This blog is a continuation in my Journey and Process of practically, physically changing a Fear-Reaction towards A Person in my environment. In this process I have already walked through three layers within and of the mind in relation to this experience of Fear that I had initially identified within myself towards an individual in my immediate physical environment. Those three steps that I have walked through in writing and applying the tools of self-honesty, self-investigative writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction - can be found Here.
Basically, what i have been doing within walking these 'steps' of Changing a Fear reaction, is that, each time that I investigated a layer in and of my mind that I identified as specific thoughts and emotional/feeling experiences in relation to an individual in my environment - I then in the next step firstly reassessed the previous step and my actual effectiveness in applying the Correction/Change of the specific mind-pattern that I had identified, because I want to make sure that the process of Self-Change that I am busy walking here is not just empty words that look nice 'on paper', but that there is actual Self-Change manifesting. After all, it is only through 'checking', cross-referencing, assessing and reassessing myself, that I ensure for and as myself that I am actually doing what it is that I set out to do.
After this reassessment, I looked again at my relationship with this specific individual in my world and reality and investigated if and where there still exist experiences within myself and what those experiences are --- which I would then write out and change/correct through applying the tools of self-investigation, self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-correction - and self-evaluation.
So, here within this fourth step, I will be looking at the overall effectiveness of and within the process that I have walked thus far - and specifically I will be identifying where and how it is that I have changed and where and how I have not changed -- from where then I will again have a starting point to continue walking this process.
In terms of why it is that this process is ongoing and not a 'clear-cut' one-step self-transformation - is because this one point that I had identified within myself, as this experience of fear in relation to a person in my physical environment, does not 'stand alone' within myself -- it is intertwined and interconnected with the rest of me, being my entire mind, conscious, subconscious and unconscious. So, as I started walking this process of changing seemingly only one point within my mind, in fact I was peeling off a layer within and of that one point, to see and discover more dimensions of how this point exists within myself that I had not considered when I initially started looking into it.
So, when I look at the process that i have walked so far, in writing and in physical correction and application - and I have a look at how and where it is that I have in fact changed myself within my experience and expression towards this specific individual and where it is that I have not changed - then I can see that:
Where I have Changed
Where I haven't Changed
So - to summarize:
- The physical reaction of a cringing in stomach and chest area
- The emotional reaction of fear upon seeing her
- The experience of desire to be her friend and to be accepted by her
- The experience of inferiority towards her and the comparison in my mind based on the point of ‘having a relationship’ that was connected to it
- The experience of anxiety, tension and fear that comes up in the moment where I want to go up to her and have a conversation with her - specifically triggered by thoughts in relation to a fear of Failing
What is the next step?
To be Continued...