2014 When Love is Empty - How to Know when Love is Real

 2014 When Love is Empty - How to Know when Love is Real

 Transforming Love from Feeling to Reality in Real-Time

For a while now I am in a long distance relationship where I am communicating with my partner over Viber, which is this new communication application like Skype, only on Viber there is a larger database of pictures - called 'stickers' - to communicate with. When my partner and I were physically together, we never talked to each other in a way where we used the kind of pre-ordained 'lovey dovey' statements and expressions such as 'I love you' or 'you are my world' or 'I can't live without you' or other such expressions  that form part of  how relationships have been programmed in the unconscious mind of most of humanity, with the help of movies, magazines and books, and which are mostly referred to as 'romance' and 'love'.

We specifically did not express such things because we are both quite aware of the preprogrammed nature of such expressions - preprogrammed from the perspective that those specific words of 'I love you', 'you are my soul-mate' or 'I can't live without you' are not in fact expressions of who we are within ourselves - they come from outside sources such as media and other cultural and environmental influences where we have both come in contact with words, concepts and ideas such as 'romance' and 'love'. I mean, what I have found with myself in relation to expressing words like 'I love you' is that, within actually speaking the words, there is a part of myself that is very much aware that the words that I am speaking in that moment don't come from myself, they come from somewhere else and I am just kind of following the 'program'. So, I personally always refrained from expressing words such as 'love' towards the people in my world and reality because when I looked within myself in self-honesty, I could not find a reference point for those words - I could not find a real, genuine meaning for those words, so to me they were empty expressions that I felt would render me equally empty inside if I were to accept and allow myself to express them.

And I considered (and consider) myself to be very fortunate to have been able to create a relationship with another person within that awareness - where my partner and I were in agreement in relation to  both having an equal awareness within ourselves in relation to the word 'love' being a rather empty expression as how it has been lived, expressed, experienced and defined in the world currently and it therefore not doing justice to describing our appreciation for each other. So, we were doing perfectly fine never expressing any of the 'romantic'-type expressions that you would find portrayed in the common image and idea of how relationships are defined in this world - which can specifically be seen and referenced within movies and books -- and we never felt the need to.

But then once we started communicating via Viber something interesting developed - which is that, because of all those 'stickers' available to communicate with, a lot of which was in accordance with the preprogrammed conception of 'a relationship', where you had for instance lots of stickers involving couples kissing, stickers with hearts, stickers saying "I love you", etcetera - and because we didn't have the opportunity anymore to physically express our regard and appreciation for each other, through physically kissing, hugging and touching each other - we started using those stickers and we started using the word 'love' to somehow try to express what we felt we weren't able to express anymore because of the physical aspect being missing. This just kind of emerged and developed 'naturally' so it felt like it was just us expressing ourselves with each other - and,in itself obviously there isn't anything particularly 'wrong' with expressing ourselves in that way, we're just using the means and tools at our disposal to be able to express how we feel towards each other.

After a while however a specific experience emerged within myself. The warm and fuzzy feeling that I initially experienced within my communication and interaction with my partner that I had defined as our 'connection' and as 'love' seemed to be 'fading' and making place for this experience of emptiness and even a slight resistance in relation to our interactions - where, more and more I found myself trying to 'bring life into' our conversations and kind of forcing myself to bring back the memories of how I used to feel when I talked with him. And in my mind I kept on looking back on these memories and thinking 'why don't I feel that way anymore?', together with an experience of desire and a want to experience myself and my relationship and interactions with my partner again as how I experienced myself in those memories. I mean, I could not put my finger on it, because it wasn't really our communication in itself that had changed - it was just my experience within and of it that had changed and within that it looked like 'I just don't love him as much as I used to anymore'.

So then I was starting to believe that this is 'just how things are', that this is simply how relationships go where initially things start out with lots of experiences and feelings of excitement and 'love' because everything is still new and both partners are still getting to know each other - but after a while as you get to know each other more, the excitement 'wears off' and so the 'love' experience isn't as strong anymore. But then I realized that what I was experiencing was in fact energy - I was feeling disconnected and empty as an energetic emotional experience within myself -- which means that these experiences that emerged within me are not based on actual reality, but are existent within an alternate reality that I have created within my own mind through having participated in the act of thinking and reacting to those thoughts with emotions and feelings over a specific period of time. And that thus, what was happening was not so much that my 'love' for my partner was diminishing or disappearing in fact, but that in some way I have been separating and disconnecting myself from my partner and from who I am in relation to him through my participation in thoughts, feelings and emotional experiences in my own mind - which then eventually had lead up to the creation of an emotional experience of emptiness and disconnection, that I then interpreted in my mind as a 'loss of love'.

When I realized this, I then investigated how, where and when it is that I had been accepting and allowing myself to create a separation and disconnection within myself in my relationship with my partner -- and I found that it was the moment that we started using the word 'love' in our conversations, together with all the stickers of the little hearts and kisses and stuff. Upon looking within my memories, I could see how there were reactions occurring within myself each time my partner said that he loved me and each time he posted a sticker with an image of a couple kissing or hugging - and that I was starting to experience specific feelings in relation to those expressions of 'love' from my partner that I hadn't been experiencing towards him before . At that time, I didn't realize or see it - but what was busy happening in those moments was that my actual love and connection that I experienced within myself in relation to my partner, was slowly but surely being replaced by a FEELING of love and connection -- a feeling that was triggered and activated by and connected to specific words such as 'I Love You' and images like hearts and kisses.

I mean, my actual love for my partner as how it existed before those feelings emerged within me, was not a feeling in my mind but more like a deep understanding and appreciation within myself in relation to who my partner is and what my relationship with him is in my life - which is why I didn't need him to actually use the words 'I love you' for me to be able to understand what he means to me. I saw and understood who he is as a being and my love for him was based on that understanding. Whereas now, with this preprogrammed system of 'love' as defined within specific words, images and feeling experiences entering my mind - it was overlapping and suppressing the real love that was already there -- and so ended up creating an experience of disconnect, separation and emptiness.

That was essentially what I was doing with allowing the preprogrammed definition of 'love' in my mind to replace my real physical relationship with my partner - I was disconnecting and separating myself from the reality of my relationship and so creating an 'emptiness' within and as my internal experience of my relationship because that is what the preprogrammed system of 'love' essentially is, it is empty from the perspective that it is an already pre-ordained construct of specific words, images, feelings and emotions wherein there is no genuine individual expression of myself - it is in a way 'void of life'. It is a program in the mind that runs on energy so it will initially generate a lot of positive energy of excitement, but that will start to 'wear off' eventually as the nature of energy is that it burns up resources and eventually fades out - at which point the reality of the energy reveals itself within and as that 'inner emptiness' and the experience of disconnection and separation.

With just realizing, seeing and understanding that point, of how I had accepted and allowed myself to be duped by my own mind and had accepted and allowed my mind to suppress who I am as a being within and as physical reality in terms of my experience within and of my relationship with my partner, which opened up as I was talking about the experience with him - the 'mist' in my mind already cleared up a lot, meaning that the entire experience of emptiness and disconnection in relation to my partner released for a great part.

So, I realized and understood something quite valuable from this experience - which is that, if I accept and allow myself within and as my relationship with my partner to in any way be directed by pre-ordained expressions, ideas and experiences - for instance within reacting with specific feeling experiences to words like 'I love you' and to specific gestures, behaviors and words that I have copied within myself from having watched movies, read magazines and observed other people within their expressions in their relationships - without establishing for myself who I am in relation to these copied and integrated expressions -- then the consequences of me giving my expression away to a preprogrammed 'format' of expression as Feeling experiences inside of myself will be that eventually I will start experiencing a disconnection and separation from my partner and an emptiness within myself in relation to those expressions and in relation to my relationship and my 'love' for my partner. And that is because of the energetic patterns involved within this preprogrammed expression and experience of love. The pattern of which will initially take the energy into a 'high' as lots of excitement and 'warm and fuzzy' feelings, that would be defined as 'love' - and will then take the energy into a 'low' as the experience of disconnection, separation and emptiness, which will be defined and experienced as apparently having 'lost love'.

And that is unfortunately the pattern that most relationships in this world follow because most people, just like me, tend to accept and allow preprogrammed ideas and conceptions in their mind to decide for them how they will experience their relationship and express and experience themselves within the relationship - instead of being Self-Honest and investigating and exploring who they really are as a being and how they can align their relationship with their partner to stand as a platform of support for who they are as a being. And this is also the primary reason why many relationships don't tend to last that long - as a consequential outflow effect of accepting and allowing the word Love to play into Feelings and emotions in the mind, instead of Self being the Directive Force and Deciding Factor of what that word Love actually practically entails within and as the physical reality of the Relationship.

In my next blog on this process of Transforming the Word Love from a Consequential Pattern of Energy into a Stable Platform for Self-Expression and Self-Expansion within a Relationship - I will share the next Step to be walked, which is to walk a Process of Redefining the word 'Love' and within that, establish a stable internal understanding and integration of what the word Love would practically mean and stabilize our relationship to the word Love, so as to ensure that using this word within our relationship and our interaction and communication with our partner doesn't create any detrimental consequences and doesn't in any way end up sabotaging our relationship.

The Desteni of Living - My Commitment of Principle

The Following is my Declaration of the Principles that I commit myself to Live and stand by and as within my Life as an Individual Living Being Here on Earth - to Walk this Earth as a Living Example and a Living Statement that My Existence Is and Will Be a Living Testimony of What is Best for All.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential
2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all
3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well
7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

2011 The Heart has Reasons that Reason does not Know

"The Heart has reasons that Reason doesn't know"

Let's look into this statement that is often uttered by humans though not at all within awareness of what they are actually stating - they've just heard it somewhere and decided to use it themselves because it makes for a nice justification for whatever it is you want to justify.

We'll firstly look at when a statement like this is spoken, in what situation - from what i've witnessed in movies for example you would have for instance the situation of a woman falling in love with a man that she thought she disliked. So she disliked him first and now all of a sudden she feels attracted to him - 'for some unexplainable reason'. We'll take this situation as our point of reference within investigating the above statement.

So, the woman dislikes the man, and when she is with her friends she has probably mentioned him a couple of times, talking about all the things about him that makes him apparently 'not to be liked' - this is her opinion about him as her view on 'the world' as 'that man' in particular that she is clearly professing and sharing with her environment - 'I do not like that man'.


Now all of a sudden, she feels a strange attraction towards him - could be because of something he said to her or a look he gave her or a movement he made or some fact about his life that she found out that made her brain work and alter her 'view'/'opinion' as thoughts about him as 'who he apparently is'. Now he is 'likeable' - because she now feels that she likes him.

This means however that the opinions and views about this man that she was professing to her friends with such apparent righteousness, as if she knows all about him, she knows all about reality - are now false.

And here is where our statement comes in because she now has to give some reason/explanation about how/why all of a sudden her opinions can change just like that - because, doesn't this mean that she didn't know what she was talking about in the first place? Obviously she doesn't want to be exposed as a 'liar' or as someone who is just talking bullshit for the sake of getting attention and feeling important - and so she then utters a line to her friends like 'The Heart has Reasons that Reason does not know', which is supposed to imply that she has 'fallen victim' to 'her heart' (='i like him') that apparently has its own 'will' that can apparently 'overpower' 'reason' (='i don't like him).

In this statement all self responsibility is being abdicated because within herself she actually knows damn well why and how she 'changed her mind' and she knows full well that all the things she said about him was just her ego trying to make itself big, but because she doesn't want to admit that she goes and blames her actions on 'the heart' as if her 'heart' isn't also a part of her, just like her 'reason' - all one and the same. In this way, she can still feel justified and righteous in the nasty statements that she had made about him while also being able to feel good about following her desires in creating a relationship with him.


The fact that statements such as this one exist and that human beings actually speak them and believe them reveals to us the deceptive nature of the human - wherein we will use any line to be able to justify what we did/said so that we may still feel good about ourselves no matter what we do.

This is unacceptable, because the point that we seem to miss in all of this deception is that our unawareness in the words we speak and the things we do has an impact/a consequence on the world that we live in - and opposed to what we've always believed, this is not our personal, private world that is here just for us so that we can personally participate in desires and consume our environment. We are all here, on this one planet - therefore it is imperative that we all take equal responsibility for it.

Find support to be able to stop yourself before you participate in deception and make matters worse for everyone here at: www.desteni.co.za

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2011 The design of desire

Desire is an experience that all humans have within themselves, yet we each individually identify ourselves with our 'own' desires and we judge ourselves for participating in particular desires. What's interesting about desire is that we all have it, it is like a system that is prone to the human mind, the 'human condition'. So, therefore, it is a specific design, that is part of the mind, that is also a design (because we all experience thoughts, feelings and emotions therefore this is a specific design because every human being has it, as how the human was created according to the 'design' of the human being)

The point is to realize that desire is but a part of the human condition, however, this human condition as a designed system, is not who i truly am, it is just a system, neither bad nor good, but just a system and i am not a system, i am life. So, do not react, do not judge when you notice that you have allowed yourself to be directed by a desire, because by not reacting you are making a statement for yourself that 'yes, i have participated in desire, however i realize that this is not who i am, so it doesn't mean anything'.

By allowing yourself to react with judgements and guild and shame to yourself after you acted out the desire, then you are stating 'yes, i am but a victim of the human condition, i am but a designed system that is weak and easily directed by an (apparent) outside source'. And because you make this statement within yourself of yourself, you are in this setting yourself up for another fall, wherein you will, again, experience yourself as 'weak' and 'powerless' because of how you look down on yourself by judging yourself. this self judgement is a form of self punishment, based on the belief that desire is 'bad'.

When we would look self honestly at this belief, doesn't it remind us of religion? Where it is Satan who will lead humanity into temptations and it is the 'duty' of the human being to 'do the right thing/be good' by resisting the temptations and then they will be accepted by God. Though they may deny it, subconsciously this belief exist even in the biggest atheists. Because this is what we humans do, we fight our desires, we judge them, we judge ourselves as 'weak' and we feel bad about ourselves when we participate in it. So, though we may not yet be aware of it, the Bible and its message actually forms a big part of the 'basic workings' of the human mind. For example it forms the way we (subconsciously) look at and react to the word 'desire', believing it to be something 'bad', thus subconsciously resisting the desires that exist within ourselves.

However, it is interesting that, on the other hand, we also seem to believe that desire is what makes us human. The fact that we 'want/need/desire' is what we call 'life/living/being alive'. What this states in relation to the whole bible-experience, is that we actually see ourselves as 'unworthy beings', that will never truly be accepted by God (=the universe, the All, Allah, nature, the Eternal,...), because we have been tempted by Satan and we continuously allow ourselves to be tempted by desire (=Satan), thus we are 'weak' and actually not worthy of the 'Kingdom of Heaven' , left here to spend our days within the 'human experience' that is hell, wherein we live consumed by guilt, regret and self judgement (=self punishment).

Even those claiming to 'not believe in God', believe this on a subconscious level. They believe themselves to be the victim of desire just like any God-fanatic. We all believe ourselves to be the victims of this reality, the victims of our own desires, as if they were in fact Satan luring us, tempting us, pulling us, with us fighting, resisting, running, though eventually giving up/in.

But what we re not aware of, is that it is the very act of judging the desires, seeing them as 'Satan/bad', that makes it so difficult for us to not participate in them and that makes it so easy for us to fall. And we do 'fall', time and time again. because reacting to something by for example judging it, makes that something look more important and more powerful than it actually is. By reacting to something, you give it attention, thus you give it 'life', you bring it into existence. So by even just thinking that desire exist and is able to 'take you over', you are actually in fact creating desire by giving it attention through thought. In this we are God, we are our own God, creating everything in creation through thoughts, reactions and feelings.

You are your own Satan, tempting and seducing yourself, because you are not willing to embrace desire as yourself, as your own design. You are not willing to embrace Satan as yourself. though as long as we re not willing to embrace Satan, we will never get to embrace God, that is also ourselves.



If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




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2011 the illusion of comparison

in my life i've extensively been comparing myself with other people. i ve always looked at other people living their lives, often wondering 'why can't i be like that? Why isn't my life 'perfect' like theirs? Why aren't i having fun like they are?'. i saw all of the things that they had and i did not, like a relationship, lots of friends, a charismatic and charming personality, social skills, spontaneity, good looks, and i asked 'why?!' to god or whoever was responsible for my apparent 'shit' experience within my life, 'why is life so unfair?' i asked.

within this process of realising myself as life thru self forgiveness and self honesty i was doing exactly the same thing: comparing myself with the other beings in process and seeing all the things that they seem to do 'better' or 'faster' than me. i was looking at their process and their 'skills' and applications and often it made me feel lost and doubtful about my own application. which is basically what i ve been experiencing my entire life.

and then i wake up one day, finding myself in a job that i dont like but have to do, afraid of the world, locking myself up in my home, afraid of people and myself, feeling lonely and feeling as though i have no capabilities and have absolutely no practical skills in this reality. obviously my first reaction is to look at other people and go 'why can't i be like that? Why can't my life work out like that? Why, why, why...'. but then, while applying self forgiveness on this point of feeling inferior and lost and incapable, i realised an eye-opening point, i realised that all i ve been doing my whole life is looking at other people's lives. i ve never been aware within the steps i made within my life that led me to whare i stand at this moment because i was too busy minding my bussiness with other people's steps.

and within this comparing myself, i'm actually keeping myself from even noticing my own life and what is happening to it and what i am doing. i m not noticing that these moments wherein i could be taking my life into my own hands and actually 'make it work' by being aware of the moment and the consequences of the steps that i am taking in the moment, what i m actually doing is blindly following someone else who is now apparently taking responsability for my life so that i can spend all of my time comparing myself and my life that is passing me by to other people's lives, feeling sorry for myself, not realising that this is how i am actually creating the 'mess' that is my life, that i then compare to someone else's life, like a vicious circle.

i can apparently use this 'comparing myself to others' as an excuse for not taking responsability for my life, because as long as i m looking at someone else, i m not looking at and seeing myself, thus not seeing my responsability towards myself as my life in every moment of breath.
Anu told me 'Kim, you do realise that you are alone in this process?' and at that moment i didn't understand what he said, but now i see it.
i am completely alone responsible for every step that i take, every breath that i breathe, because what i do in each moment here has a consequence that will manifest as my life in the future that will also be a moment here. comparing myself will not assist or support me at all, it will only keep me trapped within the feeling and the belief that i am incapable and inferior and lost, and within that creating a 'fucked up' experience for myself within and as my life.

it is something that is 'hard to believe' or fathom because i ve lived my entire life believing that this experience of life as me apparently existing within a group of people, apparently not alone and apparently not responsible for how i experience myself, was real. this belief was the entirety of my mind, my personality, my identity, the one thing that kept me from ever realising who i am as HERE, as ALONE, as the directive principle of life. how could i have been living this lie for so long? How could this life that i've been living, being convinced that this is 'the way it is' and that this is 'who i am' and 'what reality is', have been just a lie? that's not possible. it's a hard thing to face.




If you are ready to face yourself as the mind and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact Lives for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.

Thank you.

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