2012 Feral children - What does this Show us about ourselves?

"A five-year-old Russian girl was discovered living with a herd of cows and mooing to communicate. The girl was found in the Solikamsk district in the Ural Mountains after a neighbor called the local police. The feral girl had been living on her parents' farm in a shed with the livestock. She cannot speak and does not know how to feed herself. According to Parent Dish, the little girl drinks milk from a saucepan. She has not attended school. The little girl was nearly naked when she was found." (excerpt taken from this article)

There have been several cases of 'feral children' that have been found over time - children who have, since a very young age, been living with animals because they had lost their parents in some way. In nearly all cases, after they had been found, they never learned to speak and many of them died not long after they were introduced back into human society, and in the few cases where they did learn to speak, it was thought that that was because they had already learned this ability before they 'got lost' and lived with the animals. These children were found behaving EXACTLY and completely like the animals that they grew up with - and, as mentioned, when they were re-integrated in human society it was extremely difficult if not impossible to 'de-program' this behavior and teach them to behave like a 'normal human'.

So, let's look at what this interesting phenomenon shows/reveals us about ourselves as 'human beings'.

Firstly, it reveals how the first few years in a child's development design, determine and shape the TOTALITY of who/what the being will become within and as the total package of communication, behavior, identity, morality, understanding, sensory capacities and overall experience of 'who they are' within themselves. Within these stories of 'feral children', it becomes obvious that in fact NOTHING about 'who we are' or better 'who we believe/think we are' is in any way 'special' or 'unique' or somehow 'different' from how we had been 'programmed' by our specific environment within the first few years of our lives on earth - and that we as who/how we experience ourselves to be, are in fact a PROGRAM that is but the result of the NURTURE that we have received in our lifetime here on earth. And indeed, this completely invalidates the entire nature vs nurture discussion that psychologists and sociologists have been tangled up in for so many years - as the example of the 'feral children' in this world gives all the evidence that is needed to actually see, realize and understand, without a doubt, that all of 'who we are' is NURTURE -- though I am obviously only referring to the 'who we are' within and as our 'identity' as the collection of behavior, mannerisms, expressions and inner experience that we have come to accept as 'who we are', and not to the human physical form as the body that is obviously simply nature.

The reason why this discussion is so imperative to be addressed, is because there has always been this 'je ne sais quoi' about the human, that apparently made the human 'more' than what is here as the pure physical existence as nature - the 'inner experience/reality' within the human as our 'identity'/'personality' as thoughts, feelings and emotions, wherein we humans have always believed ourselves to be somehow 'more' than nature, 'more' than those that were 'not like us', those that did not have this inner experience of thoughts, feelings and emotions as 'the mind' -- and thus even our scientists in their research have not managed to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes us apparently 'special', arguing back and forth about what is 'nature' and what is 'nurture', and within this only adding to the 'mystery' of the 'human existence' as they apparently 'don't know' and 'can't tell'. When really all it takes is one look at the stories about feral children, and one would already be able to clearly see, understand and realize that the human being/mind in essence is a program that is designed to 'copy-paste' within itself that which it sees in its environment - and that 'who' the being will grow up to become is nothing more than the result of what was programmed into it, mainly during the first years of physical development, which then become the 'patterns' that they live out as 'who they are' within themselves and this world.

What is also revealed within these 'feral children' stories is that, when we have a look at this idea that exist within the human that we are in some way 'special' within ourselves, that we are 'an individual', with 'individual thoughts, feelings and emotions' that apparently separate us from each other and from what is here as existence within our own 'personal' inner specialness, this experience/belief/thought/idea of 'specialness' and 'individuality' has in fact been programmed into us by our environment (watch the BBC documentary 'Century of Self' as it also tackles this issue of how the human mind has throughout the 'evolution' of our societies been programmed into how we experience ourselves within ourselves today) through language that form into beliefs in the human mind, as mantra's that repeat itself over and over and over again, which we then accept as 'our thoughts' and thus as apparently 'who we are'.

Though, is this who we are?... or maybe a better question would be 'Who are we?' - could it be that we cannot truly answer this question for ourselves and therefore turn to scientists, religions, guru's, holy books, masters and spiritual teachings for answers, because we simply lack awareness of what is actually going on inside of ourselves? After all, if we were to be aware of how our mind in fact functions, we wouldn't be fishing for answers and explanations of the apparent 'unknown' in books and research somewhere outside of ourselves. And doesn't the fact that we are completely oblivious to how we got to be and become who/what we are as our 'inner experiences', actually prove that we are in fact programmed and have come to accept the programming to be 'who we are' by never having investigated ourselves or asked questions with regards to what exists within ourselves as our 'mind' as thoughts, feelings and emotions and why it exists as such?

Wouldn't this also imply that really all and anything that we do in our lives in this world/reality, every choice and decision that we make based on our inner experiences, is in essence just a program playing out and not actual 'free choice' or even 'real'? Would it thus also be safe to assume that for instance 'spirituality' in this world is in reality the result of the program of 'individuality' that has been 'inserted'/'programmed' into us through the system of consumerism (also see 'Century of Self' for more perspective on this point), wherein the human within and as the mind has been 'trained'/'programmed' to only focus on personal experience/desires and to see/believe itself to be the center of the universe where only the desires of the individual within itself matter - as the 'spiritual person' will place their focus entirely on the inner energetic experiences, fazing out the 'outer world', to not be bothered with the 'problems in this world' because apparently 'all that matters is to be able to feel/experience inner bliss, happiness, joy and love'?

How can we just assume or believe that any of what we do here on this earth as human beings is in any way an expression of who we really are, when we are not even in the slightest aware of what exactly happened during our childhood, or even before that, and of how what happened in our childhood in fact shaped, defined and formed the person/identity/personality/being that we experience ourselves to be today? Shouldn't it concern us that we have accepted our ignorance and unawareness to what goes on within ourselves, where we come from, why we think what we think and feel what we feel and have without question always taken everything and anything that happens within ourselves and within this existence for granted, believing that this is 'just who we are' and that we 'cannot help it'? Because, if we have a look at our reality here on planet earth, we humans are standing at the brink of total destruction, not only ecologically but also economically, socially, politically - and we do not know how to stop or fix it, because we are not aware of how or why we have created it, and so we are continuing to live out the program until inevitably the shit hits the fan, and what has been predicted to happen happens, with us never having been the wiser as to what the fuck was ever actually going on in this existence.





But we CAN stop, the solution is here. We can de-program our mind through applying the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-correction, through which we become aware of exactly how we have been programmed throughout our life here on earth - so that we can re-program ourselves to actually exist as a self-aware being that is able to properly take responsibility for life on earth and so stop the atrocity that is now the human existence as the result of the accepted ignorance.

Investigate the Journey To Life blogs, read them out loud for a period of 21 days and see for yourself how you have already changed within yourself - so that you can start your own journey from consciousness to awareness, from the mind into the physical.

Visit the Desteni Forum for more support in taking on this process.

2012 Bullfights in an Equal Money System

Will we still have bullfights in an Equal Money System? Bullfights are part of Spanish and other countries 'folklore'/'culture' and also for instance the annual 'Bull Running' Festival in Pamplona, where a bunsh of Bulls, trained 'Fighting Bulls' and 'ordinary bulls', are unleashed on to the streets of Pamplona, and are then used by an audience of adrenaline-crazed thrill seeking humans to serve as entertainment as the humans 'run with the bulls'. This ordeal serves no real relevant purpose but to continue 'tradition'/'folklore'/'culture' and thus give the human beings on earth a sense of 'safety' and 'security' as 'everything remains as is' through repetition, customs and habits.

Obviously if the human ever had any form of ability or intention of considering to place themselves in the shoes of all the beings that are involved in these events, this sort of 'culture'/'folklore' would not exist as there is no doubt that what the bulls are going through within themselves is overlooked entirely - the bulls are in this no more than a consumer product, here for our entertainment. One can and will obviously object that 'they just get a little scare', therefore it's apparently 'no big deal' and then go over to say that 'the bullfights are much worse', as the bull actually gets killed in the arena, which is very often a very messy and excrutiatingly long and painful dying process for the bull involved, as there are many 'unofficial' businesses providing this 'secret pleasure' to the human seeking for some exitement 'in life', where the Matadors are not sufficiently trained to be able to ensure a quick and relatively painless death for the bull.

There are those that are against the bullfights, those that are all for the bullfights, those that are against the 'running with bulls' in Pamplona, and those that are for it - and then there are many that 'don't know' and quite frankly 'don't care', after all, 'why should this be their concern?'. In essense, what does this show us? Exactly, the fact that this 'culture' and 'tradition' of killing animals for fun as a mass event that is promoted far and wide with pride for the 'Spanish culture', reveals that the human has absolutely no clue of what he is actually doing in this world - he is torn between desire and morality, and will end up seeking and finding many justifications, reasons and excuses to make his desire seem 'morally acceptable', which is the reason why Greenpeace and PETA, despite of their widespread following and support, actions and reactions and 'passionate people' that are apparently 'determined' to stop animal abuse, have never been able to make a substantial difference in actually in fact stopping animal abuse - I mean, bullfights still exist, which are the most public, open display of abuse towards animals, where basically the bull gets 'bullied' by the humans as the humans watch the 'raging bull' acting out in anger as a reaction to his fear, with amused eyes. There is no other way to describe the event, go ahead, try and find an explanation for the existence of bull fights and the 'festival of the Bull Runnings' that makes sense and where the human still manages to come out as an apparent benevolent being with the 'ability and gift of rational thought' and not just a big bully that gets a kick out of watching other beings squeel and squirm in agony as then he gets to feel powerful within himself.

There is however also the aspect of Bull fighting being 'an Artform' with the Matador as 'the artist', where the bull is depicted as this almost mythological creature that is 'made/created/built to fight' - though, this again, is only seen from the Human perspective who will turn anything that is in essence abusive into 'art' to justify its existence and not simply stop it, in consideration of what would in fact be best for all parties involved. And as for the Bull apparently 'built to fight', it is not, it was trained that way by the human being, with poking, prodding, steroids and other means and ways to 'rally up' the animal, get it into an aggressive state, for Man's entertainment. In not a single aspect of any of this is the bull as a living being taken into consideration as Man will use his ignorance to how reality functions and lack of seeing/understanding whether or not animals are in fact 'alive' and thus able to experience pain and suffering as an excuse for his cruel practices.

The issue here is not whether or not you are 'pro' or 'contra' bull fights or bull runnings - as has been shown throughout history by those that stand up 'against' the animal abuse that is displayed in many subtle and unsubtle forms throughout the world in every human society, things never change. So, that must mean that either those 'passionate people' are not so determined to stop animal abuse after all or that they themselves are only REacting and not in fact acting, which makes them blinded by emotion as they try and try to 'be heard' and 'make a stand', attempting to 'change the world' without any clue of how the world functions or got the way it is at the moment.

I mean, why do human beings love abusing animals and all 'weaker beings' in the first place? Why does the human seem incapable of living together in a respectable and sustainable way with all life on this planet? Does the fact that those 'animal lovers' in the Human Race refuse to look at and dig into these questions as the very origin of the problems of and within the Human Mind that makes the Human capable of committing crimes against life on a daily bases not indicate that they are in essence unwilling to look within themselves and realize that what they see within another is what also exists within themselves? -- Are we not equally abusive simply by making the decision daily to not stand up and do whatever it takes to stop animal abuse once and for all, or by only saying that you do, get involved in all sorts of organizations that say that they do, yet not actually apply yourself to discover exactly how and why animal abuse exists in the first place, therein basically ignoring the common sense that any problem must be stopped at the core/root or we are simply going to re-create it over and over again?

Is tradition/culture/folklore like bull fighting and the Bull Running Festival of Pamplona a 'natural' human trait or something that is taught by previous generations? Thus is the belief that abusing animals and seeing animals as 'lesser life forms' and 'only here for our entertainment' is 'normal' a 'natural' understanding within the human or a BELIEF that is TAUGHT by previous generations? There is much that we have come to accept as 'normal' and 'just the way we are'/'just the way things are' in this world that is in essence pretty fucked up, that is in fact NOT 'who we really are', but who/how/what we have been taught to be and become by our forefathers as those responsible to teach us 'what life is all about'. And the current economic system where animal abuse is 'simply culture/folklore/tradition' and thus 'ok' and 'allowed' as there is an entire industry behind it where many humans make lots of money is the result of what has throughout time/generations been accepted as 'normal' by each and every new generation that came into this world that allowed themselves to become completely and entirely programmed/integrated within and as the belief-systems and twisted moral codes of their parents, not knowing how to stop the 'inherited abuse' as what we've been taught is litterally all we know/see/experience as 'reality'.

Realize that this is not who we really are and that we ARE capable to change ourselves and our economic system into an 'entity' that exist in respect and support of life instead of the abuser/consumer. Investigate the Equal Money System and allow yourself to step out of your pre-programmed Mind Set and consider what is possible on earth.

2012: What is the Physiology of Helping the World by Saying "I love you", Richard Carlson?

"By saying, “I love you” to one person, you are, indirectly, helping the world at large." ~Richard Carlson

Here, Richard Carlson, an American psychotherapist, is giving his professional advice on how to practically 'help the world'.

Rather than suggesting that we should educate ourselves on how the human mind works, how the monetary system works, how the educational and all other systems that co-ordinate life on earth works so that we may exist in this world with a clear understanding of the consequences of our every action in order to prevent ourselves from fucking up the planet further and essentially give ourselves the opportunity to interact with reality not from a point of ignorance but rather from a point of common sense and insight, so that life on earth may florish - he is suggesting that we 'say "I love you" to one person' and thus 'help the world at large'.

Sure, he can't miss giving those that listen to him a nice feeling about themselves when they go out into their world saying "I love you" to people in their environment, as they now within themselves believe that they are 'helping the world at large' and 'doing a good deed', which would very probably validate and justify their 'Character' of 'being a loving person', though, considering that this man has a Ph.D in psychology and thus has the 'qualifications' and the 'power'/'status' and frankly the duty to properly educate humanity about reality, we should really ask ourselves the question of how saying "I love you" to one person will in fact help the world at large.

What he stated in this quote is words that aim to play into the positive feelings within human beings, to give humanity a reason/excuse to feel good about wanting to feel good, which is what we also get from television and magazines where, for mere commercial reasons, things like 'romance' and 'love' and other positive feelings are promoted and 'fed', which we then call 'entertainment' as what the media is feeding us has but the purpose of 'entertaining us', preoccupying us, distracting us and keeping us busy, I mean, we know this, it's why we watch a movie from time to time, to 'get away from' reality for a moment.

But, Richard Carlson is a psychotherapist, with a Ph.D, he's gone to university where he learned about how reality REALLY works and not the 'entertainment version' of it, so what is he doing professing/pushing 'love' like this? Is it that he has in some way seen the flow of money that follows the positive feelings of human beings, and decided that to support humanity in its understanding of how reality really works is inferior to the illusion of positive feelings such as love that are but consumerism-products, played very cunningly by corporations to get the human to buy whatever product they're selling? 

What one learns when one studies Psychology at University is that the human is a system, the human mind is a system within the human body, which is also a system - these systems work according to certain predictable, pre-set rules, neurological pathways, chemical responses of which the origins/source is able to be traced back to either a genetic hereditary code and/or an expression/experience that is copied from the environment. The whole point of the Study of Psychology is to map out and investigate just how the Human SYSTEM of the Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions works, and thus not simply take thoughts, feelings and emotional experiences for granted as some divine experience created by the 'Hand of God'.

So, is Dr. Carlson in what he said here not spitting on science and the ability of the human to discern belief and faith from fact, by using his Ph.D/Credentials as a means of convincing human beings that they should trust him within these kind of one-liners that very obviously have no practical insight or educational value to them and that sound more like a line from a prayer or a spiritualized 'wishful thinking' than an actual real practical solution for 'helping the world'?

And if we for a moment assume that Dr. Carlson is 'right' in stating that saying "I love you" to one person will help the world at large, the most important part is missing, where he is supposed to enlighten us and support us to understand EXACTLY how we will within this in fact 'help the world'. What is the physiology of this predicament?  What does he mean with 'helping the world'? In what way does the world need help? What are the 'problems'/situations that need to be 'helped' and how will saying "I love you" to one person in fact 'help' these problems/situations? Because if we are not aware of why and how reality operates then aren't we simply acting on blind faith? And hasn't blind faith been proven to only cause death and destruction throughout time?

If we were to bring this to the attention of Dr. Carlson, would he then defend his stance with the 'freedom of speech and choice'? Would he say that it is not his duty to speak the 'truth' and educate humanity to understand how reality actually works and that he has the 'right' to use his title as 'psychotherapist' in whatever way he pleases? Because isn't that what our world has become, a society without real morals, values or principles that values money above all things and justifies the commercialization of all that we have been taught to trust when we were children? Are we even aware of how our perception of reality has been programmed to only see dollar signs, with the corporations in the global market-system taking over every little aspect of our lives and that we are now living within the destructive attitude of 'whatever makes us feel good' and have replaced all ability to apply common sense with Hollywood feelgood bullshit where we have become nothing more than the consumer of reality with ourselves as the 'star' in our own personal feelgood movie within our minds.

It is time that we come back down to earth and realize that we actually exist here on this planet and are in fact responsible for what happens here - and that it is especially those that have gone to college/university that are in a position to support humanity in understanding what exactly is going on here on this planet, instead of using their degree as something to be able to use against other humans in a personal search for glory.

Investigate how in an Equal Money System we can re-establish education to be something that actually supports humanity and earth instead of create more separation and lies.

2012 Tolle's Radical Spiritual Practice is to accept the Now of Evil?

"A simple but radical spiritual practice is to accept whatever arises in the Now -- within & without." ~E. Tolle

This above quote, coming from the enlightened master Mr. Eckhart Tolle himself, is very likely to have been welcomed with open arms by all the spiritual Oprah-watching 'Power of Now' practitioners out there, who are in their process of reaching the 'eternal bliss' of 'the Now' and can thus 'resonate' with this type of quote that seems to make sense in their frame of understanding of what their 'purpose in life' is as in 'silencing their mind' and 'reaching inner bliss and happiness'.

Though just for the hell of it, lets investigate into the actual practicality of these words, as in 'will the acceptance of whatever arises in the Now, within or without, actually change this world for real into a Heaven on Earth? Will all the worlds problems such as starvation, poverty, exploitation, sexual slavery, pollution of nature, global warming, intoxication of the water supply on earth, etcetera, be solved with all of us together living in a better world for all?

What Tolle is basically teaching here is passiveness with regards to what is going on on earth, in the lives of other beings on earth, as one will obviously not be moving oneself to in fact do anything about all the above mentioned problems in this world by accepting that they exist - this shows that Tolle's 'solution' is a consumerist product of sorts that only focuses on the individual's experience of themselves within themselves, to be able to 'be ok' with what is going on in the world and in their own lives - which is, if one really have a look, pretty fucked up shit, I mean, just reread the short list I summed up there and realize that that does not even touch on the complexity of just how seriously we've managed to fuck up life on earth with our defective global Management/Economic system of Money (I dare you to now pick up and read the paper or turn on the news if you don't believe me).

And after all, the word 'spirit' in 'spirituality' refers to the 'entity within' the individual, to the 'ethereal', 'metaphysical' inner experience that is always but individualistic and never has anything to do with what is here as the physical reality -- it's in the word, 'spirit' = 'vapor',  the glorified inner experience of the individual that 'evaporates' when tested and researched in relation to what is really physically alive and here as the reality that we can all touch, see, smell and hear. Thus, this 'spiritual practice' that Tolle is promoting/supporting in his words, litteraly ONLY focuses on the invisible realm of the 'inner spirit' within the individual, just like what any other type of Consumer Product does that is promoted through commercials -- these products sell because they tap and play into the inner desire of the invisible inner 'spirit' within the Human being to feel good/happy/blissful.

And, we can all see the results/consequences of our participation in the System of Consumerism shown to us every day in this physical reality, as exactly that which Tolle is now suggesting we 'accept' to be able to cope and still feel good about it. So, back to my initial question: will this 'accepting' of the world as it is in fact change the world for real? Let's see... are those that are following Tolle's teachings still equally participating in the system of Capitalism and Consumerism as Mass World Abuse as before? Yes. Have the Tolle followers/practitioners stood up in this world and moved themselves to in fact change the system through designing a new global system of Economics/Management that will actually work practically for all, within the realization that 'spirit'(/vapor) does not feed, clothe, bathe or provide shelter for a being in any way what so ever and have they made a visible statement/standing to dedicate their life to make this system a reality? No, they haven't.

Thus, is it safe to assume, based on these simple observations, that the acceptance of whatever arises in the Now, only adds to the problems that Life on Earth is facing, as it places those that have the money and thus the chance and opportunity in this world to change the System through democratic means, in a position of passiveness towards the world and the way that it operates, to in fact STILL do what they were doing before, which is to co-operate with and support the current abusive system of inequality on earth, only now with a more 'positive attitude' through acceptance and thus allowance of what is currently existing on earth?

And is this 'acceptance of whatever arises in the Now, within or without' not a complete abdication of Morality or Principle, wherein we become these zombies of happiness and bliss that do not in any way feel the need to stand up and do something to stop the suffering that is happening in the lives of many beings on earth, because 'it is all ok', 'it is what it is', 'I am what I am', as an apparent benevolent statement that is in reality but an excuse to be able to not feel guilty or bad in any way about what we as humans are doing here on and to earth and it's inhabitants within our continued ignorance in our participation as Consumers in the System of Consumerism - which is, to anyone with a little bit of common sense in them left, actually completely UNacceptable.

Anyone who can look at this world and say 'I accept this', must be equally fucked up as what this world is showing each day, as ones existence within oneself will always be equal to that which one accepts and thus allows to exist within existence as a whole. lol - Thus, the 'Power of Now', as that which has been welcomed and embraced by humanity as 'the ultimate goal/purpose in life' and 'the ultimate answer to the human's spiritual evolutionary process', is in fact the greatest Evil as the pinnacle of the Human beings ability to accept the existence of abuse and destruction of Life on Earth to the ultimate degree. Mr. Tolle's Power of Now is the final upgrade in the consciousness of Man that seeks for ways to be able to deal with the Evil that it has allowed to exist within Life on Earth and thus within itself, and to, no matter how abusive or destructive the deeds of Man on Earth become, still be able to turn a blind eye and simply... accept.

2012 Possessed by Self-Pity

It was in my first sexual relationship, which I have broken off just a year ago, that I got to know parts of myself where I was confronted with a very spiteful, manipulative and deceptive inner 'beingness' within myself that has only come out now that I was in this relationship and of which I was never really that aware.

I have always seen myself as a very quiet, peaceful, understanding girl that never asks much from people and just lets people be, someone that would just 'disappear' into the background in a group of people and someone who appears to be 'strong', and can 'take care of herself'. Little did I know what personality traits lay dormant deep within myself, to be awakened in a relationship with a man and reveal to me what really exist within myself that I had always been able to hide, even from myself.

The thing about this sexual relationship is that I actually saw him as 'my possession', because we had sex, we were living together, thus it felt as though we were now locked together in some way, he was mine to have sex with and to participate with in a 'feminine' way, in relation to him as 'masculine', so that I could feel like 'a woman'. I could develop my personality as being 'a woman' in this world, in relation to him as 'my man', thus I basically needed him as 'a man' to be able to maintain that self-definition/personality of me as 'a woman'. So, within myself I constantly existed within the fear of losing him, and often it was little things that he said that would trigger the thoughts within my mind that he 'doesn't love me anymore' and 'is going to leave me'. Though what was also interesting in this, is that sometimes, I would question my love for him and fantasize about living alone as I didn't feel so interested in him anymore - yet, when that moment came that I was faced with the possibility that maybe HE doesn't like/love me anymore, I would go into an immediate state of panic and fear of being rejected and losing what I believed I needed to 'be myself' within and as this positive feeling that I had been building up within myself during my relationship with hem as 'my personality'.

There were a few situations in our relationship where he basically said to me that he was doubting our relationship and was thinking about ending it. And here is where I went into an extremely possessive state of absolute fear and panic of losing him, as though I was going to lose a limb or something. And then, I went into an experience of self-pity and depression, with lots and lots of crying in the bathroom. The first time this happened, I started drinking wiskey, I drank and drank, not even realizing that I was drinking wiskey and could seriously damage my brain or pass out with that stuff, I just felt so sad and pitiful that I 'just didn't care anymore' as I had apparently lost or was losing the one thing that held my life/'me' together. I then got his attention because he was really worried about me, as I was lying there on the bed half unconscious and I felt good inside because I saw that he still cared about me. So, he didn't leave me after all.

Other times that I accessed this high emotional experience of self-pity/sadness/depression is when we had a discussion and I felt as though he was blaming me for something. As I believed within myself that I am such a 'good' girl, so nice all the time, so peaceful, just letting him be who he is and never asking for much for myself - so I felt that it was 'unfair' that he did not appreciate 'all the things that I had done for him', that he had not seen how much I had been trying to be good to him and give him what he likes so that he can feel good within the relationship. I thought that he was supposed to appreciate that I am a good person, he was supposed to give me recognition for all of the good things that I had done for him, as this was my 'personality', this was the idea that I had of myself within my mind, the idea that I am a 'good' person, who ALWAYS cares about others first and NEVER imposes her will onto another, thus within this I had in fact created a personality/identity of 'self-righteousness', as apparently 'untouchable', wherein I believed that no one has the right to blame me for anything or even become angry or frustrated with me because I am the good girl, I am always trying to do good and be right and all and everything anyone could wish of me.

So, whenever he would get angry with me because of something that he did not like about me, I would immediately go into self-pity, as the self-righteous personality came up within myself and went 'this is not fair', 'why does he not see the effort that I have made for him?!', 'why does he not recognize how I have been suppressing my own desires/will/power so that he could have everything 'his way' just so that he would be happy?!'. Within this, I would feel completely justified within the anger that I was building up within myself along with the experience of self-pity, because I used this idea that 'I have done everything right', 'i am a good girl', 'I do everything the correct way' within constantly pleasing his wants, needs and desires as a point of self-protection, to place myself on a pedestal of sorts to be always 'right' in everything and thus always 'win' in conversations through the application of self-pity and depression, wherein I basically would use my personality of 'righteousness' against him, to play into his feelings of guilt when he realizes that he was wrong for having yelled at me and for having become angry/frustrated with me because I am such a good girl, my intentions were always 'pure' and 'righteous', I did not deserve that.

This is actually a 'personality-trait' that I have subconsciously been using for my entire life to 'win' in conversations and discussions and to get my environment to ultimately give me what I want - as I found it to be beneficial for me to, rather than saying directly and straightforward what it is that I want/need/desire, manipulate my environment by playing into their emotions such as guilt through my behavior/presentation as 'just a good little girl' with 'good intentions' wherein I would pretty much make the other person out to be 'the bad one', 'the abuser', which nobody really wants to be, to get them to do my bidding, so that they could not feel so bad anymore about themselves in relation to me. lol, yes that is quite manipulative.

Within my relationship with this man, that inner deceptive, manipulative personality really came out as I, whenever we were having a discussion, would either start crying, or become hysterical or even somewhat 'insane', as the whole dramatic act of 'why are you not seeing that I am the good one here?!!!', using tantrums and dramatic behavior/acts to get him to realize that 'I am right!!!' - therein placing all the responsibility for the relationship in his hands, with me as the victim of the situation, as if it was not my choice to step into this relationship with him and thus not my responsibility, as I did not want to be 'the bad one' by making the decision of, for instance, splitting up when realizing that the relationship wasn't working.

So, to be able to avoid making any decisions that would place me in the position of 'the perpetrator' or 'the bad one' and thus giving him the chance to blame me as I had always been blaming him for what he had apparently 'done to me' within getting angry with me and starting discussions, I would keep the 'truth' hidden within myself, the thoughts that I was really thinking about him and about the relationship, pretending to be 'in love with him' but secretly harboring feelings of hate and anger towards him within myself, which I did not take responsibility for at that time as I did not realize that the hate and anger was really at myself because I was not honoring myself in being honest with myself and with him and because I was not respecting myself by always suppressing myself in order to please him. I had not realized that this was all my choice, my own doing from the start of the relationship, thus all of my experiences in relation to him were my responsibility.

I had basically been seeing and treating him as though he was some kind of 'bad guy', existing in fear of his anger and outbursts, blaming him for the fear that I experienced within myself, without ever realizing that it was in fact my choice/decision to remain in that relationship as I had defined myself within this personality of myself as 'a woman' in relation to him as 'my man', thus I did not want to let go of that feeling as I believed that it is 'who I am', wherein it was in fact me using him to be able to feel a certain way and not the other way around.

It was only through having applied Self Forgiveness, self honesty and self correction that I have been able to in fact see and realize my own allowed deception and dishonesty, and have been able to stand up and take responsibility for how I experience myself within myself and stop the manipulative personality construct of self-pity as a way to fulfill my inner self-interested desires.

for More info on the process of Self forgiveness, visit the Desteni Website

2012 Are you Always Expecting the Worst?

  

"Yes, within our current society, there are a lot of things that we have to be cautious of, I mean, that is reality common sense within the current existence of how everything exists, but it should not impair your internal mental reality and physical capacity to live to the extent that it did mine. I mean, I could have been a far more stable, directive and assertive person if i did not accept and allow these fears to overwhelm me to the extent that they did..."







In this Life Review, a being opens up her life experience and what she realized about how she had allowed herself to be directed in her reality by the fear of always expecting the worst within her mind. Hearing this interview assisted me greatly in realizing how I myself had allowed myself to be programmed by my environment when I was little into always expecting the worst of other people and the world, causing me to have lived a life in fear of 'what might happen' and 'what if...', and never actually living or expressing myself in this reality.

So, hear this being's story to assist and support yourself to see, realize and understand how we have allowed ourselves and our lives to be completely directed by irrational and irrelevant fears of what might happen to us that would cause death, wherein we never notice that we haven't actually ever lived as we were in essence fearing our own fears, and give yourself the opportunity to stand up from that and live for the first time.



For more assistance and support in terms of walking the process out of the mind and in to the physical visit the Desteni Forum

2012 How to Effectively Stop Self Judgment

  

 

"What one must realize about Judgment is that, if judgment exist within you, or self-judgment, is that you will never be good enough within your own eyes, there will always be something wrong or something missing or something out of place. I mean, that's what judgment does. It becomes like this complete window through which you see reality and that window has just got this word 'Judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment' written all over it, so your eyes just kind of see judgment everywhere..."

 This Interview gives a very cool perspective on how one tends to limit oneself within allowing oneself to exist within 'competitive comparison'  wherein one compares oneself and ones 'capacities' and 'application' in ones life to that of others. In this, only limiting oneself in ones experience and expression of oneself within ones reality, ultimately ending up within the experience of 'dullness', as one does not allow oneself to expand, learn or develop new abilities, insights or ways of expressing/experiencing oneself.

Here is a being who shares her experiences with the Mind-Construct of Competitive Comparison and Judgment and how she had allowed this Construct to direct her life, instead of her being the Directive Principle of her own Life, which I'd suggest All hear to assist and support yourself to stop giving your Power away to the mind as Judgments within and as Comparison and competition with others, so as to be able to stand up within and as yourself and stand One and Equal with another and express yourself unconditionally.

Another interview that gives Real Life Common Sense assistance and support with regards to realizing that judgment is not who you really are, is this "Life Review: The Victim of Judgment", that reveals the extensive nature in which one can allow Judgment to completely screw up ones entire life-experience. Thus assist and support yourself in starting the process of stopping self-judgment by listening to this interview. It's definitely worth it as many beings will most likely be able to relate very much with this Woman's Story.

 More Perspective On Dealing with Judgment is this Interview with Audrey Hepburn: "Transforming Judgments into Gifts"

 Audrey gives examples of how to observe what one judges in another, and observing what the judgments shows you that you have not yet accepted within yourself.

When realizing that you are comparing yourself to another - you are seeing that you are giving yourself an opportunity to express yourself to the fullest and to change you to become more effective.