2013 Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real Time - Part 3
This is a Continuation of "2013 Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time - Part 2" and of the process that I am currently walking to Change a Fear Reaction towards a person in my environment, through taking specific steps wherein I specifically use the tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction. These steps is what I am laying out within my writing where I walk through how specifically I have applied the tools in practically and effectively changing a fear reaction towards a person in my environment in real time.The steps that I have taken so far, that lead me up to part/step 3, is in part 1 where I shared the initial process of identifying the experience and the thoughts that I had built up within myself towards this person over time, through using the tool of writing -- where I then took the information within my writing to a practical real-time application of self-forgiveness (which you can read more about in the blog about part 1). Where, within this first step, I uncovered and realized how the initial experience/reaction of fear towards this individual was hiding specific personal judgments that I had created within my mind towards them - and so, by diffusing those judgments within myself, the experience of fear within myself also diffused for a great part.
In Part/Step 2 I firstly checked how I was experiencing myself in relation to this person so that I could see where and how I had already changed my reactions through applying the tools - and secondly, I investigated the reactions that I could identify within myself, through specifically looking at the thoughts that would come up after I had been around them physically and then incorporate those findings within the application of written self-forgiveness (the specifics of which you can read in the blog about Part 2). After this step - where I uncovered a Personality-system within myself that constituted a separation within myself between myself and this person in the form of an experience of fear, and where I walked through this personality-system within the written application of self-forgiveness and self-commitment/self-corrective statements - again I could see how my reaction to this person when I was in her presence had changed from an experience of tension and anxiety to a more comfortable experience of myself. And this because, I had corrected myself within how I had defined her within my mind, through the eyes of the personality-system - where how I saw her now was more based on the actual reality of who she is as a being, where I saw that there really is nothing to fear in fact and that the emotional experience of fear, tension and anxiety around her was all self-created.
Now, here within this Third phase/step within this process of Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time - what I did after the second step was again check myself within how I am experiencing myself in the presence of this individual, to see if and how I have changed and if essentially the self-forgiveness and self-corrective process within my writing has been effective. And what I found was that the point that was there previously at the starting point of the experience of fear, was clear within myself now, because I had opened it up sufficiently within my writing to the point where I could see how it exist within myself and stand in a position within myself in relation to it where it does not direct and decide who I am in moments where I am in the presence of this person anymore.
However within investigating myself in relation to this person in self-honesty, I could see how there was no 'absolute' clarity, meaning that there was still 'something' there --- as a layer underneath the two first layers that I had uncovered and walked through. This new layer, I investigated specifically through looking into what memories exist within my mind that I have subconsciously associated with this person --- where thus, every time that I see her, I will react to her based on how I reacted and experienced myself within the memories that I have associated with her in my mind - which thus basically means that I am not even seeing her as who she actually really is, I am seeing my own mind as subconscious memories.
I will not be sharing the entirety of my writing here, only the information that I used within my self-forgiveness process - which is the specific memories and the experience of myself within them, that would automatically, subconsciously come up within my mind every time that I saw person X and which are the key points that were necessary to address within the application of self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective action because they are the points within myself wherein I can change who I am in my relationships to/with the people in my immediate environment.
So, within the memories that I had accepted and allowed to direct and determine my experience to and towards person X - I was experiencing myself as inferior towards specific girls in school, where I desired to be friends with them because I saw that they would get more attention from males than I did --- where I then completely compromised my entire expression to exist solely for the purpose of 'becoming their friend' and 'being part of their circle of friends', essentially thus manipulating them to be able to get what I want from them.
In a nutshell, this is the specific information from my writing that I incorporated within my Self-Forgiveness process - from the starting point of 'deactivating'/'deprogramming'/'diffusing' this experience within myself of inferiority towards person X, through investigating who I was within the memories, and correcting myself within the memories, and so correcting myself within and as who I am HERE, in relation to person X and other people in my environment that I would also subconsciously associate with those memories in my mind.
This process of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction that I have walked in writing - I will share Here at the bottom of this blog. So, within this phase/step, I have peeled of a third layer of information that constituted a specific experience of Fear towards a person in my environment and have again cleared up and stabilized the experience of and within myself towards this person in my environment on a deeper level. Were now, in the next blog, I will continue walking this process of reporting and sharing how I am practically changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time and how I have been able to correct who I am within and as the experience of myself towards a specific individual in my environment and thus within this relationship, have stood up within and as myself as the directive principle of myself
Self-Forgiveness Dimension
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see and am around X, to connect the image of X and how I see her expression, with
memories within my mind of how I saw and experienced myself towards the image
of popular girls in school – because I am seeing a resemblance in their expression
and behavior – and that I have therein accepted and allowed myself to step into
the exact same experience of myself towards X, and therein thus repeat and
regurgitate the past as personality constructs within and as myself --- instead
of standing HERE, stable, as a living expression and statement of who I really
am, as undefined by preprogrammed images and experiences as memories in my
mind, and therein allow myself to get to know X as who she actually is,
independent from personal preprogrammed references, interpretations and
perceptions as images and experiences in my mind
I forgive
myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for
myself within and as the memories of how I experienced myself towards and in
relation to the popular girls in school – by allowing those experiences of the
past to dictate and direct who I am here in my immediate reality, in my
interaction with the physical beings in my reality --- and to therein trap
myself in an endless timeloop of the past --- instead of allowing myself to
investigate myself within and as the memories in my mind as thoughts, feelings
and emotions within and as personality constructs and therein allow myself to
release myself from the preprogrammed energetic constructs within and as the
mind that I have allowed to have power over me from when I came here into this
world and reality – and thus therein give myself the opportunity to actually
correct and change the past, present and future, from an endless timeloop of energetic
experiences to a self-directed self-awareness of who I am in relation to the
events, beings and experiences within my memories and in my current reality
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact with X based on
how I have allowed myself to interact with the popular girls in school, from a
preprogrammed experience/starting point as a desire to stand in their shoes and
be like them and have what they have, as what I perceived to be power and
control over other people because of their ‘popularity’ – and thus therein,
just as how I experienced myself in relation to and towards the popular girls
in school, allow myself to be defined and directed by thoughts of manipulation
where I think about how I could manipulate X into liking me and accepting
me as ‘one of her own’ --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that
how I experienced myself in the social infrastructure of school in relation to
the other girls in my school, was entirely directed by a preprogrammed structure/pattern
of competition within and as survival that I had allowed to be programmed
within myself by my parents, family and the schooling system
And so, I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the past as preprogrammed
patterns of competition within and as survival to repeat themselves in my
current interactions and relationships with human beings such as X – by
having allowed myself to define myself within and as the structure/machine of
and as the mind that exist in a constant
cycling and timelooping of past experiences as energy within and as myself --- instead of taking directive power within
myself and my life and existence, and thus my relationships with the beings in
my environment, and take it upon myself to investigate how I am living and
existing in relationships with the humans around me, and then change and
correct and direct these relationships to in every way stand as a living
expression of who I really am, as that which stands in absolute certainty, as a
self-created design/structure/expression of life
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X and from my own memories, by projecting memories of girls from my past that
X reminds me of in her expression – and then react to X in the same way
as how I reacted back then to those girls – instead of taking responsibility
for my memories inside of my mind and for myself in relation to the experience
within myself towards those girls --- and thus therein take responsibility for who
I am in relation to X, to stand stable and clear within myself without
preconceived judgments toward her based on my own preprogrammed experiences,
perceptions and interpretations
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to X with an
experience within myself of inferiority, and thoughts that ‘she is better than
me’ – by projecting memories onto her, of moments in the past where I
experienced myself as inferior towards specific girls in my school --- instead
of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience of inferiority as a
tension and anxiety within myself, actually in fact hides specific
self-interested desires within myself towards those girls, where those girls
represent a specific desire that I have allowed to exist within myself --- and
that thus, I am using the experience of inferiority as a means to hide my true
nature within and as myself which is absolute self-interest
I forgive
myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself
about the experience of inferiority within myself towards specific girls in my school – by defining
myself within and as the experience of inferiority, rather than seeing and
realizing that this experience actually hides a desire within myself to feel superior
--- where, I experienced myself as ‘inferior’ towards those girls, because they
represented a specific image and idea in my world and reality that I had
connected with an experience of power and superiority, that I secretly desired
to experience and ‘have’ within myself
So I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within
and as the desire to experience and have power and control over other human
beings in my world and reality – and to therefore desire being and standing in
the shoes of those girls in my school because I could observe how they received
the most attention from others
I forgive
myself that i have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and
understand how it was in fact me giving my attention away to them and thus
giving my power and control away to them, by defining myself within and as the
experience of desire towards them --- and that thus, my desire to stand in
their shoes and have power and control over others, was in fact a desire to
have power and control over myself as ‘others’, and that I was in fact desiring
to get/have the control and power back that I had allowed myself to give away
to them --- where thus, within this, I have allowed myself to manifest this
experience of ‘superiority’ vs ‘inferiority’ within myself in relation to other
people, which I then saw projected within those other people – instead of
standing one and equal with those girls within and as the realization that they
are Here, just as I am here, and that there is no ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’
within that relationship – where in fact the entire polarity experience of
‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ was what I had created within my own mind, by
having accepted and allowed the desire for power and control over other humans
to exist within and as myself
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my true nature as the
secret desire for power and control over others, behind a personality
construct/system of being ‘everyone’s best friend’ and being an agreeable,
likeable person, within and through the manipulation character --- and that I
have then accepted and allowed myself to be self-dishonest by completely
defining myself within my conscious mind within and as this positive image that
I had created of myself and was portraying towards the other girls to the
extent that I started believing that that is ‘who I really am’ – where I would
then experience fear and inferiority towards the other girls as the experience
that the mind uses to create a veil between my conscious image-presentation as
the Ego and my actual beingness-nature as the desire for power and control
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as
the experience of fear and inferiority within myself in relation to the girls
that I saw on the playground who I defined as ‘popular’ and ‘special’ and
‘important’ and ‘powerful’ – and that I have therein allowed myself to
deliberately give away my power to my
own judgments and perceptions and projections of them within my mind – instead
of standing within myself within and as self-integrity and self-honesty and own
up to what I had allowed to exist within myself as secret desires for power and
control, and within that, actually investigate myself by asking myself the
question of ‘why is it that I desire power and control over other humans in the
first place?’ and ‘who am I in relation to this specific desire within myself
and in relation to my perceptions and experiences of those girls that I am
seeing?’ --- so as to empower myself to actually live and exist as power and
control as an unconditional self-expression, and therein be able to direct
myself to express myself in ways that is best for myself and for others one and
equal with myself
I forgive
myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to investigate the
experience of desire for power and control that I had defined myself within and
where I had allowed myself to go to the extent of manipulating other human
beings to accept me within their ‘inner circle’ of friendship wherein I had
projected that ‘power and control’ – and so that I have thus never accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire to experience
power and control implies that there exist a lack/loss of power and control
within myself as an experience that I had created, manifested and accumulated
within myself throughout my past experiences in this world and reality --- and
that, if I allow myself to define myself within and be moved by a desire for
power and control as an idea in my mind, that I am in fact furthering and
intensifying the total abdication of real power and control within and as
myself, and thus only intensifying the experience of lacking power and control
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define power and control
within and as an idea and image in my mind of the girls that I saw on the
playground having apparent ‘power and control’ over the other children on the
playground in terms of being able to physically influence and move the behavior
of the others --- and to therein have allowed myself to separate myself from
‘power and control’ by creating a desire to ‘have’ and ‘obtain’ this idea/image
in my mind of ‘being able to physically influence and move the behavior of
other humans’ into which I have projected an energetic experience of
superiority --- instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this form of
‘power and control’ as an experience connected with an idea/image as a
‘condition’, cannot actually be real, as even If I were to find myself within
such a position as depicted within the idea/image in my mind, the experience of
‘having power and control over others’ would only last as long as I am able to
present/hold this image/idea/depiction of myself as ‘popular’ or ‘pretty’ ---
where then thus, this conditional experience of power and control is in fact
based on a powerlessness and a lack of control in relation to the conditions
that I require to meet in order to ‘have’ power and control
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘if I don’t belong
to that group of friends as the ‘popular girls’, I will be inferior’ – and to
react to that thought with the emotional experience of fear of survival,
connected with all sorts of unconscious preprogrammed idea’s about what my
purpose is here on this planet – where, unconsciously, I will think that ‘if I
am inferior, then my chances of having a relationship with a male and
reproducing and thus the continuation/survival of my genes in this world will
be less’ --- and to then react to that experience of fear of survival and
idea/belief that I will not be able to exist here on this earth anymore if I do
not belong with the group of popular girls, with the experience of desire to be accepted and
seen by them as ‘one of them’ and ‘their friend’
I forgive
myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and
understand that the desire within myself to be part of and belong to and be
accepted within the group of popular girls at school – was based on unconscious
preprogrammed systems of survival that I had accepted and allowed myself to
define myself within and as --- wherein
I believe that my purpose here on earth as a human being is to reproduce my
genes and within that, ‘survive’ as a mind consciousness system forever and
that thus, if I cannot fulfill that purpose, I cannot exist --- instead of
seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not actually even really existing
as ‘me’ as who I really am as life within and as myself here, when I believe
that ‘who I am’ exist within and as ‘survival’ as an idea in my mind that ‘I’
will ‘live on’ into ‘the future’ and that I will simply ‘not exist’ when I
cannot experience/have that idea in my mind of ‘I will live on/survive in the
future’ – which thus implies that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and
become but an idea in the mind rather than an actual real physical, living
being
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being part of the
group of popular girls to secure my survival in this world as a mind
consciousness system – as an idea within my mind that my chances of my
genes/program living on in this world are high because if/when I am part of the
group of popular girls then I will receive more attention from males and thus
be more likely to have a relationship with a male and eventually have children
--- and to therein have accepted myself within and as the definition of a mind
consciousness system that doesn’t really exist HERE, as a real living
expression of life – but that exist as an energy experience, connected with an
idea of ‘surviving/living on in the future’, with ‘the future’ in itself not
even existing
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to define myself within and as the experience of desire to satisfy an
idea within my mind of the survival of my genes/program within this world, by
belonging, being part of and accepted by the group of popular girls, and
therein have allowed myself to make the statement within and as myself that I
am nothing but an idea within my mind --- an idea that will inevitably ‘die’
when/as the energy of/within the human physical body runs out/dies --- instead
of standing within and as the physical body as that which is HERE, as ETERNITY,
and therein stand/exist as an expression of life within and as the physical
within and as oneness and equality in each and every moment of breath, within
and as the realization that the physical existence is real, manifested eternity
that is tangible and that thus, if and when I stand and exist as an expression
of the physical, I AM eternity manifest within and as myself and thus do not
need to have or experience an idea or belief within my mind that I will
‘survive’ or ‘live on’ in order to exist and thus also do not need to be part
of some group to be able to ‘survive’/exist
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as
the thought that ‘if I am not accepted by, belong with and am part of the group
of popular girls, I will not be able to survive/exist’, and the emotional
experience of fear - and that I have
accepted and allowed myself to then actually go and find ways to manipulate the
‘popular girls’ to see, recognize and accept me as ‘one of them’, by for
instance copying their behavior and mimicking them --- instead of seeing,
realizing and understanding that within that, I was limiting, suppressing and
compromising myself as who I really am as life within and as myself even more –
trading in what is real as life within and as myself for an idea within the
mind of survival that is not in fact real – and that obviously, the more I
suppress, limit and compromise my existence as life within and as myself, the
more I will experience the desire to ‘exist’ by/within being part of, belong
with and accepted by the group of popular girls, not realizing that I have
within this accepted and allowed a vicious circle to exist within and as myself
wherein I have trapped myself in separation of myself in a constant and
continuous search/desire/longing for myself as life as that which I have
suppressed within myself
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am with and around X, to participate within thoughts in my mind about how I can manipulate
X and find ‘entry points’ to get her to accept me and feel a
kinship/friendship/companionship towards me and within that, allow me into her
‘inner circle’ that I believe is there so that I can experience a sense of
‘belonging’ and a sense of power and superiority as what I have allowed myself
to project within her
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a
thing as an ‘inner circle’ within and around specific people like X, that I
must ‘belong to’ in order to experience and ‘obtain’/’have’ a specific special
‘experience’/energy of belonging, power and superiority – and to therefore
experience a ‘desire’ towards X where I think and believe that I need and
must have something from/of her --- and that I have therein accepted and
allowed myself to compromise my expression towards X
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to exist within and as me
within how I express myself towards X, by having accepted and allowed
myself to define myself within and as manipulative thoughts wherein I try to
observe X and calculate how I must behave and how I must express
myself in order to get and have
something from her that I have allowed myself to attach a specific value to within
my mind --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I have
attached value to within my mind and projected within the image of X, is in
fact an aspect of myself that I have separated from myself that I am now
wanting to ‘experience’ and that thus, I will not actually find that part of
myself within X or within a relationship with her, as I can only manifest,
establish and realize myself within and as myself, by standing as those parts
of myself that I had allowed myself to separate from myself
So, I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand and realize
myself as one and equal with those aspects that I see within X and that I
desire experiencing within myself, such as belonging, power, control and superiority
– within and as the realization that I had allowed myself to separate myself
from belonging, power, control and superiority as living expressions of myself
within and as myself and that I have projected these qualities/aspects of
myself within other people such as X – who then stand as
representations/images of parts of myself --- and that thus, if and when I
allow myself to experience a desire towards those aspects/qualities that I see
within others, I am in fact making a statement to myself that these
aspects/qualities/parts do not in fact exist within myself and thus in fact
manifesting the experience of separation within myself --- where then thus, the
experience of desire becomes a vicious cycle unto itself
I forgive
myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself and to
stand within and as absolute self-honesty when I am with and around X –
within and as the realization that X is a part of myself, where, within and
as self-honesty, I embrace and accept X as myself, in oneness and equality,
by embracing and accepting myself as who I really am as how I stand and exist
HERE in this moment of breath, as oneness and equality as life
I forgive
myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself as
life within and as myself and see, realize and understand that when and if I
desire being part of and accepted into X’s ‘inner circle’ – I have in fact
rejected myself from my own ‘inner circle’ within and as myself as life and
that what I see and desire within X is in fact what I have allowed myself
to separate from myself
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate X from myself by
projecting that part of myself that I have separated from myself as my ‘inner circle’
of acceptance and belonging of/as life within and as myself – and to therein
have accepted and allowed myself to abuse X by expressing myself towards
her from within and as the manipulation character within and as my mind ---
rather than being honest with myself and accept myself within and as the aspect
of myself that X represents in my world and reality --- as the ‘inner
circle’ of life as acceptance and belonging within and as myself
I forgive
myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and
understand that I had been looking/longing/desiring for the experience of
‘being accepted’ and ‘belonging’, within my longing/desire to be part of the
‘inner circle’ of friendship within and of the popular girls on the playground
– because I had accepted and allowed myself to reject myself within and as
myself and so not accept myself within and as who I really am HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’ from myself by projecting it within the image and concept of ‘friendship’ and ‘best friends’ and ‘inner circle’ and ‘Companionship’/’Kinship’, such as the image of the popular girls forming a closed group of ‘best friends’ – and to therein have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must have this ‘friendship’-experience, that I must have ‘best friends’ and be part of and accepted into a closed group of special people, in order to be able to experience ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’ --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this, I have in fact sabotaged myself extensively within ever experiencing real acceptance and belonging by not having realized acceptance and belonging as one and equal with myself, within and as myself
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that, no matter which social group I would ‘belong’ to or how many ‘best friends’ I had – despite of the idea and belief that ‘I belong’ in that group within my mind, I would still always feel very alone and separate within myself --- because I had never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that real acceptance and belonging cannot exist if and when it does not exist within myself as a living expression of who I am as life
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by having accepted and allowed the desire to experience ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’, within and as the image/idea of ‘friendship’ and ‘companionship’/’kinship’ – I had accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a polarity within myself, where I would see the experience of ‘acceptance’ and ‘belonging’ as a positive experience outside of myself within the image of ‘friends’/’friendship’/’groups’, and then see the experience of rejection as a negative experience inside of myself within the ‘aloneness’/’darkness’ of myself --- instead of standing one and equal with acceptance and belonging and therein see, realize and understand that ‘aloneness’ is one and equal with ‘togetherness’, and rejection is one and equal with acceptance and belonging --- and I am All as One as Equal as life within and as myself
Self-Correction Dimension
When and as
I am around X, and I find myself looking at her and comparing her with
girls from my memories where I experienced specific thought patterns of ‘they
are so much better than me’ and ‘everyone likes them so much more than me’ and
an emotional experience of inferiority towards – I stop and breathe – and I
see, realize and understand that this is a preprogrammed pattern/system of
thoughts and energy that is based on survival --- where I have learned from my
parents and the generations before me to automatically compare myself with all
girls/women that I see around me within the desire to be the best and to ‘win’,
where I will accordingly feel inferior towards women/girls whom I perceive to
‘have’ more than me of what I believe I need and require in order to survive –
such as power and control in my environment through relationships/friendships
with other women
Where, I
see, realize and understand that I am not in fact inferior towards X – I am
only perceiving it that way through the preprogrammed value-systems of/within
the mind as the preprogrammed system of survival and competition that I have
allowed to exist within myself and that I have allowed myself to define myself
within – wherein I had accepted and allowed myself to assign a specific value
to concepts such as friendship, power and control as preprogrammed, predesigned
images/ideas in my mind such as the image of girls/women talking and laughing
together
I see,
realize and understand that who I really am as a being, as life, is one and
equal with X, as a being, as life and that the ‘competition’ exist within
the mind as the preprogrammed system of knowledge and information within and as
survival that I have accepted and allowed to be programmed within myself –
wherein, I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself
to define the word/concept of ‘friendship’ within and as self-interest as
personal survival, as something that I ‘must have/possess’ to ensure my place
and survival in my environment, where I have accepted and allowed myself to
compromise my relationships with human beings in my environment by defining
‘friendship’ within and as manipulation and deception as I am constantly trying
to play into people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions to get what I want as
their support in the form of ‘frienship’ and ‘companionship’
Where, I
commit myself to stand as the directive principle of myself within and as my
world and reality and to redefine, reprogram and live the word/concept of
‘friendship’ as the act of real support of another as myself – where, this
support is not based on conditional actions of apparent ‘friendships’, where
the starting point is that of self-interest, but where the support is rather
based on unconditional actions towards
the beings in my environment where I unconditionally stand as a platform of support
for them as what I would want for myself --- because, I see, realize and
understand that I cannot receive or experience this platform of support in/from
my environment if and when I am not standing within and as this platform of
support as a living example of what ‘friendship’ and ‘relationships’ really is
When and as
I see myself going into the comparison character within myself when I see X, where I think that ‘X is more popular than me’ or ‘people like X better than me’ - where I would then
activate the inferiority character within myself --- I stop and breathe, and I
see, realize and understand how within this I have in fact accepted and allowed
myself to give my power away to a desire for power and control over other
people in my environment through creating relationships/friendships --- wherein
thus I have allowed preprogrammed fears, anxiety and insecurity in relation to
other people to direct me whenever I am around people --- rather than me
standing as power within and as who I am HERE within and as self-movement and
self-expression in oneness and equality with all beings in my environment – and
therein stand as the self-directive principle of who I really am as life,
wherein I decide and determine my relationships and interaction with the beings
around me, based on self-realized common sense within and as what is best for
all as me
I commit
myself to, within my interaction with X, investigate for myself what it
means to stand as a point of power and control within and as myself – wherein I
stand in oneness and equality with X, where I accept and embrace her as who
she really is within and as herself as a being – without having a personal
agenda towards her such as a desire for friendship and acceptance --- and to
therein accept myself as who I really am within and as myself – and to therein
stand as a living example of what is best for all as true unconditional
acceptance and support and as a living example and statement of what
‘friendship’ really is, as me standing as a point of unconditional support
within and as unconditional acceptance of another as who they are within and as
their expression and an equal and one acceptance of myself as who I really am
When and as
I see the thought come up within myself that If I do not belong with, am part
of or accepted by a specific group of people, I cannot exist, together with the
emotional experience of fear – I stop and breathe – and I see, realize and
understand that this thought is based on and is coming from unconscious
preprogrammed beliefsystems with regards to my ‘purpose’ in life in this world
being ‘survival’ within and as the mind consciousness system, wherein I ‘need’
the best chances at finding/getting/having a partner, by for instance belonging
to a group of beings that receive the most attention from and are the most noticed by everyone
else
Where, I
see, realize and understand that if and when I allow myself to be influenced,
defined and directed by this preprogrammed thought and energetic experience of
fear and desire, connected with the thought that I cannot exist if and when I
cannot reproduce within and through relationships with other humans – I am in
fact suppressing and compromising the actual real existence of myself which is
life within and as myself as who I really am – and therein in fact creating the
experience of desire to ‘exist’, and am therein creating a vicious cycle where
the more I chase specific relationships in search for ‘my existence’, based on
an idea that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind, the more I
suppress and compromise who I really am within and as myself as existence, and
the more I thus create the desire to ‘exist’
Where, I
commit myself to break this vicious circle of energy and to stand up as life
within and as the physical by being aware of when I, within my mind, am looking
at other people, and experience a desire of ‘being part of them/their group’ –
to in that moment, bring my attention back to myself, towards myself and see,
realize and understand that within that moment, the mind is creating the
illusion of projecting my ‘existence’ outside of myself within ‘other people’
within and as the idea that ‘who I am’ exist within and as ‘survival’ and that
I need relationships with other people in order to obtain that ‘survival’ –
which is in fact the opposite of who I really am as life within and as myself,
which is HERE in each and every moment, as an unconditional expression within
and as the physical, wherein who I am stands and exist within and as the point
of ‘eternity’, in oneness and equality with the eternity within/of the physical
Where thus,
within this, I see, realize and understand that the point of ‘survival’ is a
word/concept that the mind has made up to create a separation within myself,
from myself as life as eternity --- through defining the word ‘survival’ within
and as the concept/idea of ‘past, present and future’, as something separate from the manifested
eternity within/of physical reality that
is here in every moment of breath --- which is in fact designed to deliberately
generate the emotional experience of FEAR within and as the mind as within and
as the idea of ‘survival’ I believe that I am not really present/existing HERE,
but I have to ‘obtain’ or ‘have’ or ‘get’ my existence somewhere else, in the
‘future’, which will create/cause an experience of insecurity and uncertainty
as fear within myself
And so
herein I commit myself to walk the journey to discover, see and realize who I
really am as HERE, as eternity manifested within and as physical substance and
expression within and as each moment of breath – and to therein discover who I
am in relation to the people in my environment if and when I do not allow
myself to be directed or influenced by preprogrammed survival patterns of
thoughts and emotional reactions and if/when I rather stand as the living
expression of me as physical substance as life within and as the physical ---
as the living statement that I need, require or desire nothing to be and exist
and that I am HERE as all that exist within and as me
I commit
myself to stand as a point of support and stability for myself in the moments
where the emotional experience of fear comes up, connected with thoughts that
‘if I am not part of, belong with and am accepted by this
individual/individuals, I will not be able to live/exist/survive’ --- where it
feels as though if I do not react to and act on this fear by stepping into the
chameleon character where I will observe the individual/individuals and
change/adapt my expression to be like theirs or to fit into theirs, I will die
or something really awful will happen to me --- by using breath in that moment
to remind myself that ‘I am HERE’, ‘I am the physical body as life eternal
manifested within and as myself’, where ‘I AM that which I seek and want and
desire from this individual/individuals’ – and, if needed, I speak a self
forgiveness statement and a self corrective statement in that moment in silence
within myself to stabilize myself within myself in relation to this
individual/individuals and in relation to the memories in my mind that I have
accepted and allowed myself to connect with them --- and thus therein give
myself the chance and the opportunity to discover and explore who I actually
really am as life here within and as the physical
