in my life i've extensively been comparing myself with other people. i ve always looked at other people living their lives, often wondering 'why can't i be like that? Why isn't my life 'perfect' like theirs? Why aren't i having fun like they are?'. i saw all of the things that they had and i did not, like a relationship, lots of friends, a charismatic and charming personality, social skills, spontaneity, good looks, and i asked 'why?!' to god or whoever was responsible for my apparent 'shit' experience within my life, 'why is life so unfair?' i asked.
within this process of realising myself as life thru self forgiveness and self honesty i was doing exactly the same thing: comparing myself with the other beings in process and seeing all the things that they seem to do 'better' or 'faster' than me. i was looking at their process and their 'skills' and applications and often it made me feel lost and doubtful about my own application. which is basically what i ve been experiencing my entire life.
and then i wake up one day, finding myself in a job that i dont like but have to do, afraid of the world, locking myself up in my home, afraid of people and myself, feeling lonely and feeling as though i have no capabilities and have absolutely no practical skills in this reality. obviously my first reaction is to look at other people and go 'why can't i be like that? Why can't my life work out like that? Why, why, why...'. but then, while applying self forgiveness on this point of feeling inferior and lost and incapable, i realised an eye-opening point, i realised that all i ve been doing my whole life is looking at other people's lives. i ve never been aware within the steps i made within my life that led me to whare i stand at this moment because i was too busy minding my bussiness with other people's steps.
and within this comparing myself, i'm actually keeping myself from even noticing my own life and what is happening to it and what i am doing. i m not noticing that these moments wherein i could be taking my life into my own hands and actually 'make it work' by being aware of the moment and the consequences of the steps that i am taking in the moment, what i m actually doing is blindly following someone else who is now apparently taking responsability for my life so that i can spend all of my time comparing myself and my life that is passing me by to other people's lives, feeling sorry for myself, not realising that this is how i am actually creating the 'mess' that is my life, that i then compare to someone else's life, like a vicious circle.
i can apparently use this 'comparing myself to others' as an excuse for not taking responsability for my life, because as long as i m looking at someone else, i m not looking at and seeing myself, thus not seeing my responsability towards myself as my life in every moment of breath.
Anu told me 'Kim, you do realise that you are alone in this process?' and at that moment i didn't understand what he said, but now i see it.
i am completely alone responsible for every step that i take, every breath that i breathe, because what i do in each moment here has a consequence that will manifest as my life in the future that will also be a moment here. comparing myself will not assist or support me at all, it will only keep me trapped within the feeling and the belief that i am incapable and inferior and lost, and within that creating a 'fucked up' experience for myself within and as my life.
it is something that is 'hard to believe' or fathom because i ve lived my entire life believing that this experience of life as me apparently existing within a group of people, apparently not alone and apparently not responsible for how i experience myself, was real. this belief was the entirety of my mind, my personality, my identity, the one thing that kept me from ever realising who i am as HERE, as ALONE, as the directive principle of life. how could i have been living this lie for so long? How could this life that i've been living, being convinced that this is 'the way it is' and that this is 'who i am' and 'what reality is', have been just a lie? that's not possible. it's a hard thing to face.
If you are ready to face yourself as the mind and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact Lives for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.
Thank you.
http://desteni.co.za
http://equalmoney.org
http://desteniiprocess.com
Posts tonen met het label kim. Alle posts tonen
Posts tonen met het label kim. Alle posts tonen
dinsdag 23 augustus 2011
zondag 14 augustus 2011
2011 a world war in the making
my whole life i ve been living 'the good life', and within process, its easy to judge myself and to judge my life.
but this is not what process really mean, what process really mean is letting go of that 'good life', wherein i spend my days in and as my mind, surrounded by good people, doing good things, feeling happy and having fun.
lets say a third world will happen soon, a greater war than anything this world has ever face, and it will. so much death and destruction that will inevitably mean the end of my good life, the end of fun, the end of being happy, the end of my perfect family, my perfect environment of birthday parties, watching the latest movies, wearing the latest fashion, going out with friends, laughing, being loved and cared for by my parents...
fear will destroy this all, our shared fear of dying, reality will become a really bad place, all those things that i ve been participating in as if it will be and remain like this for ever and ever, and as if it has always been this way, will come to a brutal end, and i will not believe it, the disbelief of what is happening to me will be painful because i ve allowed myself to create a world of goodness and happiness and justness and niceness as if those things are an actual given in this world, given by god for me to live out this special life wherein i can feel special.
but lets take a look at history, life here in belgium or anywhere in the world has certainly not always been like this. quite the contrary, only the last seventy years or so, which isnt even as long as i m probably going to live. there's been WW1 and then WW2, many people died and suffered. my own great grandparents lost their home in a bombing, there was nearly enough food to survive on. my great grandfather was sent to concentration camps, his family and all that he loved and knew, all that was good to him and made him feel good, had been taken away from him--this is what a war does. and imagine, the last war has ended only half a decade ago. so how is it that i can just live this life within complete ignorance and blindness of this point, how can i live this life believing that what is happening in this physical reality at this moment as how life has simply been for me since the moment i was born, is really all there is and all there has ever been?
this point would cause me to, when in fact faced with war, feel completely lost and abandoned, asking 'why?!!' to god or whoever would listen because i never saw it coming because i wouldn't see the reality of this actually having a big chance of happening to me within my lifetime--if i would just take a good look at history.
the way i ve always been living my life is as though there never was war, as if there never was slavery and concentration camps, and as if there isn't abuse in this world going on at the very moment that i am here breathing, living my life, because i can even see it in the news, on television, people talk about it, but still i just cannot see that this is the reality that i live in--and war is inevitable when taking a look at history. somehow we human beings think and believe that we ve apparently evolved beyond that, beyond the point of war because we ve been thru it and we vowed to never have to go thru it again. somehow we ve become more loving, this is a belief shared by especially the new age and spiritual people who profess love, as if love has saved the world, love has changed and will change people and therefore there will be no more bad things such as war, it will not happen to us, because we are loving.
this is however just a belief, the belief of 'war will not happen to me because i am loving and good', but a belief is just an excuse to not look at the stone cold reality of this world, the reality that exist beyond me and my happy, fun, loving life, the reality that strangely enough i am a part of, the reality that is of 'human beings', human beings as a collective, as a whole. human beings that have shaped this world since the beginning, human beings as what we read in our history books, that s human beings, and we are those human beings still today, a collective that moves according to the 'human nature'. and the human nature is what can be seen in history books. the human nature is what can be seen within myself, only me, if i take me out of the equation for a moment, if i have a look at myself i see that the nature of myself as a human being is that i define myself according to my past, according to my memories, things that i ve done and things that have happened to me. and it s a funny thing that, if i look self honestly, then i can clearly see that i ve never actually learned from my own 'mistakes', it s more like my mistakes haunt me, they make me feel so bad about myself that its even more likely that i ll make them again believing this to be my nature. i have not forgiven my mistakes, i have not forgiven my past at all. so if i take this my nature within the equation of this entire reality of human beings again, and we look at the memory of the collective human being, being aware now of the nature of self as me as a human being wherein i define myself according to my mistakes rather than learning from them then i can predict that, as it is in my own life, our future will in fact be worse than our past.
because we have not evolved, we have not over night turned into loving beings that all of a sudden are not going to create war. in spite of what people apparently think, evolving as a being actually takes work and effort, the first step in evolving as a being is that you become aware of yourself, of your past and of what you are doing to yourself in your own world, which is that you are not learning from your mistakes, but you are in fact taking the mistakes that you ve made in your life as an example of who you are because you do not and have never forgiven yourself for it. we human beings have not even reached this first step of self awareness.
we cannot change what we ve created which is this reality of self destruction, at the moment spiralling down towards a third world war, if we do not forgive ourselves within our own lives, each being for themselves. because here s something that those light workers that believe that love will save us all and that love will fix the world into a better place, must understand: there's nothing that will magically save us from our own nature, the destructive nature of man, because it is the human collective that shape this world as it always has. if anything, the whole spirituality/new age scene has been created by humans as an ultimate way to not face the actuality of the fucked up-ness of this age of man that is currently playing out, because the reality at this moment in human evolution has gotten so self destructive that its hard to watch. so then as sort of a desperate measure that is the ultimate statement of self destruction, we go on and create an 'alternative reality' of love and light that cover up the real reality of pain and destruction. this is the ultimate statement of self destruction because at this point we will even choose to not stand and watch our own creation, we make a decision to litteraly cover our eyes, blind them with light, so we cannot even see what is happening and what is inevitably going to happen in this physical reality. we made the decision that our nature is so fucked up that we cannot stand it and so instead of standing up and practically fixing it, instead of fixing ourselves as the creators of this mess, we will see it as an already lost cause so why not lose ourselves in an alternate reality as love and light, because we re lost anyway. within this point of having created spirituality as love and light, something that is spreading among human beings, we ve fucked ourselves eternally.
so what is it that made it so easy for me to live a life within this physical human reality without any awareness of the human nature, without any awareness of how my life has been created? my life being all the things i participate in, all the things that i define myself to, all the things that i apparently cannot do without, like the love of my parents, family and friends, the good feelings that i feel doing the things i like in this reality, in which i can have fun with the people i love and that love me. this is all those things that will leave me hurting and suffering, lost and desperate if they were taken away from me. my entire life , the reason that i can feel good doing what i do within reality, is specific, it is because i am in a certain situation of money, determined by my specific placement within this reality that is determined by the randomness of birth. my entire situation from the moment i was born within this physical human reality, has been randomly decided. so based on the principle of randomness that decide where a being is born, in what family, what country, what status, what name, what color, etc... i could have been anyone because i could have been born into a completely different situation, having become a completely different person/personality, defined by different things and people, loving/needing different people that i can apparently not do without in my world.
and this principle of randomness in itself that has decided my entire life as how i experience it at this very moment, as who i believe myself to be, is something that connects me to reality in its entirety because it shows me that all of what i know and am at this moment has been given to me, so why could it not just be taken away from me. and the same principle goes for every being in reality, in this point we are equal and one.
so, back to why i could never see this point and live within and as the realization of this point: when i look around me i can see that my parents, family, friends and pretty much everyone in my environment lives within the exact same ignorance as the ignorance that i ve discovered within myself within the process of becoming self honest. it s as though these people have collectively created a little world that support ignorance and blindness towards the bigger reality of the human being in total, and it's interesting to notice that this self created world of ignorance stretches from the world of my direct environment, to my town, city, country, where the country i live in seems to be a bubble that we've created that supports ignorance towards the rest of the world. its as though the more i look beyond my own direct environment, i m always in a new bubble of protecting self against the rest of reality, a bubble that support my ignorance, it s fascinating.
i ve been brought up within this world of ignorance as the mind as an alternative reality that is based completely upon turning a blind eye towards reality as the human nature, the mind that disable us within seeing the human reality as what it really is, it disable us within actually learning from our own and our collective mistakes because it places us within a bubble, a bubble within our own head that is only the example for the bubble that we exist in as our direct environment and then the one beyond that and the one beyond that, and these 'external bubbles' only support our 'internal bubble', thus we remain stuck in a vicious circle keeping ourselves from ever being able to 'burst the bubble'.
If you are ready to burst your bubble and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact Lives for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.
Thank you.
http://desteni.co.za
http://equalmoney.org
http://desteniiprocess.com
but this is not what process really mean, what process really mean is letting go of that 'good life', wherein i spend my days in and as my mind, surrounded by good people, doing good things, feeling happy and having fun.
lets say a third world will happen soon, a greater war than anything this world has ever face, and it will. so much death and destruction that will inevitably mean the end of my good life, the end of fun, the end of being happy, the end of my perfect family, my perfect environment of birthday parties, watching the latest movies, wearing the latest fashion, going out with friends, laughing, being loved and cared for by my parents...
fear will destroy this all, our shared fear of dying, reality will become a really bad place, all those things that i ve been participating in as if it will be and remain like this for ever and ever, and as if it has always been this way, will come to a brutal end, and i will not believe it, the disbelief of what is happening to me will be painful because i ve allowed myself to create a world of goodness and happiness and justness and niceness as if those things are an actual given in this world, given by god for me to live out this special life wherein i can feel special.
but lets take a look at history, life here in belgium or anywhere in the world has certainly not always been like this. quite the contrary, only the last seventy years or so, which isnt even as long as i m probably going to live. there's been WW1 and then WW2, many people died and suffered. my own great grandparents lost their home in a bombing, there was nearly enough food to survive on. my great grandfather was sent to concentration camps, his family and all that he loved and knew, all that was good to him and made him feel good, had been taken away from him--this is what a war does. and imagine, the last war has ended only half a decade ago. so how is it that i can just live this life within complete ignorance and blindness of this point, how can i live this life believing that what is happening in this physical reality at this moment as how life has simply been for me since the moment i was born, is really all there is and all there has ever been?
this point would cause me to, when in fact faced with war, feel completely lost and abandoned, asking 'why?!!' to god or whoever would listen because i never saw it coming because i wouldn't see the reality of this actually having a big chance of happening to me within my lifetime--if i would just take a good look at history.
the way i ve always been living my life is as though there never was war, as if there never was slavery and concentration camps, and as if there isn't abuse in this world going on at the very moment that i am here breathing, living my life, because i can even see it in the news, on television, people talk about it, but still i just cannot see that this is the reality that i live in--and war is inevitable when taking a look at history. somehow we human beings think and believe that we ve apparently evolved beyond that, beyond the point of war because we ve been thru it and we vowed to never have to go thru it again. somehow we ve become more loving, this is a belief shared by especially the new age and spiritual people who profess love, as if love has saved the world, love has changed and will change people and therefore there will be no more bad things such as war, it will not happen to us, because we are loving.
this is however just a belief, the belief of 'war will not happen to me because i am loving and good', but a belief is just an excuse to not look at the stone cold reality of this world, the reality that exist beyond me and my happy, fun, loving life, the reality that strangely enough i am a part of, the reality that is of 'human beings', human beings as a collective, as a whole. human beings that have shaped this world since the beginning, human beings as what we read in our history books, that s human beings, and we are those human beings still today, a collective that moves according to the 'human nature'. and the human nature is what can be seen in history books. the human nature is what can be seen within myself, only me, if i take me out of the equation for a moment, if i have a look at myself i see that the nature of myself as a human being is that i define myself according to my past, according to my memories, things that i ve done and things that have happened to me. and it s a funny thing that, if i look self honestly, then i can clearly see that i ve never actually learned from my own 'mistakes', it s more like my mistakes haunt me, they make me feel so bad about myself that its even more likely that i ll make them again believing this to be my nature. i have not forgiven my mistakes, i have not forgiven my past at all. so if i take this my nature within the equation of this entire reality of human beings again, and we look at the memory of the collective human being, being aware now of the nature of self as me as a human being wherein i define myself according to my mistakes rather than learning from them then i can predict that, as it is in my own life, our future will in fact be worse than our past.
because we have not evolved, we have not over night turned into loving beings that all of a sudden are not going to create war. in spite of what people apparently think, evolving as a being actually takes work and effort, the first step in evolving as a being is that you become aware of yourself, of your past and of what you are doing to yourself in your own world, which is that you are not learning from your mistakes, but you are in fact taking the mistakes that you ve made in your life as an example of who you are because you do not and have never forgiven yourself for it. we human beings have not even reached this first step of self awareness.
we cannot change what we ve created which is this reality of self destruction, at the moment spiralling down towards a third world war, if we do not forgive ourselves within our own lives, each being for themselves. because here s something that those light workers that believe that love will save us all and that love will fix the world into a better place, must understand: there's nothing that will magically save us from our own nature, the destructive nature of man, because it is the human collective that shape this world as it always has. if anything, the whole spirituality/new age scene has been created by humans as an ultimate way to not face the actuality of the fucked up-ness of this age of man that is currently playing out, because the reality at this moment in human evolution has gotten so self destructive that its hard to watch. so then as sort of a desperate measure that is the ultimate statement of self destruction, we go on and create an 'alternative reality' of love and light that cover up the real reality of pain and destruction. this is the ultimate statement of self destruction because at this point we will even choose to not stand and watch our own creation, we make a decision to litteraly cover our eyes, blind them with light, so we cannot even see what is happening and what is inevitably going to happen in this physical reality. we made the decision that our nature is so fucked up that we cannot stand it and so instead of standing up and practically fixing it, instead of fixing ourselves as the creators of this mess, we will see it as an already lost cause so why not lose ourselves in an alternate reality as love and light, because we re lost anyway. within this point of having created spirituality as love and light, something that is spreading among human beings, we ve fucked ourselves eternally.
so what is it that made it so easy for me to live a life within this physical human reality without any awareness of the human nature, without any awareness of how my life has been created? my life being all the things i participate in, all the things that i define myself to, all the things that i apparently cannot do without, like the love of my parents, family and friends, the good feelings that i feel doing the things i like in this reality, in which i can have fun with the people i love and that love me. this is all those things that will leave me hurting and suffering, lost and desperate if they were taken away from me. my entire life , the reason that i can feel good doing what i do within reality, is specific, it is because i am in a certain situation of money, determined by my specific placement within this reality that is determined by the randomness of birth. my entire situation from the moment i was born within this physical human reality, has been randomly decided. so based on the principle of randomness that decide where a being is born, in what family, what country, what status, what name, what color, etc... i could have been anyone because i could have been born into a completely different situation, having become a completely different person/personality, defined by different things and people, loving/needing different people that i can apparently not do without in my world.
and this principle of randomness in itself that has decided my entire life as how i experience it at this very moment, as who i believe myself to be, is something that connects me to reality in its entirety because it shows me that all of what i know and am at this moment has been given to me, so why could it not just be taken away from me. and the same principle goes for every being in reality, in this point we are equal and one.
so, back to why i could never see this point and live within and as the realization of this point: when i look around me i can see that my parents, family, friends and pretty much everyone in my environment lives within the exact same ignorance as the ignorance that i ve discovered within myself within the process of becoming self honest. it s as though these people have collectively created a little world that support ignorance and blindness towards the bigger reality of the human being in total, and it's interesting to notice that this self created world of ignorance stretches from the world of my direct environment, to my town, city, country, where the country i live in seems to be a bubble that we've created that supports ignorance towards the rest of the world. its as though the more i look beyond my own direct environment, i m always in a new bubble of protecting self against the rest of reality, a bubble that support my ignorance, it s fascinating.
i ve been brought up within this world of ignorance as the mind as an alternative reality that is based completely upon turning a blind eye towards reality as the human nature, the mind that disable us within seeing the human reality as what it really is, it disable us within actually learning from our own and our collective mistakes because it places us within a bubble, a bubble within our own head that is only the example for the bubble that we exist in as our direct environment and then the one beyond that and the one beyond that, and these 'external bubbles' only support our 'internal bubble', thus we remain stuck in a vicious circle keeping ourselves from ever being able to 'burst the bubble'.
If you are ready to burst your bubble and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact Lives for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.
Thank you.
http://desteni.co.za
http://equalmoney.org
http://desteniiprocess.com
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