2008 i face fear head on and be done with it

i feel controlled
i am control
but am controlled
how is this even possible
my outsides are controlling my insides
i feel controlled by my outsides
they tell me what to do i mistype a lot
they tell my body how to feel
my heart to race like mad
am i my heart racing like mad
am i my heart
they are watching me
i am being watched
i watching me
i giving attention to me
and judging me
i behave
so that i
will be judged positively
as opposed to negatively
have to remind myself to breath
properly
i am positive judgement
but i feel negativity
i don t want to be judged positively
maybe i want to be judged negatively
i am being controlled
by me wanting to control myself
i forgive myself for allowing myself towant to be in contol of myself
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think that if they see that i m not in control of myself they will judge me in what ever way
and then i will die
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i will die if i am not in control of myself
i forgive myself for allowing myself to judge them on what they do on what they say
and then compare myself to know what i have to do what i have to say
i forgive myself for allowing myself to want to escape the confrontation with my own judgement and fear of judgement
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i can escape my own judgement
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i will die if i face confrontation with my own judgement
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that this judgement comes from outside of me
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think that i have to portrai a certain image of myself towards them so that i will be safe from death
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that they think i am ridiculous
i forgive myself for allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself in their presence
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that they want me to feel ashamed of myself
i forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself according to the shame
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe i am shame
i forgive myself for allowing myself to feel ashamed about my appearance/my picture/ my image
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think they think i am ugly
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think that i must feel ashamed about being ugly
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i am uglyness
i forgive myself for allowing myself to compare myself with them and finding myself not ok
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i have to feel controlled by cosciousness systems in others
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that i am being controlled by the consciousness systems of others and not my own
i forgive myself for allowing myself to be controlled by my consciousness system
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i am consciousness system
i forgive myself for allowing myself to be controlled by my past
i forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself according to my past
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i have to act according to the image others have of my according to my past
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i am this image
i forgive myself for allowing myself to think i am an image
i forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself according to an image
i forgive myself for allowing myself to believe it is necessairy for me to react with thoughts feelings and emotions towards others who they are and what they do
i forgive myself for not allowing myself to be one and equal to others as who i am
i forgive myself for allowing myself to separate myself from others and defining myself as separation
i am not separation
i am not judgement
i am not shame
i am not fear
i am not comparison

i am one and equal to all humans as me as life
i fear not facing myself
for this is me
all me
life in and as me
as who i am
as the moment
i am not my past
i am not my future
past and future
exist only in the mind
i am not the mind
i am me as breath as life
as who i am in the moment
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