zondag 24 juli 2011

2011 mirroring my face

right side of my face mirrored

left side of my face mirrored

I ve mirrored both sides of my face to really see each side of myself in totality. And this gives me two totally different expressions, like two totally different people entirely. I see the ‘right’ face as very masculine and the ‘left’ face as more soft and feminine. The right is extremely serious, with a very long face and chin, eyes straight forward, very serious look. But I see fear and sadness in the eyes, because the eyes seem pushed back into the face, much insecurity. The left face is much more open, looks calm and relaxed, at least more than the right one, eyes are big and wide. The right face has almost that ‘sad puppy’ face where the eyelids sort of push the eyes to the middle as if to look up, asking for pity. While the left face’s eyes look much more stable, not asking for anything, just being here. So although the left face seems much stronger, masculine, serious, inside, which is seen in the eyes, it is not strong at all, it is even asking for pity, it feels lost and desperate, it is searching and looking.
Now the left face isn’t trying to be strong, isn’t trying to be serious and keep it all together, it is just open, but in the eyes I see much more actual strength then I see in the eyes of the right face, because the left one just is, within acceptance of reality as it is, so not looking for anything, so not lost or desperate either.
I also notice that with the right face the upper lip looks larger than the lower lip, but in the left face the lower lip looks bigger than the upper lip, it s even a big difference that I can see.
With Anthony it is very obvious that his upper lip is much bigger than his lower lip, it is like a DNA thing in his family. And when I look in the mirror, I would say that my lower lip is bigger than my upper lip. So I guess we re a good match lip-wise.
Expression-wise, I ve always experienced that he is the one in our relationship who expresses his wants, needs and desires to me and I ve never really done that because I was so afraid of losing him. So I adapted myself to what he wants and who he is, I changed myself to please him. And he was always the one to become angry with me over silly little things and start shouting and yelling at me and blaming me, because he didn’t like what I do. While me, when I get angry, I keep it in my mind, I suppress it because I don’t really trust myself, I doubt and question myself all of the time. So I suppress my expression. But Anthony seems very at ease with expressing himself. He s always talking about what he wants as if it is the word of God. And I actually believed that, I believed that, because he seems so sure of himself, he must know what is right and wrong, good and bad, because he behaves like he holds that truth. And I never trusted myself in my expression, I felt lost and confused so I desired to just have someone else to tell me who I am, what I have to do and what is right and what is wrong.
But as far as the pictures go, I have to say that the left face reminds me more of Anthony than the right one, because it seems more sure of itself, it doesn’t have that puppy eyed look of the right one, who looks like she’s just looking for guidance.

what i also see is that the left face looks like it would want to defend itself, like it could attack. while the right face looks harmless, it wouldnt hurt a fly, it would even let itself be attacked without fighting back, because it looks so sad and powerless. and i know i do that: on one hand i often let people walk all over me and i easily give myself up and give up on myself, but on the other hand i can really defend myself and i easily feel attacked by people. i often feel like people are trying to gain power over me and then i want to defend myself, let them see that they will not have power over me, i am a strong girl, that even i have intellectual power over them. like i m fighting for my place in the world, fighting for respect.

1 opmerking:

Ann zei

Kim cool you inspired me to try this on my face as well and it is like 2 completely different people! check it out