2011 experiencing hate during childhood

i am at the moment 24 years old and looking back on my childhood, even my adolescent years, i don't seem to remember much about how i experienced myself, about my feelings and emotions.

like i suppressed all of it. i remember that it was not pleasant at all. i felt mostly fear of other people, even of my friends. and especially of my parents and grandparents. a fear that caused me to become just like them.
but hate was definitely there as well, and lots of it, and very very extensively so.
like an enormous hate towards my parents when they had punished me or forced me into doing something that i didn't want to do. for example when they made me sit at the dinner table and i could not leave until my plate was empty, until i had eaten everything. i was especially angry because they did not seem to see who i was, they didn't see me at all. they seemed to think that everything they were doing was in some way 'for my own good', but they treated me like i was a slave, like i was worth nothing. my words were meaningless to them unless i spoke what they wanted to hear.

the hate i experienced was especially in this context of not being heard or seen, and my parents just playing their power game over me, abusing their power, acting all righteous. and i was ignored, i did not really exist, i was but a slave, an inferior being, 'just a child'. i remember being so full of absolute hate that i would want to hurt myself because there was no other way that i could express that hate, i could not yell at my parents, i could not do anything, so i took it out on myself. i hated myself inside, i wallowed in absolute hate, that would just take over my entire being.

the hate was like an absolute anger within myself, i could feel it literally boiling inside of me.
i've never experienced such anger like when i was a kid, it s an anger because i felt stuck, trapped, no way to go, no way of actually expressing myself and my parents would often put me in situations where i was treated like a prisoner, not respected for what i had to say or what i wanted or didn't want, i only had to do as they told me and there was no way out of it.

and they didn't seem to notice or care what it was like for me, they didn't place themselves in my shoes.

as i grew up, i seemed to have pushed this anger and hate far away in myself by hiding it behind 'positivity' and 'friendliness' and 'kindness' and 'politeness' as what my parents told/taught me and which is also exactly what my parents did, so in this i became just like them, just a liar, hiding the true experience that is hell as pure anger/hate/spitefulness deep inside myself.

because i never took responsibility for this anger inside of me, i kept on blaming my parents inside of myself, which was my excuse and justification for the ego/lie that i had become. apparently now i had come to 'love my parents', looking back on my childhood full of rebellion and anger and hate, as if it was just the 'silliness of a child', thus looking down on myself as a kid, as if i am now 'better', a 'grown up'/adult.

but all i really did was 'insert' myself into the money system wherein i have to survive, i now have to work, earn money and participate in the system of adults. and the way i found and learned from my parents to easily get what i want from the system is to lie about myself, to put on a mask that is positive, good and right and friendly and polite, because then people will accept me and like me and then they will want to help me survive.

and i ve come to believe this lie that i m selling of myself, i ve come to believe that this is who i truly am, when actually there is this dark pit of hell that is all those shit experiences of anger, hate, fear that is still very much inside of me that even cause me to fear myself, to want to escape/run from myself.

so now that i am in the process of forgiving myself for who i have allowed myself to become as the mind, as the lie, i have to face that pit inside of me that i ve been covering up for so long. there is no running/hiding/escaping anymore.

i must realize me in all ways, otherwise i will never be free. i must set myself free and forgive myself in all ways, because i have created hell for myself, because i allowed anger and hate and fear to exist within myself, so therefore i must stop it. no one else will.

within applying self forgiveness, i have realized my responsibility towards all that i have ever experienced in myself. it was never my parents fault, because, just like they did not place themselves in my shoes, i did not place myself in theirs, i just reacted to them. i did not see that they were once children that grew up in an environment just like mine/me and that who/how they are expressing themselves towards me is a result of how they allowed themselves to be influenced by their parents. i did not realize that how they express themselves towards me, has got nothing to do with me personally, because it is THEIR expression, they see me as 'a child' and how they express themselves towards me as 'a child' in their world, only shows how they react to and judge the child within themselves, as a result of how their parents reacted to and judged them when they were children.

so me, i am nothing but a link in a chain, just another generation, so if i allow myself to react to my parents and blame them for my reactions/experiences, i will only end up just like them, just another result generation after generation of abuse, and from there i will only end up abusing my own children as what my parents did unto me and what their parents did unto them, and so forth.



If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and stop yourself as only a generation within a chain of generations generating abuse and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.

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desteni 'I' process
equal money

2011 thoughts, a road extensively travelled

a thought is like a road that is presented to me in my mind as the thought comes up in a moment. i then react to the thought with the desire to follow that road that the thought is presenting, for example a thought of self forgiveness.
a thought will come up of a point that i can do self forgiveness on, a line that i can say, and then me i react to that thought with an energetic 'uplifting' as a hope that this thought will lead me somewhere.
the thought promises me that if i follow it, i will reach an experience, i will obtain/attain something and so time and time again i will follow the thought, getting exactly the experience that it promised.

i ve come to trust my thoughts extensively, they ve always told me what to do, what to say, where to go and i followed them because i believed that they can be trusted, i believed that my thoughts are here to protect me, they know best.

thoughts always know best, they always know all about whats going to happen if i do this or say that in this moment, they always have these projections of the future, of how i am going to experience myself when i do this or say that. they seem to be allknowing.
and i believed it, so i followed my thoughts' advice. i did what they told me to do and i didnt do what they told me not to.

but, looking back on my life, all i see is me in a fucked up experience, in fear, depression, self judgement, shame, fear, anxiety, that was stopping me from expressing myself. i always existed in fear of expressing myself.
i was always listening to my thoughts, suppressing me in the moment. my thoughts, that know best, going like 'hey, lets think about this for a moment' 'what will happen to you if you say something now, if you say this or that, if you do this or that' and then my thoughts would come up with all these projections of the future of why i should not do it and then me, i go 'oh yes you re right, it s too risky'.

eventually everything becomes too risky, and i end up doing and saying nothing, never really expressing myself because of all the risks that are involved. risks of feeling bad, disappointed, sad, ashamed. risks of a negative experience.
i never realized though that it is the very thoughts that are already making me feel bad, i am already judging myself in my mind, even before i do anything at all, so it is a vicious circle of me following the thought because it apparently wants to protect me from experiencing.... itself. it wants to protect me from its judgements that will make me feel bad.
this is just too crazy, and because of this, thoughts cannot be trusted, they are deceptive and all they do is keep me turning in circles in the mind, always trapped in the experiences that it presents, always only following the roads that it presents, like a prison that apparently exists 'for my own good' and 'for my own protection'.

bullshit! in fact thoughts is like a machine with one purpose only: keeping itself alive, so obviously it will ensure that i only follow the thoughts, that i keep reacting to the thoughts and

that i stay stuck in the endless mind loops of always the same experiences. it will make sure that i never realize myself within the freedom of the moment, because it is within freedom and openness as the moment here that a realization is able to be made, that reality is able to be seen and realized, as something 'new', not a re-chewed past experience.

though my thoughts are not to blame, because why are thoughts even able to exist? because i keep participating in them. and when i look at thoughts as the roads presented to me offering me a 'grand experience' if i follow them, then i have to admit that thoughts in essence are the spawn of my own desire for fame, my desire to reach/attain something greater/higher/better. though this desire seems to have gone and live a life of its own as thoughts, within total separation of myself, wherein i am not aware that these thoughts is just me as the desire that i ve allowed to exist within myself.




If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




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desteni 'I' process
equal money system

2011 The design of desire

Desire is an experience that all humans have within themselves, yet we each individually identify ourselves with our 'own' desires and we judge ourselves for participating in particular desires. What's interesting about desire is that we all have it, it is like a system that is prone to the human mind, the 'human condition'. So, therefore, it is a specific design, that is part of the mind, that is also a design (because we all experience thoughts, feelings and emotions therefore this is a specific design because every human being has it, as how the human was created according to the 'design' of the human being)

The point is to realize that desire is but a part of the human condition, however, this human condition as a designed system, is not who i truly am, it is just a system, neither bad nor good, but just a system and i am not a system, i am life. So, do not react, do not judge when you notice that you have allowed yourself to be directed by a desire, because by not reacting you are making a statement for yourself that 'yes, i have participated in desire, however i realize that this is not who i am, so it doesn't mean anything'.

By allowing yourself to react with judgements and guild and shame to yourself after you acted out the desire, then you are stating 'yes, i am but a victim of the human condition, i am but a designed system that is weak and easily directed by an (apparent) outside source'. And because you make this statement within yourself of yourself, you are in this setting yourself up for another fall, wherein you will, again, experience yourself as 'weak' and 'powerless' because of how you look down on yourself by judging yourself. this self judgement is a form of self punishment, based on the belief that desire is 'bad'.

When we would look self honestly at this belief, doesn't it remind us of religion? Where it is Satan who will lead humanity into temptations and it is the 'duty' of the human being to 'do the right thing/be good' by resisting the temptations and then they will be accepted by God. Though they may deny it, subconsciously this belief exist even in the biggest atheists. Because this is what we humans do, we fight our desires, we judge them, we judge ourselves as 'weak' and we feel bad about ourselves when we participate in it. So, though we may not yet be aware of it, the Bible and its message actually forms a big part of the 'basic workings' of the human mind. For example it forms the way we (subconsciously) look at and react to the word 'desire', believing it to be something 'bad', thus subconsciously resisting the desires that exist within ourselves.

However, it is interesting that, on the other hand, we also seem to believe that desire is what makes us human. The fact that we 'want/need/desire' is what we call 'life/living/being alive'. What this states in relation to the whole bible-experience, is that we actually see ourselves as 'unworthy beings', that will never truly be accepted by God (=the universe, the All, Allah, nature, the Eternal,...), because we have been tempted by Satan and we continuously allow ourselves to be tempted by desire (=Satan), thus we are 'weak' and actually not worthy of the 'Kingdom of Heaven' , left here to spend our days within the 'human experience' that is hell, wherein we live consumed by guilt, regret and self judgement (=self punishment).

Even those claiming to 'not believe in God', believe this on a subconscious level. They believe themselves to be the victim of desire just like any God-fanatic. We all believe ourselves to be the victims of this reality, the victims of our own desires, as if they were in fact Satan luring us, tempting us, pulling us, with us fighting, resisting, running, though eventually giving up/in.

But what we re not aware of, is that it is the very act of judging the desires, seeing them as 'Satan/bad', that makes it so difficult for us to not participate in them and that makes it so easy for us to fall. And we do 'fall', time and time again. because reacting to something by for example judging it, makes that something look more important and more powerful than it actually is. By reacting to something, you give it attention, thus you give it 'life', you bring it into existence. So by even just thinking that desire exist and is able to 'take you over', you are actually in fact creating desire by giving it attention through thought. In this we are God, we are our own God, creating everything in creation through thoughts, reactions and feelings.

You are your own Satan, tempting and seducing yourself, because you are not willing to embrace desire as yourself, as your own design. You are not willing to embrace Satan as yourself. though as long as we re not willing to embrace Satan, we will never get to embrace God, that is also ourselves.



If you are ready to face yourself as the deception of the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




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desteni 'I' process
equal money system

2011 Who will be the leaders of the new world ?

An unbecoming quality of the human being that lies at the root of the fucked up nature of our current world system wherein there exist no true mercy, no true compassion and no true love, is the desire for leadership. On the one hand we desire to be led and on the other hand we desire to lead, like a game of power. We give power, we take power.

This is however no true leadership. We cannot conceive what leadership truly means, because we’ve come to associate the word ‘leader’ and ‘leadership’ with ‘having’ power and we believe that he/she who is the leader, has all the power OVER the rest of us. So we in fact experience leadership as something we desire wherein we compete with others to obtain this 'desirable asset'. we experience leadership as a conflict, a struggle, because obviously we don’t want to feel overpowered by and inferior to another being. So because of our definition/experience of the word ‘leader/leadership’ we automatically don’t accept a leader, because then we would have to define ourselves as ‘the follower’, which is a word that we also experience from the perspective of this power game, wherein we believe that the ‘leader’ has power over the ‘follower’. So, because we actually desire to be led, we do follow, but behind their back we rebel and/or criticize, so that we can still in some way feel powerful within ourselves.

These words and the meaning/energetic experience of the words has been taught to us since childhood. We are taught that you are either one or the other, either a leader or a follower. As a child you are always pushed and forced into the position of ‘the follower’, where everyone looks down on you, seeing you as ‘just a kid’, because you do not yet have the physical or mental capacity to overpower others. And because adults see leadership only as having the ability to overpower others, they will not recognize you as even a real being in this reality, who has something to say and who deserves respect.

So from this experience in/of childhood, children will learn that ‘I only have something to say, and I am only a worthy being, when I can force others to listen to me, when I can overpower another’. And so, the leaders of the world are created, because the future leaders were also children brought up in the same system, based on the same word-definitions. They are thus not created from the principle of leading humanity to establish a system that will support all equally, but from the desire to be heard and feel powerful, according to our definition of what a leader is, which is ‘powerful’.

Though this desire to be powerful and experience oneself in a position of power doesn’t have anything to do with ‘the followers’, the ones who are actually listening to and following what the leader is saying. This desire is purely individualistic and selfish, only considering ‘MY experience’ within reality and not all beings equal and one.

So, therefore, the new leaders of the new world that WILL in fact lead humanity into establishing a system that considers all as one as equal, will be beings that stand AS this principle of oneness and equality as what is best for all. Beings that stand AS true leadership within themselves, not trying to reach or attain/obtain it as a form of power over other beings, not competing or playing mind/power games that only benefit the individual experience.

In order to even see/consider/realize that a leadership like this can exist, we will have to review our very definitions of the words ‘leaders’ and ‘leadership’.

Come explore what true leadership really means within a new system that supports what is best for all in this world, visit:
http://www.equalmoney.org

2011 Is Capitalism truly our only option?

why do people today keep clinging onto the apparently perfect capitalist system as if it is our only hope in this world to exist?





we can all clearly see that the capitalist system is definitely not 'perfect' because it is a 'dog eat dog' system, where the weak/poor only get weaker/poorer and the strong/rich only get stronger/richer. this system causes for lots of fears and stress among the 'common people', the 'average Joe', because our lives are built like a house of cards, you take one out and the whole thing comes falling down, for example because of some 'bad luck', you could lose your house or your job or the support of your family or your physical/mental health, and then you are left with nothing. You are left by yourself within a system that has extremely limited means of supporting/helping you in such a situation, because that is the capitalist system: it is a constant fight, a 'survival of the (apparent) fittest'. Within the capitalist system you are not truly taken care of and nobody or nothing truly cares for you or is even able to care for you because we're all basically just trying to fend for ourselves, adapting to the ruthless system that is created upon the apparently 'glorious' principle of 'the pursuit of happiness (=money)'.

Though within this principle, the actual dynamics of society is not taken into consideration. The society wherein each being is definitely not given an equal chance at this 'pursuing of happiness' because of the different 'layers of society' that have been created through generations upon generations of people participating in this capitalist system/society, where some are born in poor families destined to stay poor no matter how much they work to earn money (due to limited chances towards personal development handed to them that are all dependent on money) as opposed to some who are born in rich families and who don't have to lift a finger to 'survive in the system'. Also not taken into consideration is the 'unfairness' of the capitalist system, because things such as 'accidents' and 'bad luck' exist that can, in one moment, take everything from a person living in this society. And because of the principle that 'it takes money to make money', they are basically fucked.

Almost every being in this capitalist system suffers from stress, which in turn causes all sorts of diseases, because of all the things that could happen to you, that could place you in a situation where it will be very difficult for you to survive. for example, getting fired, losing your house, your money, your family, friends, becoming ill(creating hospital bills so high they will bankrupt you), etc. so it's actually plain to see that, for most people(those that are living at the bottom layer of the pyramid), this is in fact not a desirable system to live in.

So when we look at the motivation for people to 'not see any other way' to live/exist in this world but within a capitalist system, what we find is actually a fear of living in a system that is the opposite of the capitalist system, namely the communist system.
From when we were children, we've been warned about the communist system, because: 'look at what communism did to Russia' and 'look at the suppression of the Chinese people by it's communist regime', etc.
So, within showing all the 'atrocities' and 'badness' of the communist system, in comparison, the capitalist system is 'heaven', where we are apparently free to do as we please, to pursue our individual desire to become rich and powerful.
Communism = suppression
Capitalism = freedom

This means that, apparently, there only exist two options of how we are able to shape the system that we live/exist in, to survive in this world. Either capitalist, where each being is free to abuse, deceive and manipulate others, or communist, where all are abused, deceived and manipulated by their government, which is just a handful of beings that have all the power over everyone else.

What this indicates/shows us, is the extremely limited creativity and vision of the human race as a whole, which is obviously supported by the school system that seems to create the idea within the minds of children (who will then grow up to become the adults of society)that there exist only two possibilities of creating a system for all to live in, either communist or capitalist. and it is interesting that in the capitalist system, the communist system is depicted as 'bad' and in the communist system, the capitalist system is 'the bad guy'. This idea is then further supported by the media and the entertainment industry, think of all the movies wherein America(as the 'good guys') has to fight Russia(as the 'bad guys'), and obviously America, and its capitalist system, always wins. In case you haven't noticed, all this is plain old brainwashing, where you as a being are 'attacked' from all angles by different institutions of the society that you live in with the same idea/vision, not allowing you to go and investigate for yourself to find out what is real and what is not, so then you have no choice but to adapt to this idea/vision that is being fed to everyone.


So, when looking at the point of 'creating a new system for the human race to live/exist in to survive in this world', within the realization that the old one simply isn't working and never really has worked, we literally have to 'think outside the box'. The 'box' being our minds, that have been fed and filled with the idea that reality is nothing but a polarity equation of 'good' and 'bad' and that within this, there only exist two possibilities, two options as two systems to choose from. These two systems that are in fact each others opposites, like within any polarity. So, just like we humans have allowed ourselves to become so limited within ourselves as our own expression/experience, we have created a world/system that is just as limited and that only supports our limitations.

Considering the implementation of an equal money system only requires for us as human beings to realize that this limitation, as what we've always accepted and allowed to exist as the system that we 'chose' to live/exist in, isn't who we truly are, that this is not all we're capable of. And all it takes to realize this about ourselves, is some guts.





If you have the guts to face yourself as the mind and write yourself to freedom, re birthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.




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desteni 'I' process
equal money system

2011 Desteni: the end of the road

A common question/Remark made by people when they hear about stopping the mind and being constant as breath, is that life will not be fun and enjoyable anymore if you don’t think or feel or experience emotions, when you can’t react to things anymore. This was at some point in the beginning of my process also my idea and a reason for why desteni was apparently ‘not to be trusted’. I even felt like, if I followed them, did what they suggested, I would be brainwashed into becoming a ‘lifeless zombie’ due to how I had defined life as being able to experience thoughts feelings and emotions, so I thought ‘if I do this self forgiveness thing, then I will become ‘lifeless’ because I won’t feel, think or experience emotions anymore.

I had been taught and I believed that life is human beings, life is consciousness, thus life is thinking, feeling and experiencing emotions. That has always been the common knowledge and understanding in this world. There apparently existed nothing else besides consciousness as what I had always experienced within my life and what everyone around me seemed to be experiencing. This was the accepted ‘nature’ of the human being. And I had never questioned it because I had defined myself according to it, believing myself to BE consciousness as thoughts, feelings and emotions. So why would I question myself?

Though at that point in my life I had been starting to question my existence... Because it wasn’t working out for me anymore. I was going through depression because I couldn’t ‘fulfill’ my ‘life’s desire’ anymore, so I was searching for answers, for a way out, a solution, a salvation, anything that could make some sense in my life, which is what anyone in my situation would have done. Because it is only when a beings’ life isn’t working out anymore, that they will start considering that there might be something ‘else’ and they will start looking for a solution or a ‘way out’. Obviously my eye first fell on spirituality and I started pursuing that, because this is exactly what spirituality is: a promise for something ‘more’ , sending you on a ‘higher path’ to ‘salvation’/’enlightenment’/’ascention’/….
I read ‘spiritual’ books and watched video’s on youtube as I was seriously looking and searching for ‘the truth’ that would ‘set me free’, I was on my ‘path’ to become a higher being, a ‘being of light’, a ‘warrior of light’, going to a higher vibrational level, etc… I believed that ‘information is light’ so if I can ‘download’ as much information about reality/the universe into myself, I will become ‘enlightened’ and so I was watching youtube video’s like crazy, going over every kind of topic, especially about conspiracy theories and the apparent ‘real truth of this world and it’s governments’. I was on a roll, experiencing this energetic excitement because as I am growing ‘wiser’ in my knowledge and information about the world, I am becoming more enlightened.

But then I came across a video of Desteni. The first one I ever saw, was the one where Mykey/Hitler does his story, and my first reaction/thoughts was ‘finally, this is IT’. At that point I believed that I had gathered so much information in myself that finally the end of the road is here, the end of the information highway, because ‘when Hitler is speaking to you from beyond the grave, you must have hit some kind of ceiling’. Obviously this was something unlike I had seen before, so I checked out the website and found out about self forgiveness, self honesty, self direction, breath,…

In actuality, what I read, the Desteni message, was the complete opposite of what I had been hearing and reading in my ‘spiritual/new age’ books. Where spirituality and new age concentrate on the all positive, always going higher, reaching some kind of divine goal or purpose, attaining the eternal beauty and love of god, etc… here the Desteni message was, compared to spirituality, rather ‘negative’, because it spoke of the dishonest nature of the human being and the lies of this reality, it did not cover up anything. Anything and everything of the human being and the world was discussed, and it wasn’t pretty, beautiful, promising or hopeful like what the spiritual message always was. But it did speak to me, and I heard it more clearly than anything I had ever heard in my entire life. Here was a message that was REAL, I cannot describe how it was more real than anything else because that was just my experience when I heard/read their words.

That their message was ‘negative’ didn’t bother me, because it was real. I mean, you have lots of negative ‘messengers’ in this world such as Satanists, Goths, conspiracy theorists, wicca's, pessimists, etc of people who focus on the ‘dark side’ of the human being and reality. But Desteni wasn’t particularly focusing on any ‘side’, it was just expressing the ‘state of affairs’ of reality and of human beings. And it was very refreshing .

Opposed to what people had been telling me my whole life( parents, teachers, leaders of all kinds saying I should put all my trust in them and follow them and never question them or reality, but just accept what I am being taught), Desteni said I should ‘not believe the ‘Desteni group’ and what they’re saying. By all means, to not follow them, as if they were just another religion. But rather find out for yourself what is really going on in this world!! Open your own eyes for yourself!’. They merely shared what they had found so far within their process of investigating reality and they gave tools that anyone could apply for themselves to go and investigate and uncover reality, which is self forgiveness, self honesty, breath and self corrective application and most importantly, writing. And this was really a unique message.

I decided to try it and thus I started my process of self realization, that I am still walking now, four years later, as it has truly enabled and assisted me in opening my eyes and realizing my true potential, breaking the shackles of a limited existence as accepted ‘rules, beliefs, knowledge, ideas’ as all that I had been taught. There exist no thought of ‘Desteni being a cult’ or ‘Desteni trying to brainwash me’ within me anymore as I have realized for myself just how brainwashed I had always been. And this realization is here because I applied myself and I investigated myself within reality as my past, as all that I always believed myself and reality to be. This realization is not something that I was told by someone else, no, for the first time I could see what is real for myself, without anyone telling me anything, and this is what gives me the certainty to, for myself, clearly see what is a cult and what isn’t, what is supporting the brainwashing of humans and what isn’t. in this realization, wherein I stand alone as myself, I cannot be proven wrong, because it is not an opinion, as accepted and copied knowledge and information, it cannot be argued with, because it is a self-realization, that stand stable as me and that will never change, because it is not like a thought or a feeling or an emotion, which are things that constantly change. It is an actual SEEING, as something that each being can only do for themselves, it cannot be shown, you actually have to see it for yourself. And that requires self-investigation.


If you are ready to face yourself as the mind and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsibility for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.

desteni group
desteni 'I' process
equal money system

2011 the point of no return

In the process of self realization, i have stated that i choose to give up my life to realize who I truly am and to stand as the truth, as oneness and equality, until eternity.
But I never actually really considered this statement in it’s entirety and what it actually implies. In a way there was always a ‘back door’ in the back of the mind that gave way to a ‘laziness’, a back door from where it was easy to slip back into habits as desires and fantasies, etc. this back door is there because I as the mind am so used to lying to myself, to stating/saying one thing and thinking/wanting/feeling another, within the belief that this is ‘ok’ because ‘I ve never had to really take anything that I say/do in this world seriously anyway’, lying is a generally accepted way of living for people.

Everybody lies for their own survival. We all take on this role/part that we play in this society. Some are ‘clergymen’ , others ‘guru’s’, teachers, ‘gods’, ‘supernatural beings’, mothers, fathers, children, partners, women, men, junior, senior, politician, pedophile, etc… it isn’t who we really are as a being that cannot just be defined like that, but it is the role that we take on and play within this world as a lie that we ‘sell’ of ourselves. So I am used to that, just taking on a rol, just like I’ve been given roles throughout my life by the people around me, so I m used to hiding my true self behind my words. I m used to stating things that I don’t really mean, that aren’t ‘serious’, that is just bullshit. I ve even been taught and motivated towards talking bullshit by my parents and grandparents, because everybody does it and you just wanna be ‘normal’. So obviously it’s completely ok to say shit that isn’t you, that doesn’t state you, who you are, that doesn’t state anything, it’s just blablabla.

Actually I m used to believing that my words aren’t who I am, my words are meaningless. So whatever I say, it’s meaningless, so I could say anything. So, when I state ‘I stand as oneness and equality, from now until eternity’, I ve never actually stood still by what I was saying, I was not aware of what that statement implies if actually practically lived out. Because I’m used to not standing one and equal to my words, to not living out the words I speak. I can say ‘I love all unconditionally’ or ‘I love you’ to my partner or my mother or friends, but on the inside I don’t even mean it, but as long as they don’t know/see that, all is fine. So I could keep hiding behind my words, keeping up/projecting a false reality towards my environment through the words I speak, the words that they hear.

I never actually realized though that the words I speak are coming out of my mouth, they are my expression, even when I think that they’re not ‘serious’ and ‘they don’t mean anything’ and when I believe that I am not affected when I tell a lie. These words I speak, whatever they are, is actually my statement of who I am in this reality of words, wherein human beings express themselves through words. And the statement of myself so far has been that of a liar, meaning someone who does not act on what she says, Someone who does not stand unwaveringly as the words that she speaks, Someone who can actually just ‘change her opinion’, someone who can be proven ‘wrong’. So if I can be proven wrong, surely my words aren’t a certainty, therefore as my words are an expression of who I am, i/my existence is not a certainty and I am uncertain of who I am and of whether I even exist.

This has been ‘fine’, because I’ve never woken up to the reality of what is going on in this world. Yet now I have woken up. And I see what is required to change this world. And now I actually have to mean what I say, I have to actually stand equal and one with the words I speak. So, when I say ‘I stand as oneness and equality as alone as life from here unto eternity’, this actually implies a practical living of those words as who I am as the words I speak. This is not just something I say like a priest quoting the bible, like just something I say when in church and around other people to give/project a certain image of myself, as what I’ve actually been doing my entire life. No, this is REAL, for the first time in my life, I am faced with the reality of my words, with the question of ‘do I stand as the words I speak or is it just a mask/lie?’ and the realization that this time, there is no back doors allowed, no ‘changing my mind’, no turning back. This is the point of no return, and it is here for all to make the final decision of who they are here in this reality. Will I stand as a lie or will I stand as the truth?


If you are ready to face yourself as the mind and write yourself to freedom, rebirthing yourself as a new being that in fact takes responsability for Life and can start acting in a way that will support the establishment of a New system for a New World, then join Desteni I Process and investigate Equal Money.

Thank you.

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