dinsdag 13 september 2011

2011 thoughts, a road extensively travelled

a thought is like a road that is presented to me in my mind as the thought comes up in a moment. i then react to the thought with the desire to follow that road that the thought is presenting, for example a thought of self forgiveness.
a thought will come up of a point that i can do self forgiveness on, a line that i can say, and then me i react to that thought with an energetic 'uplifting' as a hope that this thought will lead me somewhere.
the thought promises me that if i follow it, i will reach an experience, i will obtain/attain something and so time and time again i will follow the thought, getting exactly the experience that it promised.

i ve come to trust my thoughts extensively, they ve always told me what to do, what to say, where to go and i followed them because i believed that they can be trusted, i believed that my thoughts are here to protect me, they know best.

thoughts always know best, they always know all about whats going to happen if i do this or say that in this moment, they always have these projections of the future, of how i am going to experience myself when i do this or say that. they seem to be allknowing.
and i believed it, so i followed my thoughts' advice. i did what they told me to do and i didnt do what they told me not to.

but, looking back on my life, all i see is me in a fucked up experience, in fear, depression, self judgement, shame, fear, anxiety, that was stopping me from expressing myself. i always existed in fear of expressing myself.
i was always listening to my thoughts, suppressing me in the moment. my thoughts, that know best, going like 'hey, lets think about this for a moment' 'what will happen to you if you say something now, if you say this or that, if you do this or that' and then my thoughts would come up with all these projections of the future of why i should not do it and then me, i go 'oh yes you re right, it s too risky'.

eventually everything becomes too risky, and i end up doing and saying nothing, never really expressing myself because of all the risks that are involved. risks of feeling bad, disappointed, sad, ashamed. risks of a negative experience.
i never realized though that it is the very thoughts that are already making me feel bad, i am already judging myself in my mind, even before i do anything at all, so it is a vicious circle of me following the thought because it apparently wants to protect me from experiencing.... itself. it wants to protect me from its judgements that will make me feel bad.
this is just too crazy, and because of this, thoughts cannot be trusted, they are deceptive and all they do is keep me turning in circles in the mind, always trapped in the experiences that it presents, always only following the roads that it presents, like a prison that apparently exists 'for my own good' and 'for my own protection'.

bullshit! in fact thoughts is like a machine with one purpose only: keeping itself alive, so obviously it will ensure that i only follow the thoughts, that i keep reacting to the thoughts and

that i stay stuck in the endless mind loops of always the same experiences. it will make sure that i never realize myself within the freedom of the moment, because it is within freedom and openness as the moment here that a realization is able to be made, that reality is able to be seen and realized, as something 'new', not a re-chewed past experience.

though my thoughts are not to blame, because why are thoughts even able to exist? because i keep participating in them. and when i look at thoughts as the roads presented to me offering me a 'grand experience' if i follow them, then i have to admit that thoughts in essence are the spawn of my own desire for fame, my desire to reach/attain something greater/higher/better. though this desire seems to have gone and live a life of its own as thoughts, within total separation of myself, wherein i am not aware that these thoughts is just me as the desire that i ve allowed to exist within myself.

If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.

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