System Design of Embarrassment

embarrassment -- i experience a lot of embarrassment (emotion) about myself because i worry a lot about 'what people will think of me' in everything that i do and say (thought). So embarrassment is what i experience when i am expressing myself or have expressed myself in a way that i normally wouldn't, that i deem 'not normal' or 'out of the ordinary' (thought). the idea that i have of myself is that i am a girl/woman who 'fits into society', who is 'like everyone else', 'normal', according to the 'rules' and concepts of 'what normal and acceptable is' in and of society (thought), which i learned from my family.

So, whenever i do or say anything that might shake that idea/image that i have of myself, embarrassment comes up, like when i say/do something that would, according to me, generally by 'society' be judged as 'abnormal' and 'not ok', 'weird', 'freaky', 'strange' or even 'sick'/'disgusting' (thought).

A lot of which has to do with sexuality and my sexual expression -- for instance embarrassment always comes up whenever i speak words that have to do with sexuality (emotion), especially the more 'vulgar' ones (thought), or when moving my body in a specifically feminine way (like swaying hips) because according to me and my view of society and of myself as being a 'proper member of society', sexuality is something that should not be 'open', not be discussed or shown, everybody is just supposed to be 'proper', nice, friendly, polite, predictable in their expression (thought).

So, when i experience embarrassment(emotion) within myself, it is as a reaction to a self-judgment on my expression, (thought) on something i said or did because of how i think it will be perceived by other people because it may be different from how i want to be perceived according to the image/idea that i have of myself (thought). And the image that i have of myself as how i want other people to perceive me is that of an 'intelligent, good girl' (thought) - so the embarrassment (emotion) would come up whenever i think that other people judge me as dumb, stupid, bad, etcetera (thought), but mostly as 'not normal', 'not fitting into the rest of society' and 'not like everyone else' (thought). And to avoid the experience of embarrassment, i would constantly be conscious of what people may or may not be thinking about me (thought), so that i can alter my expression so that they will judge me as 'an intelligent, good girl' (thought), so obviously within this i compromise myself a lot and i am never honest with others as myself about who i am, never direct, constant or stable.

Thoughts related to embarrassment:

'what will people think of me'

'i have to fit into society'
'people have to think that i am an intelligent and good girl/woman'
'i have to avoid the experience of embarrassment'
'everybody in society is supposed to be friendly, polite and predictable in their expression'
'i have to be conscious of what people are thinking about me'
'I don't fit into society'

Themes of embarrassment: self-judgment, rejection, self-pity, comparison


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to how I believe other people see me - and therefore, be afraid of people starting to see me in a different light, because, apparently, then i'll lose myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my friends and to therefore fear changing, because i fear that my friends will see me in a different light and thus reject me, wherein i fear losing me - instead of realizing myself as one and equal with my friends and realizing that the belief that i exist within the minds of my friends as an image/idea/thought is only ego as separation, wherein i have separated myself from myself through creating relationships based on emotional and feeling reactions

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment as an ego defense and protection-mechanism to sabotage me in realizing and expressing myself as who i really am as life itself, as limitless and undefined, whenever I say or do something that is not according to my programming as 'personality-definitions' -- wherein I go into self-judgment and self-suppression as the emotional experience of embarrassment that stems from the fear of losing my friends as what I believe i need to be able to be myself as who i believe myself to be as 'personality' as thoughts, feelings and emotions

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the experience of embarrassment is real and to therefore try to avoid the experience of embarrassment by sticking to my programming without ever further investigating myself within the realization that embarrassment an experience is that i have allowed to exist within myself, so therefore it is me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an idea of 'who i am' according to how i believe other people see me - instead of realizing that how i believe that other people see me, is entirely based on how i see me and how i want people to see me according to the image that i am trying to portray and present of myself to others as the ego that i have allowed myself to become as separation

i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the experience of embarrassment within myself by simply accepting it as 'who i am' and taking it for granted, and thus not realizing that embarrassment is in fact a pre-programmed automatic response of the ego as the system of the mind that i have allowed myself to become that only serves to keep me from ever realizing that i am not the mind as the system by coming up whenever i am faced with a chance to stand up within self-directiveness within a moment, wherein i would change my application in this reality, and thus realize that the mind is an illusion

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my friends in my world because i have allowed myself to define myself according to my friends and according to how i believe they see/perceive me within their mind, wherein i have allowed myself to become a personality/identity as definitions within and as separation of myself, believing that i need my friends to 'be myself' as the experience of myself as the system of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, based on the idea of myself according to how i believe my friends see/perceive me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to actually believe that i am able to 'lose myself'

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that the experience of embarrassment is a warning sign that i must listen to, that warns me that i am about to lose myself within losing the 'esteem' of my friends and within being rejected by my friends and that i therefore have to do or say something to make sure that i do not lose the respect and acceptance and 'esteem' of my friends so that i can once again feel like i am 'myself' as the personality/identity that i have allowed myself to become within relationships with my friends, based on how i believe they perceive me, according to how i want them to perceive me within the image/picture that i present of myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to be directed by the emotional experience of embarrassment by believing that I am able to lose myself when i feel embarrassed and by doing/saying things wherein i try to make sure that the idea of myself that apparently exist in the minds of my friends and other people is still intact - instead of realizing that this idea that i am trying to uphold of myself is my self-created image wherein i exist in separation of myself within and as the mind and is thus not actually real

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am but an idea that exist in the mind within and as separation of myself, wherein i apparently need relationships such as friend-ships as my 'life-boat' that keeps the personality/identity/idea of myself 'alive' and that i fear losing because i have allowed myself to define myself within and as an idea within and as separation of myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stepping out of my comfort zone of the relationships that i have created with specific people in my world, as my 'friends' - and to use the experience of embarrassment and the fear to experience the emotional reaction of embarrassment, as a self-sabotage in order to keep me from ever crossing my self-created boundaries of the mind -- making sure that i never find out who i really am as life itself as HERE

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to expand by trusting the experience of embarrassment as an apparent 'warning' that says that 'I should not cross this boundary' because I will 'lose myself' through losing my friends as i have allowed myself to define myself within the relationships that i have created with these specific people in my reality - instead of realizing that these relationships with these people as what i experience to be 'who i really am' and 'reality' isn't actually real or 'who i really am' because i have created these relationships myself at one point in my life, where i started to place special value onto them as i was busy building my ego as a system as definitions, ideas and perceptions of myself that need validation and support to be able to exist, therefore I am completely responsible for the relationships that i experience with my friends as i have created it completely myself

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to become a system of the mind, as a closed off, isolated and limited experience of myself - that keeps itself 'together', within and as the self-created illusion of separation, through experiences like embarrassment as apparent 'warnings' that keep me from 'losing myself' - instead of realizing that if i am able to 'lose myself' than i wasn't ever actually real in the first place

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expansion

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself through creating relationships within and of the mind wherein i have allowed myself to build up an idea of myself according to how i think my friends see me, based on how i wanted them to see me as i manipulated my expression to present a certain image of myself towards other people as the ego of the mind wherein i experience myself as 'unique' and 'special' and 'important' and 'superior'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as the ego of the mind as the image that i have created of myself according to how/what i believe other people think about me - instead of realizing that what i see in another as thoughts, feelings and emotions as 'what they are apparently thinking about me', is my own mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions that i have allowed to exist within myself that i see projected unto others by being self-dishonest through having allowed myself to abdicate responsibility for myself HERE within and as reality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire having friends as apparent 'support' in this reality instead of realizing that the very belief that i need support from others creates the experience within myself that i am unstable and lack support, which is an experience of the mind  wherein i have allowed myself to exist in separation of myself, constantly looking for myself within others

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within my search for friendship and within the belief that i need friends to be able to exist - instead of realizing that friendships only support the illusion of the mind as the idea of myself as an image/picture presentation within and as relationships, which isn't actually life and which isn't who i really am as life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone and to use the experience of embarrassment to keep myself enslaved and trapped within and as the mind as the belief that i need friends and i need support and validation from other people to be able to exist - instead of taking responsibility for the experience of embarrassment within the realization that i have allowed embarrassment to exist within myself in separation of myself and that i am therefore one and equal with the experience of embarrassment

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the emotional experience of embarrassment and to therefore fear expressing myself in a way that is different from how i would normally express myself according to my programming as what i believe to be 'good' and 'right', to make sure that i do not experience embarrassment as what i have connected with 'stepping out of my comfort zone' - instead of taking responsibility for the existence of embarrassment as what i have allowed to exist within myself as a part of the mind consciousness system that only exists to make sure that i never cross or challenge my self-created boundaries within myself as the apparent 'rules of reality' according to judgments of 'right' and 'wrong' as what i have learned from my parents and to make sure that i never expand myself within and as my existence HERE, wherein i would realize that i am not the mind

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the experience of embarrassment, within and as separation of myself wherein i feel embarrassed about something that i did or said because of how i think other people see or perceive me as the image/idea that they have about me in their mind - instead of realizing that the experience of embarrassment is only me as the ego of the mind as the desire to feel special, important and unique as an image within and as the mind within and as separation of myself, trying to 'survive' in keeping me from expanding myself within the moment HERE through attempting to stop and suppress myself in my expression in the moment within judging my expression and accordingly feel embarrassed, wherein i state to myself that 'i should not have behaved in that way, because what will people now think of me?!'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as the thought of 'what will people think of me?!'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought of 'what will people think of me?!' to the emotional experience of embarrassment as the ego-defense mechanism wherein i am trying to hold onto an idea/image of myself that i have built up within and as relationships with certain people in my world

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the emotional experience of embarrassment by fearing it and thus allowing myself to be directed by it - instead of realizing, when i see the emotional experience of embarrassment coming up within myself, that this is a preprogrammed system energetic reaction that is designed for one purpose only: to keep myself within the limited boundaries of the mind as self-created personality within and as relationships as separation



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment whenever a memory comes up within myself wherein i did or said something in the presence of other people, that does not accord with the image/idea that i have created of myself as the ego of the mind as perceived superiority within and as separation of myself as how i want other people to see and perceive me - wherein embarrassment is like a 'mind-wall' that makes sure that i subtract myself within myself and suppress myself within and as the emotional experience of embarrassment so that i will not expand myself in that moment and realize that i am not the mind, but stick to my programming of and as the mind as the ego as the idea of self - instead of breathing through the experience of embarrassment within and as the realization that this is not me, it is but a mind consciousness system program that i have allowed to exist within myself which only function and purpose is the survival of the mind as the system of ego as the illusion


i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define embarrassment within depression and sadness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define embarrassment within self-pity

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment when i don't have any money and i am standing at the register at a store and i have to tell the cashier that i can't pay for the products because i forgot my money, because in that moment i am thinking 'what will people think about me' because this situation does not accord with the ego-image that i have of myself within myself, of me as a person that can afford to buy stuff, someone who has enough money and who thus isn't poor

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed when i notice that i have a hole in my clothes when i am in a situation where there are other people around because this situation does not accord with the image/idea that i have of myself within my mind of me as a person that can afford new clothes, that has enough money to look nice and is therefore not poor - because i have allowed myself to define having a hole in my clothes within poverty as 'not being able to buy new clothes'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment when my clothes or backpack is dirty because i have allowed myself to create an idea of myself within my mind as a 'rich person' or someone who 'has enough money in this system' and because i have allowed myself to define 'dirty clothes' within poverty/being poor - wherein the experience of embarrassment is the self-defense mechanism of the ego that makes sure that i do not expand myself here in that situation and realize that the mind as the idea that my self-value is determined by the amount of money that i have in this world, is not who i really am

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment when my hair is greasy when i am in a situation where there are other people around, by thinking about 'what people will think of me', because the greasy hair does not accord with the image/idea that i have of myself in my mind as someone who is 'rich' and has enough money to buy shampoo and who has a house with running water to wash my hair as how i want other people to think about me - where the embarrassment is the ego-defence/protection mechanism that makes sure that i do not in that moment expand myself and realize that this idea that i have of myself is not who i really am as it is but a picture in my mind, that is supported through 'relationships' as the separation that i experience between myself and 'other people' as pictures that i see with my eyes, wherein i project the ideas that i have of myself onto other people and thus use them to support, maintain and validate the ego that i have allowed myself to become

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a situation  wherein people may think that i am poor and thus have no money to wash my hair, buy new clothes, and other new stuff to properly take care of myself in this world, within the emotional experience of embarrassment and the thought of 'what will people think of me?'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define poverty within embarrassment and to fear poverty because i fear the emotional experience of embarrassment

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea of myself as 'a rich person' and as 'a person that has enough money to provide for themselves in this world' as the ego that i have allowed myself to become wherein i define my self-worth and value within how much money i have

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the idea of myself as a 'rich person' that is based on the way i present myself according to judgments that i learned about appearance from society and family as 'positive' and 'desirable' and therefore experience embarrassment whenever my appearance does not accord to that idea within my mind of myself, as a preprogrammed reaction of the ego to keep me from ever realizing that this image/idea of myself within my mind as a rich person, is not who i really am

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmed with the fear of experiencing embarrassment in relation to poverty as in having no money and to therefore support the current money system by participating in it from the starting point of desiring money and fearing to be without money, wherein i never question the money system or this reality and thus have become part of the problem and reason why there exist poverty in this world in the first place

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within an idea/image that i have created of myself within my mind of myself as someone who 'fits into society', someone who is 'like most people', someone who 'lives up to the standard' as an image/idea that i copied from my family - and therefore feel embarrassed whenever i notice that my picture presentation does not accord with this idea/image of myself in my mind as how i want other people to see me and think of me, as the preprogrammed ego-reaction that serves to keep me from ever realizing that this image/idea that i have created of myself within my mind is not who i really am

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of embarrassment to stop me from expanding myself and realizing myself as all as one as equal by having allowed myself to give my power and self-responsibility away to the experience of embarrassment - instead of realizing that embarrassment is nothing more than an ego defense mechanism that only exist within me as the ego consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become to keep me from ever crossing the borders/bouderies and perceived limitations of the mind and realizing that i am not the mind

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the energetic experience of embarrassment by fearing the experience of embarrassment as a 'negatively charged' experience of the mind, and to therefore stick to my programming as the idea that i have created about myself in my mind as how i want other people to think about me and see me, based on what i have learned from my family and society about 'who i should be' to be accepted by them

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within what people think of me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within worrying about what people think of me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within an idea/image within my mind that exist in relationship with other people wherein i project my judgments about myself within other people as the abdication of self-responsibility - as the mind consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become as self-dishonesty within and as separation of myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the emotional experience of embarrassment with the thought of 'what will people think of me?!'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the connection between the emotional experience of embarrassment and the thought of 'what will people think of me?!' by having allowed myself to define myself within this connection

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed in someone else's stead when i see that they are in a social/public situation wherein they look or act a certain way that does not accord with what i judge/see as 'good' within and as the ego personality that i have allowed myself to become wherein i have allowed embarrassment to be programmed into me as a ego-reaction that  keeps me 'locked into' my self-created limitations of the mind to make sure that i never realize/see/understand that the mind as the idea of myself as 'good' and 'positive' is not who i really am

redefining words:

 redefining the word 'friend'

dictionary definition of the word 'friend':

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.

a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.

( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.


Sounding the word 'friend':

'free' - 'end' = the end of my freedom

personal experience of the word friend:  

a person who serves as a mechanism of control for the ego that i have allowed myself to form and build over the years in my world, a person who will specifically support only the idea that i have of myself as what they helped build through games of power wherein i will either experience myself as on the end of power or on the end of powerlessness in relation to them. Thus they are people that will support the experience of embarrassment within myself and who expect me to experience embarrassment when i do not keep to my programming and remain their 'friend' as a predictable predesigned and determined set of behavior and ways of expression that they can identify with as i in my turn have supported the formation and existence of their idea of themselves as ego within and as the relationship of playing games of power through emotional manipulation.

I will generally mostly experience embarrassment towards friends whenever i am aware/conscious that how i am behaving is not in accord to the behavior and presentation of myself that they have created a relationship with, thus whenever i have changed and that change is noticeable in my expression towards them. The embarrassment comes up within myself though because somewhere within myself I am still holding on to this idea of myself within which i have created relationships with these people as 'my friends', thus still holding on to the 'friend' relationships as my apparent 'pillars' that serve as support for the idea that i have of myself as who i believe myself to be - where the experience of embarrassment is like a red light going on inside of myself (which is funny, as embarrassment often cause my face to turn 'red', like a giant red light bulb turning on) where me as the ego goes 'red alert!, I am going off course!, I have to immediately turn back to the 'safety' of my programming to keep myself intact as the idea and belief of myself as who i always believed myself to be as defined within and as the relationships with my 'friends' that i have built up over time through the accumulation of 'me-more-i-s'! Which then often causes me to immediately redirect the 'course' of my behavior to be specifically that which my friends would experience as 'normal' and 'who i am', just so that i wouldn't experience embarrassment anymore as i allow myself to trust and follow the experience of fear that comes up within embarrassment, as the fear of losing myself and/as the fear of change.

  

So, my friends would be the ones who I experience to not accept me as who I am, the ones who will in fact judge me the most as the bases of our relationship is emotions and feelings thus in a way we are like 'family', in that we seem to be 'stuck to each other' through having shared memories. Thus, basically, because we have apparently 'shared our lives' with each other within and through memories, we do not allow each other to actually live here because the support shared within the friend-relationship is support from the startingpoint of survival as a limited mind consciousness system of thoughts, feelings and emotions and not support from the startingpoint of supporting each other within our development to become effective beings in this reality. In fact, we try to keep each other down/back and actually make sure that we never change, but that we stay in the group and stay in a specific mind-set of emotions and feelings by using communication to deliberately manipulate the other 'friends' to be/become 'like me' as a mind consciousness system of thoughts, feelings and emotions - so within being 'like me' I will 'like them'.

 The general attitude within 'friendships' is 'I need you and you need me to survive as an ego of the mind in this world so I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine', which is very conditional support that is based on the understanding that from the moment a 'friend' stops supporting their ego and thus the ego of the other 'friends', they get rejected by the group of 'friends'. This is the ruthlessness that we as humanity are existing within and as at the moment.




redefining the word 'friend' and 'friendship' to stand as a living expression of what is best for all:


a real friendship that is best for all, should not be from the perspective and starting point of 'being in the same boat/ship', stuck with each other to survive in the 'dangerous sea/world', wherein eventually the 'friends' get fed up with looking at each others faces all the time and start hating each other, making friendship the breading ground for fear and hate - but it should be from the perspective of assisting and supporting each other to look beyond the apparent limitations of the ship, to look at the ocean and to see the bigger picture of what is going on in this world and to consider such questions as 'why does there have to be a ship/life boat that includes some and excludes all others in the first place?' 'why are we sitting in our safe little ship here while there is an ocean of beings all around us that are drowning?'



Thus, I as a friend can only be true and real if and when I am unconditionally supportive of all life, as a 'friend' of all living beings, a caring, supporting factor that is unconditionally trustworthy wherein I show that I care about life through physical action in this world - to ensure that all my friends as all living beings here on earth can live a dignified life equal to the life I would want for myself.

And friendship is where I see myself in each living being, and consider all life equal and one with myself - to exist as eternal support for all life as me, within the realization that all life IS me and that which I do unto or allow to be done unto another is what I do unto and allow to be done unto me. Friendship is the commitment that I make to stand as unconditional support for all life HERE in every moment of breath, throughout eternity to bring about a world that is best for All within and as the realization that I am responsible for Creation as Reality as Myself - thus I am responsible to birth real friendship into being as a living statement of myself within and as the realization of what is necessary to be done to create a heaven on earth. Friendship is to not allow anything less from another than who they really are, one and equal with myself as who I really am as life.




Writing the Correction:

When and as i see the emotional experience of embarrassment and the thought of 'what will people think of me?' coming up in a situation, i stop and breathe - and i do not allow myself to participate and i stand up within and as the realization that the emotional experience of embarrassment is not who i really am because it is a preprogrammed protection mechanism of the ego that i have allowed to exist within and as me, and the ego of the mind is not who i really am

when and as i see the emotional experience of embarrassment coming up within me, i stop and breathe and i do not allow myself to participate but rather i use this opportunity, and i use the experience of embarrassment to stand up within myself and realize that embarrassment opens an opportunity for me to expand myself in that moment to realize that i am not the mind as the picture idea within myself of myself that i am trying to protect

i realize that i am not an idea, i am not a picture, i am not the ego, thus i do not need protection or defense as an emotional reaction of embarrassment

i take responsibility for the emotional experience of embarrassment as what i have allowed to exist within me by having allowed myself to become an ego as a lie and an illusion of separation

Forgiving myself for allowing jealousy to exist

Read these statements aloud and walk the self-forgiveness with me as we stop the abusive Mind-Pattern of Jealousy and stand up within and as the realization that jealousy is not who we really are.


i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience jealousy when i see someone who is better than me, more effective in their application in this reality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get into the mind as nasty backchat as an ego-reaction to the emotional experience of jealousy that I experience within myself whenever i see someone that is better than me in terms of being more effective in their application in this reality, wherein i am confronted with the inferior being that i have actually allowed myself to become as a mind consciousness system

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within comparison because i am not willing to take responsibility for myself, for my existence within this reality and to stand up within myself for myself to direct myself effectively within and as self-certainty and self-trust to direct my life as life within and as creating a better world for all

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within and as comparison with others, wherein i try to escape from my responsibility towards myself HERE by participating in the self created mind reality of relationships as emotional experiences within and as the 'human race' - wherein I am determined to destroy all that reminds me of who/what i have allowed myself to become as an inferior expression as a mind consciousness system, to remain existent within and as the illusion that i am superior

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience superiority within and as myself within and as comparison and competition that i have accepted and allowed to exist within myself, within and as my desire to abdicate self-responsibility and the fear of standing alone within and as myself HERE, wherein i have in fact actually allowed myself to become an inferior expression as a slave to energy and thus have allowed myself to become a destructive system that will get nasty and mean towards others within action, word and deed whenever experiencing jealousy towards another within seeing that they are better beings than me, to make sure that i can still experience myself within and as the ego of the mind as the energetic experience of superiority that cover up the actual realization of myself as an inferior being as who/what i have allowed myself to become within and as what i have allowed to exist within myself as the ego of the mind as separation as the abdication of self-responsibility

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within and as comparison as what i have allowed to exist within myself as the mind consciousness system of separation, wherein i have diminished and suppressed myself as self-expression through judging myself and comparing myself with other beings, within and as the desire of the ego to experience myself as superior and to be 'the winner' and 'better than others' - experiencing jealousy as the self-sabotaging technique of the ego whenever i am being confronted with my actual inferiority due to who/what i have allowed myself to become as a mind consciousness system as an illusion when i see a being that is better than me in their application of themselves within who they are in this world as what i have allowed myself to suppress within myself through having become the ego of the mind --instead of standing up within and as oneness and equality with what i see in that being, standing AS what i see in that being and giving myself the chance and the opportunity to see beyond the self-created limitations of the ego of the mind and expanding myself within and as the realization of myself as life itself as who i am HERE

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself within experiencing jealousy towards another being, by instead of standing up within and as what i see in this being that is triggering the experience of jealousy within myself and realizing that i am not the ego of the mind as limitation, to attack this person within and as nasty back chat within myself to try and bring this being down and destroy this being so that i could still remain within and as the limited experience of myself as the ego of the mind as i don't want to realize/see/understand that i have always been allowing myself to exist within and as an illusion and that i am therefore not superior at all

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others judging and attacking me within their secret mind as backchat because of jealousy, in the same way that i have allowed myself to attack others within the secret mind as backchat within and as judgments whenever i experienced jealousy towards them, in my attempt to uphold my idea of myself as a 'superior being' - instead of stopping the illusion of the mind within myself and realizing that jealousy is self-sabotage as an automatic, preprogrammed ego-reaction as a 'survival-technique' of the ego as the illusion of superiority', that keeps me within the limitations of my own mind and prevents me from expanding myself to stand up within and as oneness and equality as life itself as who i really am as existence

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as comparison as the unwillingness to stand alone within and as myself HERE within and as absolute self-responsibility, wherein i allow myself to participate within the illusion of the mind as separation as relationships through judgements and comparison - instead of realizing that I AM HERE, and I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF AS HERE, as i am the creator of myself as the mind as who/what i have allowed myself to become through having separated myself from myself

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that comparison is an illusion as the illusion of the ego of the mind that i have allowed myself to become within my unwillingness to take responsibility for myself within and as standing alone within and as myself as oneness and equality, wherein i have allowed myself to preoccupy and entertain myself within and as the mind as pictures and energetic experiences within and as separation of myself, to not face myself HERE as oneness and equality as all of existence as who i really am

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to see/realize/understand, whenever the emotional experience of jealousy towards another being comes up within myself, that this is the ego of the mind that i have allowed myself to become that is trying to fight for its limitations within attempting to discredit and devalue another being because they are revealing to me and showing me who i could/would be if I only let go of the ego of the mind as the illusion of self-importance and superiority as the inferior life-form that i have allowed myself to exist within and as

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to, when i see the emotional experience of jealousy coming up within myself, to stop and breathe and realize/see/understand that this experience of jealousy is not who i really am, it is but a pre-designed system-program of and as the mind consciousness system as separation that i have allowed to exist within myself by not having taken responsibility for myself HERE as oneness and equality as life, that is designed to keep me locked within the limited experience/expression of the mind as separation through perpetual cycles of emotional reactions

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate and create and support the construct of jealousy towards another, by participating in the desire to make another feel jealous towards me so that I can feel better than them, superior towards them by projecting my own experiences/feelings of comparison, judgment and inferiority onto others - instead of realizing that i am only playing mind-games with myself because all that I see within another is what I have allowed to exist within myself as the mind consciousness system as separation

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about how I look as in 'what other people will think about how I look within the clothes that I wear and the shape of my body' by participating in the polarity construct of the desire for people to feel jealousy towards me so that i can feel better about myself and the fear of being rejected and experiencing jealousy towards others and therein feeling inferior within and as the construct of competition that i have allowed to exist within myself within and as the mind consciousness system as the desire for power as the experience of superiority within and as separation from myself as existence



Self Corrective Statements:

When and as i see jealousy coming up within myself towards another being, i stop and breathe and i do not allow myself to participate or identify myself with this experience as i realize that the emotional reaction of jealousy towards another being is a mechanism of self-sabotage, that is entirely based on my unwillingness to take responsibility for myself wherein i attempt to create the illusion that i do not exist alone as ALL ONE but that life is a competition wherein i require to 'beat' all others to 'earn my place' in heaven with God

i do not allow myself to participate within the emotional reaction/experience of jealousy towards another being because i stand up within and as the realization that i am not the mind as the illusion of self-importance and superiority as a program that i have allowed to exist within myself

and i realize that jealousy is an illusion as it exist within and as the mind as the system of separation that i have allowed to exist within myself wherein i have separated myself from myself through defining myself within thoughts, feelings and emotions as a 'picture reality' as the 'movie in and of the mind' wherein i do not even really exist as an actual living breathing being as the awareness of myself as life as oneness and equality

I stand up within and as the realization that i am responsible for the experience of jealousy within myself as what i have allowed myself to create by having allowed myself to be self-dishonest within not wanting to stand within and as who i really am as oneness and equality as life itself

When and as I see myself experiencing jealousy towards a being,  I stop the experience within myself and I give myself in that moment the chance and the opportunity to stand within and as what I see within this being that I experienced jealousy towards within and as the realization that all is me equal and one, thus I will not allow myself to remain stuck within the limited expression/experience of the mind because of spitefulness.

I do not allow myself to be defined and limited by spitefulness

I stop spitefulness within myself and I stand up within and as expansion of myself HERE as the living application of what is best for all as me

April 2012: Dag 4: Zelf Vergeving voor angst om te falen

ik heb een angst opgemerkt in mezelf die steeds opkomt in mezelf wanneer ik iets wil of ga doen, zoals bvb een zelf vergevings lijst uitschrijven. De angst komt op van 'zal ik het wel goed doen?', 'wat als ik niet het juiste onderwerp kies?', 'wat als ik een fout maak?'

Door deze angst toe te staan in mezelf saboteer ik mezelf omdat ik mij uiteindelijk zo verward voel omdat ik begin na te denken over wat ik zou moeten doen en hoe ik het zou moeten doen, maar niets durf te doen uit angst dat het niet 'het juiste' zal zijn, waardoor ik uiteindelijk niets doe en mij daar dan weer gefrustreerd over voel.

Het is alsof ik op een muur aanbots telkens ik mezelf wil bewegen, telkens ik iets wil doen, hoe klein het ook is, maar die muur is er uiteraard enkel wanneer ik dingen wil doen die mij zullen assisteren in mijn process van het stoppen van de geest - voor de rest als ik verlangens uitvoer die ik mijn hele leven al heb uitgevoerd als een automatisch reactief patroon en heb geïntegreerd als 'een deel van mezelf', zoals films kijken, snoepen, shoppen,roddels lezen in magazines, etcetera..., dat gaat allemaal automatisch, fluitje van een cent. Maar oh wee als ik iets wil doen vanuit een zelfbewuste beslissing van zelf-verandering, dan komen al de tijfels naar boven, samen met allerlei negatieve emotionele ervaringen zoals frustratie, woede, angst, twijfel, teleurstelling, onzekerheid, paniek, zelf medelijden, etcetera --- allemaal innerlijke reactieve ervaringen die mij uiteindelijk tot een punt drijven waarin ik alleen nog maar denk aan opgeven. lol

Dit punt is afkomstig vanuit het verlangen om erkenning te krijgen voor wat ik doe, waardoor ik mijn gedachten/geest wil gebruiken om mijn expressie onder controle te krijgen, door de toekomst proberen te voorspellen, door mezelf al te beoordelen alvorens ik iets heb gedaan -- om er dus voor te zorgen dat ik krijg wat ik wil, namelijk erkenning voor wat ik doe.


ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd gedachten te gebruiken om te krijgen wat ik wil als een energetische ervaring in mezelf waarin ik mij speciaal voel

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer mezelf te saboteren in zelf beweging en zelf applicatie door na te denken over wat ik zal doen waardoor ik enkel mezelf in verwarring breng door verloren te geraken in emotionele reacties op toekomstprojecties die ik creer in en als het ego van de geest als gedachten die ik heb toegestaan te bestaan in mezelf

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer te geloven dat ik 'juist' en 'goed' moet zijn en aldus 'het juiste' moet doen volgens wat andere mensen zeggen over wat 'juist' is of 'wat gedaan moet worden

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben om fouten te maken in wat ik doe door te geloven dat ik 'juist' moet zijn

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer gedachten te gebruiken en na te denken van het ego van de geest als het geloof dat ik 'juist moet zijn'

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer het lichaam niet te durven vertrouwen uit angst om fouten te maken, uit angst om 'niet goed/juist te zijn'

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben om mezelf in deze realiteit te bewegen en angst te hebben om dingen te doen uit angst om fouten te maken en te falen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer te geloven dat 'juist' bestaat in de plaats van te beseffen dat 'juist' een woord is dat ik geleerd heb van mijn familie en op zich niet echt duid op iets dat echt bestaat, met andere woorden 'juist' is een geestestoestand en dus niet echt

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met de angst om fouten te maken

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met het verlangen om 'juist' te zijn en alles 'juist' te doen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer mezelf te definieren in en als de gedachte 'ik kan het niet'

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer mij kwaad te voelen op mezelf uit angst dat ik 'het niet kan'

ik vergeef mezlef dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf opzettelijk te saboteren in en als woede tegenover mezelf

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben om niet te WETEN in en als gedachten wat ik doe of zal doen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te definieren in en als toekomstprojecties in en als afscheiding van mezelf waarin ik mezelf beoordeel en mijn expressie van mezelf afscheid

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer mijn expressie van mezelf af te scheiden door toekomst projecties te creeeren

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd kwaad te worden op mezelf wanneer en als ik fouten maak

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te beoordelen als en wanneer ik fouten maak

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer mezelf aan te vallen in mezelf als en wanneer ik fouten maak door mezelf te beoordelen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer kwaad te worden op mezelf wanneer ik fouten maak als de expressie van peter en papa tegenover mij die ik heb gekopieerd

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te geloven dat alles wat ik doe snel moet gaan en efficient en goed gedaan moet worden als een expressie en geloof en gevoel dat ik heb gekopieerd van peter

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mij kwaad te voelen op mezelf wanneer ik een taak niet snel genoeg volbreng

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mij te storen aan en gefrustreerd worden op mensen die traag gaan of op de computer wanneer hij blijft haperen en dus niet snel gaat omdat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd alles snel te willen doen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te definieren in en als het verlangen om snel te gaan

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd angst te hebben dat mensen uit mijn omgeving kwaad zullen worden op mij wanneer ik te traag ga

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te geloven dat traagheid negatief is en dat ik snel moet gaan omdat veel mensen mij hebben beoordeeld op mijn traagheid en sloomheid en loomheid omdat ze mij hebben gezegd dat ik 'niet zo moet taffelen' en dat ik sneller moet gaan

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd angst te hebben om mezelf te zijn HIER als de angst om traag en sloom te zijn vanuit het geloof dat traagheid slecht en negatief is

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd snel te willen zijn en moeite te doen om zo snel en efficient mogelijk te zijn uit angst van traagheid

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben om beoordeeld te worden als traag en sloom door een negatieve emotionele lading te associeren met het woord traag en sloom

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te beoordelen als 'traag' en 'sloom' als hoe andere mensen mij hebben beoordeeld en mij daar slecht over te voelen door traag en sloom te beoordelen als 'slecht'

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben om HIER te zijn

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben van mijn omgeving als de angst om beoordeeld te worden als ik fouten maak

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mij gefrustreerd te voelen wanneer iemand een fout maakt

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd woede te associeren met fouten maken

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd woede te uiten tegenover mezelf als en wanneer ik fouten maak, als en wanneer ik de dingen niet doe volgens hoe het zogezegd gedaan moet worden volgens andere mensen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta mezelf te saboteren door al te veronderstellen dat ik 'het niet kan' alvorens ik ergens aan begonnen ben door te proberen om het te doen door middel van mijn gedachten, waarin ik alles 'juist' wil doen uit angst om te falen, uit angst om beoordeeld te worden als en wanneer ik een fout zou maken als de expressie die ik gekopieerd heb van mensen uit mijn omgeving

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te beoordelen en te definieren als een 'juist' persoonl als iemand die alles juist doet en daarom angst te hebben om fouten te maken

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegestaan mezelf te zijn HIER in en als het moment als de natuurlijke expressie van mezelf

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer te geloven dat ik gefaald ben en dat ik een mislukkeling ben als een beoordeling die ik heb gekopieerd van mensen uit mijn omgeving door mezelf te identificeren met hun expressie tegenover mij

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met de ervaring van opgeven door te geloven dat ik een mislukkeling ben

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met de gedachte dat ik niets kan

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met het verlangen om op te geven gebaseerd op de gedachte dat ik een mislukkeling ben en dat ik niets kan

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te laten bepalen en definieren met door en als de gedachte dat ik niet kan en dat ik tot niets in staat ben en dat ik een mislukkeling ben en dat ik nooit iets zal kunnen doen of bereiken in mijn leven

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer medelijden te hebben met mezelf omdat ik geloof dat ik een mislukkeling ben

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegsetaan te beseffen dat het geloof en gevoel dat ik een mislukkeling ben enkel in en als de geest bestaat als beoordelingen in en als afscheiding met mezelf

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met de emotionele ervaring van opgeven en van teleurstelling en mezelf te saboteren door mezelf te identificeren met de emotionele ervaring van teleurstelling en opgeven

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta te geloven dat ik niet in staat ben om mezelf als de geest te stoppen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer te geloven dat ik een teleurstelling ben

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te geloven dat ik niet in staat ben om op te staan als het leven zelf en om de geest te stoppen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben om beoordeeld te worden als 'fout'

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te beoordelen als fout

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd andere mensen te beoordelen als fout

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd de emotionele ervaring van angst te associeren met fouten maken

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te geloven dat het mogelijk is om fouten te maken

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezlef te saboteren in mijn leerproces en zelf ontwikkeling door angst te hebben om fouten te maken en door te geloven dat het slecht is om fouten te maken en dat ik geen fouten mag maken - in de plaats van te beseffen dat er geen 'fouten' bestaan in en als het leven zelf, in en als het process van zelf ontwikkeling omdat ik mezelf aan het leren kennen ben en omdat ik het leven zelf aan het leren kennen ben - en daarin bestaat geen 'juist' of 'fout', 'goed' of 'slecht' omdat het leven als mezelf ongedefinieerd is en ondefinieerbaar is omdat ik het nog niet KEN want het is niet van de geest, van het ego bewustzijnssysteem

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mijn expressie te limiteren in en als beoordelingen van juist en fout in en als angst om fout te zijn, in de plaats van te beseffen dat juist en fout niet bestaan in mezelf als het leven zelf, want juist en fout zijn afkomstig van het ego als de pretentie dat ik het leven KEN en kan OMVATTEN en OMSCHRIJVEN in en als DEFINITIES in mijn geest waarin ik geloof dat ik SUPERIEUR ben als de illusie van de geest

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegestaaan te beseffen dat de mensen die mij hebben beoordeeld als 'fout' of 'slecht', niet echt bestonden omdat zij zichzelf uitdrukten vanuit het ego als het geloof dat zij superieur zijn aan de werkelijkheid met hun kennis van juist en fout en goed en slecht als wat zij hebben geleerd en gekopieerd van hun ouders en omgeving - terwijl ze eigenlijk absoluut geen benul hebben van wie ze werkelijk zijn als het leven zelf omdat ze niet nederig willen zijn in en als het besef dat ze één en gelijk zijn met al wat bestaat en dus niet superieur

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik de beoordelingen van juist en fout en goed en slecht heb toegestaan te bestaan in mezelf als de gevangenis van de geest als het geloof dat ik WEET wie ik ben en wat de realiteit is - in de plaats van nederig te zijn in en als het besef dat ik nooit enig benul heb gehad van wie ik ben en wat echt is door mezelf te hebben toegestaan mezelf af te scheiden van het leven in en als het bewustzijnssysteem als kennis en informatie als de illusie van superioriteit

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te geloven dat ik superieur ben aan de realiteit met mijn kennis van wat juist en fout en goed en slecht is, als kennis die ik heb gekopieerd van mijn omgeving die zichzelf ook superieur waanden tegenover de realiteit - in de plaats van te beseffen dat beoordelingen als juist en fout en goed en slecht niet eens echt bestaan HIER in en als de fysieke realiteit en dus een complete illusie zijn

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta te geloven dat juist bestaat, te geloven dat er een 'juiste' manier is van leven

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan te vertrouwen op mijn ideeen en gedachten en beoordelingen over wat 'juist' is als hoe ik denk dat ik moet leven

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegestaan te vertrouwen op mezelf door te vertrouwen op beoordelingen van 'juist' als wat ik denk dat ik moet doen in deze realiteit vanuit het verlangen om 'goed' te zijn voor ander wezens zoals god en familie

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan te geloven dat het leven een 'juiste manier' heeft die ik moet volgen en waar ik aan moet voldoen en waar ik moeite voor moet doen om 'juist' te zijn aan de hand van mijn ideeen en gedachten en gelof systemen over wat de 'juiste' manier is om te leven

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegsetaan en geaccepteerd het verlangen om 'juist' te zijn en 'juist' te leven aan de hand van allerlei kennis en informatie over wat 'juist' is als wat doorgegeven geweest is van generatie op generatie, te hebben gekopieerd van familie als voorgaande generaties waarin ik mezelf heb toegestaan een bewustzijnssysteem te worden van kennis en informatie gebaseerd op polariteiten als het velangen om juist te zijn en de angst om fout te zijn, in de plaats van te beseffen dat dit niet is wie ik werkelijk ben en dat dit maar een construct is, een systeem van kennis en informatie die ik heb gekopieerd als de illusie van het ego die niets te maken heeft met de echte realiteit als wie ik werkelijk ben als de fysieke realiteit HIER


ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer te verlangen naar erkenning van andere mensen en daarom te bestaan in en als het verlangen om te leven 'volgens de regels' en angst te hebben om fouten te maken omdat ik dan geen erkenning zou krijgen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met het verlangen om erkenning te krijgen van andere mensen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te verlangen dat andere mensen erkennen dat ik 'juist' ben en dat ik leef op de 'juiste manier' volgens de regels van wat 'juist' is op basis van wat ik geleerd heb van familie als voorgaande generaties

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan mezelf te definieren in en als 'leven op de juiste manier'

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te definieren in en als het verlangen om 'juist' te zijn

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mijn omgeving te beschuldigen van de angst die ik ervaar in mezelf om fouten te maken waardoor ik niet mezelf durf te zijn in en als het moment HIER

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta geen verantwoordelijkheid te nemen voor de ervaring van angst om beoordeeld te worden als de angst om te falen in mezelf als wat ik heb toegestaan te bestaan in mezelf door mijn omgeving te beschuldigen en te verwijten omdat die angst in mezelf bestaat als reactie op de expressie van mijn omgeving op mij

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te definieren in en als beschuldiging tegenover mijn omgeving voor de angst om te falen die ik ervaar in mezelf als de angst om beoordeeld te worden

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf af te scheiden van de beoordelingen van 'juist' en 'fout' door te reageren met emotionele en gevoels reacties op het woord 'juist' en 'fout' - in de plaats van verantwoordelijkheid te nemen voor het bestaan van de woorden 'juist' en 'fout' in mezelf en mijn ervaring van die woorden als wat ik heb toegestaan te bestaan in mezelf en waar ik mezelf heb toegstaan in te participeren als het bewustzijnssysteem als polariteiten

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan mezlelf af te scheiden van het woord 'fout' door het woord 'fout' te associeren met gestraft worden en straf krijgen

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toesta en accepteer angst te hebben van het woord 'fout' en angst te hebben om beoordeeld te worden als 'fout' door het woord 'fout' te associeren met gestraft worden en straf krijgen en door angst te hebben om gestraft te worden - waardoor ik mezelf heb toegestaan mijn expressie te limiteren tot enkel doen wat 'juist' is volgens het programma dat mij aangeleerd geweest is door familie

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd mezelf te identificeren met het verlangen om 'het juiste te doen' volgens wat ik geleerd heb van familie in de plaats van te beseffen dat dit niet is wie ik werkelijk ben omdat 'juist' en 'fout' en het verlangen om het juiste te doen en de angst om het foute te doen een programma is dat van generatie op generatie doorgegeven werd door middel van het straf en beloningssysteem dat van mij een perfecte slaaf gemaakt heeft omdat ik mezelf heb toegestaan te geloven dat ik het slachtoffer ben van de angst die ik ervoer in mezelf om gestraft te worden in de plaats van verantwoordelijkheid te nemen voor mezelf HIER in en als het besef dat angst een programma is dat onworpen is om van mij een gewillige slaaf te maken als een kopie van ouders en familie als zij die mij zijn voorgegaan in deze wereld en die op juist dezelfde manier opgevoed geweest zijn tot slaven

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegestaan, gezien en beseft dat de emotionele ervaring van angst in mezelf als reactie op familie en omgeving wanneer er op mij geroepen werd of wanneer ik plots hard vastgepakt werd een programma is, als een voorgeprogrammeerd systeem dat niet is wie ik werkelijk ben als het leven zelf

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegestaan te beseffen dat het verlangen naar erkenning niet is wie ik werkelijk ben omdat het verlangen om erkenning te krijgen van mijn omgeving dat ik 'het juiste doe' een automatische gepreprogrammeerde reactie is op de emotionele ervaring van angst die ik ervoer in mezelf als een gepreprogrammeerde reactie om hoe mijn omgeving zichzelf uitdrukte tegenover mij

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd te participeren in en mezelf te identificeren met het automatische gepreprogrammeerde systeem van angst en woede waarin ik automatisch reageerde met woede op de reactie van angst die ik ervoer in mezelf als automatische reactie op de expressie van mijn omgeving tegenover mij als het bewustzijnssysteem dat ik heb toegestaan te bestaan in mezelf als automatische gepreprogrammeerde emotionele reacties waarin ik automatisch mijn omgeving beschuldigde in en als de emotionele reactie van woede op de emotionele reactie van angst die ik ervoer in mezlf - in de plaats van verantwoordelijkheid te nemen voor de ervaring van angst in mezelf als wat ik heb toegestaan te bestaan in mezelf en het systeem van emotionele reacties te stoppen in en als het besef dat dit systeem niet is wie ik werkelijk ben

ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf nooit heb toegestaan te beseffen en te erkennen dat de emotionele reactie van angst op een situatie waarin er op mij geroepen wordt of waarin ik hard vastgepakt of geslagen of dooreen geschud wordt een automatisch gepreprogrammeerd systeem is en dus niet wie ik werkelijk ben als het leven zelf als HIER


zelf correctieve standpunten:

wanneer en als ik de angst om te falen zie opkomen in mezelf in en als toekomst projecties, dan stop ik en ik adem, en ik breng mezelf HIER in en als ademhaling als wie ik werkelijk ben als het leven zelf en ik besef dat 'falen' als 'fouten maken' als een beoordeling enkel kan bestaan in de geest als de illusie van superioriteit en ik besef dat ik geen fouten kan maken in en als het leven zelf

ik ontdek mezelf in elk moment van ademhaling als het leven zelf als wie ik werkelijk ben in en als mijn toewijding om de geest te stoppen - en ik besef dat ik hierin geen fouten kan maken omdat er geen 'juist' of 'fout' is want ik besef dat 'juist' en 'fout' enkel bestaan in en als de geest als de illusie dat ik WEET hoe de realiteit in elkaar zit met mijn kennis en informatie als de illusie van het ego dat op zich eigenlijk heel erg dom en blind is omdat ik NOOIT heb gezien, geweten wie ik werkelijk ben als het leven zelf

ik wijdt mezelf toe aan het stoppen van de geest als de illusie dat ik controle kan hebben over de realiteit via gedachten als kennis en infomatie over 'juist' en fout' gebaseerd op persoonlijke angsten en verlangens

ik sta mezelf niet toe te vertrouwen op persoonlijke gevoelens als de angst om gestraft te worden in de toekomst en het verlangen om erkenning te krijgen in de toekomst

wanneer en als ik het verlangen om erkenning te krijgen zie opkomen in mezelf, dan stop ik en ik adem en ik breng mezelf HIER in en als het besef dat het verlangen naar erkenning en de angst om gestraft te worden een voorgeprogrammeerd systeem is dat niet is wie ik werkelijk ben als HIER als het leven zelf

ik besef dat ik één en gelijk ben met erkenning en het verlangen naar erkenning maar er niet door gedefinieerd want ik ben geen slaaf van het bewustzijnssysteem - ik ben zelf verantwoordelijkheid en ik sta op in en als zelf verantwoordelijkheid

ik wijdt mezelf toe aan het leren kennen van mezelf als wie ik werkelijk ben als het leven zelf in en als het process van zelf vergeving en zelf correctie in en als zelf eerlijkheid - om op te staan als de creator van mezelf als het bestaan om ervoor te zorgen dat ik nooit meer een systeem toesta te bestaan in mezelf als de realiteit als het systeem dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan te worden door mij niet gewaar te zijn van wie ik ben als zelf verantwoordelijkheid als de creator van mezelf HIER

ik stop het verlangen om na te denken als het verlangen om superieur te voelen en te participeren in het ego van de geest als het gevoel dat ik alles onder controle heb en dat ik WEET wat de realiteit is en wie ik ben - want ik besef dat alles wat ik WEET als kennis en informatie in mezelf over de realiteit niet echt is omdat ik het maar heb gekopieerd van voorgaande generaties

ik wijdt mezelf toe aan het proces van het stoppen van het patroon van de geest als kennis en informatie en het ontdekken van mezelf als wie ik werkelijk ben in en als zelf gewaarzijn

2012 Search for Self with Self Forgiveness

A fascinating aspect of the 21st Century is the 'Search for Self' - we've all met someone, or we know someone, it may even be ourselves, who is 'in search of themselves'. They/we came at a point in their/our lives wherein they/we obviously felt somewhat lost, therefore a 'search for self' ensued. And the interesting thing is that they are most likely 'searching for themselves' by traveling around the world, doing things they've never done before, taking risk or spending a lot of time meditating in a forest or meadow. Why is this so interesting?

Why would we go searching for ourselves in places we've never even been, in things we've never done or in new relationships with people we don't even know so well? Doesn't it make more sense to, if you've 'lost yourself', go and search for yourself in the places that you have been throughout your life? After all you'd probably have a much bigger chance at actually finding yourself there, as we can obviously only 'lose ourselves' along the way that we have already walked. In fact it is completely ludicrous to even think about going into a new path when you are searching for something that you have lost along the road of the 'old path', yourself.

So what is this obvious self-deception all about? Why do we claim to be searching for ourselves and then do the one thing that will only take us further away from ourselves as what we've apparently 'lost'? Why do we not, in search of ourselves, retrace our steps to see if, where and how we have lost ourselves in our lives? Are we really that stupid or is it that we have a hidden agenda that we are not willing to voice when speaking words like 'I am in search of myself', 'I am searching for myself' or 'I am soul-searching' as to the reason why our words and our actions do not equate?

An interesting point to look at within this question is the realization that we only experience this sense of 'restlessness' as a feeling that 'something is missing', 'I am missing a part of me' when we are adults. When we were children we never even considered that we had to go 'searching for ourselves', that this was at all necessary or desirable, because WE WERE simply OURSELVES. It's not too difficult to figure out that the reason why the adult experiences this desire to go 'search for self' and the child does not, is because the being has in some way lost itself while growing up from being a child to being an adult - thus the feeling/experience within themselves that there is something missing, that a part of 'me' is missing and that they must now go and search for that 'missing part', grew.

So, how did the being become 'lost' through growing up? Actually it is within and through its participation in this illusion of 'searching for self' and 'soul searching', wherein they are not really interested in truly getting to know themselves as who they really are, they are actually looking for 'more', they want to be 'more' than who they really are and thus become completely lost in the search for more to the point that they eventually feel as though they're 'not themselves anymore'.

Thus begins the 'search for self', which is, as we can see, just another excuse of the human to keep participating in its desire to be and become 'more' than who they simply are, as the being doesn't consider that in order to in fact 'find self', one would have to walk backwards throughout ones life, retrace all steps that one has taken within the creation of the illusion of 'more' wherein one has actually lost oneself completely. Instead, the being chooses to only lose themselves even further in the illusion of 'more' by using the 'search for self' as an excuse to in fact do the opposite and basically flee as far away from themselves as they possibly can within 'going to new places', 'trying new things', 'making new relationships', 'creating new personalities', all of which are attempts to add 'more' to life (as if that is possible).

So, basically when human beings make the statement that they are 'searching for themselves' within the desire to 'travel new roads', know that they are lying to themselves and that the truth of what they are actually saying is that they want to get as far away from themselves as they possibly can, because all they really want to do is to not be with themselves, to not be confronted with the life that they have been living, to not look at their own life and themselves within it. They seek change, but not as an actual self-willed self-change wherein one has taken complete responsibility for ones entire being by having walked backwards through ones life and having applied self forgiveness to stop the old patterns that self had created in unawareness of who self really is to then walk the self-directed self-correction as the actual real re-creation of self. They rather want the illusion of change wherein they simply put on a different 'personality-suit' so they can FEEL as though they are a different person without ever having actually faced themselves or having taken responsibility for who they had allowed themselves to become.

No real self-change is possible without self-forgiveness! It is only common sense that the process that is required to be walked in order to really change as a being is not like it is being portrayed by all the self-development guru's and spiritual leaders, as something that is apparently 'wonderful' and 'magical' and 'a heavenly experience' of sorts, wherein you just kind of 'awaken' and all you have to do is 'be still within yourself', etcetera. That is again the attempt and desire to add 'more' to life, to make 'life' seem better than it actually is within and as certain feelings and experiences within self.

The real process of self-change is not nice or pretty, as you would have to actually face what you have allowed yourself to create within your greed for 'more' as you grew up in this world that caused you to apparently 'lose yourself' in the first place. The application of Self forgiveness is required to be able to look yourself in the eyes and to be able to embrace yourself so that you can start with a 'clean slate' to re-create yourself according to what is Best for All Life as who you really are as Life itself.


Stop participating in these mind games of apparent 'soul searching' that will never lead us anywhere but completely lost within our own desires for there to be 'more' than what is simply HERE as who we are as life. Life as who we are is the simplicity of a child and does not require us to go 'searching for it' within traveling to places or by meditating - we rather simply require to forgive ourselves for having allowed ourselves to deceive ourselves within our greed as the desire for there to be 'more' to ourselves as life, and not realizing that we have in fact within this only diminished ourselves by not wanting to accept ourselves fully as who we are HERE within and as the simplicity of life as HERE.

Visit the Desteni Forum and start your process of walking backwards through your life within applying self forgiveness and changing your self for real to stand up as life itself as an actual real-live being that is whole, complete and absolutely HERE.

The Greatest Scam of all time: Human Evolution

'Human Evolution' is that which subconsciously drives each one of us to continue 'surviving', to continue struggling away earning money and being positive, nice and friendly to our fellow human beings for the sake of building and maintaining relationships.

We all exist within this idea that 'life is going somewhere' and 'humanity is going somewhere special/important', therefore I have to do my best in this world to contribute to the 'superior gene-pool' of humanity to ensure the 'evolution of Mankind' - which is why we all adapt to the 'standards' and 'norms' that society sets for us in the shape of models and celebrities, why we all dress, act, talk and live our lives in pretty much the same way, because this way we can make sure that we and our family will survive in this world.

So why do we want to SURVIVE? Why is survival our most basic 'instinct' as that which we believe ourselves to be, that which seems so essential for us? The very act of 'surviving' implies that there is a struggle, an effort to be made, to be 'more than' just life here in this moment, to 'live on' into the future - though the reality is that we ARE simply HERE, we simply exist in this moment, as a 'bag of meat/flesh and bones', breathing, this is reality in its pure, actual form. So, then what is 'survival'? Where does it come from and why have we accepted the concept of 'survival', which in itself doesn't actually have anything to do with the physical reality of ourselves as a living, breathing body, to rule our life on earth?

What is interesting is that we will struggle, fight, worry about the future and endure many unpleasant emotional experiences of fear and worry to be able to simply survive, and that we will live out an entire life that was in a way already mapped out as we follow the examples of those that have gone before us, slaving away in and supporting a system that very obviously doesn't actually care about our lives, to then die of a heart attack from the stress build up, kill ourselves, or grow old suffering many pains that are the result of having battered our physical body throughout our life in order to survive. And yet we never seem to stop for a moment and ask ourselves the question of 'what is it all for?', 'why does it have to be this way?' and 'why is life such a struggle?', in fact we just accept this way of existing as 'who we are' and 'what reality is'.

And what keeps us motivated to continue living out our pre-planned life according to the rules of the economic system is this belief that 'it is going somewhere' and that the system is somehow evolving, going higher and getting better, to eventually reach some kind of pinnacle/goal that will in some way be great, wonderful and amazing and then our 'life's purpose' will apparently be fulfilled - even though nobody could tell you where it is exactly that we as humanity are going, or just how the goal we're about to reach will in fact be great, wonderful and amazing, just like we live out our own lives as if we will not some day just be old and worn out and will simply die, having to give up all that we've apparently been 'building up' throughout our lives here on earth.

We seem to be so memorized by the glitter and glamor of our 'progress' within technology and our ever expansive cortex, that are apparently showing us that we are in fact 'growing' and in some way 'evolving' because we're getting more clever, more intricate and complex and overall there's just more of everything and every one (I am only referring to human beings and what the human produces though - because strange but true, this human 'growth and expansion' and that of the planet itself is going in complete opposite directions of each other) on this planet than there used to be. Science is constantly finding out and revealing new explanations for how things function in this world and our society has apparently 'evolved' from the brutal and primitive 'dark ages' to our emancipated, (ideally) non-discriminatory society of today.

'Human Evolution' is used as an excuse to apparently prove that we're 'doing great' and to not question our current way of existing because apparently the human is in some way 'perfecting itself', turning into some kind of 'super-being'. The sudden rise and development of 'spiritual life-styles' and beings seeking enlightenment in some way or another also plays into this idea that this is the 'next step' in human evolution, wherein the human consciousness will 'take a leap' and 'raise its vibrational frequency', a 'shift' will occur and we will move into a new society, a new way of thinking, a new way of living and leave all of what we once were behind as it was 'of lower frequency'. This is all happening and beings are experiencing all of this from the starting point of accepting that whatever the human does and whatever is happening in our society, it is because we are 'evolving', thus 'becoming greater and better'.

So, why did I say in the title that Human Evolution is The Greatest Scam of all time? Have a look at what we base our idea and belief that humanity is evolving on, we base it on a feeling. We have a feeling within ourselves that is constantly telling us in the back of our mind that we have to keep fighting, we cannot give up the stress, worries, anxiety and emotional turmoil, we have to 'keep up appearances', we have to keep smiling, keep staying positive. But if you look closely at this feeling, you'll notice that this feeling is but a feeling that is not at all under-built with common sense, it doesn't say why or how, it's just that feeling. The problem here is that we have allowed ourselves to trust our feelings and not trust common sense, so we trust a feeling that is leading us blindly into living out some life of working (slaving) for a system until you drop dead without even knowing why exactly it has to be this way. We just FEEL like this is what we should be doing.

The fascinating thing is that if we for a moment ask ourselves the question of 'where is the human being really going?' and we look at what is really going on in this world - the reality debunks the feeling in a shocking way. We are destroying the earth and the animal kingdom and somehow we can believe that we are evolving. Our technology and scientific research may have become more complex, but at the same time the majority of the population is dumber than ever - kids are being slowed down in their development with bad nutrition and television and video-games that serve them bullshit stories and that only aim at entertaining the mind instead of supporting and educating it, ultimately creating a mind that is only fixated on entertainment instead of having the ability of working with reality in a respectful and responsible way to come up with solutions that will fix our problems in this world. Our supermarkets are packed with hundreds of various foods from all over the world and tuns of different kinds of processed foods, but at the same time there are millions of human beings that are starving to death. Can we honestly call this 'progress' or 'evolution'?

And isn't the reason why we have 'technological advancement' just a normal result of TIME, wherein it is obvious that whatever we create, will always go 'on top' of everything else that has already been created, wherein knowledge and information will be passed down from generation to generation so that the next generation uses the technology and products that is already here to make new products and technology with? Seriously, we all use electricity and home appliances everyday but we have no clue of where it comes from, how it has been created or how it works exactly - we just use it in the way that our parents and environment have taught us to use it.

And in terms of our society and 'social infrastructure' apparently having evolved, is it truly our minds that have evolved or is it that the way we think, feel and understand within and as our mind is shaped by what we learn from what our society teaches us? And the shape of our society at this moment is the result of revolutions, wars and conflict wherein certain traditions, laws and habits had to be re-assessed in order to 'keep the peace' between various groups within society/the world. Our minds though are still the same as they were so many ages ago, very gullible and easy to be programmed.


Investigate Desteni, where we are not afraid to question all that we have always taken for granted, within the realization that there is something not quite right about this 'human world' and we need to re-assess who we are here in this world.

It is clear that we cannot trust our feelings because 'Human Evolution' is obviously a lie, so it is imperative that we get to a clear understanding of who we really are so that we may stand as trustworthy beings that will bring about a world that is best for all life-forms.

Dr. Wayne Dyer Watch your Words!

"Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don't allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much longer. But all are necessary, otherwise they wouldn't be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act." ~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer is an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development, and this is a statement that I have plucked off his Facebook page, where he frequently posts random statements such as this one - which are then supported by thousands of comments of people that follow his posts, that are mostly all along the lines of "I appreciate you sharing your wisdom with me and all others...know you inspire me because what you say makes sense,,,we all need sense in our life...thanks", "Just like as you read my feelings :)", "Wow! Great words of wisdom! I ♥ u", etc... to quote but a few of the many words of praise to our good doctor Dyer that so skillfully seems to be able to pluck our heartstrings and make us feel as though his words are the 'one and only truth'.

Though I am going to take this blog and this time to take but one random quote from him and actually investigate what he said in his words and what his words actually imply - because there is a thing that I have learned about the human mind, which is that we will never listen to the words of a song when somehow the tune has struck an 'inner cord' that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside, resulting in the human singing the words over and over again like a robot, just for the sake of how the tune makes us feel, slowly but surely brainwashing itself into living out these words without ever even noticing a thing.

If one were to scratch the surface of the above quote by Dr. Dyer, one would see that most likely the reason why so many like to believe that he is 'telling the truth' and is 'spreading wisdom' that makes us feel so good inside, is because within his words he offers a nice excuse for us to not take any responsibility for ourselves.


Have a look at what he says after mentioning what so many beings struggle with, which is themselves, their past, their history, their memories of pain, loss, sadness, anger, regret, shame and fear:

"Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much longer. But all are necessary, otherwise they wouldn't be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act."

Translated, this is the same as saying:

"You are in no way responsible for the mess that you have made of yourself and your life, of the feelings and emotions you experience within yourself and the regret that you experience - so for the sake of bullshitting yourself into believing that, just tell yourself that there is a 'divine force' that is directing your life, you are here to just 'enjoy the ride' and obviously you should never question why there has to be a 'ride' in the first place or why you should even be directed instead of you directing you. Never ever question yourself or this reality.

Never stop within yourself and face what you have created in your life - just 'turn the page' as if nothing happened and make yourself believe that 'if you just close your eyes, it isn't there anymore' as if that isn't the exact same infantile reasoning that we so often make fun of when we see a baby doing that. Remain a slave of your own life, directed by the 'characters' and 'acts' that apparently get sent your way, blaming God for not taking care of your life when things are not going according to how you want the 'movie' of your life to go - but hey, when you're buying Dr. Dyers books and going to his seminars, that must mean that you've got enough money to support the illusion that God loves you and that your life is a Hollywood movie with you as the star."


Consider for a moment that he is a 'Doctor', a 'Phd.', a 'counselor', someone that has a degree in 'telling people what is going on here', and all that he is clearly doing is telling people what they like to hear instead of what they need to hear. In no way is this taking any responsibility for anything but his own wallet, which, lets face it, is the only thing all and any doctors have ever really been doing. There has never been anyone in this world, and especially not those that are waving their certificates, degrees and Phd.'s around as apparent 'proof' of the value of their words, that has ever taken any responsibility for anything - otherwise we would not be so easily played by pretty words like this as we would not be so desperate to feel good about ourselves and this world. Because the truth is that there is nothing 'good' about this world. So no wonder that the ones who make the most money in this world are the ones who are the best at packaging and selling us the lie, the deception of 'positive feelings'.



Investigate Desteni if you are ready to stop bullshitting yourself with 'wise words' that have no real value what so ever and that only aim to further support the illusion that the wealthy of this world desire to get lost in - This world is not a Hollywood movie!!! Your life isn't either and the sooner you realize that all the beings in this reality begging for our attention daily are not 'characters' but actual beings just like you and me, the sooner we can stand up and direct this world to become a place where all can enjoy life unconditionally.