zaterdag 21 september 2019

Carol colors

Beingness colors:

earthy orange:

 Beingness expression: all-embracing, unconditionally and absolutely embracing all as me, not seeing or finding fault in anything or anyone, not having any 'sharp edges' towards anything or anyone. Like the sun, unconditionally giving warmth equally without expecting anything in return. Like the sun, standing as the center around which all of life revolves - knowing that "I am the center of all things, I need not move for anything as I am all there is".

Gentle, flow, playful, fun

External support: sweaters(how you embrace yourself), eyeshadow(how you see yourself)

Mind polar opposite: 
Believing that "I need to do things to be complete". Survival mind. Belief that 'i must move. I must do things". Belief that who I am here is not whole. Seeing holes in yourself instead as points wherein you are 'not good enough' and 'not yet how you should be'. Wanting to be a good mother/wife/friend/person as ideas in the mind. The hole is 'i am a bad mother/wife/friend/person and therefore i need to do something to be a good mother/wife/friend/person'  or 'i am fat so i need to do things in order to feel good about myself'.

separating the 'sun' as you as a being by creating ideas in the mind representing 'wholeness'
fear of being punished for enjoying/expressing self here, as fear of facing emotions of shame, embarrassment, guilt.

Being very harsh/hard on yourself, not accepting self, seeing 'holes' in self, judging self, being very 'sharp-edged' towards yourself.

From mind polar opposite to beingness expression: In moments when you see yourself going into and participating in the ideas in the mind about 'who/how I should be and what I need to do as a good wife/mother/friend/person' accompanied by an experience of stress/urgency/worry, bring your focus to how you are not living that 'wholeness' as represented by the ideas within yourself internally in your relationship with self. Are there emotional experiences within yourself that you are reacting to instead of embracing and accepting as parts of self - such as shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger?

Then move yourself to live the word wholeness by making the decision to unconditionally embrace those parts of you which you are judging, suppressing and reacting to - becoming and making yourself 'whole' by embracing all of what exists within you as parts of you.

sunny yellow:

Beingness expression: sunshine = warm, pleasant, enjoyable, you feel like you want to get out and about and live and express. Easygoing, relaxed, without any complications. Easy, breezy, lazy, sunny day. Everything I need is here. I am standing with my roots firmly into the earth, I can just relax, settle into and enjoy what's here because I don't need anything else. Everything is warm and embracing. There's no reason to do anything or move because all of life is here. There's no guilt, no judgment, no right or wrong, there's only this unconditional embracing warmth that is unconditionally accepting, embracing and nurturing, like the sun.
Very accommodating, like you would be in a very warm blanket. Very soft movement. Like a gentle caress like a wind that gently moves across your skin. Very light and airy. There is like a knowing that "I am OK". Like a mother embracing a child and the mother going, "you're OK".

External support: Pants(how you walk in this world), shawl/scarf(how you warm yourself), jacket(your living statement)

 Mind polar opposite:

Always feeling like i have to do things. And when i am doing things, like i am watching a movie, I will feel guilty and ashamed about it because i judge my starting point within it. so there is like a constant movement within me and i don't allow myself to enjoy the things that I enjoy without feeling guilty cause i'll think that "This is not important, there are other things I should be doing that are more important. Out there, for other people."

I don't ever experience a moment of being "OK", of not being rushed. Most of the times I am rushed to fill the holes within myself. I have this sinking feeling, like a part of myself i need to fulfill all the time. As though I am never enough. How can I be enough for myself? How can I be here and be whole without going crazy over all the things I am not doing? Like i need to do certain things in order to feel good about myself. Like there is no way I will every feel whole unless I do things 'out there'. I have never looked at it from this starting point of asking myself "am I whole?" and placing myself as the starting point.

I feel so scattered and so all over the place that oftentimes I don't know where to start. And when I do set a goal for myself of what I want to create, like i want to learn to play guitar, then I go into guilt and shame and regret and embarrassment because I feel like it's taking time away from what I should rather be doing, like spending time with Kurt and the kids.

 From mind Polar opposite to Beingness Expression:

In the moments when you catch yourself in the rushed experience where you are thinking about what you should do with yourself in order to feel better about yourself - realize, see and understand that there are emotions within yourself, the regret, guilt, shame, embarrassment, that you are trying to escape from.

So in that moment, you stop and embrace yourself, embrace the emotions. Where, you'll still continue doing what you were doing or about to do, but you'll simultaneously be practicing embracing you and so correcting your starting point from perceiving yourself as 'not good enough' to unconditional self-acceptance. 

Support color: 

Carrot orange:

Supportive expression:  intensity, emergency. Moving yourself with intensity and emergency. Gotta get moving! Now, not later! Moving self with focus, intent and purpose. Standing as centered yet also moving as center. Where, movement is not driven or motivated by reactions and emotions but is a self-expression within the realization and understanding that things need to get done on an existential level.

External Support: Underwear, socks, T-shirts

New Expression color:

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