2014 From Jealousy to Self-Expression -- Part 2

From Jealousy to Self-Expression -- Part 2

 Changing the Emotional Reaction of Jealousy in Real-Time

How I Faced and Stopped the Jealousy Demon within Myself - See more at: http://processoflife.blogspot.com/2014/09/2014-from-jealousy-to-self-expression.html#sthash.IGTxqhLj.dpufHow i

How I Faced and Stopped the Jealousy Demon within Myself - See more at: http://processoflife.blogspot.com/2014/09/2014-from-jealousy-to-self-expression.html#sthash.IGTxqhLj.dpuf

In the previous blog "2014 From Jealousy to Self-Expression", I opened up and investigated the emotional experience and reaction of jealousy, as I came to the realization that jealousy is an experience that I do often entertain in my mind, but at the same time it is an experience that I had been hiding from myself, because of how I have judged Jealousy as being something 'bad' and 'negative' and because I never wanted to face such 'negative'/'bad' sides of myself. Obviously though, I did have to come to terms with the fact that as long as I am judging things that exist within myself, and based on that judgment, go and hide those things from myself - then essentially I will be living a lie and so I will be accepting a limited version of myself, because in order to change, expand and develop myself as a being, I have to face all of myself, not only the parts that I have defined as 'good' and 'positive'.

If anything, since having started this process of investigating and changing the emotional experience of jealousy, I have been very grateful to myself for having applied the self-honesty required to be able to see how my own mind works and so be able to pick up on and become aware of when it is that I step into the experience of jealousy and actually stop myself from getting carried away by it and so change myself in those real-time moments.

After  having written the first blog within this process of Changing the emotional experience of Jealousy, and so within that blog having established a platform for myself of first of all understanding how and why it is that I will sometimes react with jealousy when I see another woman - there was a real-time event that opened up in my reality where I had to 'prove' my understanding and awareness of how jealousy works and my commitment to change Jealousy within and as myself to myself in one moment. These real-time moments is where I essentially make the decision of 'who I will be' and 'who I am', because when and as the experience of for instance jealousy comes up within myself and I am becoming aware of it coming up within myself, I have two choices that I can make -- I can either let myself be 'swept away' by the experience, as per how I have conditioned myself each time the experience came up within me in the past, and so accept and allow myself to 'become jealous' - or I can apply my awareness of Jealousy being a mind-construct and in that moment apply the Tools to be able to release the mind-construct and so make the decision that I will not allow the mind to define who I am and how I will experience myself in that moment.

So, the moment went as follows. I was out with a few friends and sitting next to me in the car was X. X had just met up with her boyfriend and she was still busy sending messages to him on her phone. As I was looking at her being preoccupied by her phone and smiling and giggling at the conversation that she was having with him on the phone, I specifically noticed how her expression showed that she was enjoying herself and also earlier that evening when I was seeing her interacting with her him, she looked like she was enjoying spending time with him. So in that moment in the car, there was a thought that came up within myself of 'I don't have that', wherein I basically created the idea in my mind that I don't have or experience that enjoyment that I am seeing within her in my own life, to which I within myself reacted with an experience of feeling inferior and feeling like my life is 'worth less' than her life - and so essentially I was then feeling jealous of what I saw within her and what I believed she has and I don't, because I wanted what she apparently has.

Eventually I started feeling this experience of anger coming up within myself in relation to her - where, she was doing small movements, like, flashing the light on her phone around or not hearing someone when they asked her a question, and that triggered anger within myself - specifically in relation to a backchat in my mind that 'she is too preoccupied by her feelings in relation to her boyfriend and the conversation that she is having with him to notice or care about what is going on around her'. So here, I saw and realized that there is something going on inside of myself that needs direction - because here I am getting angry and upset over literally the smallest, insignificant things  and I am channelling my anger towards this other person - which implies that there is something inside of myself that I am actually being angry about - something that I am not directing inside of myself.

So then I started applying self forgiveness - first on the anger that I was experiencing towards X and then on the jealousy that I had been experiencing, which was in fact where the anger was actually coming from.

And as I furthered in my self-forgiveness I saw and realized that what I had actually been doing was that, when I was looking at her and how she was expressing herself in relation to her partner and her relationship, I had been deliberately creating the idea in my mind that her life is so much better than my life --- which, if I actually had a self honest look at my own life, is not the case at all. I mean I am in a stable relationship, I have a partner that I am satisfied with. But somehow I had been looking at her and how she was living and expressing herself as if there is something special about it and as if her life is this movie screen that is resonating light - and in comparison my own life looked rather bleak.

So what I realized was that, with being honest with myself, actually the reason why I had been doing that in my mind is that I was deliberately distracting my attention away from my own life because the reality is that I will much rather preoccupy myself with reacting emotionally to other people, with for instance feeling jealous about how I am seeing someone else live their life, than take responsibility for my own life and actually direct my own life and take my life into my own hands to give to myself what it is that I actually want in my own relationship for instance. I mean, the truth is that I don't really 'feel like' paying attention to myself and my life and putting in the effort to give myself the things that I need and want - so within my thoughts, feelings and emotional experiences,  I will create the illusion in my mind that other people's lives are much more interesting and just better and superior, so that I can then react with emotional experiences of for instance jealousy and inferiority and thus take my attention away from myself and my life and so give myself an excuse to not have to actually take responsibility for myself and for creating and developing and building the life that I want for myself.

So here what I realized when looking at this experience of jealousy, and specifically looking at what I am actually doing when accessing that experience of jealousy - is that I am deliberately creating a PERCEPTION in my mind that another's life is more/better/superior than my life, just so that I could emotionally react to that perception and so that, within and as that emotional reaction, I can in a way 'forget' about and look away from my own life, specifically by focusing my attention onto how another person is living their life.

And this because, what this reaction and experience of jealousy in relation to and towards another person's life is actually hiding, is a fear of failing in relation to my own life. I fear taking specific steps and I fear taking direction and making specific decisions and moving myself within my own life because I fear failing and failure and I fear the future- which is why I would then rather try to distract myself from looking at myself within and as own life, through using thoughts of judgments, ideas, perceptions and comparison and emotional reactions and experiences of jealousy - so that I could in a way abdicate my responsibility and avoid taking responsibility for my life and thus avoid facing my fears of failure and of the future.

So I was applying self-forgiveness until I no longer experienced the anger, resentment or jealousy towards this other person and until I was stable within myself -- which I established through realizing and facing this point of what I was actually doing within myself - which was deliberately shifting my attention away from myself and my own life onto thoughts and perceptions about someone else's life so that I could avoid, 'run away from' and suppress the fears that I experience within myself in relation to my life.

At this point I realized that it is simply unacceptable for me to not just be honest with myself and to so deliberately try to abdicate my responsibility for myself and my life. And, in the face of this truth of myself, it would be unacceptable for me to turn my back on reality to continue participating in the illusion of Jealousy - illusion, from the perspective that the emotional experience of jealousy turned out to have nothing to do with this other person's life being apparently 'better', 'more' or 'superior' than my life, as it was just me looking for an excuse to not have to deal with my own fears. And so this was the point, where I understood that further allowing myself to participate in jealousy would be unacceptable -from the perspective that I would damage my integrity and decency as a being - that I was able to stabilize myself and release the emotional energy of jealousy and the anger and resentment that I had been generating with it.

In the next blog in this series from Jealousy to Self-expression, I will be having a look at the point of 'self-enjoyment' as the expression in the event in my first blog and in this event that seems to be the activating point for my reaction of jealousy - which thus implies that that is the specific expression that I am not giving to myself and so is at the starting point of why I would react with jealousy when I am seeing other women expressing self-enjoyment.

The following is a slightly elaborated version of the self-forgiveness that I applied in that moment and that assisted me in releasing the emotional reaction of jealousy:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at X

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as this reaction of anger to and towards X without investigating or understanding where this anger is coming from and how I have generated this anger within myself

I forgive myself  that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am reacting to X with anger because I am actually feeling powerless and inferior and fearful within myself in relation to X and what I am seeing when I am observing her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at X's life and her expression and react with a thought in my mind that her life is so much more and so much better than my life

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then react to the thought that X's life and her expression is so much more and better than my life and expression with an emotional experience of inferiority, fear and powerlessness, because of now having defined myself in my mind as 'less than' X and so believing myself to be of inferior value, and therein then triggering a fear within myself of being less valuable than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my life to be less valuable and inferior to X's life

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project that belief onto X when I am looking at her and observing her expression and then separate myself from that belief in my mind by reacting to my projection of that belief onto X with an emotional experience of fear of being less than others, and so within and as that experience of fear  create the experience that I am in fact inferior and less than X

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of being less than others to exist within myself

And I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I create what I accept and allow to exist within myself - and that thus if I define myself within and as a fear of being less than others, than I in fact create the experience that I am less than others within myself because that is what exists within and as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that I am feeling angry towards X because I am reacting to my own self-accepted belief that my life and expression is less valuable than hers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that within being angry with X and observing her expression and her life within and as a reaction within myself - I am actually distracting myself from my own life and giving my value away to X's life and so therein creating the experience within myself that I am less than X

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and actually take my own life in my hands because it is just easier to distract myself with looking at how others lead their lives and preoccupy myself in my mind within emotional reactions - wherein I can then give away my responsibility and my power in relation to my own life and so not have to face my own fears in relation to the future and in relation to failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at X's life and react emotionally to what I am seeing so as to distract myself from my own fears - and create a point of blame, wherein I am blaming X for the emotional experience of inferiority within myself -- so that I wouldn't have to take responsibility for the fact that this experience of inferiority is in fact my fears in relation to the future and in relation to failing in my own life

So I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my own life by victimizing myself in relation to my own internal fears - through looking at and observing person X's life and giving my power away to emotional reactions to thoughts and ideas and projections in my mind in relation to how person X's life compares to my life --- instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that I am actually experiencing resistance and fear in relation to my own fears that I have not yet dealt with, and that me looking at person X's life and creating ideas, perceptions and beliefs about who they are and how they live their life and then reacting emotionally to that, is in fact me deliberately distracting myself from my own fears and so me not taking responsibility for myself within and as my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create the idea and perception in my mind that X's life is better than my life and that who she is and how she lives and expresses herself is better than who I am and how I express myself - so that I can have a point within my mind to give my power away to, by then reacting emotionally to those ideas in my mind, and so that I would not be faced with my life and my responsibility to manifest and direct my life in relation to what is best for myself and so create myself according to who it is that I want to be and what it is that I want to live

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself and see, realize and understand that I am actually afraid of creating my own life and taking my life in my own hands because I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a fear of failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a fear of failing within and as my mind

And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of failing to direct me in relation to my life and myself - by accepting and allowing my awareness and attention to be guided and directed away from in every moment seeing and directing my own life, towards looking at and observing how other people live their lives and express themselves -- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that as long as I do not fact my fear of failing and as long as I do not walk through the fear and actually take my life into my own hands, within and as the realization that my life is in fact in my own hands --- then I am actually manifesting 'failure' within and as my life, as I am not actually in every moment directing myself towards making my life a success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as an emotional reaction and experience within myself of anger towards and directed to X in relation to her expression - where, I believe that I am feeling angry because of how she is behaving, because 'she isn't paying attention to the people around her, as she is too busy fiddling with her phone' --- instead of being honest with myself and with what is really going on in my mind as to the real actual origin and starting point of this reaction of anger, and see, realize and understand that within this experience of anger, I am diminishing X within my mind, because within and as the emotional reaction of jealousy I was placing X on a pedestal and making her superior within my mind

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even consider participating within this emotional experience of anger towards X instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the anger is a consequence of not having dealt with and released the emotional reaction and experience of jealousy, wherein I had accepted and allowed myself to give away my power to the thoughts in my mind that X is better than me and her life is better than mine - and where now with getting angry I am attempting to get that power back by diminishing X within and as thoughts and backchat in relation to her expression

So I forgive myself that I haven't been honest with myself in relation to how I gave my power within my mind by reacting emotionally to thoughts in my mind wherein I was placing X on a pedestal by believing that she and her life is better than me and my life - and that I have accepted and allowed myself to go and react with an experience of anger, and actually take it out and blame it on X, within and as the belief and thought in my mind  that I am reacting with anger because of who X is and how she is behaving - instead of being honest with myself and taking responsibility for this experience of anger within myself within and as the realization, insight and understanding that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience and backchat of anger, by giving my power away within and as the experience and backchat of jealousy

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see the experience of jealousy coming up within myself towards X or any other person that I am looking at and observing in my environment, connected with internal backchat that 'they are so much better than me in their expression and in the way that they live their life' - then I stop and I breathe - and I see, realize, understand and make myself aware of how I am, within my 'looking at' and 'observing' this person and their expression, I am in fact busy creating ideas and perceptions and interpretations in my own mind which means that I am deliberately creating a platform to react emotionally

I see, realize and understand that, within applying and participating within this 'looking at' and 'observing' this other person or other people and creating ideas, perceptions and beliefs in my mind about 'who they are', I am giving away my 'energy' and 'attention' and so I am creating the experience within myself that I am 'less' than this person that I am looking at and observing --- and so basically within that I am creating the emotional reaction of jealousy, wherein I 'want what they have' and I want to be what they are and live what I perceive and believe they are living, as I have created the perception and experience that their life and their expression is 'better', 'more' and 'superior' to mine

I see, realize and understand that thus I am experiencing the emotional experience of jealousy not because the people that I am watching, looking at and observing are really truly 'more' or 'better' or 'superior' to myself - but actually because I want to react emotionally to what I am seeing with my eyes, just so that I could divert my attention away from  the fears that I am dealing within within myself in relation to my own life and my reality

So, within this, I see, realize and understand that I am entirely responsible for having created the emotional experience within myself of jealousy - as I see, realize and understand that it is not about another person being or having 'more' than myself, it is in fact about me deliberately giving my power away through creating ideas and perceptions and beliefs about the people that I see with my eyes because I don't want to look at myself and my own life and I don't want to take responsibility for developing and building and nurturing my own life and expression, as I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear of failure in relation my the future and in relation to how I direct and live my life

So here, I commit myself to, instead of creating distractions in my mind within and as thoughts and emotional reactions in relation to other people that I see around me in my environment just so that I wouldn't have to face and experience my internal fears in relation to myself and my life - be courageous and honest with myself and bring my attention and awareness back to myself, every time that I catch myself experiencing jealousy in relation to people that I am observing and looking at in my outside world, by immediately realizing, seeing and understanding that this experience of jealousy, wherein I am channelling and projecting all of my focus and all of myself outward into this image/picture of another person that I am seeing with my eyes, is based on a fear inside of myself that I am trying to run away from

So, I commit myself to face my personal fears of failure and fear of the future in relation to my own life - and to stand up within and as myself as the self-directive principle of myself and my world and reality -- because I see, realize and understand that the fear of failure and fear of the future in fact only comes up within myself if and when I accept and allow myself to give my power away and if and when I do not in every moment of breath stand as the directive principle of and as myself

Thus, I do not accept and allow myself to give my power away to this polarity experience of jealousy, as the experience of 'wanting what others have', and fear of failing in my life -- but to rather remain stable within and as my breath and my moment-to-moment existing within and as the physical body, wherein I stand and exist within and as control and power

And within this, when and as I see an experience of anger coming up within myself, wherein I am in my mind having backchat in relation to X or any other person in relation to specific expressions that I see within them, like 'X not paying attention to her environment cause she is fiddling with her phone' - then I stop and breathe, and I see, realize and understand that I am in that moment deliberately diminishing this person's expression within my mind, because somewhere within myself I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away within and as specific thoughts and backchat wherein I had in fact diminished and inferiorized myself, and so this experience of anger is in fact me within my mind trying to take back that power

Herein I see, realize and understand that the only real way wherein I can get my power back, is not by trying to diminish others in my mind and give myself a specific energetic experience of 'superiority', 'power' and 'control', but by in the first place taking responsibility for the specific thoughts, backchats and emotional reactions and experiences in my mind that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in and give my power away to, wherein I am for instance placing other people on a pedestal and defining them as superior to myself through the perceptions, ideas and beliefs that I create in my mind when I am looking at and observing them

Thus, I commit myself to not accept or allow myself to give my power away to the mind-construct of jealousy as the 'looking at' and observing another person and reacting with thoughts and backchat about her expression wherein I create the illusion that her expression is in some way 'more' than my expression - to create and develop an awareness within myself in relation to when I step into this 'looking at' and 'observing', to always make sure that I do not channel my awareness and focus into what my eyes are seeing, but that I always remain Here, within and as my own physical body and the awareness of my breathing

2014 From Jealousy to Self-Expression

2014 From Jealousy to Self-Expression

How I Faced and Stopped the Jealousy Demon within Myself

I had this really vivid and intense nightmare last night and when I woke up and spoke to someone about it - within the process of looking at the dream and investigating it from the starting point of what it is that I am, through the dream, showing myself about how I exist within myself and what points I should be looking at within walking my process of Self-Change and Self-Realization, I didn't actually really look at the part of the dream that was the most intense and impactful. It was only when this person that I was having a discussion with about the dream pointed it out to me that I started to see and realize that what this part of the dream was showing me and also the fact that it was the most vivid and intense yet at the same time the most overlooked and ignored section of the dream - was showing me that this is a point that exists within myself that I have not been dealing with or facing and have not even been honest with myself about its existence within myself -- the point being Jealousy.

The events in the dream went as follows. I am looking at these two women having a conversation, where the one woman(woman A) is telling the other woman(woman B) how she met someone and she loves him very much and they are planning on moving far away together, upon which woman B becomes so overtaken with jealousy because she is not experiencing that joy, happiness and fulfillment in her life that she is seeing within woman A's expression, that she decides to keep woman A locked up in her house. Years have passed and I see that woman A who was locked up in woman B's house for all those years looks like a skeleton - skin over bones and extremely pale and weak. While I am watching this scene play out and sympathizing with woman A who was locked up, I start screaming for help to the people that I see walking passed the window (in the dream I identify myself with woman A so I am both bystander and observer as well as that woman - so in that moment when I am screaming, it is also her screaming) - then woman B becomes so absolutely enraged and filled with hate, fury and spite, that she digs into the flesh of woman A with her fingernails and rips out her spine. The dream continues for a bit after that but for the purpose of this blog I will be looking at this section specifically - as it reveals very nicely how the mind-construct of jealousy works and what it actually does within myself, or rather what I do to myself when I accept and allow myself to step into this mind-construct.

So, looking at the dream and in being able to understand  and see what the dream represents in relation to who I am within and as myself - I 'collapse' the images of the people and I look at the pattern that is playing out as a representation of a pattern that is existent within and as my mind -- wherein I see and realize that each person within the dream is in fact representing a part of myself and the relationships between the people show the relationships that I have created within my mind with those parts of myself. With this specific scene showing me how jealousy works within and as my mind and who I am in my relationship with myself with regards to jealousy.

The two women thus are both me - where woman B is me within and as the experience and mind-construct of jealousy and woman A is me as a being - and looking at the characters that they play in the dream, I can see that there is a polarity-construct going on, as the one woman is experiencing and exerting all this anger, fury, intensity, power, resentment and blind hate and the other one is completely weakened and had the life sucked out of her by this anger, resentment and hate that is being acted out on her by woman B. So, that is essentially what I do to myself when I go into an experience of jealousy, is that with me becoming emotionally enveloped within experiences of hate, anger and resentment and generating a feeling of 'power' within my mind through accessing spiteful backchat and internal conversations directed towards the person that I feel jealous of - I am simultaneously diminishing who I am as a being, to the point that actually I as a being don't really exist within myself anymore because I have channeled all of my existence and beingness into the experience of jealousy within the mind as I am busy focusing my attention on how someone else is living their life.

Also the point of the spine being ripped out from the woman who is representing me as a being - shows that when I go into the mind-construct of jealousy, I become 'spineless' - meaning that within my mind, my backchat and my reactions, there exists no integrity, self-respect, self-worth, self-value, self-acceptance or any regard for life within myself or another at all -- as I accept and allow the jealousy-construct to define me so completely that I lose all awareness of who I actually really am as a being, through accepting and allowing myself to access that specific secretive nature of hate, resentment and spite towards another being within my mind. And if I really have an honest look at who and what I become within that experience of jealousy and at the fact that when that experience comes up in my mind I tend to not even question it and immediately believe that it is 'me', then it becomes clear to me that I have not yet developed a real starting point within myself in relation to knowing who I am as a being - because I would so easily believe that such an essentially 'evil' nature, expression and experience is 'me' -- though I wouldn't consciously admit it to myself that this is in fact what is going on within and as my mind.

Then the point of me screaming to other people for help when witnessing this situation in my dream - implies and reveals to me that I tend to victimize myself in relation to such experiences of for instance jealousy within my mind. Meaning that I don't actually want to take responsibility for the existence of such experiences within myself because I don't want to face that sort of 'evil' within and as myself - I don't want to accept, see or realize that the 'evil' character and persona as depicted by that woman in my dream, is in fact a part of me that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself. And so I will want other people to help me whenever I am facing these sorts of 'bad' and 'negative' experiences within myself because I have separated myself from it by having created the idea and belief that somehow it is 'not me' - that I am a victim of these experiences. Which is obviously ludicrous because I mean it does in fact exist within me, so it cannot be anything else but me.

Below I am sharing the self-forgiveness process that I have walked within opening this point up,  releasing it and correcting it within myself. However I will still have to walk a practical real-time process of proving to myself that my process of release and correction and self-change has in fact been effective -- which means that if I see and find that when the experience of jealousy comes up within myself and I am still accepting and allowing myself to get lost within it, that I will have to re-investigate and find the point in relation to the experience where I am giving away my self-responsibility and allowing this mind-construct to have power over me.

Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind-construct of jealousy to exist within myself in separation of myself - where in some moments, when seeing other people have things that I desire, I feel myself becoming overtaken with an experience of jealousy  that comes up within myself to the extent that I lose all track of myself as my integrity and dignity, self-respect and self-worth as I become so enveloped within and as that onedimensional experience of spitefulness, resentment and hate in relation to seeing this other individual have and experience what I want and desire  as something that i haven't actually given to myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the experience of jealousy to and towards something that I see within another woman - will specifically be in relation to a specific expression that I see within her that I haven't given to myself because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and suppress my expression

And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually go into that experience of jealousy, connected with hateful, spiteful and resentful backchat towards another being wherein I would for instance wish that they would in some way get hurt or that something goes wrong in their life so that they will feel afraid and inferior like I feel afraid and inferior within myself or where I would want to deliberately not offer them assistance and support when I see that they need it, just so that I could feel a bit better about myself -- instead of taking responsibility for the reason and starting point of why it is that I experience jealousy towards this being in the first place - which is because they represent specific expressions in my world and reality of which I know deep down within myself that I have not given those expressions to myself -- and so actually walk a process of developing and exploring those expressions within and as myself and within that correcting my relationship with myself as well as other people and ensure that I will not direct any emotional experiences or energetic reactions within myself towards other beings  that are in fact reactions to my own relationship that I have created with myself within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spineless within and as the experience of jealousy, by, when stepping into the experience of jealousy within myself, losing all integrity, self-respect, self-value and dignity within and as myself by experiencing and defining myself within and as an experience of blind hate, resentment, anger and spitefulness towards the person or persons that my jealousy is directed to - by never having questioned this experience of jealousy as a reaction to seeing other women and so never having seen, realized or understood that I react with jealousy when I see an expression within another being that I have suppressed within myself and so I am in fact seeing a part of my beingness represented by and within another being and within and as the experience and reaction of jealousy I am in fact suppressing this expression within myself even more by deliberately distracting my attention away from the reality of myself as the fact and the realization that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that specific expression within and as myself and that I have thus made myself within and as myself 'inferior' to myself, by then directing all my anger as a reaction to this inferiority that I have created within myself to and towards this other person that is a representation for me of an expression of myself that I have suppressed within and as myself - and therein not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am in fact thus attacking this expression within myself as represented by this being, and thus perpetuating this vicious cycle of self-suppression

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I react with jealousy towards another person in my mind - I am actually attacking a part of myself as a specific expression that I am seeing projected within and represented by this person and I am within that reaction thus suppressing that expression within and as myself - and thus in fact fueling this experience and reaction of jealousy within myself even more as I continue suppressing that expression within and as myself and then projecting it outwards into and within other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from other people by using them within my mind to create an excuse for myself to distract my attention away from the fact that I have suppressed specific expressions within and of myself by having projected those expressions within other people and then reacting to them in my mind with jealousy and so creating the illusion that this expression 'them' and not 'me' because I have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to take responsibility for myself and to actually correct that relationship with myself by developing and nurturing and discovering those expressions of myself that other people are now showing to me within and as my world and reality --- and therein thus using the emotional reaction of jealousy coming up within myself as a tool for myself to be able to recognize and detect the specific expressions that I have suppressed within myself and so to know which expressions I must thus nurture and develop within myself and so give to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy to exist within and as myself in my relationship with other beings as myself - as an attack towards other people as myself wherein I am creating absolute separation within and as myself as life by not honouring, respecting and valuing the life and expression of life within and as another and so within and as myself in oneness and equality as the realization and insight that another is myself and what I see within another and what I am reacting to as another is in fact myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand what I am actually doing to myself as a being when and as I accept and allow myself to experience jealousy and define myself within and as the experience of jealousy towards another person -- which is that I am depleting, limiting and diminishing myself as my expression and beingness within and as myself  by reacting emotionally to the expression that I see within another and by not seeing, realizing and understanding that within that reaction to another person's expression, I am actually reacting to my own expression and therein keeping my expression suppressed and keeping myself within and as an internal experience of inferiority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a resistance in relation to taking responsibility for the fact that I have suppressed my expression within and as myself and so correcting that internal relationship with myself - and then from that resistance, go into my mind and create an excuse for myself to not take that responsibility for that relationship that I have created with myself within and as myself by then projecting those expressions that I have suppressed within myself onto other beings and the react emotionally within and as jealousy to those beings -- wherein I am then separating myself even further from my own internal expression as I keep on diverting my attention away from who I actually am within and as myself by placing it within other people and my emotional reactions to 'other people' - rather than seeing, realizing and understanding that those apparent 'other people' are really just parts of myself that I have not yet accepted and embraced within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself in relation to the experience and reaction of jealousy when and as it comes up within myself by first of all reacting to the experience of jealousy and the secret spiteful backchat connected it, with wanting to suppress this experience because I have judged it within my mind as 'bad' and 'negative' and because I don't want to see or accept myself as 'bad' or 'negative' and so I will also not want to accept the mind-construct of jealousy -- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only reason why I experience resistance and why I go into a reaction of suppression in relation to the emotional experience of jealousy is because of the fact that I have separated myself from this specific mind-construct by having judged jealousy as something 'bad', and that the experience and mind-construct of jealousy in itself isn't actually really 'bad' or 'negative', as it is a part of myself within and as the mind that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the pattern of self-victimization that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within in relation to specific emotional experiences and thoughts that I have defined as 'negative' and 'bad' such as 'jealousy', eventually even go into an emotional experience of giving up as a result of fighting and resisting the experience of jealousy within myself from the starting point of not wanting to be honest with myself and accept the reality of myself as how I exist within and as my mind - and thus within that point of giving up essentially make a statement that I am not taking any responsibility for my own internal reality and for the fact that I am deliberately creating a friction and conflict within myself and so eventually a giving up because I am simply not willing to accept and embrace and stand one and equal with the mind-construct of jealousy within myself

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see the experience of jealousy coming up within myself as a reaction to a specific expression that I am seeing within another person, wherein I see myself going into a secret space inside of myself wherein I participate within emotional experiences of hate, spitefulness, resentment and anger towards this individual as a projection of them in my mind, accompanied by and connected to secret backchat wherein I try to look for ways to diminish them and make them inferior within my mind, to try and make myself feel powerful - I stop and breathe - and I see, realize and understand that what I am reacting to and what triggered and activated the reaction of jealousy within myself is that when I saw this specific individual with my eyes I was confronted with a specific expression that I am seeing within them that I am actually suppressing and judging within and as myself and within and as the reaction of jealousy towards this individual I am in fact deliberately diverting my attention away from this relationship of suppression and judgment that I have created within myself in relation to that specific expression within and of myself because I don't really want to take responsibility for myself and actually face my suppressions and judgments that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself

So within this I see, realize and understand that the solution for the emotional reaction and experience of jealousy towards other people - is to take responsibility for the suppressions and judgments as self-limitations that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself in relation to specific aspects, parts and expressions of myself and to find a way to correct this relationship with myself and therein give myself those specific expressions that I experience jealousy towards, within and as the realization that the reaction of jealousy is in fact just me not being honest with myself about the fact that the expression that I am seeing within the person that I feel jealous of is in fact a part of myself and that within and as the reaction of jealousy I am in fact deliberately separating myself from that expression within and of myself

Where, I see, realize and understand that if and when I accept and allow myself to react within jealousy towards another person and a specific expression that I see within them, and I thus accept and allow myself to go into an 'attack' of that expression by participating in all sorts of hateful, spiteful and resentful backchat and experiences -- that I am therein in fact attacking myself as that expression within and as myself by not seeing, realizing and understanding that the expression that I am seeing within that individual is something that actually does exist within me, I have just never allowed myself to access it as myself and express it within and as myself -- because I have accepted and allowed this vicious cycle to exist within myself where I am constantly attacking my own expression by attacking the expression of other people by reacting within and as jealousy in my mind

And so I commit myself to find and detect and define those expressions that I have suppressed and judged within and as myself through for instance using the experience of jealousy as a tool - where, when I see the experience of jealousy coming up within myself, I step back within myself and I investigate what the expression is exactly that I am reacting to as that is the expression that I must discover, develop and explore within myself and so give to myself -- wherein thus I take responsibility for who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as myself and for the suppressions and the judgments that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself and to interfere with and sabotage my relationship with myself and my self-value, self-worth, self-respect, self-integrity and self-acceptance

And so within this I commit myself to develop self-value, self-worth, self-respect, self-integrity and self-acceptance within and as myself in my relationship to myself - by developing those expressions  in my relationship with other people through for instance not accepting and allowing myself to go into or define myself within and as the experience and reaction of jealousy and so not accept and allow myself to participate in hateful, spiteful and resentful backchat or experiences in relation to other people - as I see, realize and understand that whatever I think and experience towards another, is what I am doing to myself within and as myself

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of self-victimization to the emotional experience and backchat of jealousy in relation to specific people in my world and reality - where I start trying to suppress and fight that experience of jealousy within myself because I believe that it is a 'bad' experience and that I shouldn't be experiencing jealousy because I don't want to be seen as or see myself as a 'bad' person - I stop and breathe, and I see, realize and understand that this experience of jealousy within myself is not 'bad' or 'negative' and that, if anything, this negatively charged energetic experience within myself of 'jealousy' is a tool that I can use to assist and support myself in my process of developing and expanding and exploring myself as a being because I realize, see and understand that when I go into an experience of jealousy towards someone then that is an indicator that there is an expression within myself that I am suppressing and not giving to myself and I am now seeing that expression within this individual and is thus an opportunity for myself to explore  how I can develop and nurture that specific expression within and as myself

And I see, realize and understand that as long as I am judging jealousy as something 'bad' and as long as I am fighting and suppressing the mind construct of jealousy within myself - I am actually making it something consequential because now -- because I am not embracing and accepting jealousy within myself, I can also not direct it or redefine it or use it within my process of self-realization --- which means that this jealousy experience will actually start to have control and power over me and I am thus essentially making it into the 'monster' that I initially feared and believed it to be

So I commit myself to correct and transform this self-victimization pattern within and as myself in relation to emotional experiences such as jealousy - by first of all not accepting or allowing myself to go into or participate within any judgment to and towards what is going on in my own mind and to rather stand within and as self-honesty in relation to my mind in simply realizing and understanding that everything in my mind is me and that if I judge anything in my mind then it's like I am making the statement that that specific part of and in my mind that I am judging is not just 'me' but is somehow another kind of definition of either being 'good' or 'bad' or 'right' or 'wrong' or 'positive' or 'negative' -- which will then spark the victimization character within and as myself because obviously I don't want to be a 'bad' person so then I will start fighting and resisting and suppressing those parts within and of myself that I have judged as being 'bad', 'wrong' and 'negative'

So I mean, within this I see, realize and understand that I am not a 'bad' person and that nothing in my mind is 'bad' or 'wrong' or 'negative' - and that in fact all of who I am within and as my mind is just 'me', is just different parts of myself that I have separated from myself over time exactly by participating in judgment towards myself and towards other humans within and as this world and reality

Where I see, realize and understand that in fact nothing and no one in this world is 'bad' or 'wrong' or 'negative' and that, just like who I am within myself and how I exist within and as myself, everything and every being in this world exist as an accumulated consequence of how we as humans have accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves in the within and without of ourselves throughout time and that as long as I am judging anything that exist in this world within and without of myself, I will never be able to correct or change or find solutions for the problems that I am facing in this world and in myself