2009 the past

the past

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rehash the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain stuck in the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about who i have allowed myself to become and things i did towards other people in the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think i have to forever more feel guilty about 'stupid' things i did in the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep living in guilt about things i did towards others in the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to punish myself by remembering the past to keep showing myself what a stupid and worthless being i am
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep bringing past memories back to the present moment, some that make me feel ashamed and others that make me feel good about myself, and stay then in this constant cycle of the past, constantly litterally reliving the past as reactions as thoughts feelings and emotions
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i dont deserve to be absolutely HERE, as the birth of life within and as each moment HERE, but that i have to keep feeling guilty about the past, that i have to keep on remembering what an awfull being i have been
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that other people expect me to feel guilty
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my experiences in my life on others and therefore expect them to blame me also
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want others to feel bad about what they supposedly did to me, and therefore believe that i also have to feel bad about what i supposedly did to others
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as regret about the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsability for the past by judging it
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to judge my expressions in the past and to judge people that i ve met in the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep thinking about people from the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear change
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to see the past as safety
i forgive myself for accepting and allowng msyelf to see the mind as my safe haven, my safe place
where i shut myself off from all my surroundings by living in my private little world based on past moments that i keep rehashing
i forgive myself for acceptin and allowing myself to define myself according to the past
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think i have to pay for all the stupidity from my past, by reminding myself of that stupidity as memories
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others want me to pay that others are judging and condemning me
i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want others to like me and to think that i depend on the approval of others, and that i cant be myself unless others say it is ok, because i feel so guilty about what i had done in the past that i think i cant grant myself to opportunity to be HERE, absolute and free within every new moment of breath
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have to be granted freedom, that others have to release me from the prison of the mind by telling me it is ok

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