2011 Childhood - The IIllusion

Feeling inferior or powerless or 'less then' towards my parents is nothing but an illusion.

because when I was a child, I was their 'product', they birthed me, so therefore they were already stronger and more powerful and more 'integrated into this reality' then me, because I was a new being that still had to learn all the skills and I had to grow and become strong like my parents who were already 'adults', having already learned all the skills and grown strong over time that they existed here on earth long before I was born.

So, I was by natural physical design weak and powerless towards my parents, it was a physical given as I was in the newborn body of a child, I was weaker towards my parents in every single way, because I was completely new.

As I grew up, my parents started playing 'power games' with me, wherein they would punish me or yell at me or hit me or try to intimidate me in some way to show me that they are more powerful then me, because it was their objective to in this way make me FEEL 'powerless' and 'inferior' and 'weak' towards them, so that they could FEEL powerful. For example, in moments where they told me that I am dumb for not doing something the right way, or for not working hard enough in school, or when they referred to me as 'just' a kid,... (these are examples of emotional/verbal abuse because statements like this are made to make the child out to be 'not as good as the parent' and are made from the starting point of trying to 'bring the child down')

This whole 'feeling powerful' of a parent over a child is in fact completely absurd because they simply ARE more powerful than the child, in every way, as a natural physical given, but the mind is a funny thing as it creates illusions as energetic reactions within self created conflict as friction. So the parents will participate in energetic reactions within and as conflict/fighting towards the child within their desire to FEEL powerful over the child as the 'power game'. They don't seem to notice, realize or accept the physical reality as how things are simply designed wherein they as parents are by nature as a given fact already more powerful and stronger than the child, so there is no fight because within a fight between parent and child, the child will always naturally lose.

They just want to experience the FEELING of power as an energy within themselves, which is in denial of the physical state of things which is just the way things are, and no feeling is required. so they go and abuse the power that they already naturally have over the child to 'prove' their power over the child and to make the child FEEL powerless so that they could then FEEL powerful, because that's how the 'power game' works, for it is a game of energetic reactions based on belief systems.

The child is programmed to automatically participate within the energetic power games of the parents, so they will immediately copy the energetic reaction of the parent and as it was preporgrammed they will react to the reaction of the parent, by for example feeling powerless when the parent feels powerful.

The child will then want to fight back, in an attempt to 'get their power back' that apparently the parents have taken from them in the energetic power game, though herein the child is also already lost within the illusionary realm of the mind as energy because they don't realize that no matter how much they will try to fight and kick and scream towards the parent, the child will always lose, because it is simply a natural fact, a given, because the child is birthed by the parents so the parent naturally hold all the power.

This is in fact where the feeling of being weak and inferior and powerless comes from that made us humans into apathic beings that believe that we are not really capable of anything substantial, because we all allowed ourselves to be fooled by the mind by participating in this power game with our parents when we were kids, by fighting and resisting our parents not realizing that we were inevitably doomed to fail and lose, thus leaving us feeling like losers in a game that was 'rigged' from the beginning because we never realized and accepted the natural physical reality.

If we had actually realized and accepted the physical reality we would have seen that there exist no real fight/battle/struggle in the first place because it is naturally designed that our parents will always win.

Therefore it is important for all of us human beings to realize the physical reality, to start seeing and accepting what is real within common sense instead of playing these mindgames that are all a set up to make us believe and feel that we are weak and powerless because we believed it to be real by denying what is actually real as what is HERE as how reality is designed.





If you are ready to stop the illusion of yourself as the power game of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




desteni group
desteni 'I' process
equal money system

2011 thoughts, a road extensively travelled

a thought is like a road that is presented to me in my mind as the thought comes up in a moment. i then react to the thought with the desire to follow that road that the thought is presenting, for example a thought of self forgiveness.
a thought will come up of a point that i can do self forgiveness on, a line that i can say, and then me i react to that thought with an energetic 'uplifting' as a hope that this thought will lead me somewhere.
the thought promises me that if i follow it, i will reach an experience, i will obtain/attain something and so time and time again i will follow the thought, getting exactly the experience that it promised.

i ve come to trust my thoughts extensively, they ve always told me what to do, what to say, where to go and i followed them because i believed that they can be trusted, i believed that my thoughts are here to protect me, they know best.

thoughts always know best, they always know all about whats going to happen if i do this or say that in this moment, they always have these projections of the future, of how i am going to experience myself when i do this or say that. they seem to be allknowing.
and i believed it, so i followed my thoughts' advice. i did what they told me to do and i didnt do what they told me not to.

but, looking back on my life, all i see is me in a fucked up experience, in fear, depression, self judgement, shame, fear, anxiety, that was stopping me from expressing myself. i always existed in fear of expressing myself.
i was always listening to my thoughts, suppressing me in the moment. my thoughts, that know best, going like 'hey, lets think about this for a moment' 'what will happen to you if you say something now, if you say this or that, if you do this or that' and then my thoughts would come up with all these projections of the future of why i should not do it and then me, i go 'oh yes you re right, it s too risky'.

eventually everything becomes too risky, and i end up doing and saying nothing, never really expressing myself because of all the risks that are involved. risks of feeling bad, disappointed, sad, ashamed. risks of a negative experience.
i never realized though that it is the very thoughts that are already making me feel bad, i am already judging myself in my mind, even before i do anything at all, so it is a vicious circle of me following the thought because it apparently wants to protect me from experiencing.... itself. it wants to protect me from its judgements that will make me feel bad.
this is just too crazy, and because of this, thoughts cannot be trusted, they are deceptive and all they do is keep me turning in circles in the mind, always trapped in the experiences that it presents, always only following the roads that it presents, like a prison that apparently exists 'for my own good' and 'for my own protection'.

bullshit! in fact thoughts is like a machine with one purpose only: keeping itself alive, so obviously it will ensure that i only follow the thoughts, that i keep reacting to the thoughts and

that i stay stuck in the endless mind loops of always the same experiences. it will make sure that i never realize myself within the freedom of the moment, because it is within freedom and openness as the moment here that a realization is able to be made, that reality is able to be seen and realized, as something 'new', not a re-chewed past experience.

though my thoughts are not to blame, because why are thoughts even able to exist? because i keep participating in them. and when i look at thoughts as the roads presented to me offering me a 'grand experience' if i follow them, then i have to admit that thoughts in essence are the spawn of my own desire for fame, my desire to reach/attain something greater/higher/better. though this desire seems to have gone and live a life of its own as thoughts, within total separation of myself, wherein i am not aware that these thoughts is just me as the desire that i ve allowed to exist within myself.




If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




desteni group
desteni 'I' process
equal money system

2011 The design of desire

Desire is an experience that all humans have within themselves, yet we each individually identify ourselves with our 'own' desires and we judge ourselves for participating in particular desires. What's interesting about desire is that we all have it, it is like a system that is prone to the human mind, the 'human condition'. So, therefore, it is a specific design, that is part of the mind, that is also a design (because we all experience thoughts, feelings and emotions therefore this is a specific design because every human being has it, as how the human was created according to the 'design' of the human being)

The point is to realize that desire is but a part of the human condition, however, this human condition as a designed system, is not who i truly am, it is just a system, neither bad nor good, but just a system and i am not a system, i am life. So, do not react, do not judge when you notice that you have allowed yourself to be directed by a desire, because by not reacting you are making a statement for yourself that 'yes, i have participated in desire, however i realize that this is not who i am, so it doesn't mean anything'.

By allowing yourself to react with judgements and guild and shame to yourself after you acted out the desire, then you are stating 'yes, i am but a victim of the human condition, i am but a designed system that is weak and easily directed by an (apparent) outside source'. And because you make this statement within yourself of yourself, you are in this setting yourself up for another fall, wherein you will, again, experience yourself as 'weak' and 'powerless' because of how you look down on yourself by judging yourself. this self judgement is a form of self punishment, based on the belief that desire is 'bad'.

When we would look self honestly at this belief, doesn't it remind us of religion? Where it is Satan who will lead humanity into temptations and it is the 'duty' of the human being to 'do the right thing/be good' by resisting the temptations and then they will be accepted by God. Though they may deny it, subconsciously this belief exist even in the biggest atheists. Because this is what we humans do, we fight our desires, we judge them, we judge ourselves as 'weak' and we feel bad about ourselves when we participate in it. So, though we may not yet be aware of it, the Bible and its message actually forms a big part of the 'basic workings' of the human mind. For example it forms the way we (subconsciously) look at and react to the word 'desire', believing it to be something 'bad', thus subconsciously resisting the desires that exist within ourselves.

However, it is interesting that, on the other hand, we also seem to believe that desire is what makes us human. The fact that we 'want/need/desire' is what we call 'life/living/being alive'. What this states in relation to the whole bible-experience, is that we actually see ourselves as 'unworthy beings', that will never truly be accepted by God (=the universe, the All, Allah, nature, the Eternal,...), because we have been tempted by Satan and we continuously allow ourselves to be tempted by desire (=Satan), thus we are 'weak' and actually not worthy of the 'Kingdom of Heaven' , left here to spend our days within the 'human experience' that is hell, wherein we live consumed by guilt, regret and self judgement (=self punishment).

Even those claiming to 'not believe in God', believe this on a subconscious level. They believe themselves to be the victim of desire just like any God-fanatic. We all believe ourselves to be the victims of this reality, the victims of our own desires, as if they were in fact Satan luring us, tempting us, pulling us, with us fighting, resisting, running, though eventually giving up/in.

But what we re not aware of, is that it is the very act of judging the desires, seeing them as 'Satan/bad', that makes it so difficult for us to not participate in them and that makes it so easy for us to fall. And we do 'fall', time and time again. because reacting to something by for example judging it, makes that something look more important and more powerful than it actually is. By reacting to something, you give it attention, thus you give it 'life', you bring it into existence. So by even just thinking that desire exist and is able to 'take you over', you are actually in fact creating desire by giving it attention through thought. In this we are God, we are our own God, creating everything in creation through thoughts, reactions and feelings.

You are your own Satan, tempting and seducing yourself, because you are not willing to embrace desire as yourself, as your own design. You are not willing to embrace Satan as yourself. though as long as we re not willing to embrace Satan, we will never get to embrace God, that is also ourselves.



If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




desteni group
desteni 'I' process
equal money system