2016 How to Transcend Fear of Failure

A pattern that seems to have come up and seeped into my mind and thus how I experience myself in my life and living, is a fear of failing. In the back of my mind there have been thoughts and experiences coming up that have created this overall feeling within myself that I have somehow 'failed' and/or am failing in my process of self-change and self-expansion. I've been struggling with that experience for a while now, which has also seemed to result in avoidance behavior such as sleeping a lot and not really wanting to wake up and face the day/my life, not feeling like maintaining my 'social life' and not really feeling like doing things in general. In the back of my mind there is just this experience and idea of 'what's the point, I've failed anyways'.

And when looking at this experience, I can see that it's basically just a fear of failing that I am dealing with. A fear that I have made real by believing it and thinking it the whole time. I have molded and shaped my perception of who I am and how I am walking my process and my life according to this fear that has been haunting me in the back of my mind. In other words, because I fear failing I constantly feel as though I have failed and/or am failing.

However, then I stepped back from this experience and this perception of myself as having 'failed' for a moment, and I looked at the reality of myself and of who I am, who I have been and how I have been walking my process and my life. By doing this, I came to the conclusion that actually in a lot of ways I have transcended many patterns in my mind. I have become an overall more stable and down-to-earth individual. I may not have entirely changed or overcome patterns such as social anxiety, insecurity or self-suppression, but I have already made substantial changes in how I experience myself internally and how I behave, interact and express myself externally.

In conclusion, I realised that within this fear of failing, my mind was creating the perception and the experience that the entire process that I have walked up to this point has been for nought and that I haven't created any change what so ever. And this perception is strange, because it is suggesting that in all this time of having applied the tools of introspection and self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness and self-commitment I haven't learned anything and I have not in any way expanded or developed myself, while in fact I KNOW that this isn't so. I can physically SEE the changes in myself and in my life - changes that I have created myself over time as I walked my process of self-change.

For quite a while now - and on many occurrences in my process - have I experienced this haunting feeling that I have failed in some way and never have I realized this one simple fact. The fear and even the concept of having 'failed' seemed to just completely override and hide all that I have in fact accomplished and created through the process that I have in fact walked. When the fear of having failed comes up, all that I become in my mind is a 'failure'.

In other words, every bit of potential, success, growth and expansion within myself gets suppressed when the word failure comes up in the mind. Even though there is potential and even though success, growth and expansion has in fact taken place over the years, all of that just disappears completely because all that I am seeing with my minds eye is "failure".

What I am trying to say and show here is that the whole concept of 'failing', at least in the way that it exists at this time, is a mind program. It is a program in the mind because it is not aligned with reality. The fear of failing and the belief that "I have failed" is like a sheet that creeps up in your mind and covers up the reality of who you are. The reality being the gradual learning process that has occurred over time as well as the steps that you have taken to change certain aspects of yourself.

For instance, the reality of myself is that even though at times I may have been more slow in changing a thought/behavioral/emotional pattern and I may have sometimes been stuck in a certain pattern for a while, eventually I did create a change and moved through whatever it was that I was trying to get through. Failure is a mind program because it is a one-dimensional concept that doesn't allow me to see the entire multifaceted reality of who I am in space and time. The mind program of fearing failure is something that will eventually only make me give up on my potential and sabotage my own process of self-expansion and -development simply for the only reason that a fear of failure will block me from seeing any potential for self-expansion within myself. So in a way it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In the next blog I will continue looking into the fear of failure and specifically into what the solution is to changing the pattern of fearing failure.

2014 How I Stopped an Emotional Possession

2014 How I Stopped an Emotional Possession

Stepping Out of an Emotional Possession in One Moment

The following is my 'testimonial' of how listening to an Eqafe Interview assisted and supported me to in one moment step out of an emotional experience that I was dealing with within myself. This specific emotional experience was one that had started building up within myself the day before, where I had interpreted a situation and how someone behaved in a way that triggered specific thoughts and emotional reactions within my mind.

When I then noticed that I was experiencing myself in an emotional reaction and that there were thoughts spinning around in my mind that were activating, generating and fueling this emotional reaction and experience - and that this experience was starting to interfere with my daily activities, where for instance I found myself having trouble focusing on specific tasks that required my focus and awareness because I was allowing all my focus, awareness and energy to be completely absorbed by and channeled into the thoughts going through my mind about this particular individual and the emotional reactions to those thoughts in my body -- that's where I decided to apply some spoken self-forgiveness just to get myself out of the experience.

Then after a little while, I found that I had still not been able to effectively release the emotional reactions because, when I faced the specific individual in my reality again, every time there would be thoughts and emotions coming up that had now started to transform itself into an experience of anger, where, in my physical behavior and interaction with my environment, I was starting to act out the anger within my movements, which became noticeably more forceful and brutish.

I mean, at this point I was faced with the fact that my internal emotional experiences and what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate in within my mind, was having consequential outflows that were seeping through into my actual physical reality and would eventually start compromising my relationships with the people around me. Meaning that, I realized that if I accept and allow this anger to become a physical expression that comes out, not only in relation to this one person, but in relation to other people and situations as well - then I will create reactions within those people and those reactions will create ripple effects that will influence the relationships that I had built with them in my life.

I decided to go for a walk to stabilize myself a bit, because I could sense that this emotional experience had taken me over so completely that it was like I could go into an emotional breakdown over the slightest things - small things that other people said or did could trigger thoughts and interpretations in my mind that immediately triggered and activated an emotional storm within myself that lead to me just wanting to isolate myself and cry my eyes out. So on my walk I again applied spoken Self-Forgiveness and self-corrective statements - which brought me to a point of stability within myself  where I stood within the point of taking responsibility for my emotional reactions.

But then, as quickly as I saw the specific person in my environment again - there I felt the anger creeping up again and taking me over, where I felt like my head was taken over by this really dark cloud, which was that one energy of just anger. So at this point I was kind of at my whit's end because I had been writing all morning, applying self-forgiveness, going out for a walk, applying self-forgiveness - trying all sorts of things to get myself out of this emotional state that I had been experiencing myself in for the last few days, which is already way too long, but it was like nothing of my application was sufficient to really release the energy.

I then listened to an Eqafe Interview in the Reptilians series, about how we forget to walk our process because process is not preprogrammed, so it becomes easy to at a certain point just slip back into the mind if we don't in every moment find ways to remind ourselves to actually keep applying ourselves diligently, disciplined and dedicated. And, as I was sitting there, listening to Anu speaking those words,  I could see the point that he was sharing as in fact the point that I had been accepting and allowing to exist within myself - which is that I had at some point very subtly and almost unnoticed shifted back into the mind.

Meaning that instead of in every moment ensuring that I do not accept or allow myself to be guided and directed by energy, I had been here and there giving my power away to feelings, in that I had for instance at times made the choice to do specific things or not do specific things because of the positive feeling involved, where I had slowly but surely been accepting and allowing myself to more and more trust in energy as my feelings to tell me what to do and how to move myself in physical reality than trusting in myself as my decision to walk my process out of the mind and become the self-directive principle.

So, as he was speaking and I was seeing this point very clearly for myself - the energy started to release within myself, just because of that one realization in one moment. And when the interview was done, the energy was gone, more or less completely. I was Here again, clear within myself. And when I saw the person again whom I had been so reactive towards, there were small reactions coming up, but I was able to within the moment direct the reactions and make a decision to, instead of allowing myself to fall into emotional reactions and an eventual emotional breakdown, rather remain stable within myself  and go over into expressing myself in a way that solved the situation and 'evened out' my relationship with this individual.  Where then I for instance saw and realized that because I was in an emotional reaction, I was triggering reactions within this individual as well and I was perpetuating a sort of ego-dance of continuous reactions - whereas, with me moving out of the reaction and in a way 'renouncing' my ego, I also saw him becoming more relaxed in his expression towards me -- where eventually we started communicating again as we did before, in a relaxed, comfortable and open manner. And all this basically in just one moment -- where I went from absolute emotional possession, to self-direction and self-expression.

So, the point that I would like to show and share here is how listening to the interviews on Eqafe can truly be of significant assistance within our process of walking out of the mind. I mean, throughout my process I had created this idea that I am supposed to be able to walk myself out of my mind all by myself, without any help -- which was basically this rigid idea and belief that I had formed in my mind about what it means to walk process - where I had for instance not seen or realized that there have been many instances where the support of another individual had made the difference in my process, in relation to seeing a specific point or having a specific realization that in one moment quantified my process. And so it is with the Eqafe interviews, they can be so extremely specific in relation to a point that you are dealing with that by just listening to the words being spoken, you can simultaneously as you are seeing the point of realization opening up within yourself, release the energy and stabilize yourself.

I am sharing this specific instance because the difference between before and after within myself was so noticeable and significant - however there have been many instances before this one where just by listening to an Eqafe interview, I started to feel more grounded and clear within myself - because the words and the way that the words were spoken was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment to snap me out of whatever energetic experience I was finding myself in.

2013 Changing a Fear Reaction towards a Person in Real-Time -- Part 1

In this blog I will walk through how I approached and am in the process of approaching the process of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction in Practical Application - and thus, what Practical Application in the context of walking process entails.This to make process and so 'Self-Change' as real and practically lived and realized as possible.

So, in this application I specifically had a look at a general experience of Fear that I had identified within myself and that I was having trouble walking through - namely a Fear of People. I had walked this fear in writing and speaking self-forgiveness before and yes, I had accumulated some insights around it, yet it would still come up when I am in a large group of people or just talking to someone that I've just met or even have known for a little while.

And so, in this new practical approach, I went into the specifics of my practical physical every day reality, and looked at just One point within it where the fear would come up. I took the person in my everyday environment that triggers the most reactions of fear and anxiety within me when I am in their proximity and/or talking to them - and on a Word Doc on my computer I wrote out various points/dimensions of and within my experience of/around them - I looked at:

1. How do I experience the reaction to them when I see them on a physical level? Here, I had a look at my physical reaction when I see the specific person - which, for me was a constriction in my chest and stomach area. This will be a point of reference for me when I am walking the practical application of releasing the point - in seeing whether or not the physical experience of constriction in stomach/chest area will go down and/or disappear
2. Where/how in my memories have I created an Idea about Who this person is within my mind where I have made her 'more' than who she is, that I am now allowing to stand in the way of me getting to know who she really is as a being? And so here I wrote down all of my memories where I interpreted specific information about her, I reacted to her and/or I had backchat about her in my mind, that contributed to this image/idea that I now have of 'who she is' in my mind. For instance, I found, in looking into these memories and the specific information that i reacted to, was where I saw her living something that I secretly desired to 'have' and 'experience' within myself, such as a relationship or getting attention from males, where, in those moments, my backchat went like "Look at her, she thinks she's so much better than everyone because she's getting attention from that guy", and the energy attached to that backchat was jealousy, anger and spitefulness. Here then, I further investigated where this backchat, connected with the experience of jealousy/anger/spitefulness was coming from, applying self-honesty, and I saw that within my mind I was feeling inferior to her because I had defined myself within the idea that 'to have a relationship is more valuable and superior than not having a relationship', wherein I had compared myself with her and judged/defined myself as being 'inferior' to her because I did not have a relationship and she did.
   This point of investigating the memories first was quite cool, as it seemed to allow me to see more clearly what is really going on in my mind when I now see her, as all the hidden backchat and reactions within myself that I had been building up within my mind over time. Where, within this, I could also see how the experience of Fear and Anxiety when/within facing or seeing her in fact serves to hide all this backchat behind, as the 'truth'/'reality' of who I really am within my mind that I did not want to see or realize about myself

So, with these points written down, the next day I would go over to immediate practical application of applying self-forgiveness in the moment that I am seeing her and I see/experience the reactions of fear/anxiety, with the physical experience of constriction in chest/stomach area, come up. Writing out the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements on the memories, I can do at a later time - what I am focusing on here is the practical application of actually Stopping the Energy/Reaction/Experience in the moment, in Real-Time.

The next day, I was walking outside heading out to do my morning duties, I saw her (X) in the distance. As I was approaching her, and I saw the automatic reaction of Fear and Anxiety within myself, I started speaking self-forgiveness silently to myself, specifically:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety when seeing X

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of fear and anxiety to hide my backchat about X behind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself about the fact that I am Judging X within my backchat by hiding myself behind fear

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself about the fact that I actually feel jealous of X because of how I have allowed myself to judge her appearance as what I am seeing with my eyes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X by judging her from the starting point of the desire for a relationship that I have allowed to exist within myself, and therein judging her as superior to myself because she has a relationship and because i have allowed myself to give value to 'having a relationship'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X in my backchat for the experience of inferiority that I experience within myself in relation to her by thinking that 'she thinks she is better than me because she has a relationship and I don't', connected with the experience of anger and resentment --- instead of taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself as preprogrammed value-systems wherein I am judging her on her appearance, according to what I have allowed myself to assign value to within my mind, rather than getting to know her as who she is as a being, equal and one with myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to get to know who X is as a being, by reacting to her within and as preconceived ideas and judgments that I have created within my mind about 'who she is' according to the value-systems that I have allowed myself to copy from my parents and have allowed myself to define myself within

Etc...


Within this application in the moment, I could already see and experience the energy becoming a lot less, where, as I then was standing close to her, doing my work, I felt much more comfortable. And, within that, I realized how all that fear and anxiety that I had been experiencing towards her, was all based on an idea within my mind that I had created and manifested there myself, and was all just not real, as was showing within the fact that, by/within speaking the self-forgiveness statements, it just, for the large part, 'disappeared'.

Each time I saw her again, I would check myself to see if there is any fear and/or anxiety coming up within myself, and I would again speak Self-Forgiveness on the thoughts, backchat and reactions that I could identify within myself towards her in that moment.

So now, when I am in her presence, most of the reactions of Fear and Anxiety are gone - though, upon investigating the point again, I found there was still some points of reaction where I am for instance not quite completely comfortable enough to go up to her and just casually start a conversation.

The next step within walking this process of practical application will thus be to further investigate the energy that is still there and the thoughts and backchat connected to it, and so walk the process as described in this blog again, until there are no more reactions.

In the next blog I will be writing out how I walked through the Next phase/step.

Also, watch my vlog where I expand more on how I have walked this process:

            

2012: What is the Physiology of Helping the World by Saying "I love you", Richard Carlson?

"By saying, “I love you” to one person, you are, indirectly, helping the world at large." ~Richard Carlson

Here, Richard Carlson, an American psychotherapist, is giving his professional advice on how to practically 'help the world'.

Rather than suggesting that we should educate ourselves on how the human mind works, how the monetary system works, how the educational and all other systems that co-ordinate life on earth works so that we may exist in this world with a clear understanding of the consequences of our every action in order to prevent ourselves from fucking up the planet further and essentially give ourselves the opportunity to interact with reality not from a point of ignorance but rather from a point of common sense and insight, so that life on earth may florish - he is suggesting that we 'say "I love you" to one person' and thus 'help the world at large'.

Sure, he can't miss giving those that listen to him a nice feeling about themselves when they go out into their world saying "I love you" to people in their environment, as they now within themselves believe that they are 'helping the world at large' and 'doing a good deed', which would very probably validate and justify their 'Character' of 'being a loving person', though, considering that this man has a Ph.D in psychology and thus has the 'qualifications' and the 'power'/'status' and frankly the duty to properly educate humanity about reality, we should really ask ourselves the question of how saying "I love you" to one person will in fact help the world at large.

What he stated in this quote is words that aim to play into the positive feelings within human beings, to give humanity a reason/excuse to feel good about wanting to feel good, which is what we also get from television and magazines where, for mere commercial reasons, things like 'romance' and 'love' and other positive feelings are promoted and 'fed', which we then call 'entertainment' as what the media is feeding us has but the purpose of 'entertaining us', preoccupying us, distracting us and keeping us busy, I mean, we know this, it's why we watch a movie from time to time, to 'get away from' reality for a moment.

But, Richard Carlson is a psychotherapist, with a Ph.D, he's gone to university where he learned about how reality REALLY works and not the 'entertainment version' of it, so what is he doing professing/pushing 'love' like this? Is it that he has in some way seen the flow of money that follows the positive feelings of human beings, and decided that to support humanity in its understanding of how reality really works is inferior to the illusion of positive feelings such as love that are but consumerism-products, played very cunningly by corporations to get the human to buy whatever product they're selling? 

What one learns when one studies Psychology at University is that the human is a system, the human mind is a system within the human body, which is also a system - these systems work according to certain predictable, pre-set rules, neurological pathways, chemical responses of which the origins/source is able to be traced back to either a genetic hereditary code and/or an expression/experience that is copied from the environment. The whole point of the Study of Psychology is to map out and investigate just how the Human SYSTEM of the Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions works, and thus not simply take thoughts, feelings and emotional experiences for granted as some divine experience created by the 'Hand of God'.

So, is Dr. Carlson in what he said here not spitting on science and the ability of the human to discern belief and faith from fact, by using his Ph.D/Credentials as a means of convincing human beings that they should trust him within these kind of one-liners that very obviously have no practical insight or educational value to them and that sound more like a line from a prayer or a spiritualized 'wishful thinking' than an actual real practical solution for 'helping the world'?

And if we for a moment assume that Dr. Carlson is 'right' in stating that saying "I love you" to one person will help the world at large, the most important part is missing, where he is supposed to enlighten us and support us to understand EXACTLY how we will within this in fact 'help the world'. What is the physiology of this predicament?  What does he mean with 'helping the world'? In what way does the world need help? What are the 'problems'/situations that need to be 'helped' and how will saying "I love you" to one person in fact 'help' these problems/situations? Because if we are not aware of why and how reality operates then aren't we simply acting on blind faith? And hasn't blind faith been proven to only cause death and destruction throughout time?

If we were to bring this to the attention of Dr. Carlson, would he then defend his stance with the 'freedom of speech and choice'? Would he say that it is not his duty to speak the 'truth' and educate humanity to understand how reality actually works and that he has the 'right' to use his title as 'psychotherapist' in whatever way he pleases? Because isn't that what our world has become, a society without real morals, values or principles that values money above all things and justifies the commercialization of all that we have been taught to trust when we were children? Are we even aware of how our perception of reality has been programmed to only see dollar signs, with the corporations in the global market-system taking over every little aspect of our lives and that we are now living within the destructive attitude of 'whatever makes us feel good' and have replaced all ability to apply common sense with Hollywood feelgood bullshit where we have become nothing more than the consumer of reality with ourselves as the 'star' in our own personal feelgood movie within our minds.

It is time that we come back down to earth and realize that we actually exist here on this planet and are in fact responsible for what happens here - and that it is especially those that have gone to college/university that are in a position to support humanity in understanding what exactly is going on here on this planet, instead of using their degree as something to be able to use against other humans in a personal search for glory.

Investigate how in an Equal Money System we can re-establish education to be something that actually supports humanity and earth instead of create more separation and lies.

2012 How to Effectively Stop Self Judgment

  

 

"What one must realize about Judgment is that, if judgment exist within you, or self-judgment, is that you will never be good enough within your own eyes, there will always be something wrong or something missing or something out of place. I mean, that's what judgment does. It becomes like this complete window through which you see reality and that window has just got this word 'Judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment' written all over it, so your eyes just kind of see judgment everywhere..."

 This Interview gives a very cool perspective on how one tends to limit oneself within allowing oneself to exist within 'competitive comparison'  wherein one compares oneself and ones 'capacities' and 'application' in ones life to that of others. In this, only limiting oneself in ones experience and expression of oneself within ones reality, ultimately ending up within the experience of 'dullness', as one does not allow oneself to expand, learn or develop new abilities, insights or ways of expressing/experiencing oneself.

Here is a being who shares her experiences with the Mind-Construct of Competitive Comparison and Judgment and how she had allowed this Construct to direct her life, instead of her being the Directive Principle of her own Life, which I'd suggest All hear to assist and support yourself to stop giving your Power away to the mind as Judgments within and as Comparison and competition with others, so as to be able to stand up within and as yourself and stand One and Equal with another and express yourself unconditionally.

Another interview that gives Real Life Common Sense assistance and support with regards to realizing that judgment is not who you really are, is this "Life Review: The Victim of Judgment", that reveals the extensive nature in which one can allow Judgment to completely screw up ones entire life-experience. Thus assist and support yourself in starting the process of stopping self-judgment by listening to this interview. It's definitely worth it as many beings will most likely be able to relate very much with this Woman's Story.

 More Perspective On Dealing with Judgment is this Interview with Audrey Hepburn: "Transforming Judgments into Gifts"

 Audrey gives examples of how to observe what one judges in another, and observing what the judgments shows you that you have not yet accepted within yourself.

When realizing that you are comparing yourself to another - you are seeing that you are giving yourself an opportunity to express yourself to the fullest and to change you to become more effective.