'theories/explanations/reasons' for why these two beings had reacted and 'stepped out of their normal programming' in the way that they did. For instance in the news report discussing the flight attendants 'rant', they mention that the reason for her behavior was (or could have been) that she hadn't taken her medication for her 'mental illness'.


And this will only be to appease and comfort the minds of mankind that were for a moment 'undermined' by and through experiencing/witnessing these 'freak events' - so they can once again slide comfortably into that trusted feeling within themselves that 'all is well' and 'all is as it should be' wherein 'everything (seemingly) has its place and can thus to a certain extent be predicted', so we may all once again delude ourselves within feeling that we have reality 'under control', obviously only until the next 'freak event' happens.


Though, instead of simply allowing ourselves to 'settle' for this kind of pre-programmed living that isn't actually living and expression, wherein we exist in complete willful ignorance of what is in fact going on in reality and of who and why we are, why don't we take this opportunity to stop within ourselves and stand up to no longer allow ourselves to exist as these programmed robots of the mind that always need some sort or 'rationalization' of why, how, when and where 'I' am and 'reality' is to apparently be able to 'be ourselves'?

This ignorance of us has gone too far because it does not only affect ourselves, but also all that exist here like nature, animals, children and all other human beings - we all are suffering the consequences of our allowed ignorance of the mind.

Investigate Desteni that will support you in your process of stopping the mind and standing up as a real trustworthy, constant and stable being that takes responsibility for all life that exist here!

2012 Should Reincarnation exist at all?

"A Past Life memory is the same as reading a few pages from a history book in the LIEbrary. The viewer is either a hero or victim in a story of self interest that is blown up to get attention." Bernard Poolman





My experience with reincarnation is that it fascinated me from the perspective of wanting to have a 'past life' that was obviously 'of importance' and 'special' so that i could feel 'profound', 'rich', 'deep' and 'important'.

I had some 'visions'/images/imprints in my mind when I was little which was a little bit like a memory of a 'past life', though back then I didn't pay any real attention to it, it simply existed within me as a part of myself, so what. It was only later in my life when I desired to feel special and unique in some way that I started digging into myself and giving much value to these type of 'curiosities', separating it from myself by glorifying this 'memory of a past life' as something that apparently adds much value to my existence here in this world - something that I could use as a reference point to show and prove to other people that yes indeed I am very special.

Though what I find shocking now, looking at how I have always existed in this world, is that while I experienced myself as apparently 'great', 'superior' and 'unique', I actually knew very little of myself and of reality - as I had taken just this one small part of myself, the 'memory of my past life' (which was really just like a vague short snippet from a dream), and blown it way out of proportion just so that I could feel 'important' and 'special' when I didn't even know where it came from, who I am or was within it, if I even really had a past life, if reincarnation is even real or anything, because I was so obsessed with just being able to feel like I am special for some reason in some way that I used this 'memory', of which I wasn't even sure that it was in fact a memory, for that purpose of blowing up and feeding my delusions of grandeur.

So in this way, the whole concept of 'reincarnation' has only been something 'fascinating', intriguing and apparently 'special' for me because of how thinking and believing that I have a past life made me feel, because surely it must mean that I am so much 'more' than who I am here within and as this life. I have always used the concept of reincarnation to serve my self-interest as the desire to feel special in this life here on earth, because it is obvious that I was basically very dissatisfied with myself and my life - I wanted suspense, I wanted adventure, I wanted to feel like a superhero of sorts, just like in the movies that I had watched. And compared to those movies, my life seemed and felt really boring.

So, realizing that there exist this image within my mind that almost feels like a distant memory but that is not from this lifetime that I am living at the moment, I immediately started going over and over this image in my mind to continuously generate the experience/energy of 'being unique/special'- desiring to remember more about past life times and to have these great eye-opening experiences and revelations so that I could talk about them to other people and so that I could get much attention and recognition for it.

I was so caught up with wanting to feel important in this world, that I deliberately glorified things about this reality such as the concept of reincarnation and the possibility of 'having past lives' so that I could personally feel special - though I never stopped within myself to realize and see what is actually really going on in this world. It never occurred to me to look at this reality as what it is without taking my personal desires, feelings and personality into the equation - but to simply see this reality for what it is. Because then I might notice just how absurd the existence of 'reincarnation' is - I might just notice how absurd my entire life is and has been, wherein I have always been existing within this inner experience of 'not being good enough', always looking for something outside of myself that will apparently 'make me better', without even knowing, seeing or being aware of why or how I got that way and experienced myself as such in the first place.

I might just have noticed that there is something really strange going on with and in this world - with all those spiritual leaders and scripts that speak about the apparent 'glorious process of reincarnation' wherein we are all on a journey to become 'the Buddha Consciousness' through having to come back here to this earth and suffer and learn lesson after lesson without remembering a thing about the previous lessons or if there even was a 'previous life' at all.

I mean, why does reincarnation exist in the first place? Why is there such a construct that has apparently been designed by 'God' or some sort of higher power/force that wants us to suffer like this, running around not knowing who we are, why we are and what is actually going on here?

And more importantly, why have we been accepting reincarnation as the governing force in our lives without ever questioning it's existence in terms of checking to see whether or not this is in fact what is best for all as what is common sense? Even those who say that they 'don't believe in God or a higher power and reincarnation' are still existing here on this planet as if this is not our home. All of us are seeing earth as some kind of 'space-station' on which we're just 'passing through' to get to our 'final destination' that apparently exist after death - which can clearly be seen in the way we interact with earth, nature, animals and all and everything that exist here in this physical reality - those who 'believe in god and reincarnation' and those who do not alike.

It is evident that reincarnation as the subconscious belief that 'there is something more after this life' and that 'this life is just a test/game' is what drives our experience and application of ourselves in this world, because we have as a human race collective not even once taken any form of responsibility for this reality and for ourselves within this reality - the consequences of which we are now slowly but surely coming to grips with.

So, indeed, reincarnation is just a way to side step immediate responsibility and action - it is an excuse that we have been using throughout the ages to postpone finding lasting solutions for this reality so we may experience heaven on earth and it is the reason why we are still postponing, waiting and hoping for solutions to come to us while we are literally standing in a sinking ship watching ourselves within the dysfunctional world-systems that we have allowed to exist go under as if we never saw it coming.

The problem here is that we actually did see it coming, but our 'power' to 'turn a blind eye' and claim ignorance towards what we are aware of deep down within ourselves has always been able to override common sense and taking affirmative action within seeing what should be done to in fact establish a world wherein our experience of ourselves here wouldn't feel like a lesson, punishment or tough job and wherein we wouldn't constantly be looking for a way out through either spirituality or entertainment, which both pretty much come down to the same thing.

So, is reincarnation real? Who is to say? The only thing that is clear in considering who we are and what is in store for us within common sense - is that whether or not reincarnation exist actually makes no difference because it is who we are here in this very moment that defines who we will be and it defines how our reality and experience of reality will be - no matter where we are, here on earth or in the 'after-life'. A change in scenery or situation will not change who we are in any way what so ever - if we do not stand within and as self-responsibility here and now, in this very moment, than we will never be able to experience ourselves as heaven, as life, as existence, as God, as all that is - not in this life, not in the next life and not if we were to 'ascend' to a higher plane in heaven or where ever.

The mess that we create and allow to exist here on this earth, will continue to haunt us until we stand up and take responsibility for it and actually direct it to creating a world that is best for all or until it is too late and we blow all chances of ever realizing and experiencing what life and living really is as what it could be - just like it has been haunting us up to this point where we stand at the brink of crossing the threshold of 'the point of no return' as the point of 'too late-ness'.

So what will it be? Will we stand up and take responsibility for ourselves here and direct this world into what it always should have been as a heaven on earth - or will we rather choose to continue stretching the ignorance of the mind of existing within the idle hope that a solution will come to us or that we will get another chance in our next life while all goes to irreparable shit and we push ourselves to that point of looking at what we've allowed to be done, saying to ourselves 'shit, if only I had moved myself sooner...', 'if only I had stood up when I still had the chance to make a difference'?

We do not want to experience the latter!


Support an Equal Money System and stop the endless cycles of ignorance as the mind, to stand up as a self-empowered being with Desteni.

2012 I fear asking Questions - Teacher might get angry

One of my major fears when I was younger was to raise up my finger in class and ask a question to the teacher about something that I didn't understand.

Even if I was completely clueless, didn't know which book we were reading or what page we were on, I would not raise up my hand to ask the teacher what we were doing - because I feared the teacher getting angry with me for being 'dumb' and 'not knowing' as I had seen moments and situations where a child, maybe even myself, asked a question and the teacher got angry and frustrated at them because they asked that question that was already asked a couple of times or simply because they didn't know something that for the teacher was 'completely obvious'.

So based on these experiences i 'wisely' kept my mouth shut and my hands close, to not encounter the 'wrath' of the teacher and to not have the entire class look at me like I am a leper or an alien - so obviously what would eventually happen was that I continued to 'not know' and I would eventually end up in a position wherein my 'not knowing' was revealed even more as the teacher would for instance notice that I was just sitting there, trying to peek at my neighbors and what they were doing in an attempt to try and appease my confusion - in which case she'd call out my name with a sigh, underlining that 'it's always the same with me' and 'I never pay attention' etcetera.

When the actual problem was not that I was 'confused', 'dumb', 'ignorant' or 'easily distracted' per se, it was just that I never dared to support myself in asking a question to the teacher when I didn't know something, because I simply copied the attitude of my teachers wherein it should apparently be 'obvious' that I have to know all these things - not realizing that 'Hey, I'm a kid, how would I know', the entire reason why I am there in school is to learn and grow in my understanding of this world.

But somehow, somewhere things got mixed up and I learned that I am just 'supposed to know' everything already, even if I don't. I just have to hide the fact that I feel really confused about this world and feel as though I don't know jack shit, and throw expensive words into conversations that make it seem as though I am 'very smart' and 'know a lot of stuff', 'just like the teacher' - essentially remaining stuck in perpetual ignorance about what is really going on here, because I was too afraid to ask.

2012 Anu the Reptilian God

This is the story of Anu - the Creator of humanity. The instigator of all that we know today as our experience of what 'life' is.

Anu was of the Reptilian Race and in this interview he shares his experience of himself when he was 'younger' with regards to existence - which was at that time already separated and fragmented, which turned out to be obvious as not only Anu acted out of selfishness by creating his 'Kingdom' and using all other beings, but also every other being in existence that has allowed itself to be seduced into 'becoming a part of this Kingdom of humanity'.

So, how was he able to create humanity as this manifested prison of separation?

What was life like before the emergence of Humanity, wherein all life in existence came together in this one form and this one earth?

Where did our Creator come from and what was his Starting Point in creating the Human being?

Discover this fascinating interview made by our Creator himself - and especially discover that there is in essence no creator and that we are here in this mess Alone Together, with no savior, no God, no 'supreme being', no 'divine answer or force' to save, help or rescue us - because Anu was essentially just a being that created a certain creation from the starting point of his personal experience, unaware of himself as Oneness and Equality.

Discover Our Creator Anu in his teenage years, as he grew up in existence and what lead him to consider taking control of existence as 'His Creation'.

Discover what it would be like to stand in the shoes of God - as the realization to have all of existence within yourself, within one being, to stand as the one point where everything comes together and ask yourself 'What would you do? Would you not do what ever it takes to hold on to that ultimate experience of absolute power that is in essence the most all-encompassing experience there exist?'


An important issue that is being discussed in this and in the following interviews of Anu is the question of 'Are we really aware of ourselves?' 'Are we really the directive principle of ourselves here within and as existence?' 'Are we aware of ourselves as existence itself?' and 'Do we even really know where we come from?' - because even Anu as the apparent 'God of existence' had to realize that what he created, who he had become, all that he experienced and every decision that he made in his 'life' was in a way pre-determined as all was merely an outflow of certain experiences of which he never really understood where it all came from as he had just accepted it as 'himself', just like how we are existing at this point.


Another interesting subject Anu takes a look at within his interviews is the concept of 'Birth and Death' as to why it exist and who we are within and as it and how this point of 'recycling' as birth and death has been directing us since the beginning of our existence - and especially why it is imperative that we now for the first time in existence stop ourselves and realize what is here and who we are as here - before it is too late. Before we have literally consumed all and everything that is here on this planet and destroyed it and ourselves and wasted every chance at ever finding out who we are here as life.

enjoy the Interview, I know I did.

2012 "Love is Undefinable", How Convenient

"Love is Undefinable" "Love is a many splendid thing" "Love is all you need" "Love is what makes life worth living" "Love is a feeling"

These are but a few statements that are frequently made about 'love' and what 'love' apparently is in 'life'. However, has anyone of the spiritual masters, or guru's that spend their time telling everyone else just how wonderful 'love' is and how we all 'need love to live' and 'enrich our lives' ever actually explained what love is exactly? Nope, of course not. Because love, according to them, is to be worshiped like God. And love, just like God, works in mysterious ways and cannot, nay, must not be defined or depicted as it is 'a feeling' and is thus only real to the one that 'opens up to the possibility that love/God is real'.

The reason why I would even mention this to be an issue and a problem in this world - is because so many people become enchanted with the apparent 'greatness' and 'healing power' of 'love', so many people are absolutely convinced that 'love will save the world', 'love will end all hate', 'love will end all wars', 'love is what will fix this world and create a heaven for all' - all we have to do is trust in 'love'. Though what does prove itself to be quite problematic is this whole 'love is undefined/undefinable' point that seems to be inherent to the 'love-religion'. Because in all practicality, how will love practically and effectively be able to 'save the world and ourselves' and 'create heaven on earth'? Because if you say that 'love is the answer/solution', then you'd have to be more concise and concrete than to simply claim love to be 'undefinable' and assume that this vague description of an inner experience will do to in fact fix this world.

Love being undefinable is however the very essence of 'love', it is the cause of its very appealing power for many human beings - just like 'God' gets his appeal through being 'mysterious' and 'undefined', 'everywhere and all the time' and 'omnipresent' yet not concrete or actually part of the physical reality and therefore not actually ever to be truly understood. This is obviously the very reason why human beings would choose to believe in God in the first place, because of course if he were simply HERE as a part of the physical reality that we can touch and see, than we wouldn't have to BELIEVE in him in the first place, would we?

And the same goes for love - we choose to believe in love because it is not HERE and because the concept of there being 'more than what is here as the physical reality of ourselves' appeals to our curiosity and desire for sensation. And the reason why the spiritual leaders and guru's that so whole-heatedly present Love as 'the ultimate answer' would claim that love is unquestionably 'undefinable', is because if Love were to be defined then they'd lose their appeal, they'd lose their piggy bank as their apparently 'special, magical message' that so many feel enchanted by and curious towards because it offers them an excuse to participate within the belief that there is 'more to life' than their own lives, than their presence here in this physical reality.

If we have a look at reality and the actual consequences of this apparently glorious 'message of love' that is being spread around by so many 'self-help guru's', than we can see that the only thing that this 'undefinable love' is doing at the moment is to sedate people in their personal 'path' in search for 'love', swept off their feet by this 'higher experience' of love as 'the undefined', completely lost to the actual reality because they chose to believe in a concept that is per definition not real and can never be real as it is already defined as being 'undefined'. This creates quite a problem because beings then become lost within this realm of 'the undefinable inner experiences of love' of which they believe that they 'have found the answer', yet they cannot explain, define or pinpoint just how or why love is the answer exactly, or how love will in fact, effectively change the world - because as we established, 'love is undefined by its very definition'. And there you have it, the marvel of BELIEF and the reason why human beings will continuously choose this belief and their feelings over common sense and what is really HERE, because beliefs and feelings is like the snake that eats its own tale that keeps beings searching for 'the undefined' out of curiosity, never realizing that 'the undefined' will never be found/defined as it is 'undefined' per definition.

Would it not make more sense though that for there to be a real effective answer to this 'defined world/reality' that is the physical reality, as that which we can touch and see, that is HERE and that follows certain laws and orders - this answer must also be defined, meaning, practical and physically lived/liveable. Therefore if we are going to claim that 'love is the answer', we would have to make damn sure that this 'love' will eventually become physically visible. Though of course, here those that profess love as undefinable also have an answer ready, and that is that 'this reality is energy', thus it is not real and the only thing that is 'real' is the undefinable experiences such as love within ourselves - I'd say that is the perfect tool to keep beings in an absolutely passive state and have them never actually move themselves within this reality because they trust that 'their energetic inner state' will fix everything like magic, quite similar to how television has effectively brainwashed us into constructing an imaginary world within ourselves wherein we can feel like the hero, though never actually doing anything that makes any difference in this world because we are so caught up with these inner 'movements of energetic experiences' that we don't even seem to notice that we aren't actually doing anything in real life, in the physical reality that is HERE, we've just become slaves to our own minds as 'the world where everything is possible', though nevertheless a world that is completely submitted to the physical human body and the physical reality.

If 'love' is ever to be real and to be the 'answer' for us to fix this world and clean up the mess that we as humanity have created here in this physical existence - then we're going to have to be specific in defining, explaining and describing what 'love' is and especially who we are when we say such statements as 'I am love' - because to say that 'I am love' and then claim that 'love is undefinable', is nothing but a cop-out to not in fact make a statement of yourself in this reality and to not really stand for anything at all.

So, then what would love be as an actual living statement of self? How can we make 'love' into an actual real living experience that is the expression of this physical reality and not just a personal inner energetic experience that is based on faith, assumptions and belief? To live as the statement of 'I am love' is for instance to make sure that all life may exist within and as this statement and to do whatever it takes to get this entire reality as all that exists here, to change according to who self is as what is best for all. Because after all, what is best for me, should obviously be what is best for all life, therefore why shouldn't I then support and create a world wherein all life-forms may live according to what is best. If I am not willing to give my life for this, than I cannot claim to be 'love' - or then that means that my personal definition of 'love' is completely screwed up and nothing but selfishness.


This is why it is important that we find out the words that we live and are willing to live/exist as - and that we make sure that each and every word that we define ourselves according to is in fact clearly understood within what it practically means to live these definitions in this world, so as to not create unnecessary and unpleasant consequences for ourselves.


Investigate Desteni and Equal Money

2012 When is 'Inner Revolution' real?

"In my view, the revolution within is the one that leads to fundamental change. It is a revolution without conflict, without fanfare and without the comfort of camaraderie. It is an individual enterprise in which we observe our minds to expose the “I” that splinters the world with its desire for recognition. To me, this is the revolution most worthy of our attention." ( from the article "Gearing up for Revolution")


As long as there exist the idea that there is an apparent 'difference' between the 'inner revolution' and the 'outer revolution', one exist in separation of self and self-dishonesty. When one stand within and as self-honesty as oneness and equality here, then all self-movement is simply here, without any 'distinction' or 'difference' or 'separation' between what is apparently 'in' and what is apparently 'out', as all is Self, one and equally here.

Therefore the 'outer revolution' with for instance Equal Money is the 'natural' expression of self within and as oneness and equality - wherein self move self within and as the realization of what is necessary to be done to sort out this physically manifested reality that self has constructed over time through self's participation in the mind as self-interested separation.

Only those who remain stuck in their unconscious fears towards the apparent 'outer world' that is actually their own self-created inner world of the mind as separation, will not in fact move themselves and claim 'inner peace' in apparent separation of the 'outer war' - instead of realizing that all war only exist in self as this entire 'inner vs outer' is a mind-created illusion reality that serves to hide the truth of self as absolutely responsible for all that exist, because all exist here, one and equal with and as self here.

To further understand this point - you may ask yourself 'why do I separate outer from inner reality in the first place?' and 'what is it that creates the apparent separation between outer and inner reality?' because the answer to this is 'fear'. Fear is the friction/energy that creates that sensation/experience that there is an 'inner' and an 'outer' reality - so no matter how much one focuses on the apparent 'inner peace' and experience this 'inner peace', as long as there exist the idea/experience of there being an 'outer reality' that in some way differs from the 'inner reality, one exist in fear and all inner peace is illusion and self-deception.

If this 'inner peace' were real, as a self-honest self-expression - then ones world would be 'peaceful', then the world/reality would be the absolute manifested expression of 'peace' - then every particle, atom, structure and life-form in existence would exist as this 'peace'. Yet it does not - there only exist this apparent 'inner peace' that so many claim to be 'who they are' as an inner, personal experience that exist in separation of an apparent 'outer reality' that is the manifested expression in war.

So, these beings are simply not willing to take responsibility for what actually exist here as reality - as they'd rather believe that they in some way exist separately from what is here as this physically manifested existence, because they don't want to face themselves as what exist here as what is here at the moment is hell. And so they'll claim 'inner revolution', that is in fact but a self-created energetic experience that validate the self-image of 'I am a peaceful/enlightened/spiritual being', not willing to consider that the reality of self may not be what we'd expect it to be.

Why is Desteni different from 'the power of NOW' and 'mindfulness'? What Desteni stands for is to get to know oneself and reality, instead of simply 'becoming peaceful within'. 'The power of NOW' and' mindfulness' is based on the principle/belief that one must become quiet within the mind, that one must stop all thoughts, to become peaceful within, so that one may be able to change the world without to also become peaceful. However the question is not asked of 'but how did we really get this way in the first place?' and 'why are we not peaceful already?'. It is believed that one will 'get to know oneself' by observing ones thoughts, feelings and emotions as the 'inner conflict', though if one have a look at ones starting point in this 'observation', it is from the desire to eventually 'be able to' 'quiet the mind', which implies that there still exist some polarity of trying to get away from something and trying to get to somewhere. For instance trying to get away from 'war' and 'conflict' and trying to get to/reach 'peace' - through 'observation'.

Yet, within this, one is still not aware of why, how, who or what this is all about and who self actually is and what this entire reality is actually about - the only thing that is focused on within this is 'war vs peace' - to get from war/conflict to peace, be it inner or outer or both, simply assuming that that is our 'purpose' in life, to become 'peaceful', without questioning what the hell is going on in the first place that got us in this fucked up state of apparent 'conflict'.

What Desteni represents is that one do not simply assume anything about self or reality - but rather go and thoroughly investigate self, without expectations or predisposition. And this can only be done through applying self-forgiveness, and not by observing. Because have a look, what we do in this 'observing' the 'inner reality' - is in fact separating ourselves from ourselves, separating ourselves from the apparent 'conflict' within ourselves by merely standing on the sidelines watching it, slowly but surely quieting down and becoming 'peaceful' as one do not participate in the thoughts anymore. And then, when that 'state' of inner peace is obtained, one becomes a 'master', an 'enlightened being', that shows everyone else what they were able to achieve as inner peace, attempting to 'make the world a peaceful place' by hoping that everyone then become like them and follow their lead just like they followed the lead of other masters and enlightened beings.

Yet there was never any awareness of self as the creator of this 'inner conflict'. No real responsibility was ever taken for the inner experience as one only focused on attaining this 'peaceful state' and believed that 'that is who i really am' - and because one did not walk backwards through ones life to trace back the steps that self undertook to slowly but surely 'become' and 'grow into' this 'inner conflicted being', therefore there was no real self-discovery or -investigation. And because of this lack of true understanding of how self has actually constructed this 'inner conflict' through time as the mind - one will obviously never be able to take any real responsibility for this world because one did not take responsibility for self - by not standing one and equal with and as self, but rather simply changing the 'personality-suits' from being an 'inner conflicted being' to being an 'inner peaceful being'.


So Get real with Desteni and stand up as a self-responsible being that stands within and as the principle of oneness and equality as what is best for ALL.

And discover this truly enlightening interview series - the "What is Sex?" Interview series that explain in detail just how we have, since the dawn of man as consciousness systems, constructed this physical reality as the manifested expression of who we have allowed ourselves to become as separation.

2012 Is Individuality a Program? Unraveling the Design.

Century of Self

In the documentary 'Century of Self', the 'transformation' of the human being from a being that simply works/lives for survival to a 'spiritual being' as one that desires for there to be more to 'life' than merely surviving is very well laid out, walking through the changes in society that created the changes in the self-perception and world-view of the human being.

This documentary clearly shows that there is much more to ourselves than who we believe/think ourselves to be, that there are factors that determine and shape our very personality and experience of ourselves that we've always taken for granted - more specifically these factors are the economic system as businesses and corporations that shaped our society and our experience of ourselves within it that we know today.

It is fascinating that the human being never really sees itself as a part of a bigger picture, in that is very gullible and naive as it will believe and copy its environment very quickly and easily, quite like a robot/computer is able to be programmed by inserting certain programs as knowledge and information about 'who/what it is', 'why it is' and 'what it is here to do'. The human being will construct its views and experiences of itself and 'reality' based on copied and accepted information and experiences rather than to investigate itself and reality to find out what is really going on within and as 'the bigger picture'.

Therefore the human being as who/what it is today will never truly consider itself to be but a product of certain events, changes and evolutionary processes that occurred in the past, and it will simply live out its 'programming' based on for instance the belief of 'individuality' - without even realizing or noticing that this concept of 'individuality' in itself is a concept/idea that was 'programmed into us' by our environment.

This is a point that is very well explained and laid out in this documentary 'Century of Self' - wherein they show what changes the society went through in terms of new scientific development that in turn shaped the external factors of society that shape a human beings perception/experience of itself and the world

Shaping the individual through consumerism

The 'scientific development' that made a great impact on the economic (and later on the political) landscape was specifically the theories and discoveries of Sigmund Freud. He discovered that the human has a subconscious and unconscious mind/layer underneath its conscious mind that is actually the driving force of the human being in this world, and these 'sub-layers' are filled with various hidden and suppressed emotional experiences and desires that could trigger a being into doing irrational acts --which then implies that the human being would actually be very easily influenced and directed by someone/something who knows how the mind works and who knows how to push the unconscious/subconscious 'buttons'.


With the advice of Edward Bernays, Freud's nephew and 'public relations adviser', the Business world would eventually apply Freud's theory in their advertisement and marketing strategies to direct, channel and use the unconscious desires of human beings to their advantage, by linking their products through symbols to unconscious desires of the human being. Thus, consumerism started because corporations and industries were no longer only focusing on what the human needed to live/survive, but on what the human (unconsciously) desired --which didn't necessarily have anything to do with what they needed.

And so, also the idea of 'individuality' started growing - wherein human beings were supported in advertisement to 'express their uniqueness' and 'individuality' through the products that they buy. 'to live' became equal to 'to consume/buy', as people would basically be presented with this new idea that they are 'an individual' and that this 'individuality' must be cultivated through buying certain products to show to the world the kind of individual that you are.

The idea that arose at this point was that the human being is 'so much more' than merely a being that tries to survive in this world. This notion of there apparently being 'so much more'/'something special' to the human being, which was called into being by corporations seeking to make more money through going from a market of limited needs/demand to one with ever changing demand/needs , is what would lay the basic foundation for the 'spiritual personality' that we are growing into today - as we search ever more diligently for our 'special purpose in life' and for 'who we really are' as the apparent specialness of our human existence.

The power of powerlessness

Now, this was happening around the 1950's, starting in the US. Based on Freud's theories about the unconscious mind, governments and corporations sought to use and direct these inner unconscious desires of 'the masses' towards a specific mind-set that benefited both the political and economical world - because, as Freud claimed, the inner desires of the human being are inherently evil and therefore must be suppressed/repressed, and at the same time conformed to a single goal that is to be determined by those in power.

However, towards the 60's, people started to 'rebel' against this conformity, ignited by a few people like Wilhelm Reich and Martin Luther King - large protests and campains were held by students on American campuses against the society that they apparently had to conform to, which was capitalism, religious doctrines, racial segregation and manipulation through advertisement as these students began to notice that consumerism is in fact a way to keep the people docile and distracted while the government could wage its violent war in Vietnam without being questioned. These 'rebels' were then seen as the 'new left', to which the government reacted very violently in their attempt to keep 'the masses' controlled, contained and conformed.

As a reaction to this violent attack from the government that in a way rendered the 'new left' with a feeling of powerlessness towards ever being able to change the status quo - they turned to a new ideology: "If it is impossible to get the policeman out of ones head by overthrowing the state, instead one should find a way of getting inside ones own mind and removing the controls implanted there by the state and corporations".

This new idea sounded in the era of the 'new self', the 'self-actualized human being' - based on the idea that 'the external world, like governments and the economic system doesn't need to be changed - as the human is perfectly capable of being happy/creating happiness within its own mind'.

From this, many 'spiritual movements' and therapies came forth that supported the human in cultivating this 'inner happiness' and 'self-actualization' and thus human beings again felt like they had found purpose and meaning to their lives, they found their point of 'individuality' wherein they were apparently freed from the grip of the corporations and the governments that were apparently trying to conform them into docile slaves.

Though what was not realized is that they may have felt as though the world has changed by cultivating 'inner change' through generating certain inner experiences, yet the political and economical structures that actually shaped and governed the world and the lives of each human being were still here and still very much in control. In fact, they were very busy searching for new ways of using and directing this 'new self' to their advantage.

What actually happened here was that the hold of the political and economical structures on people and the separation between those in power and 'the masses' only became stronger/bigger as politics and economics in a way moved to the background into the 'unseen' as human beings now existed within this belief that 'the inner experience shapes the world'. In this they never realized that this 'state of mind' only made them more vulnerable to being manipulated by those 'unseen forces' that were actually governing their lives.

Human beings became completely consumed by the idea of individuality, wherein 'the self' as the inner experience of self stepped into the foreground and took the center stage - losing all touch with the basic foundational structures that direct and govern this world, as they had 'given up' when they stood in the face of the violence exerted towards them by their own government. Instead of facing this inner defeat and being self-honest about what is really going on to continue to look for a way to change the basic infrastructures of this world to create a world that is best for all, they gave in to the defeat by looking away from it and distracting themselves by creating the opposite experience within themselves, which was that of 'self-glorification' as the belief that 'if I change myself on the inside, then the outside world will magically change'.

This never actually worked as human beings didn't even realize their very starting point of wanting to 'change their inner self', which was the experience of powerlessness towards the world. This glorification of the inner experience was in fact but an excuse that human beings used to not take part in the world anymore, to not have to deal with the reality of what it would actually take to in fact change this world - as they had accepted themselves as 'powerless towards the powers that be', 'powerless towards the world-structures'. So the only power they could experience was inside of themselves wherein they apparently had the power to 'become whoever they wanted to be'.

Out of this flowed various forms of apparently fantastic, wondrous, great and glorious 'inner experiences' such as 'love, peace and understanding' with the hippie-movement in the 70's, in which they placed their faith, hope and trust that these 'wonderful inner experiences' will 'magically' change the world. Yet - it obviously never did as beings would continuously overlook the actual real workings of this world because they didn't want to be confronted anymore with the very things they feared and felt powerless towards.

The consequences of individuality

As a result and outflow of these 'evolutions' in the mind-set of human beings due to various events in society - what we now have is a human being that is lost within its 'self-glorification' as the idea that 'my individuality and my inner experiences is all that exist', that is cunningly directed by corporations to 'keep the economy going' and by governments to ensure that 'the masses' will never again question 'the powers that be'. We are now in an age of mass ignorance that grew over time - as a result of human beings accepting their apparent inherent powerlessness towards this world and towards creating a world that is best for all, eventually turning towards the 'light' of spirituality and television that feed an inner experience of power. Yet we never realized that this experience of power is not actual power - it is actually powerlessness in disguise.

This explains why many beings react with aversion and rejection towards the message and idea of an Equal Money system as a political solution that aims at bringing about practical change in this world in fact, using the basic infrastructures that is here - because people don't want to be confronted with reality anymore, as they'd rather believe in the light and the positive inner experiences as the illusion of power. We have at this point in time become so disconnected from what is real because we fear what is real, we fear the government, we fear economics, we fear money and what it could do to us, we fear the power of the system, we fear police - because we have come to identify ourselves with the experience of powerlessness towards the capitalist system and politics, and we have even accepted it as 'reality' that is apparently 'unchangeable' as if it were designed by the very hand of God, never to be questioned by us 'common folks'. Therefore apparently our only choice is to distract ourselves with love and light and inner experiences, to at least create the feeling that we have power.

Is there a solution?

What this 'Century of Self' documentary clearly reveals and exposes is that the human perception and experience of 'self' as 'an individual' at this point in time is in fact a 'construct'/program that has been built up over time through 'shifts in consciousness' that occurred as reactions to certain situations/events that happened - very similar to how differences in 'mentality' between cultures are defined and shaped within major events that happened in the timeline of that particular culture, that caused the beings within that specific 'culture'/country to react a certain way and thus 'shift' their understanding/consciousness of themselves and the world.

So, what this essentially implies is that we as 'individuals' as a collection of thoughts feelings and emotions within ourselves that we call 'our identity/personality' - are/is a program and that we/it can thus be 'de-programmed'.

The reason why this realization is so important is because it is clear to see that we have become lost in our programming and we have made a mess of this reality, because we never realized ourselves as who/what we are, which is basically programmable robots. Once we realize that we have been programmed, we can de-program ourselves and 'recreate ourselves' into a being that stands as what is best for all life within and as the self-directive principle of life, to ensure that we never allow ourselves to make such a mess of reality ever again.

Visit www.desteni.org to get to the practical how-to of the process of de-programming that is ahead for each one of us - so that we may stand up to direct this reality without fear and practically create a world wherein each living being can live in dignity.

And read about the Equal Money system to get to know what is possible within this world - in the first book about Equal money 'The Future of Money - Volume 1'

2012 Introduction to Self-Forgiveness - Realizing Self as Life

In the beginning of the year 2008 I discovered Desteni and the Process of self-forgiveness. I initially felt attracted to their website because of the portal video's that I watched on Youtube, which I felt were very peculiar and intriguing.

Quickly I learned about this 'self-forgiveness' process as what Desteni was in fact all about. All their video's of Sunette channeling various different beings and manifestations were cool and interesting, but if one watch the video's, one would realize that the message of every being communicating through the portal always comes down to pretty much the same thing - which is the process of self-forgiveness and that the human must stop the mind and become aware of itself as life. And this was actually quite cool, that the dimensions from Hitler to a fly on the wall to Kurt Cobain spoke as one, with one message - which differs substantially from what I am used to in this world of millions of different human beings, all with their own personal message about what is apparently 'real' and 'the truth' -- it tends to get confusing.

And that was pretty much the mind-set that I was experiencing myself in/as when and before I found Desteni, one of confusion as it seemed clear to me that according to humanity there is no one answer to life, to what is going on in this world - though it is clear that something is going on, something really fishy is going on. Yet, each being in my environment and throughout the world would have their own personal answer about what the problems are and what the solutions are - and each one would talk about them as though what they are saying is the one true answer.

The fascinating and intriguing thing about Desteni that appealed to me very much was that they would share what they realized about what is going on in reality, but they would urge all to come to those realizations for themselves through applying the process of self-forgiveness, as they had done themselves. And that is why I decided to give self-forgiveness a try - because I realized and knew instantly that this is probably the closest thing I will ever get to finding out what is real for myself, which is by doing it for myself, finding out for myself.

There did come a point where I was faced with these paranoid thoughts and fears within myself of Desteni possibly being a cult as what I had heard many beings in my direct and indirect environment say about Desteni - but I quickly realized that the 'cult-point' basically has to do with a desire to belong with a group and to give my power away to a group that existed within myself, which I had actually been doing my entire life and I realized that the only way to make absolutely sure that I am not part of a cult is to stop these desires within myself by forgiving them and to stand alone within and as myself, within full awareness of who I am here.

Self-forgiveness is a tool to be used alone, in the alone-ness of myself, and really doesn't have anything to do with Desteni. In applying self-forgiveness is where I take the time to look within myself at who I am as what exist within myself of thoughts, feelings and emotions. It is fascinating to realize now how unaware I was back then of myself - by for instance never even noticing these thoughts, feelings and emotions within myself, never even considering to look at them and ask myself 'Where does all this stuff come from?' and 'Is this really me?', as I had always accepted this 'inner hidden reality' as 'normal' and 'who I am' while at the same time not even knowing anything about myself as to how I got the way I was and why I was experiencing myself the way I was.

The one point that makes the application of self-forgiveness stick out from and kick but of all other 'self-help' methods or spiritual guidance, messages and practices with regards to changing oneself, is the point of self-responsibility. As this is the one point that I found to be crucial in my process of self-change. There are many things about myself that I have throughout my life always accepted as 'who I am', for instance certain emotional experiences towards my family and friends, most of which I experienced unconsciously (so I wasn't even directly aware of actually experiencing myself as such) - that I have been able to simply stop only by realizing my self-responsibility through applying self-forgiveness. And this is something that I never considered even possible as I had already believed myself to be 'unchangeable' and thus in a way a victim of myself as my inner experiences.

So, how does that work? When one applies self-forgiveness, one actually says "I realize and place myself as the point of God/creator of myself and thus responsible for how I experience myself and I forgive myself for what I have done unto myself through thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus set myself free from the belief that I am 'but a victim of God/Creator/Creation' and give myself a chance to stand up as a new being". This is a direct 'self-communication' - 'indirect self-communication' would then be like thoughts that simply run rampantly through ones mind dictating ones every move without self even being remotely aware of where these thoughts come from.

With self-forgiveness as direct self-communication, one takes responsibility for what one allows to exist within oneself and what not. This is why the point of 'writing out the thought patterns, feelings and emotional experiences' in self-honesty is so important, as one firstly needs to become aware of what it is that actually exist within self - because as long as these thoughts and experiences remain hidden, they are not seen and thus not considered and realized as what is in fact driving and directing self within the existence of self here in reality.

Self Responsibility enables Self-Change

Through having applied self-forgiveness since 2008 - with a few years where I did not participate (see my vlog 'How I fell in Process and stood back up' that I made on this point) - I eventually realized what it is 'all about', which is that one singular point of taking/realizing self-responsibility, because whenever I would apply self-forgiveness on a certain point (=belief system/self-experience) within myself, the point wherein I would actually be able to release this point and truly change myself would be when/where I realized how I had always been personally responsible for the creation of this point within myself, no matter what it was.

And the only way to actually 'reach' this point of realizing self-responsibility is through applying self-forgiveness as the direct self-communication of making it clear to self that 'I see what exist within myself and I take responsibility for it here and now', which we start to do with all our conscious thoughts and work our way 'down' from there, peeling off layer by layer of the entire mind-construct.

Initially, in the beginning of my process - I would just write self-forgiveness lists about everything and anything, and I actually really enjoyed it. I enjoyed the fact that for once in my life I could be honest with myself as to what actually exist within myself, I enjoyed being able to write down the thoughts, memories and experiences that I had always kept hidden within the belief that they are 'bad' and should thus not be spoken or written, that in fact I should hide them within myself from the rest of the world and exist forever more in fear of human beings finding out what actually exist inside of myself as all those hidden thoughts. I knew in my gut that this is the real deal, this is how it should have always been, which is brutal self-honesty, not being afraid to look myself in the eyes and being able to stand in the face of all that exist within myself without shame, guilt or regret.

A major point for me wherein I have changed substantially within the process of self-forgiveness, is self-trust - I have calmed down a lot since the beginning of my process (which is really visible in my vlog-timeline) as I learned to trust myself more and more in taking responsibility for my inner experiences through getting to know myself and becoming aware of how I created myself into who I became as the mind.

Humanity and the Process of Self-Forgiveness

This is why self-forgiveness is the only way through which the human being will ever change into a respectful being that is able to take responsibility for its existence here on earth - because as long as we do not face ourselves in self-honesty, look ourselves in the eyes and take responsibility for ourselves through realizing who we are and how we got this way, no real change is possible and humanity will forever more remain lost looking for answers - eventually destroying itself and earth as it finds itself to not be able to co-exist in a 'peaceful' way with earth and the animal kingdom due to not even being aware of itself as life, as the creator, as 'God'.

There are no excuses for our unawareness, because at the moment we are literally robots taking orders from our own thoughts that come from 'God-knows-where', trying to find a way to 'manage' and 'control' ourselves and this world, trying to find an escape from our fears, stress and frustrations - and all the while claiming that we apparently have 'free-choice', when really how can that be when we're not even aware of who we are and how we got the way we are. How can freedom exist without self-awareness?!

And the ones who are suffering the most of our unawareness is nature, animals and children - which then backfires on all of us again as we don't even realize that we need nature and animals to survive and we need our children to become responsible human beings that manage earth in a respectful, dignified and responsible way - which is at this point not the case as we who teach them are definitely not the living example of what is best for life here.


So, I would definitely suggest the process of self-forgiveness to all who read this - old or young, male or female, because we are all here on this one planet, therefore we must all become aware of our presence here, of who we are as one and equal to life so that we may direct this reality to become a heaven on earth for all living beings one and equal with ourselves!

2012 A child that died from Leukemia enlightens us about Reality

In this interview "History of the Interdimensional Portal - Part 2", a child comes through that died from leukemia a few years ago at the time the portal opened and the process of stopping the mind started in Heaven.

Listening to this fascinating interview, I very much enjoyed the absolute clarity, sincerity and unconditional nature of the child's expression - which made the 'story' that he was sharing very unique and absolutely interesting.

Having lived a short life full of pain as he suffered from leukemia and died of it, he looks at certain questions about life that, when we have a look at it, are in fact very valid though they have always been brushed off by us 'adults' living in this world as 'childish questions' - such as "why have I come into this world only to be sick - then what is life/reality?". Being confronted with questions like this, we've managed to create all sorts of sugar-coated reasons and excuses to not in fact truly consider this question and ask it towards ourselves, by believing that for instance 'everything in life has a purpose' and 'God works in mysterious ways' that apparently serve to validate and justify the sheer horror that lots of beings go through while existing here on earth for example within experiencing sickness like leukemia.

Listening to him sharing his experience and his observations towards life, I was able to realize that we human beings would actually be quite able to stop all the various atrocities and pain in this reality if we would only look at this question in self-honesty instead of turning away from it by looking for a purpose and reason for the suffering of the world in 'God' and his apparent 'mysterious ways and reasons'. If we would only stop for a moment and look at what is really going on in reality, inside ourselves and inside the world that we exist in - and realize that this is simply not an acceptable way of existing, no matter what kind of 'special purpose or reason' that 'God' may or may not have for all of it.

I loved hearing his story about how he experienced the first moments after he died, what he did and what he saw, and then when he first met the portal - as this opened up a lot of common sense perspectives on reality for myself that I had not considered within my existence here.

As I am in the process of stopping my mind, slowly but surely I am starting to consider another being as myself, wherein I can place myself in their shoes to consider and see that for instance what this child is sharing with us, is not 'just a story', it is real as he is a real being just like me. I am able to understand, while listening to these interviews of beings that share their experience of themselves and heaven through the portal, that there is much about this reality that is not being considered by us human beings at all - there are beings that are suffering unimaginable pains simply because the rest of us isn't willing to realize ourselves as one and equal with them, to place ourselves in their shoes and see what we are actually allowing to exist in this reality.

This interview is definitely a revelation to hear - a child speaking of their experience within dying of leukemia and of how they saw/see the world.

The interview is available for free through Youtube - enjoy!:

The first and third interviews of 'History of the Interdimensional portal' can be found on the Eqafe Online Store:

System design of Imagination Self-Forgiveness

My experience with Imagination. I decided to write about my experience with 'imagination' because i have defined myself as 'an imaginative' personality (thought) based on what my environment told me and how they judged my expression within words i spoke and paintings and pictures that i drew.

Another description is 'deep', 'profound' and 'mysterious' (thought), which are basically all aspects of 'imagination' as the 'inner realm' and 'the unseen'.

It is fascinating that my desire to become an imaginative person (feeling) as someone with a 'deep, vast and profound inner reality' actually came from the experience of myself as 'shallow', 'superficial' and 'empty' (thought/judgment). And the reason why i would experience and judge myself in that way obviously has all to do with sex and relationships - wherein i would want to be as interesting, fascinating and intriguing (feeling) as possible for other humans so that they would notice me and pay attention to me, as that is what i really wanted: attention

I felt like I didn’t get enough attention from especially males (emotional experience of jealousy and thought of 'i am not good enough') and I was searching for a way to ‘stand out’ and to be recognized – so, I started making efforts to build my ‘inner richness’ as imagination as what would be judged as apparently ‘deep’ and ‘profound’ so that people would be interested in listening to me and my ‘experiences’ and ‘insights’.

I have been priding myself in having ‘an interesting/great imagination’ (thought) compared to other people, whom I then judged as ‘shallow’ and ‘superficial’(thought), not noticing that I have created my own imagination and fantasy and apparent ‘imaginative abilities’ myself because it is what I wanted to experience.

Also while I always felt ‘superior’ (feeling) towards other humans that apparently had ‘less’ imagination’/inner richness than me, I was actually feeling very inferior when it came to the actual real-live experience of myself when I was faced with people. When I had to communicate, especially with people that I didn’t know or that I didn’t have a defined relationship with, I would feel very fearful, tense, anxious and insecure (emotion) – so really, my imagination was like my private reality in my mind that no one could actually see and that wasn’t actually real to hide from the fear and inferiority that I experienced in the ‘real world’ towards real beings, because in this private reality I could basically make myself up and build myself up to be superior like a star in the Hollywood theater show that is my mind, wherein it seems like I am the center point of all the attention and I could feel good about myself.

Though I never noticed that this is actually a vicious circle of the mind, wherein the more that I run from my fears and anxiety within positive energetic experiences in my mind as imagination and fantasy, the more I am confirming that this fear is real and that it has power over me, which then again leads to me wanting to escape from it.

So, based on this specific ‘ability’ of having a great imagination/fantasy (thought), my great desire was to become famous through for instance acting (feeling) where I would be able to show off my ‘inner depth’ in how I can express myself, showing that my expression is superior to that of others – so in that way I would stand in the middle of the spot lights with all the attention directed at me, as that is the only way that I would be able to feel good about myself – because from the moment that I am faced with the actual reality of communicating with human beings, having simple conversations and ‘social interaction’, I would experience all this emotional turmoil within myself and feel like a nervous wreck because along with the desire for recognition came a fear of being rejected and criticized (emotion).

So, existing within and as imagination, occupying myself entirely with fantasies in my mind the whole time – I would obviously be very obsessed with television and movies as that would be my primary source that feed my mind as pictures. Thus pursuing my imagination as the 'realm' inside of myself wherein i could feel good about myself and experience this energetic charges that i had become addicted to and that i had defined myself as - i became more and more isolated and separated from all beings around me, and in a way i had become like a 'walking television', where i would immediately judge everything that i saw, connecting the images with other images in my mind of what i had seen on television and built up in my imagination - experiencing this energetic charge within myself immediately as if i am constantly watching television. Fascinating.

So, needless to say, i felt very 'lonely' and alone, as if i 'don't belong here', not 'understanding' this reality - and not realizing that i had created 'reality' this way as how i experienced it through 'objectifying' everything, reducing it to 'just a picture', that i then use to experience energetic reactions inside of myself as i was constantly searching for that energetic experience of excitement as sex/relationships/recognition as picture-based.

Self forgiveness on imagination

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have a great imagination

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have an imaginative personality and i am therefore an imaginative person

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the thought that i have a great imagination and that i am an imaginative person

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to imagination

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my ability to imagine 'alternative realities' within myself as pictures, music and words as the ego that i have allowed myself to become wherein i believe myself to be 'better than others' based on these 'imaginative abilities'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the thought that i am an imaginative person and that i am superior to other people because i have a 'bigger imagination' through comparing myself with others based on the belief that 'having a big imagination is better than having little imagination' based on sex and relationships wherein i noticed that those who have lots of 'experiences' and lots of stories to tell, can 'entertain' others and get most attention, wherein i have allowed myself to become a programmed robot with one main driving energy of desire for sex as the survival of the ego-system as the mind - instead of realizing myself as the eternal expression of life itself as oneness and equality and not just a robot following a program based on energy and belief systems

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having lots of imagination as an apparent 'rich inner life' is better than having little or no imagination as an apparent 'poor inner life' - instead of realizing that imagination as images in the mind is a systematic expression that in itself only limits itself to the system-expression of for instance television as images that are presented to me that i then copy, therefore

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that 'having a rich/big imagination', wherein i believed that i am 'more expressive' than another, actually means that i have become the opposite, as a very limited systematic pre-programmed expression as i have accepted myself as the limitations of the mind by defining myself according to 'my imagination' as the pictures and images in my mind and by actually believing that this is who i really am - instead of realizing just how limited this expression is and instead of realizing that none of those images in my mind are who i really am as i have simply copied them from what i saw in my environment

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that the only reason why i believed and felt like my imagination as the moving pictures in my mind is valuable and apparently makes me more valuable is because of the desire for sex and relationships as attention and recognition that i had allowed to exist in myself wherein i saw my imagination as something that i could use to manipulate my environment to get them to notice me by entertaining them

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to connect the thought that i have a big imagination with the energetic feeling experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the connection between the thought that i have a big imagination and the feeling experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the connection between the thought that i have a big imagination and the feeling of excitement to exist within me in separation of myself instead of realizing myself as responsible for the existence of this construct as the thought-feeling connection as a construct that is based on the desire for recognition that i have copied from my father

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define imagination within the thought that i am not good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in imagination as the secret, hidden, alternate reality within myself as images as a reaction to the belief/thought that i am not good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am not good enough and to react to that belief with the desire to create an alternate reality of images within and as my mind wherein i can build myself up as a fictional character that is seemingly better and superior than who i really am here as who i have accepted myself to be as the belief/thought that i am not good enough - instead of realizing that this reaction of desiring to create an alternate 'positive' mind-reality is the balancing-point of the experience/thought that i am not good enough as the 'negative', which is nothing but a pre-programmed construct and thus not who i really am as a being

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the thought that i am not good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought that i am not good enough, with the emotional experience of sadness and guilt within myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the connection between the thought that i am not good enough and the emotional experience of sadness and guilt to exist within myself in separation of myself as a mind-construct/personality-construct

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the connection between the thought that i am not good enough and the emotional experience of sadness and guilt - instead of realizing that this is a construct that i have copied from my parents and accepted as 'the truth' by trusting my parents rather than trusting myself as who i am here

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the emotional experience of sadness and guilt

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the emotional experience of sadness and guilt, and to therefore participate in a polarity system that searches for a balancing point like participating in imagination as the feeling energetic experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i havent allowed myself to realize myself as one and equal with the thought that i am not good enough as what exist within myself as my creation - by allowing myself to be directed and defined by it in separation of it - instead of realizing that i am responsible for the existence of this thought within myself as it is my creation through my participation in the mind consciousness system as separation

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the polarity construct as energetic friction of believing that i am not good enough and experiencing myself within and as sadness and guilt as inferiority and imagination as the inflated image of self as the belief that i am superior within and as the experience of excitement - as the bi-polar existence of the mind consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become - instead of accepting myself and expressing myself as constant and stable as the natural self-honest expression of myself here in and as oneness and equality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the energetic polarity-construct of the emotional experience of sadness as depression and the feeling energetic experience of excitement - wherein i generate constant energetic friction within myself by not standing constant and stable as the expression of myself as a real being within and as self-honesty

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept and realize myself as one and equal with the emotional experience of sadness within and as the realization that this is an experience that i have allowed to exist within myself, therefore it is me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an illusion reality within and as imagination wherein i create the feeling/belief that i am superior by not being self-honest with how i actually experience myself and by not wanting to take responsibility for myself as what i have allowed to exist within myself

i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to balance out the emotional energetic experience of sadness by reacting to it with the desire to participate in imagination as the generation of the experience of excitement - not realizing that i am herein only furthering and continuing the inner experience of myself as 'not good enough' within and as sadness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as imagination as the escape from the inner experience of myself as 'not good enough' within and as sadness and inferiority - attempting to balance myself within energetic experiences as the energetic mind consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become - instead of realizing that i am not 'inferior' as 'negative' and i am not 'superior' as 'positive', as both are but parts of one polarity that need each other to 'exist', like a system, and i am not a system, i am life as oneness and equality

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that the emotional experience of sadness as inferiority is part of a system as the mind as polarities and thus not real, not who i am

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to take responsibility for the emotional experience of sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough by allowing myself to be defined by it and by allowing myself to react to it with the desire to experience superiority as the energetic experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that both sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough as well as excitement as a reaction to imagination as the thought that i am superior and better than others - is of the mind as ego as the desire to be special and separate from here, as the desire to experience something 'more' than what is here, wherein i feel 'special' and thus

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to accept myself as here, as existence as simplicity, constant and stable within and as self-honesty - neither inferior nor superior, good nor bad, right nor wrong, but simply HERE, one and equal with all that is HERE

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that both the emotional experience of sadness as well as the energetic experience of excitement is based on the belief that there is a god looking down on me and judging me - as both are energetic reactions to judgments as words that i heard from my environment, which i had allowed myself to separate myself from and look up to as if they are 'God' and their word is the 'Holy word of God'

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize myself as self-responsible, as alone within and as myself here, responsible for my existence and the experience of myself here - by having allowed myself to be directed by energetic experiences within myself based on judgments of 'good' and 'bad' in separation of myself

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to stand one and equal with my expression here, within and as the realization that i am responsible for myself here - by having allowed separation to exist within myself wherein i have accepted myself as 'a slave of God', subdued to 'His' judgments of 'right' and 'wrong' and 'good' and 'bad'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself within believing that there are 'other people' around me that are judging me and that think stuff about me in terms of 'good' and 'bad' - and that i am but the victim of these judgments of 'other people' - as i have allowed myself to believe that i am an inferior being as a mind consciousness system as separation - instead of taking responsibility for the fact that these judgments and 'people' exist in my mind as words and pictures and that i am therefore the creator due to having allowed it to exist within myself and i am thus responsible for it

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the emotional experience of inferiority and to therefore continuously attempt to run from that emotional experience within imagination and thoughts, instead of standing one and equal with inferiority as what is here as what exist within myself and standing up within and as self-honesty as oneness and equality as life within the realization that to run from myself is an illusion as i am always here

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to imagination as images in my mind wherein i build up an image of myself in separation of myself based on the desire for recognition that i have allowed to exist within myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use imagination and fantasy as the mind to generate the energetic experience of excitement within myself in separation of myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from imagination by reacting to it with the energetic experience of excitement

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as 'an imaginative personality'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to imagination by allowing myself to react to the images that i see in my mind and with my eyes with the energetic experience of excitement, wherein i allow myself to be directed by imagination as a pre-programmed construct - instead of being the directive principle of myself as life in every moment of breath as one and equal with images and pictures and one and equal with excitement

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the energetic reaction of excitement as an automatic pre-programmed reaction to imagination and fantasies about relationships and sex as getting recognition and attention

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the automatic pre-programmed reaction of excitement as a reaction to imagination and fantasies by allowing myself to be defined by it

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to other people based on 'how much imagination they have' within the desire to be and feel superior - instead of realizing that this feeling of superiority is not real as it is all based on the competition that i have allowed to exist in myself as the desire to survive, which is a mind reality and not the actual reality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate positive energetic experiences within myself based on sex and relationships by participating in fantasy and imagination, without realizing that i am actually creating and supporting negativity to exist within myself as the fear of being rejected and pushed away

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire participating in imagination wherein i build up my 'self-image' and thus generate the energetic experience of excitement within myself to which i have allowed myself to define myself with

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i exist within and as imagination as images within my mind - instead of realizing and accepting myself as HERE as the living expression of oneness and equality as the physical here-ness of life itself

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to accept myself as the physical expression of myself as the reality that is here as the 'I am' as the natural, simplistic expression of who i am as life itself and to therefore desire to escape/run away within my mind as an alternate reality of energy generated by pictures and words as a self-image of perceived 'superiority' through comparing my 'image' to the 'image presentation' of 'other humans' in this world that i see with my eyes

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that these images within my mind wherein i exist as the 'i' of consciousness as definitions and judgments based on accepted and allowed belief systems are but a construct, a program as a 'self-image' that is constructed upon ideas, beliefs, words, concepts and judgments that i have heard/seen from my environment that is all fueled and based upon the emotional experience of fear as the belief of myself as 'inferior' towards my (apparently superior) environment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every child should have an imagination and that a 'healthy' child is one with a 'big imagination'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'having a big imagination' is normal for a child

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that imagining different realities, personalities and creatures is normal for a child and even mandatory and 'healthy' within childhood - instead of realizing that that is in fact the child getting lost in a delusional world that is completely separate from the actual world as a result of the powerlessness and inferiority that the child experience within itself wherein it believes that it has no real power within its presence here in this reality, thus it attempts to escape within a fake mind-created reality wherein it can feel 'special' and important

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit childhood as the physical expression of a child in this world by believing that a child should have an imagination - instead of allowing a child as a physical being here in this reality to express itself freely and unconditionally in oneness and equality with adults

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought/idea/belief that 'imagination is natural and normal for a child's expression' - instead of realizing that that is actually a justification for the existence of imagination in children as the attempt to escape their experience of themselves here of fear, powerlessness and uselessness wherein they balance out the polarity of 'negative vs positive' by generating positive energetic experiences within themselves through participating in imagination as the 'personalized alternate reality of the mind'

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that imagination and the desire to participate in imagination is in fact the desire to create a fake reality in an attempt to escape this one - from an experience of being displeased/unsatisfied with the experience within self towards this reality as what is here due to the separation that one has allowed to exist within self - wherein one does not take any responsibility for ones experience here by trying to escape ones own inner experience

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use imagination to feel powerful as a energetic reaction to the experience of powerlessness and inferiority that i experienced within myself towards my parents, teachers and grandparents - instead of forgiving myself for having allowed myself to separate myself as my parents, teachers and grandparents from myself and for having allowed myself to accept myself as a victim of fear and standing up within and as oneness and equality as all as one within and as myself as the living expression of who I am as life itself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and escape from the fear that i experience within myself towards my environment within imagination, building and constructing a self-image within myself through words and pictures to 'feel better' about myself - instead of realizing that in this i am only perpetuating and fueling the energy of fear as inferiority as this is a polarity that needs a balance point to be able to exist, wherein the energy of excitement as perceived superiority is the balance point of fear and vice versa

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to get lost in imagination, within the belief that everything is 'good' and 'positive' and 'of light' as i wanted to escape myself here as the experience of inferiority, powerlessness, worthlessness and weakness - instead of realizing that both the 'negative emotional experiences' based on memories as well as the 'positive feeling experiences' generated by imagination are part of a polarity mind-construct of energetic experience of consciousness system, which is not who i really am as oneness and equality as life itself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my imagination as the pictures about 'reality' and the energetic reactions is real and to therefore trust my feelings/emotional reactions towards my imagination , wherein i experience myself as the victim of 'reality' as picture defined - instead of realizing myself as one and equal with all pictures that exist within myself within and as the realization that it all exist within myself therefore it is myself and therefore i am completely responsible for reality and my experience of/in it

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive energetic charge to the word 'imagination'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word imagination with competition

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word imagination within competition

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from competition by defining imagination within competition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with childhood

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within childhood

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from childhood through defining imagination within childhood

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the desire to make money

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire to make money

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the desire to make money through defining imagination within the desire to make money

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the desire for recognition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire for recognition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from imagination and from the desire for recognition through defining imagination within the desire for recognition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the emotional experience of powerlessness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the emotional experience of powerlessness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the emotional experience of powerlessness through defining imagination within the emotional experience of powerlessness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to the desire to experience power

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire to experience power

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and the desire to experience power through defining imagination within the desire to experience power

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to the word 'special'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the word 'special'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the word 'special' through defining imagination within the word 'special'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with seeking comfort

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within seeking comfort

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from seeking comfort through defining imagination within seeking comfort

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with having a rich life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within having a rich life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from having a rich life through defining imagination within having a rich life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to comparison

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within comparison

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from comparison through defining imagination within comparison

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to individuality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within individuality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from individuality through defining imagination within individuality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the desire to be unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire to be unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the desire to be unique through defining imagination within the desire to be unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the belief that i am unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the belief that i am unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the belief that i am unique through defining imagination within the belief that i am unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the word/judgment of 'shy'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the word 'shy'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the word 'shy' through defining imagination within the word 'shy'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with 'being asocial'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within 'being asocial'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from 'being asocial' through defining imagination within 'being asocial'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought that i am an imaginative person with the memory of my classmates who told me that i could draw really well and my reaction of excitement

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the memory of getting recognition for my drawing skills from my classmates and the energetic reaction of excitement within myself - instead of realizing myself as one and equal with this memory as a picture and an experience that exist within myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the memory of getting recognition from my classmates for my drawing skills and the energetic reaction of excitement within myself by connecting this memory with the thought that i am an imaginative person

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the connection between the memory of getting recognition for my drawing skills wherein i reacted with the energy of excitement and the thought that i am an imaginative person to exist within myself in separation of myself through defining myself according to this connection as a 'personality-construct' - instead of realizing and accepting myself as one and equal with this construct within the realization that it exist within myself therefore it is me

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize myself as one and equal with the memory of feeling recognized/excited as a reaction to my classmates saying that i can draw really well by defining myself with it

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit my experience of myself within and as reality here to the experience of excitement as an energetic reaction to people giving me recognition for what i do by having identified myself with the memory of reacting with energetic excitement to my classmates telling me that i can draw really well, thus limiting myself to the expression of imagination based on the desire to experience that energetic excitement as pre-programmed reaction to getting recognition from people - instead of realizing that even though the energetic excitement gives me the feeling that my expression is special and superior, the reality is in fact the opposite as i do not stand as the self-directed principle of myself as life itself within and as self-expression -- I have allowed myself to become but a pre-programmed system/robot that is directed by energetic experiences/reactions, thus not even really existing as an actual living being

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself with the judgment of 'shy' and 'quiet' as how people judged me - because i was lost in my imagination all of the time, running away from the fears that i experienced towards my environment as teachers and parents as the very beings that judged me as 'shy' and 'quiet' - thus perpetuating and supporting the personality-design that i had allowed to exist within myself of 'an imaginative person' and 'someone who thinks a lot' and 'someone who is with her head in the clouds' as the apparent 'character' as the 'role' i took on within this human reality based on judgments and definitions that my environment used to describe me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, through participating within imagination and through having allowed myself to separate myself from imagination by reacting with energy to the images that i generate within my mind, to have constructed the illusion that 'reality' is images that exist outside of myself and that i am but a victim of that apparent 'image-reality' as the energetic reactions that i experience within myself - instead of realizing that i have constructed my experience as energetic reactions to images myself, by not taking responsibility for my imagination as the images within and as the mind and by not realizing myself as one and equal with the images within and as the mind and realizing myself as the creator of the images within and as the mind and the energetic reactions to the images

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing imagination as a pre-programmed, pre-designed construct that is based on survival as separation and ego to exist within myself as apparently a 'personality-trait' that defines who i am - instead of realizing that this is a pre-designed program that i have allowed to exist within myself and to direct and define me by having allowed myself to define myself as a consciousness system as ego as survival and separation, wherein i searched for 'survival techniques' as certain 'traits' and 'talents' that will ensure my survival in human society, such as imagination

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to express myself within and as oneness and equality as life itself, by expressing myself within and through imagination as the expression and experience of competition, conflict and separation as ego

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to even consider believing that imagination is an expression of myself as who i really am and to not realize that imagination is based on one purpose only, which is to manipulate human beings' feelings and emotions to ensure my survival in this human society as a mind consciousness system as what/who i have allowed myself to become

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate human beings' feelings and emotions through imagination wherein i aim to please humans within their energetic experience within themselves from the starting point of fearing rejection and thus fearing death and suffering - instead of realizing that i am only manipulating myself by not realizing myself as one and equal with all beings here, only supporting myself within and as the consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within manipulation through imagination from the starting point of using human beings to ensure my survival - wherein i try to manipulate their emotional/feeling experience by giving them a pleasant/good/nice feeling about themselves so they will support my existence - instead of realizing that in this i have reduced/diminished my existence to being a slave to human beings, a slave to the mind as separation and that this is not who i really am

Writing the correction

Realizations:

I realize myself as the eternal expression of life itself as oneness and equality and not just a robot following a program based on energy and belief systems

I realize that imagination as images in the mind is a systematic expression that in itself only limits itself to the system-expression of for instance television as images that are presented to me that i then copy

I realize that 'having a rich/big imagination', wherein i believed that i am 'more expressive' than another, actually means that i have become the opposite, as a very limited systematic pre-programmed expression as i have accepted myself as the limitations of the mind by defining myself according to 'my imagination' as the pictures and images in my mind and by actually believing that this is who i really am – and i realize just how limited this expression is as none of those images in my mind are who i really am as i have simply copied them from what i saw in my environment

I realize that the only reason why i believed and felt like my imagination as the moving pictures in my mind is valuable and apparently makes me more valuable is because of the desire for sex and relationships as attention and recognition that i had allowed to exist in myself wherein i saw my imagination as something that i could use to manipulate my environment to get them to notice me by entertaining them

I realize myself as responsible for the existence of this construct as the thought-feeling connection between the thought that i am an imaginative personality and the feeling of excitement as a construct that is based on the desire for recognition that i have copied from my father

I realize myself as the directive principle of myself as life in every moment of breath as one and equal with images and pictures and one and equal with excitement

I realize that this feeling of superiority is not real as it is all based on the competition that i have allowed to exist in myself as the desire to survive, which is a mind reality and not the actual reality

I realize and accept myself as HERE as the living expression of oneness and equality as the physical here-ness of life itself

I accept myself as the physical expression of myself as the reality that is here as 'I am' as the natural, simplistic expression of who i am as life itself

I realize that these images within my mind wherein i exist as the 'i' of consciousness as definitions and judgments based on accepted and allowed belief systems are but a construct, a program as a 'self-image' that is constructed upon ideas, beliefs, words, concepts and judgments that i have heard/seen from my environment that is all fueled and based upon the emotional experience of fear as the belief of myself as 'inferior' towards my (apparently superior) environment

I realize that that imagination is in fact the child getting lost in a delusional world that is completely separate from the actual world as a result of the powerlessness and inferiority that the child experience within itself wherein it believes that it has no real power within its presence here in this reality, thus it attempts to escape within a fake mind-created reality wherein it can feel 'special' and important

I accept and realize a child as a physical being here in this reality to express itself freely and unconditionally in oneness and equality with adults

I realize that the belief that it is normal and healthy for a child to have a ‘wild’ imagination is actually a justification for the existence of imagination in children as the attempt to escape their experience of themselves here of fear, powerlessness and uselessness wherein they balance out the polarity of 'negative vs positive' by generating positive energetic experiences within themselves through participating in imagination as the 'personalized alternate reality of the mind'

I realize that imagination and the desire to participate in imagination is in fact the desire to create a fake reality in an attempt to escape this one - from an experience of being displeased/unsatisfied with the experience within self towards this reality as what is here due to the separation that one has allowed to exist within self - wherein one does not take any responsibility for ones experience here by trying to escape ones own inner experience

I realize that in participating in imagination as the experience of excitement as superiority , i am only perpetuating and fueling the energy of fear as inferiority as this is a polarity that needs a balance point to be able to exist, wherein the energy of excitement as perceived superiority is the balance point of fear and vice versa

I realize that both the 'negative emotional experiences' based on memories as well as the 'positive feeling experiences' generated by imagination are part of a polarity mind-construct of energetic experience of consciousness system, which is not who i really am as oneness and equality as life itself

I realize myself as one and equal with all pictures that exist within myself within and as the realization that it all exist within myself therefore it is myself and therefore i am completely responsible for reality and my experience of/in it

I realize myself as one and equal with this memory as a picture and an experience that exist within myself

I realize and accept myself as one and equal with the construct of the memory of getting recognition for my drawing skills by my class mates and the energetic experience of excitement within the realization that it exist within myself therefore it is me

I realize myself as one and equal with the memory of feeling recognized/excited as a reaction to my classmates saying that i can draw really well by defining myself with it

I realize that even though the energetic excitement gives me the feeling that my expression is special and superior, the reality is in fact the opposite as i do not stand as the self-directed principle of myself as life itself within and as self-expression -- as I have allowed myself to become but a pre-programmed system/robot that is directed by energetic experiences/reactions, thus not even really existing as an actual living being

I realize that i have constructed my experience as energetic reactions to images myself, by not taking responsibility for my imagination as the images within and as the mind and by not realizing myself as one and equal with the images within and as the mind and realizing myself as the creator of the images within and as the mind and the energetic reactions to the images

I realize that this is a pre-designed program that i have allowed to exist within myself and to direct and define me by having allowed myself to define myself as a consciousness system as ego as survival and separation, wherein i searched for 'survival techniques' as certain 'traits' and 'talents' that will ensure my survival in human society, such as imagination

I express myself within and as oneness and equality as life itself, instead of expressing myself within and through imagination as the expression and experience of competition, conflict and separation as ego

I realize that i am only manipulating myself by not realizing myself as one and equal with all beings here, only supporting myself within and as the consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become

I realize that in this i have reduced/diminished my existence to being a slave to human beings, a slave to the mind as separation and that this is not who i really am

I realize that this reaction of desiring to create an alternate 'positive' mind-reality is the balancing-point of the experience/thought that i am not good enough as the 'negative', which is nothing but a pre-programmed construct and thus not who i really am as a being

i realize that this is a construct that i have copied from my parents and accepted as 'the truth' by trusting my parents rather than trusting myself as who i am here

i realize myself as one and equal with the thought that i am not good enough as what exist within myself as my creation - by allowing myself to be directed and defined by it in separation of it - instead of realizing that i am responsible for the existence of this thought within myself as it is my creation through my participation in the mind consciousness system as separation

I accept myself and express myself as constant and stable as the natural self-honest expression of myself here in and as oneness and equality

i accept and realize myself as one and equal with the emotional experience of sadness within and as the realization that this is an experience that i have allowed to exist within myself, therefore it is me

i realize that i am herein only furthering and continuing the inner experience of myself as 'not good enough' within and as sadness

i realize that i am not 'inferior' as 'negative' and i am not 'superior' as 'positive', as both are but parts of one polarity that need each other to 'exist', like a system, and i am not a system, i am life as oneness and equality

i realize that the emotional experience of sadness as inferiority is part of a system as the mind as polarities and thus not real, not who i am

i take responsibility for the emotional experience of sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough by allowing myself to be defined by it and by allowing myself to react to it with the desire to experience superiority as the energetic experience of excitement

i realize that both sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough as well as excitement as a reaction to imagination as the thought that i am superior and better than others - is of the mind as ego as the desire to be special and separate from here, as the desire to experience something 'more' than what is here, wherein i feel 'special'

i accept myself as here, as existence as simplicity, constant and stable within and as self-honesty - neither inferior nor superior, good nor bad, right nor wrong, but simply HERE, one and equal with all that is HERE

i realize that both the emotional experience of sadness as well as the energetic experience of excitement is based on the belief that there is a god looking down on me and judging me - as both are energetic reactions to judgments as words that i heard from my environment, which i had allowed myself to separate myself from and look up to as if they are 'God' and their word is the 'Holy word of God'

i realize myself as self-responsible, as alone within and as myself here, responsible for my existence and the experience of myself here - by having allowed myself to be directed by energetic experiences within myself based on judgments of 'good' and 'bad' in separation of myself

i stand one and equal with my expression here, within and as the realization that i am responsible for myself here - instead of allowing separation to exist within myself wherein i have accepted myself as 'a slave of God', subdued to 'His' judgments of 'right' and 'wrong' and 'good' and 'bad'

i take responsibility for the fact that these judgments and 'people' exist in my mind as words and pictures and that i am therefore the creator due to having allowed it to exist within myself and i am thus responsible for it

i stand one and equal with inferiority as what is here as what exist within myself and standing up within and as self-honesty as oneness and equality as life within the realization that to run from myself is an illusion as i am always here

Self corrective statements:

Till here and no further – if and when I see imagination coming up within myself, as images that are separate from what is physically here – stop and breathe and I do not allow myself to participate because I realize that this imagination as the desire to participate in and create an alternate reality within my mind as images is in fact the desire to escape from the experience of myself here

So I do not allow myself to go ‘higher’ in the realms of the mind as imagination, but I rather look within myself at what it is that I am trying to escape from, what it is that I find so unpleasant about my experience here – and I direct myself through applying self forgiveness and self correction to stand constant and stable within and as oneness and equality – not allowing myself to participate in any energetic reactions as I realize that all energy is part of a polarity, which will eventually shift to the balance-point, thus creating a continuous loop of the same energetic experiences/reactions

Till here and no further – if and when I see the memory of getting recognition from my classmates for my ‘talents’ and ‘skills’ coming up within myself, I stop and breathe, and I do not allow myself to react with the energetic experience of excitement as I realize that this is a pre-programmed thought-construct that exist as a energetic charge for the consciousness system as separation as the mind that I have allowed myself to become and thus it is not who I really am as life itself as oneness and equality

I realize myself and accept myself as one and equal with the mind as imagination as all that is here – yet not separate from it as I realize, and I stand within and as the realization that the images in the mind, the thoughts, perceptions, feelings and beliefs about myself and reality of the mind is actually already HERE as the mind mine the physical reality to construct its illusion reality as hidden pictures and thoughts

Therefore I stand up within and as all of reality – and I realize that imagination is a very limited construct of the mind as it gives the impression/feeling that it is very ‘grand’ and ‘superior’ when in fact it is like a prison of the mind wherein I will only experience a small part of reality as the pictures in my mind, based on energetic experiences

So, I stand up as all of existence within and as myself and I do not allow myself to define myself within imagination as the limited construct prison of the mind as a ‘personality’/’identity’ as a personalized version of what reality is – as I realize that this is basically existing in a complete illusion so that I can feel special, which implies that I don’t even really exist as I do not stand one and equal with and as existence by simply refusing to be self-honest about who I am as what is in fact real

Till here and no further – I stand up within and as the realization that it is completely unacceptable to ‘faze out’ from the real world, as what is here, to get lost in my personalized alternate reality in and as imagination wherein I am apparently the ‘god’ of my reality as pictures and experiences – as I realize that this is in fact being a very abusive god that is out for power and that is thus in fact a victim of its own creation

So I stand up as the god that I really am as life as oneness and equality, taking responsibility for all that is here as me – taking responsibility for all that exist within myself to direct myself within what is best for all, to create a heaven on earth for all life as me

And I do not allow myself to faze out and tune out from what is here as myself as my presence here by participating in imagination, based on the belief that I am not alone responsible for myself here – therefore I stand up within and as the realization that I am completely responsible for myself here and I take complete responsibility for all of myself here, for all of my creation by accepting myself as one and equal with imagination, one and equal with the energetic experience of excitement and one and equal with the pictures and images that I see with my eyes in reality here - because I realize that I am here, so I am responsible for all that is here as myself

till here and no further: if and when i see the thought that i am not good enough coming up within myself - i stop and breathe - and i do not allow myself to react with the emotional reaction of sadness and inferiority to this thought as i realize that this is a mind-construct based on the belief that i am not alone responsible for myself

And i do not allow myself to exist within the belief that i am not alone responsible for myself - as i stand up within and as the realization that i am here, one and equal with all that is here

i stop the mind-construct of believing myself to not be good enough and the emotional reaction of sadness and inferiority within myself because i realize that this is a system, and i am not a system

i realize myself as life as constant and stable within and as oneness and equality

i realize and accept myself as self-determined, and self-directive

i realize and accept myself as self-respect within self-responsibility

i realize and accept myself as alone as all one

and i direct myself in each and every moment within and as absolute all-one ness, taking responsibility for all life as me here, within and as myself here

Redefining the word "imagination"

Gathering information:

Establishing self’s allocation point:

i see 'imagination' as a 'trait' that i can use to make money, become a person 'of worth' in the world of human relationships, for instance to make movies, music, paintings, drawings that human beings will like and feel good about, which makes them then like me and want to support me and my survival in this reality.

Dictionary Definition:

1. the faculty of imagining, or of forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses.

2. the action or process of forming such images or concepts.

3. the faculty of producing ideal creations consistent with reality, as in literature, as distinct from the power of creating illustrative or decorative imagery. Compare fancy ( def. 2 ) .

4. the product of imagining; a conception or mental creation, often a baseless or fanciful one.

5. ability to face and resolve difficulties; resourcefulness: a job that requires imagination.

Sounding the word:

"imagine - nation" - the act of imagining an alternative 'nation'/world within and as images in the mind, as being completely separate from reality here, and existing in this fake alternate reality that is not actually real

"image - in - negation" - the act of creating and existing in the alternate 'nation' of images in the mind, in complete and deliberate negation of what is real

Investigating the information of the word that has been gathered

The current definition that i have given to the word, is definitely within a positive charge - as the word implies the very desire to experience a 'positive' alternate reality in and as the mind as images, to escape from the negative reality that is in fact here. However the definition that is given by the dictionary:

"the action or process of forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses"

is a more clear definition that does not have a positive or negative charge

New definition

"the action or process of forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses"

Checking the definition

Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?

Answer: no

Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?

Answer: yes