2008 - self forgiveness on being a good person

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to participate in hope, hope that i will feel good in the future

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to participate in expectations, expectations that i will feel good about what i do, about decisions that i will make

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to actually believe that i am a bad person if dont participate within 'social behaviour'

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to believe that i am a bad person if i dont wave or smile at someone that i know from my past, because that person might expect me to

i forgive myself for allowing myself to expect persons from my past to show me that they recognise me by smiling or waving at me, as an indication that i still have a relationship with that being so i can feel safe and good

i forgive myself for allowing myself to feel angry or upset or 'ignored' when someone that i recognise from my past does not give me a sign that they recognise me to let me know that our 'relationship' still matters to that being, so i as the system that i ve allowed myself to become, that needs relationships with other beings to exist and cannot be alone, will feel good and safe in its existence

i forgive myself for allowing myself to blame other beings when they dont give me attention because i feel bad about that, because i have allowed myself to want need and desire relationships with other beings so 'i' as the system i ve allowed myself to become that needs relationships to exist,will survive

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to give up myself, life, to adapt to the possible expectations of other beings about myself, so i can secure my existence as a mind consciousness system within 'not feeling alone', believing that there are other beings that are 'there for me', that support me and that will help me

i forgive myself for allowing myself to expect other beings to support and help me simply by being friendly and nice to me, so i can feel 'good' within the thought that others 'like' me, and in that 'liking', a relationship is established;
and so therefore i feel like i must live up to the expectations of others, otherwise they would not give me 'what i want'

i forgive myself for never having allowed myself to trust myself HERE, trust who i am as self movement, because i have allowed myself to react in fear to my parents, grandparents and teachers when they got angry at me, because i had allowed myself to rely and depend on my parents for my existence, when i did something as myself that they did not like, so now i exist in constant and continuous fear that i might possibly be doing something that other beings may dislike and then they might not want to support or help me anymore

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to believe that it is a 'bad' thing if i am completely alone, with no one around to seemingly help and support me

i forgive myself for allowing myself to, when i have a job, or have something that another being can take away from me, step into 'peoplepleaser mode', to keep them feeling good about me, so i can feel good and safe

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to only feel safe when i think that the beings around me are pleased with me

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to build my entire existence around and as 'relationships with other beings' so now i feel as if i cannot trust myself at all and i cannot support myself and move myself ALONE

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to live from the outside in, as in: constantly fearing all the beings around me, making every move within fear of their possible 'negative' judgements about my expression
instead of from the inside out, wherein i realise that outside is in, because all is me

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to not realise that i ve never given myself the opportunity to be myself and to trust myself in every step i take, i ve never allowed myself to be simply HERE as myself. i ve never really allowed myself to live without fear or expectations

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to define myself according to the 'good' feeling that i get when i think that other beings like me

i forgiv emyself for havinga llowed myself to build my expression completely on 'creating relationships', thus i always judge my expression thru the eyes of another being

within separation of myself

i forgive myself for having allowed myself to believe that i cannot love support and appreciate myself completely ALONE, that i NEED other beings to do that for me, because that is the way i have always allowed myself to be and 'live'

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that i am a being, i am here, there cannot exist anyone 'better, bigger' than me, i live, why would i not absolutely accept myself?...

i forgive myself for havinga llowed myself to base al my movements and actions on 'creating relationships' with other beings, wanting to 'fit in', wanting to be liked, appreciated, noticed, loved, needed, wanted

i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that there are things that i cannot do, pretty much everything, as i have allowed myself to only do things to prove myself to other beings, never really for me as me practically HERE

i forgive myself for allowing myself to question and think about my movements, about my 'behaviour', 'was it alright?', 'what would that person think of me?', 'am i ok?' 'is it ok that i did that for that person?' 'are they upset with me now?'

i forgive myself for allowing myself to doubt myself, which is simply stating that i do not trust myself, that i do not trust myself that i support myself and that i do what is necessairy to be done for me as all as one as equal