2014 Facebook Unfriending and Changing Feeling Rejected in Real-Time

 

 2014 Facebook Unfriending and Changing Feeling Rejected in Real-Time

How I Changed an Experience of Rejection in A Moment

Someone unfriended me on Facebook a while ago and only today did I come to realize this and it was interesting to see what kind of reactions came up within me. When I say 'someone',  I am here referring to a person who was  a big part of my life when I was little, someone who I actually haven't seen in a very long time and even though our lives grew apart and we have become 'different people', my reaction to finding out that she 'unfriended' me indicated that there was still a big part of me which defined itself according to the relationship that I had created in my memories with this individual.

I went into a form of a shock when I saw that the little box on her Facebook profile which used to say 'friend' now said 'add friend'. I mean it wasn't like a big emotional shock, but it was there, that reaction of 'oh my god I can't believe it'. The shock being the experience of rejection, loss and anger, because clearly somewhere in my subconscious mind the thought of this person still seeing my Facebook posts and in that way still kind of being a part of who I am and my life, was keeping certain memories of my childhood relationship with her 'alive'.

In that moment of seeing my reaction, I felt surprised because since the time we were friends and since we 'parted ways', I have come a long way of changing as an individual, have 'lost' certain friendships and relationships along the way and I believed that I had 'made peace' with my life as it is now, the people in it and the things that have happened.  But this reaction of shock showed me that it is easy to create ideas and beliefs about yourself in your mind as long as your world stays relatively stable and 'the same', but then when things start to shift and change - that is when your reactions to situations and events will show you who you really are inside and what has been going on in the background (in the subconscious mind) all along.

I have experienced the same kind of 'shock' in the past when I perceived that someone  was 'rejecting' me or that I was losing them or had lost a person in my life whom I had defined as 'my friend' or 'family' and how I used to deal with those kind of experiences  is that I would just kind of let time 'heal the wound' and so basically allow the emotional experiences of shock, rejection, feeling left behind, sadness and inferiority to 'settle' over time. But this wasn't a very pleasant approach to handling and dealing with my emotions because it is kind of making the choice to 'live with' the emotions and to continue suffering until the suffering stops by itself.

This time however I had the tool of applying self-forgiveness to assist me in moving through and releasing the emotional experiences in one moment and stabilizing myself in relation to this situation. This self-forgiveness which I applied in that moment I will share at the bottom of this blog. By speaking the self-forgiveness and releasing the emotions, I could see deeper into my own mind and to where it actually was that my reactions were coming from.

I could see clearly that within my subconscious mind I have still in slight moments throughout my day, for instance each time I posted something on Facebook, been  secretly thinking about how specific people whom I know to be my 'friends' on Facebook - people who used to be a part of my life when I was younger and who are still part of my memories - would react to my posts and what kind of opinion or idea they would form in their minds about me. And what I realized is that each time I allowed myself to access those type of secret thoughts in the back of my mind, I was busy keeping those 'relationships' which essentially only exist within my own mind 'alive'.

So in the 'who I am' in my mind, which would be my thoughts and the emotional/feeling experience of myself, I was still very much defining myself according to the relationships that I had created with specific individuals who used to be part of my life but actually haven't been in a very long time, simply by giving attention to these seemingly 'small' and 'innocent' ponderings about how they would see, perceive and judge me based on my Facebook posts that they might come across from time to time.

And, because I was still subconsciously keeping the 'relationship' with those people 'alive' by the simple act of consistently accessing thoughts, feelings and emotions connected to images, memories and pictures of them in my mind and forming my own 'idea' and 'image' of myself based on and according to my projections of what 'they' might be thinking of me - this is why I reacted emotionally with an experience of suddenly something being 'missing' or having 'lost' something in my life when I realized that one of those 'relationships' had 'cut ties' with me through unfriending me on Facebook.

What was fascinating is that just with me realizing or rather thinking that they will no longer see my Facebook posts and they will thus no longer be thinking about me or forming opinions and ideas about me, which was already in itself an assumption and idea that I had created in my mind without any 'evidence' that this was in fact what was happening, it felt as though I was losing a part of myself and I was becoming emotionally distraught. But I mean, the thought that this friend or 'former friend' was seeing my posts and was thinking all sorts of things about me wasn't actually real to begin with, it was a fabrication in my own mind that was based on my own want, need and desire to keep certain memories alive and keep my idea of 'who I am' according to the primary relationships that I have formed throughout my life 'alive'.

So basically all this time, even though I have consciously believed myself to have 'let go of the past' and 'moved on' as many things in my world and my life have changed, I have created new relationships and I am surrounded by different people in my life as it currently is , I had actually been hiding an unwillingness inside of myself to truly let go of the past and to give myself a chance to truly start again and create new relationships with people that are actually part of my life as in my daily participation with the world around me.

Only this time, a point that very clearly needs to be corrected if I want to start focusing on those 'new relationships' however, is my definition of what 'relationships' are, because it is simply not functional or healthy when my 'relationships' are with fictions of my own imagination based on memories of my 'former self' and a reluctance to let go of the past and of 'who I used to be'. Functional and healthy relationships should be based on actual reality such as for instance the people that I can see around me, people that I actually talk to and interact with on a real physical level. And this 'physical level' doesn't necessarily mean that I have to be able to touch them physically, it merely means that there cannot exist any pictures, images or projections in my mind constituting or defining those relationships. A relationship shouldn't be a memory or a thought, it should be an action, for instance the action of talking to someone or spending time with someone because that is what is real. Anything that exists in the mind that isn't based on fact, cannot be trusted because it simply isn't real.

So please don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I am not saying that Facebook relationships aren't real or valid. Communicating and talking to someone over Facebook is just as real and valid as communicating with someone while being physically together. What isn't real or valid however is for instance spending time thinking about those 'relationships' outside of those real moments of actual communication, because that is when real relationships become mind-relationships and you start disconnecting yourself from reality. When people become images and thoughts in your head because you are wondering about what they think of you or how they see and perceive you, then you are creating a mind-relationship and thus a false relationship.

The correction process of this dysfunctional and unhealthy definition of what relationships are and how I have always lived relationships  would be the application of writing about it, the spoken and written self-forgiveness and the writing out of and looking at how to start stopping myself from creating 'mind-relationships' and rather invest myself in creating and nurturing 'reality/real relationships' - which is what this blog is a testament of. Then it is just a matter of 'walking the talk' which means that those moments wherein I am tempted to go into memory and wonder about what my childhood friends would think of me will come up again in my mind because that is just how I have over time conditioned my mind to 'operate', so then instead of accepting those thoughts as 'real' and as a part of who I am, I rather take a step back and ground myself in the physical reality of the moment and so align myself with reality.

The Following is an expansion on the Self-Forgiveness statements that I spoke in the moment when the emotional reaction came up and which assisted me to release the reaction plus added self-commitment statements wherein I script the 'new program' and definition of 'relationships' that I commit to live from here on out.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to seeing that X has unfriended me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take X unfriending me personally by reacting emotionally to the thought that X has 'cut me out of her life' and 'rejected me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as how I think and believe X perceives and defines me, as someone that she does not want to be friends with and so someone who is less than her and who she doesn't think is good enough to be her friend --- by experiencing inferiority within myself connected with a thought that I am less than X because that is what she thinks of me -- instead of taking responsibility for the fact that who and how I think X to be is a projection that I have created in my own mind and that thus how I think and believe she sees, perceives and judges me is in fact how I think about, see and perceive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define X as a part of my life and a part of myself because of the friendship relationship that I have created with her in my childhood and how I had defined who I am within and as that relationship

And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need X in my life - if not physically, then mentally within and as the thought that she still reads my posts on Facebook, to be able to be 'myself' and 'complete' because she is part of my memories and because I have defined myself within and as and according to my memories

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and expect my world and the people in it and my relationships to stay the same or similar to how it was in my memories because of having defined myself within and as my memories and so believing that if my world changes, then I will not be able to exist  within and as those memories anymore because I will also have to change and so won't be 'myself' anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my world were to change, and if I were to 'lose' specific people in my physical world and reality, that I would not be able to exist anymore - instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this belief and experience only shows the extent to which I have defined myself within and as the mind as relationships that exist within and upon memories

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my memories are information and that if I believe that I need my memories to be 'myself' and that thus my world and reality must remain the same according to my memories, then that implies that I have accepted myself to be a system of information, instead of an actual life-force that exist within and as the moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the image and idea that I have of X is information in my mind that is based on memories that I have stored  - and that those memories in itself are also based on preprogrammed information that was already existent within my mind --- and that thus the image that I have of X in my mind, is entirely my own creation

And so I forgive myself that I have not taken responsibility for this image and idea and memory that I have stored in my mind of X, by having separated myself from my memories of X by creating a relationship with those memories, based on the belief and idea that I need X in my life and I need her to be my friend so that I can be 'myself' --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this belief of 'needing her' implies that I have suppressed a part of myself and that thus even with 'having her in my life', I would still feel like there is something missing within myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the mind has a tendency to create a onedimensional perception of memories by defining certain memories as positive, wherein I will not actually see how I really experienced myself in those actual moments because I am looking at my own memories through the perception of the mind as feelings rather than seeing who I really am within and as those memories, and see, realize and understand that within those actual moments I didn't experience myself nearly as 'positive' as my mind likes to make it seem

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to define my memories, by experiencing certain memories within and as a positive feeling experience of nostalgia as a belief and idea that 'everything was better in the past' - instead of standing one and equal with my memories and seeing that when I was in those actual moments in 'the past', I didn't experience myself as only 'positive' , in fact I mostly experienced myself as negative  - which is what the mind suppresses when I look back on my memories to create the illusion that I have to hold on to my memories and that somehow my memories are 'good' and that I need my memories to be 'good' and to be a good/positive version of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for positive experiences within my memories and to believe that I must hold on to my memories to experience myself positively - and that I have within that separated myself from my mind and from the memories that exist within my mind, by searching for something 'more' within myself, instead of standing one and equal with my real memories as the actual experience of myself in 'the past', which was not at all 'positive' but in fact mostly negative and emotionally charged

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the positive experience that I feel towards my memories doesn't have anything to do with the actual memories themselves, and that the past wasn't actually 'better' or 'positive' or 'good' - but that in fact, how I experienced myself when I was younger was mostly negative and emotional, and that I actually only started focusing more on generating and experiencing positive feelings as I grew older, which is why I am now seeing my memories in a 'positive' light and am now connecting positive experiences to my memories, so that I can experience myself positively and in fact suppress the actual negative experiences that were my actual real experiences in those moments

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my fear of losing those memories isn't actually a fear of losing the real moments that surpassed and that I experienced but it is a fear of losing the positive feeling energy that I have within my mind connected with those memories and wherein I have made the memories seem 'more' than what they actually are, and thus have made 'myself' seem 'more' than who I actually am

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself as the creator of my memories by accepting and defining myself within and as the idea and belief that I need my memories to be myself, and by not seeing, realizing and understanding that what I actually want and 'need' is the positive feeling energy that I have connected with my so-called 'memories'

And so I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to investigate why and how it is that I want, need and desire this positive experience that I have defined my memories within and why and how it is that I have connected this positive energetic charge to the 'memories' stored in my mind -- and that I have thus never seen, realized and understood that this desire, need and want for a positive experience is in fact a consequence of the negatively charged experiences within myself that I don't want to deal with or face and my fear of those negatively charged internal experiences

So I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the negatively charged experiences that exist within myself and that were the actual real experiences that I went through within the real actual moments in the past, by trying to suppress and hide those real negative experiences under a positive experience connected with the idea and the belief that 'things were better in the past'

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself 'reminiscing'  or experiencing a feeling of 'nostalgia' in my mind wherein I access memories of a person, connected with a belief, idea and experience that in the past everything was better/nicer/positive, or I see myself going into an experience of missing the past and 'how things were' or regretting that I have lost certain people - then I stop and breathe - and I see, realize and understand that I am looking at 'apparent' memories in my mind through the eyes of the mind, wherein  the memory that I am seeing as a picture as well as the feeling experience connected to it, is not the actual memory as how those moments in the past in fact unfolded and how I really experienced myself, but is a 'veil' that I have constructed and created to be able to suppress and hide those actual real experiences that I went through in those moments

And so, I see, realize and understand that those pictures in my mind that I call 'memories' are not in fact my real memories and thus are not in fact 'who I am' because they are fabrications of the mind as a system of energy which I have used to not have to take responsibility for myself and to not actually face all of the negatively charged experiences that I have experienced when I was younger

And so I see, realize and understand that the experience of fear of losing 'myself' if I were to lose specific people in my world and reality of which I have stored 'memories' in my mind, connected with positively charged feeling experiences, is not actually real because those 'memories' that I have in my mind of this person or these people is in fact a construct of the mind that I use to hide and suppress the reality of how I experienced myself in those moments -- which was never as onedimensional, limited and 'positive' as depicted in the images in my so-called 'memory'

So I commit myself to not hide or suppress who I really am within myself and the experiences that really exist within myself, and thus commit myself to not use the mind-construct of 'memories' in separation of myself and connected with onedimensional feeling experiences to suppress and hide that reality of myself which is in fact negatively charged

And so I commit myself to be honest with myself about what Is really going on within myself and so not simply trust that the onedimensional pictures and feelings of my 'memories' that come up in the mind are 'real' and are 'who I am' - but rather I commit myself to investigate what negatively charged experiences I am actually trying to hide and suppress behind these 'memory-depictions', so that I can get to realizing the reality of myself and of life as myself and stop existing within and as the lie that 'the past was better' or that life is somehow positive --- because I see, realize and understand that any positive feelings are always only based on pictures and images in the mind that I have in fact deliberately created as a veil so that I wouldn't see that how I have actually always really experienced myself throughout my life, was within and as negatively charged emotional experiences

2015 Why do I Always Feel Left Out? - Part 3

Why do I Always Feel Left Out? - Part 3

Changing Feeling Left Out in Real-Time

This  is a continuation of my journey of changing an emotional experience of feeling left out in real time. After having walked the initial step 1 and 2 I am now again investigating and having a look at how I experience the emotion of feeling left out now in my daily living within my participation with the people around me, compared to when I first started walking this process.

A first thing that I have realized is that I don't so often access the experience of feeling left out anymore and when I do, it is not nearly as intensely as I used to when I started my process of changing the experience of feeling left out.

Within this blog I will be sharing how I have walked and applied a Third Step within facing and changing an emotional reaction of feeling left out. In the event within this third step as I mentioned the experience of feeling left out was not as emotionally overwhelming anymore as it used to be. In fact this time, I could within the moment that the thoughts and emotions activated within myself, already take a step back and look at what was busy happening within my own mind - whereas before, I would go into an absolute emotional overwhelmingness to the point that I often went to isolate myself somewhere to cry my eyes out. This time, I actually within myself remained relatively stable as I observed this mind-program of feeling left out activate within my mind, which also made it a lot easier to then direct the emotional reactions that I would still ever so slightly go into.

So a few days ago the experience came up when I was together with a group of people and there was one girl who went to stand close to another girl to give her a hug. It wasn't like a real 'hug', she was more just with the one side of her body wrapping her arm around the other girl and leaning in to her, while placing her head on the girl's shoulders. Which within my mind I defined as an expression of two beings who are absolutely comfortable with each other, where their embrace is something that is casual and 'natural' and 'flowing'. For instance, the one girl didn't specifically say 'I need a hug' or ask for a hug from the other girl, she just went to stand next to her and in a very natural way, as if the other girl knew and expected that she was going to do that, and embraced her in a casual, nonchalant sisterly fashion.

In that quantum moment, I created a comparison in my mind and a thought went through my mind that 'I don't have that' and 'I can't experience that' and 'I never experience hugs like that'. I mean, there were in fact lots of thoughts going through my mind seemingly all at the same time. Because, what I was simultaneously also thinking, together with 'I don't experience that' and 'nobody ever hugs me like that', was 'nobody feels that comfortable around me', and 'if I tried to do that, then people would not accept it and they would resist me' --- with a general red line running through these thoughts being 'I am so alone'.

The 'I am so alone' point being basically my conclusion from all those previous thoughts that in a quantum moment ran through my mind as I was observing these two women expressing that intimacy with each other. And what is actually fascinating when I have a look at those thoughts of 'nobody ever does that with me' and 'if I tried that, people would resist me and push me away' and 'I never get to experience that intimacy' - and I look for actual examples of those statements, as in real-time events wherein people actually physically pushed me away or rejected me when I approached them,  by looking through my memories, then I cannot actually find any examples and so I cannot find any actual evidence to back up those statements in my mind.

I mean all that I can see and find, is a pattern of this emotional experience of feeling alone that I have been experiencing within myself all throughout my life. I have always only felt alone and within that experience of 'being alone', I 'felt like' other people would reject me or resist me or push me away if I were to approach them. But, I never actually did approach people, so I never actually found out whether or not there was any validity to those statements and beliefs in my mind. And, I also cannot find a real event that happened in my life that may have been an activating point for believing that people will reject me -- meaning an event that happened where I actually was rejected by people and where people did actually resist me, for instance within being bullied or something like that. There was just this seemingly isolated experience inside of myself of being disconnected from the people around me and of being 'alone' within and as myself. And, simultaneously with the feeling of 'being so alone' within myself, I experienced a yearning for connection and intimacy with the people that I saw around me - with my family, with my friends, and with everybody else in this world.

So it looks like this is a sort of 'personality system' that I have accepted to exist within myself as the 'who I am' in my mind, which is basically a structure of specific thoughts, backchat and emotional experiences that I go into in relation to specific situations - which is where it will in a way 'show itself' and 'come out' - and which essentially constantly exists within myself as a 'foundation' of my entire moment-to-moment existence, experience and expression of myself. It's just some specific situations and moments that 'draw it out' to the forefront where I will actually become highly emotional within myself and in those moments is where I fuel and regenerate the personality system within myself so it can continue existing as a constant foundational experience within and as myself.

And this is quite an interesting point to realize for me in relation to how the mind works, in that the thoughts and emotional experiences that I define myself within don't necessarily have a 'purpose' to them and aren't necessarily based on any valid 'reasoning'. As with this personality system of believing and experiencing myself to be 'alone' within myself in relation to people for instance, wherein I cannot find the source point of why and how it is that those thoughts and experiences exist within myself. They just kind of do, because of the simple fact that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with them.

I used to always have this tendency within myself, whenever I discovered a specific personality construct within myself such as this general experience of feeling left out in relation to people, to want to find a 'source' point within my memories. I wanted to find the specific event that occurred in my life that triggered it so that I could 'make sense' of what is happening within myself and so that I could in a way find a 'reasoning' behind why I feel the way I feel and experience myself the way I do. However what I have come to realize about the mind is that it doesn't really have any other purpose to it but to generate energy through thoughts, feelings and emotions, which means that it doesn't need to have a 'logical explanation' behind what it brings up for us to generate the energy it needs - as long as there exist the belief and appearance of a 'reason' behind and 'logic' to how we experience ourselves within and as our mind, enough for us to accept it as ourselves.

So from that perspective it is entirely possible that these seemingly random personality systems exist within ourselves without any particular 'reason', as in memories to back it up - but that the system only exist within and as ourselves because we never questioned it and because we blindly accepted it into our beingness to become a part of who we are.

So to get back to my practical application In that moment where I saw that I reacted emotionally to the image that I was seeing of the one girl hugging the other and the 'intimacy' and 'comfortableness' that I was seeing within that image and in the relationship between these two people - I started applying self-forgiveness in silence within myself. The following is an excerpt of those self-forgiveness statements which I spoke in that moment and which assisted and supported me within stabilizing myself and releasing the emotional experience of feeling left out that I was facing within myself in that moment. And then the next step will be to take on the 'I am so alone' personality system  that I have discovered as the driving force behind the emotional experience and reaction of feeling left out.

 Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feeling left out to seeing X hugging Y

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X and Y and from the image that I am seeing with my eyes by reacting to it with emotions instead of remaining stable within myself and not allow what I see with my eyes to move and influence who I am within myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the desire within myself to experience what I am seeing with my eyes because I have assigned a positive value in my mind with the image of two people hugging each other connected with the word friendship

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am feeling left out as a negative emotional experience within myself in reaction to what I am seeing with my eyes because I have accepted and allowed a desire to exist within myself of being part of and belonging with and experiencing friendship and intimate relationships with other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X and Y for 'leaving me out' and 'not including me' and so blame them for the emotional experience of feeling left out within myself as how I am reacting to seeing them hugging each other - instead of taking responsibility for the desire within myself to be included and accepted and embraced by other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire experiencing belonging with and being accepted and embraced by other people within and as intimate relationships - and that I have therein created a point of 'lack' within myself as the opposite polarity of feeling left out and alone and rejected

And so I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself as the creator of the experience of feeling rejected and left out and alone in relation to specific images that I see in my world and reality of for instance two people hugging - by having accepted and allowed myself to blame X and Y for why it is that I am reacting within myself with feeling left out and alone to seeing them hugging --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that X and Y don't in any way have anything to do with how I react emotionally within myself as my emotional reactions are my own creation due to my accepted and allowed participation in energy within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately separate myself from the world and reality that I see with my eyes by having accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the desire to be included and accepted and embraced by others -- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that no matter if I am being physically touched or embraced by others and no matter how others behave and express themselves in relation to me - in physical reality I am already existing within and as inclusion and acceptance as I am here in this world and reality as a part of this physical world and reality wherein all that exist is made up of the same matter and substance and we are all one and equal within and as ourselves

And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from inclusion and acceptance by defining inclusion and acceptance within and as an image of people hugging and touching each other and standing and talking close together -- and that I have therein accepted and allowed myself to create the idea and belief that If I do not have that sort of contact and relationship with people, then I cannot experience inclusion and acceptance --- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have essentially created the belief and experience that who I am within and as myself is not already included and accepted and that I must thus long for and desire for inclusion and acceptance, thus creating an experience of lack within myself

I see, realize and understand that I am busy blaming X and Y for me feeling left out and alone within myself while I have created that experience by myself by having participated within positive energy experiences as a desire to 'have' specific  relationships with other people because I have separated myself from acceptance and intimacy by projecting it within specific images and ideas in my mind - and that within that blame I am in fact further separating myself from my own creation and victimising myself to my own emotional reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself inferior to what I am seeing with my eyes by connecting a positive value to the image that I am seeing of two women hugging, by defining that image within and as friendship and by having accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a desire to experience the positive energy value that I have connected in my mind with the word friendship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to what I am seeing with my eyes by reacting to what I see with thoughts, feelings an emotions - instead of being stable within and as myself within and as the realization and understanding that what I am seeing with my eyes in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my value away to an image that I see with my eyes and an idea of friendship that I have connected with a positive energy value within my mind --- instead of standing within and as self-value in every moment

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the separation that I have accepted and allowed myself to create between what I am seeing with my eyes and who I am within myself by having accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a desire to experience friendship and to belong --- wherein I have in fact created an experience of lack within myself

Self-Corrective Statements

I see, realize and understand that I am creating this experience of feeling left out and disconnected and separated from what I see with my eyes by myself by having accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a desire for friendship as specific images in my mind - rather than standing one and equal with my reality that is here and the beings around me in every moment of breath

I see, realize and understand that I am blaming X and Y for my own reactions that I have created within myself  by participating within points of desire and I see, realize and understand that within and as the point of blame I am projecting my responsibility towards my participation in my mind outward

And so I commit myself to take responsibility for myself  and for my creation as the experience of feeling left out by not accepting and allowing myself to participate within desires of being accepted because I see, realize and understand that that is how I am creating the experience of feeling left out within myself

So I stand as the point of responsibility in relation to feeling left out and I commit myself to embrace myself first  and to create a relationship of intimacy and connection with myself first before I go and blame others for not accepting or embracing me

2014 How I Stopped an Emotional Possession

2014 How I Stopped an Emotional Possession

Stepping Out of an Emotional Possession in One Moment

The following is my 'testimonial' of how listening to an Eqafe Interview assisted and supported me to in one moment step out of an emotional experience that I was dealing with within myself. This specific emotional experience was one that had started building up within myself the day before, where I had interpreted a situation and how someone behaved in a way that triggered specific thoughts and emotional reactions within my mind.

When I then noticed that I was experiencing myself in an emotional reaction and that there were thoughts spinning around in my mind that were activating, generating and fueling this emotional reaction and experience - and that this experience was starting to interfere with my daily activities, where for instance I found myself having trouble focusing on specific tasks that required my focus and awareness because I was allowing all my focus, awareness and energy to be completely absorbed by and channeled into the thoughts going through my mind about this particular individual and the emotional reactions to those thoughts in my body -- that's where I decided to apply some spoken self-forgiveness just to get myself out of the experience.

Then after a little while, I found that I had still not been able to effectively release the emotional reactions because, when I faced the specific individual in my reality again, every time there would be thoughts and emotions coming up that had now started to transform itself into an experience of anger, where, in my physical behavior and interaction with my environment, I was starting to act out the anger within my movements, which became noticeably more forceful and brutish.

I mean, at this point I was faced with the fact that my internal emotional experiences and what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate in within my mind, was having consequential outflows that were seeping through into my actual physical reality and would eventually start compromising my relationships with the people around me. Meaning that, I realized that if I accept and allow this anger to become a physical expression that comes out, not only in relation to this one person, but in relation to other people and situations as well - then I will create reactions within those people and those reactions will create ripple effects that will influence the relationships that I had built with them in my life.

I decided to go for a walk to stabilize myself a bit, because I could sense that this emotional experience had taken me over so completely that it was like I could go into an emotional breakdown over the slightest things - small things that other people said or did could trigger thoughts and interpretations in my mind that immediately triggered and activated an emotional storm within myself that lead to me just wanting to isolate myself and cry my eyes out. So on my walk I again applied spoken Self-Forgiveness and self-corrective statements - which brought me to a point of stability within myself  where I stood within the point of taking responsibility for my emotional reactions.

But then, as quickly as I saw the specific person in my environment again - there I felt the anger creeping up again and taking me over, where I felt like my head was taken over by this really dark cloud, which was that one energy of just anger. So at this point I was kind of at my whit's end because I had been writing all morning, applying self-forgiveness, going out for a walk, applying self-forgiveness - trying all sorts of things to get myself out of this emotional state that I had been experiencing myself in for the last few days, which is already way too long, but it was like nothing of my application was sufficient to really release the energy.

I then listened to an Eqafe Interview in the Reptilians series, about how we forget to walk our process because process is not preprogrammed, so it becomes easy to at a certain point just slip back into the mind if we don't in every moment find ways to remind ourselves to actually keep applying ourselves diligently, disciplined and dedicated. And, as I was sitting there, listening to Anu speaking those words,  I could see the point that he was sharing as in fact the point that I had been accepting and allowing to exist within myself - which is that I had at some point very subtly and almost unnoticed shifted back into the mind.

Meaning that instead of in every moment ensuring that I do not accept or allow myself to be guided and directed by energy, I had been here and there giving my power away to feelings, in that I had for instance at times made the choice to do specific things or not do specific things because of the positive feeling involved, where I had slowly but surely been accepting and allowing myself to more and more trust in energy as my feelings to tell me what to do and how to move myself in physical reality than trusting in myself as my decision to walk my process out of the mind and become the self-directive principle.

So, as he was speaking and I was seeing this point very clearly for myself - the energy started to release within myself, just because of that one realization in one moment. And when the interview was done, the energy was gone, more or less completely. I was Here again, clear within myself. And when I saw the person again whom I had been so reactive towards, there were small reactions coming up, but I was able to within the moment direct the reactions and make a decision to, instead of allowing myself to fall into emotional reactions and an eventual emotional breakdown, rather remain stable within myself  and go over into expressing myself in a way that solved the situation and 'evened out' my relationship with this individual.  Where then I for instance saw and realized that because I was in an emotional reaction, I was triggering reactions within this individual as well and I was perpetuating a sort of ego-dance of continuous reactions - whereas, with me moving out of the reaction and in a way 'renouncing' my ego, I also saw him becoming more relaxed in his expression towards me -- where eventually we started communicating again as we did before, in a relaxed, comfortable and open manner. And all this basically in just one moment -- where I went from absolute emotional possession, to self-direction and self-expression.

So, the point that I would like to show and share here is how listening to the interviews on Eqafe can truly be of significant assistance within our process of walking out of the mind. I mean, throughout my process I had created this idea that I am supposed to be able to walk myself out of my mind all by myself, without any help -- which was basically this rigid idea and belief that I had formed in my mind about what it means to walk process - where I had for instance not seen or realized that there have been many instances where the support of another individual had made the difference in my process, in relation to seeing a specific point or having a specific realization that in one moment quantified my process. And so it is with the Eqafe interviews, they can be so extremely specific in relation to a point that you are dealing with that by just listening to the words being spoken, you can simultaneously as you are seeing the point of realization opening up within yourself, release the energy and stabilize yourself.

I am sharing this specific instance because the difference between before and after within myself was so noticeable and significant - however there have been many instances before this one where just by listening to an Eqafe interview, I started to feel more grounded and clear within myself - because the words and the way that the words were spoken was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment to snap me out of whatever energetic experience I was finding myself in.